Waiting for the Promise

When I picked up my Bible this morning I did that thing where you kind of just open it up to a page and read whatever.  It always reminds me of the OLD Dr. Doolittle where they close their eyes, pick a place, and go.  "I'll just read...here."  If it makes the scenario any better, I totally prayed before reading that God would bless my time with Him.  

Know what I read?  About the birth of Isaac.

Huh.

I have to tell you, that was not an inspiring passage for me.  I walked away knowing I spent my time well because I spent it in the Word, but not remarkably inspired.

Great.  Isaac was born.  Sarah and Abraham were really old.  Yup.  Great story.

Then it occurred to me that little Ryan read the same story yesterday in his little Adventure Story Bible.  Coincidence?  Probably not.  So...how could this possibly relate to me?

I know what you're thinking: "Duh.  It relates because you're almost an obstetrical dinosaur and you're still popping out babies."  True, but not the point...I don't think.

Since I felt the calling (see this blog post for more info) I've been waiting for God to send me.

     "Okay God.  Here I am.  Send me."

     "No really God.  I'm seriously here.  I'm ready.  Whatcha got for me?"

     "Ahem.  For real.  Right here.  Ready."

I've antsy like a toddler bouncing around on a vinyl bench backseat back in the 80's.  "Aaaaaare we there yet?!"

But I thought about this story today, and I think I hear what God's trying to tell me: "No you're not ready, silly girl.  Sit down, stop yer yapping, listen to me, and I'll tell you when we get there."

Oh.  My bad.

Here's where I'm coming from....

I've always been pretty hard on Abraham and Sarah.  He makes her tell everyone she's his sister (half-truth = lie) and they both question God's promise every five seconds so she's throwing her servant at him and then blaming him when her servant hates her. It's really not a pretty picture.

But today I looked at it through different eyes. 

Sometimes it is HARD to wait on God.  Really hard.  And sometimes we want God's will for us to come more quickly than it is...so we try to force it.

I felt "the call" (still weird for me to say) almost a year ago.  The first time we see God promise Abram (Abraham) that he will bless his descendants is in chapter 12 of Genesis.  Abram was 75. He promises again in chapter 13, and makes his covenant in chapter 15.  Isaac is finally born in chapter 21.  

After God's promise Abraham waited about a quarter of a century for his son, and I've waited almost a year.  Who's Captain Impatient now, Alissa Shea?  

*sigh* Yup.  That's me.

I feel like God is going to use me in a very public way at some point...through writing, speaking, non-profit organization, or possibly a combination of some or all of those.  I'm just not there yet, and I might have to wait a long time to get there.  

Until I DO get there, I think God's trying to tell me not to try to fit a square peg into a round hole.  His plan for me is designed perfectly, and I'll only cause a lot of trouble and pain for myself if I try to force things to happen before He's ready.  Abraham and Sarah learned that the hard way.

However, that doesn't mean I'm off the hook for ministering.

Our theme song for VBS this week said:

It's a big, big world and we're living in God's backyard.

Yes, we're gonna do all that we can.  Get ready, let's go.

Get on your feet, and look for new opportunities to serve your friends and family

right where you are.

That last line is kind of the kicker.  Right where you are.  Right where I am.

God wants me to minister to people where I am now...physically and spiritually.  He wants me to minister through my blog, my words, and my life.  He wants me to share who I am now with people.  He's working on me, and that will be the case until the day I die and get perfected in Heaven, but until then, whether I'm ministering to 2 people or 20,000, he wants me to touch those I come in contact with.

God has big plans for me, and today that means ministering here...serving my husband, teaching my children, loving my friends, helping at church, and maybe even writing here on my blog.

Sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me. :)

Spending Time and Spinning Wheels

I've been meaning to write this post for a couple weeks, but haven't been able to make the time to do it, or rather, haven't taken the time to do it.  I actually think that's fitting because that's what this post is about...

Time.

I first thought of writing this blog after having a conversation with friends at lunch.  Josiah and I were enjoying a wonderful Tucano's lunch with another couple and they were saying there just isn't enough time in the day to get everything done.

How often have we all felt like that?

Once I feel like there's a blog I should write, I'm often barraged with feedback from different areas of my life.  It's God gives me multiple examples of concepts and chooses my direction.  Since that lunch I have talked to so many people who are having the same issues.  How do I spend my time?

One friend said she recently asked God to tell her where she was spending her time unwisely, and that very same day her son mentioned how much time she seems to spend on facebook.

Another friend is being torn by his desires to accomplish his goals and feelings of obligations toward his family.

And me...I just can't seem to get it all done, which is especially disconcerting because I'm about to take on something very time consuming...homeschooling.

There's just not enough time...ever!!

Or is there....

There is a microeconomic principle called "opportunity cost," which basically states that you have to choose.  The same dollar cannot be spent it two places, and therefore, there is something that is lost (a "cost") every time you make a choice to spend your money on one thing instead of another.  For example, if I have ten dollars I can either buy one pizza or two five dollar DVDs (yes, I'm ignoring tax), but I can't do both.  Whichever item I DON'T choose is the opportunity cost.

Time, like money, is a finite resource.  No matter which way you slice it, there are only 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute.  Each second, minute, and hour we choose how to use our time and whatever isn't chosen is the opportunity cost...the next best option we didn't do.

I'm one of the busiest people I know.  I have four children, just had yard sales two weekends in a row, I'm doing music at VBS this week, I start back to school full-time in a couple months, I'm on the women's ministry committee, and I think there are some other things but I can't think of them right now.

The friend I was talking to at lunch is even busier.  Her family homeschools, has baseball, gymnastics, co-ops, and their house is always super clean.  They have multiple social commitments and responsibilities at church.

These are all great things right?  And it's no wonder I (or she) just want to sit down every now and then - I'm way more successful at the sitting down sometimes than she is.  

But while these are all good things, are they the things God really wants us to do?

Did we even consider Him in our plans for the day?

Have we opened our Bibles in the morning to consider His Word, His Plan, and His Glory?

I know I haven't been.

When the Bible talks about the virtuous women whose worth is far greater than rubies (Proverbs 31) that women sounds busy!!  She is wheeling and dealing, serving her family and her community.  She's involved in all aspects of her home an in business.  She is IN IT!! 

But I think there's a small part of that passage that we, as women, have a tendency to overlook -

verse 30- "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, 

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

A woman who fears the Lord...not the woman who is the busiest...she who fears the Lord.

So let me ask this, if we are working for the Lord and our families all the time, but have no inner peace, are we really working for Him...or are we working for ourselves and the world.  God did not tell us we needed to be involved in everything.  Instead Jesus said, 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28

And Paul said,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, 

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God,

which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-8

So, is it a sin to be busy?  I don't think so.  God made us all, and some of us just thrive off of being busy.  We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14) and we each operate somewhat differently.

However, I would venture to say that if you don't have peace in what you're doing, if you are constantly exasperated by your tasks and how much you have to do, then you are forgetting Him.  You are forgetting to consult Him each morning on what that day should and will hold.  You are choosing your commitments based upon what you think you should do instead of what He is telling you to do.

You are forgoing peace in Him for being busy.

And that, my friends, is spinning your wheels...expending energy within no gain...because as Christians, if we are not actively serving Him and seeking His face and His glory, then we are working for the other side.

"If you're not with me, then you are my enemy."

That is not Jesus or Paul...that is a cranky, soon-to-be Darth Vadar in Star Wars...but I think it works in this case.

Satan wants to steal our peace, and we make it so easy for him.  We are such willing victims. 

I have been such a willing victim.

But no more.  I am going to post this blog.  Then, I will shut the computer down, get on my knees, and ask God to give me the strength to accomplish HIS purpose today.  

Then, I will wait in silence for a few minutes until I feel His peace...and then I'll get on with my day, knowing well that He is with me and will give me the strength and ability to accomplish whatever He sets before me.

Care to join me?  Let's seek Him...then it's GO time.

Homeschooling Yard Sale!!

We've decided to have a yard sale this weekend to raise some funds for all our homeschooling needs!  I'm pretty excited about it.  While I know the homeschooling route will be the best for our kids, I've been a little nervous about the financial side of things.  It's not an inexpensive venture.

So we're having a yard sale.  We have a few couches for sale, some other furniture, children's clothing, and lots more...we're even selling the white minivan! Josiah and I have so much stuff we need to get rid of since we "merged" stuff after the wedding last year.  Why not use that to make money for our kids' educations?!

Sale is at our house (55 Franklin Road in Newport News) this Friday and Saturday (6/14 and 6/15).  Friday the sale will go from 7-4 and Saturday from 7-2.  You an hit the link below for more info on my yard sale and other local yard sales!

Find garage sales in newport-news on Yard Sale Search

Taking the Plunge...in a BIG Way

Many of you are already aware that I plan on homeschooling Emily and Ryan in the fall.  There are many reasons for that, and I'll probably cover most of those in another blog, but this blog is about my scary, fantastic, revealing trip to the HEAV convention in Richmond and a decision I made because of it.

For those of you who are unschooled on the homeschooling, HEAV stands for the Home Educators Association of Virginia.  Each year they have a three day convention at the beginning of June in Richmond.  This is a big deal, and in a lot of cases, a family affair.  Families from all over the state come to attend the many workshops offered (both for parents and children), to browse and shop the exhibit hall filled with vendors, and nab deals at the used curriculum sale.  I was mainly going for the three free workshops they offer for beginning homeschoolers.

I was so delightfully excited and terrified leading up to it.  Each day ticked by like a roller coaster slowly ascending the hill leading to the first big drop...click, click, click.  I had been warned about the convention by veteran homeschool moms.  I knew it would be overwhelming, so I went in with a plan...and a binder.  

Binder and program from the convention

I was prepared to be overwhelmed, but one thing blindsided me.  After the first session, I was smacked with an intense desire to homeschool Destiny, too.

WHAT?!

I know what you're thinking.  No one takes a well-adjusted high school kid in the pre-diploma phase of the International Baccalaureate program and decides to homeschool them AND two other children at the same time.

I thought the same thing.

After the first of three sessions, I ran around desperately looking for friends I knew were attending the seasoned homeschool people workshops.

As luck (aka God) would have it, they were in the room right next door.  I spotted one friend from the hallway, navigated hurriedly through pockets of conversing parents, and attacked her in mid-conversation with her friend and fellow attendee.  I do mean attacked...arms flapping, half-laughing, almost in tears, and blurting "I need support!!"  Luckily, my friend knows me and my dramatic nature well, so she didn't mind too much.

After the workshops I entered the 7th level of hell for the new homeschooler, otherwise known as "the exhibit hall."

I jest...sort of.

The exhibit hall is actually awesome.  It's filled with all sorts of vendors; you can see curriculums and ask questions, buy supplies, get college information, and more.  For the beginner, though, it's total sensory overload.  I'd been prepared for that by friends and knew in advance I would buy nothing.  This was a scouting trip only.

It helped that a friend recommended this blog beforehand containing tips on organizing your convention binder.  One helpful suggestion was printing out the exhibit map and noting vendors you really want to visit and then putting that in the back of your binder.  As you can see, mine is color-coded based upon subjects (the legend is at the bottom, but hard to see).

This was really helpful because, while I wanted to see all the vendors, it gave me direction when I hit sensory overload.  I knew exactly where my next stop should be if I wanted to skip to it.  I did a great job scouting, too.  See?

Just a portion of the information I picked up from various exhibit booths.

Those are just some of the brochures I picked up from different vendors...and this only consists of information from about 1/20 of the exhibitors.  It was awesome...and nuts.

As the evening progressed, my thoughts veered more and more toward Destiny's educational destiny (haha), and little discoveries pushed me closer to the edge.

'Oh, they have homeschool OM teams.' (Odyssey of the Mind)

'Oh, they have a Christian Forensics league, and there's a base in Yorktown.'

'Oh, you can take AP classes and/or exams, as well.'

'Oh, there are actually more AP classes available because you're not limited by what the school offers.'

Oh.

Each vendor starts with one basic question..."what ages are you teaching?"  

I started by saying "Probably just my 10 and 6 year olds, but I have a 15 year old, as well."

Then I graduated to, "I was thinking of just homeschooling my 1st and 5th graders, but now I'm considering my 10th grader, as well."

And finally, "1st, 5th, and 10th grades."

With each person I talked to I started to feel more like this was something I could (and should) do.

On my drive home from Richmond constantly yanked back tears so I could see the road.

My Destiny.  On her way to 10th grade...only 3 years left before college.

What am I thinking??  She's begging me to be homeschooled. She's begging for time with me and her siblings.  She's gotten knocked around as collateral damage in two fights already this year, had to step through blood in the hallway afterward, and has seen cockroaches and rats.

WHY WOULDN'T I HOMESCHOOL HER?

I used her IB curriculum as an excuse since I first began considering homeschooling.  Now, armed with new information, it felt like the only thing holding me back was my own fear.

I prayed.

I prayed for wisdom for myself and for Josiah...because I was about to go home and unload this on him and toss the ball in his court because I didn't want it anymore.

After hearing the new information, he thought it was a good idea, too.

But what about her dad?  Would he be on board.

Yup...after hearing about it, he's on board, too.

But what about Destiny?  Maybe she just wanted to homeschool because it wasn't a possibility.  Teenagers are experts at wanting something simply because it isn't available.

Nope...Destiny is still totally on board. I made her think about it all day before she made her decision.  She came home with her decision firm, her mind made up.

So, unless something huge comes along to change our minds, we will be homeschooling everyone next year, and I'm so excited.

It just didn't feel complete before.  How could I start this amazing adventure and leave a member of the family behind?

Now, I'm triple scared, but triple excited!!  I know it will be difficult, but I'm ready, and I am so happy my Desilu is coming along for the ride. :)

Reaching

This is going to be another quick and dirty post (written on the fly and no editing) because I really have to get ready for church.  At least I already know what I want to wear! :)

I wanted to get this blog post out this morning because I have 8 million planned posts, and I didn't need one more floating around in my noggin...and it's worth it.

I woke up this morning, fed the bambino, and then decided I should take a walk.  As I often do, I started praying when my feet hit the pavement.

Ya know what it felt like this morning, though?  It felt like I was reaching.  Don't get me wrong, reaching for God is great, but this was...something else.

"Please guide me.  I want to glorify you.  What should I do?  Where should I go?  I'm waiting.  Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.  Show me.  Show me.  Show me.  Here I am.  I'm waiting.  Send me.  Show me.  Tell me."

I felt like a little kid bobbing up and down in the back seat, "Are we there yet?  When are we going to be there? Are we there yet?  Now?  Now?"

We all know what we want that kid to do...SHUT UP.

So that's what I did.  I shut up.

Just as I was rounding the corner to walk along the James, I gave up and gave it to God.  I basked in His glorious creation and felt Him all around me...

in the breeze dancing in the trees,

in the sun warming my face,

in the waves on the James,

and in the beating of my heart.

God was all around me...and is constantly all around me.  I don't have to reach so far and so hard. He's there.  All the time, He's there.

I'm seeking His perfect will, so He'll show me, tell me, send me...in HIS time.

Until then, I'll just shut up and enjoy the ride.