Walking in the Dark

Last Saturday night, Josiah and I made the decision to walk to church. It was a beautiful night, and he and Phinehas ran ahead because Phin says he's "super fast." It was pretty darn adorable.

On the way home, however, it was dark. We took the back way home, and parts of the walk were just about pitch black.

He was no longer thrilled by the adventure.

He whimpered a little and said, "Daddy, I can't find our house! I can't find it!"

Josiah took his hand and guided him home. When we got close, though, and Phinehas finally recognized our house, he let go of his daddy's hand and ran to take a shortcut, tripped on the curb, and fell flat on his face.

Don't worry...he's okay (the new house has some pretty stellar, cushy grass).

He quickly scrambled up, again scared by the dark. But Josiah called to him, he found his daddy, and they walked to the house.

This little display was right on the heels of a sermon on Peter's response to Jesus walking on the water...and I immediately saw the connection.

And Peter answered him,

“Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”

He said, “Come.”

So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid,

and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me."

Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him,

saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

And those in the boat worshiped him, saying,

“Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:28-33 (ESV)

• Phinehas stepped out into the dark. He let his father lead him, but then he got distracted, tried to take a shortcut, and fell. He called out, and his father saved him.

• Peter stepped out of the boat. He followed Jesus's lead, but then he got distracted by his fear, looked at the wind instead of Jesus, and he began to fall. Peter cried out, and Jesus reached out and saved him. 

God calls us into the dark. He calls us out into the storm. He calls us to walk in circumstances only He can make successful.

Do you know what we do? We avoid it.

We tell God he's wrong. We ask to be the other disciples...the ones safe in the boat.

We SING about walking on the water, though, right?

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

Let me walk upon the water,

wherever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,

where my faith will be made stronger

in the presence of my savior.

(Hillsong UNITED, Oceans)

We sing about it, with loud voices and hands raised. But when it comes down to it, we're control freaks.

What if calling us out into the water means job loss, friend loss, discomfort, pain, hurt, abandonment...a presidential candidate you think is deplorable (pick your side-it matters little).

We want the growth that comes from God calling us, but we want to do it from the safety of the boat.

Then, if we DO embrace the calling, we sometimes lose sight of the Caller, and we fall.

• Maybe we get a little overexcited and let go of the Father's hand. We try to take a shortcut to our calling. We fall.

• Maybe we get overtaken by fear at the size of our obstacles, forgetting that we serve and Almighty God, and we let discouragement overtake us. We start to sink.

Either way, we take our eyes of the One who called us and we lose heart.

We err. We're human. But it isn't the screwing up that's really important...it's the calling out.

When he spoke about Peter's fear of the wind, Pastor Freddy said we "assign supernatural powers to the natural."

Wind and waves were nothing to Jesus. They had seen him calm them before, and in this narrative, he's even out taking a stroll in the storm. Jesus was not scared of the weather and waves.

However, I would say the converse is also true: we assign natural powers to the supernatural.

We forget how BIG God is. We forget He already knows we're going to fall.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:16

God already knows you're going to fall; He's trying to teach you how to respond to it.

Call out.

Reach Up.

I have fallen on my face quite a few times in my life, and I wish I could say my first response was to call out to God and seek His will. Instead, I've often tried to manipulate circumstances and solve the problem in my own power.

Like Peter, God has called me out into the storm to meet him, and I got out of the boat, lost sight of Him, and started to sink.

But instead of calling out to Him, I decided to try to dog paddle my way to safety.

But God is working on me. With each calling, and each fall, I'm learning to call out to the only One who I know has the power to save me. I'm learning to keep my heart soft and responsive to His voice...and His correction.

Where are you today, friend?

Are you in the middle of the storm, discouraged and scared because you've forgotten what a powerful God we serve?

Are you full of excitement for the adventure ahead, but so excited that you're trying to take shortcuts to get to the end result? Manipulating circumstances to bring a desired result? Are you asking for a fall?

Call on Him today. Lean in close and listen for His quiet voice. Let Him determine your steps and strengthen your resolve...correct your course.

It's not always fun or easy, but it's always worth it.

What did that opportunity cost?

Have you ever prayed for something, about something, and God answered in a way you never expected?

Within the past week, Josiah and I had an opportunity to invest in our business. It was a great opportunity, a worthy opportunity. However, it would have meant pushing a couple other important things aside in order to invest.

So, we did what we know we're supposed to do: we prayed about it and waited.

If any of you lacks wisdom,

let him ask God,

who gives generously to all without reproach,

and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

Psalm 130:5

I would LOVE to tell you that it is my natural inclination, or even a regular habit, to pray and then WAIT for God's answer. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Instead, often, it looks like me praying, and then, when I don't get struck by lightning immediately, I say, "Must be God's will!" and move forward with what I wanted. (We'll actually talk about that in my next post.)

This time, however, we were supernaturally assigned to waiting: we couldn't make the purchase until payday. 

First thing in the morning that day, I awoke with the intention of going through with it. God hadn't told me not to yet, and it had been days...so I was ready.

And then...

I looked on facebook, and I saw a friend's post about needing help in their ministry, Kindfund. They have homes for rescued and abandoned children in Kenya. Recently, two precious newborn babies were rescued and brought to them, but now they need to eat. Formula is $10 per can.

Right then, I knew what we needed to do. The Holy Spirit within me spoke, and I got the message loud and clear: God said "no" to my initial request and revealed His plan. Josiah agreed, and we moved forward on God's path.

I learned a big lesson here (or more appropriately, God spoke into an ongoing lesson): Prayer is a one-sided conversation. If you're not waiting for God's answer, then you're missing communication with Him.

However, there's another lesson to be learned here.

In the beginning of this post, I said we had an opportunity to invest in our business, and then God presented us an opportunity to invest in the lives of those little babies.

It may seem like it might be a no-brainer, but our business changes lives.

Therefore, what we were looking at were two very valid, worthy opportunities...but we could only choose one.

We chose supporting the babies. The business investment that we didn't choose, that is what's known as opportunity cost. 

Opportunity cost is an economic principle which states that any time you choose to spend money on something, there was another second best option that did NOT get chosen. That second, not-chosen option is called the opportunity cost.

In other words, your choice cost you that particular opportunity.

If you choose to buy pizza over salad, salad is the opportunity cost. If it's the other way around, the pizza is the opportunity cost. Very simple principle.

Notice, though, that the principle can be applied not just to purchases, but to choices we make about other valuable commodities, like time and energy.

When we consume food, we make choices like the one above: pizza or salad. If you're like me, you're probably screaming, "Pizza AND salad! Duh." However, for the sake of this example let's just assume we have to choose.

Water or soda.

Cookies or fruit.

Cleaning or binge watching.

Scrolling on facebook or paying attention to the people around me.

OUCH! That last one was for me. Actually, they all are.

We make choices every, single day, and you want to know the really scary part? Often we are blind to the choices we're making. We simply do things because that's what we've always done.

• We can't find time to workout, but we can find an hour to watch TV or play online.
• We can't find the money to buy healthy food, but we've hit up Mickey D's and Starbucks a few times each this month.
• We can't find time to spend with Jesus, but we can find time to rail about the election on facebook.

These things might sting. I know they hit me pretty hard.

God has been revealing a lot to me as I considered this blog post over the last few days. In various ways, he has opened my eyes to some choices I'm making that I'm really not proud of. 

The opportunity cost is high. I'm sacrificing some very important things by investing time, money, and energy into some others that really just don't matter.

This is not just to make you feel guilty or tell you what to do because...

• Sometimes, I'm going to invest in my business instead of a charity because it's the right thing to do.
• Sometimes, I'm going to chill out and rest instead of laboring constantly because rest is good, and it's the right thing to do.
• And sometimes, I'm going to eat the dang cake, cuz mmmmm, cake is good. 

I'm not here to judge your choices. I've got enough of my own junk, thank you. Nevertheless, I am asking you to prayerfully consider your choices. Speak to God about them. And then, wait for the answer. 

If you're a Christian, then you have made Jesus your LORD and Savior. A lot of us really like the salvation part, but we conveniently forget about the "Lord." 

lord: a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler (dictionary.com)

Let Jesus be your Lord today. If there's an area of your life you feel you're struggling in, talk to Him about it, but don't just ask Him to save you from it. Ask Him if you're maybe making some choices that are contributing to it.

Let Him decide!

The Next Day

*sigh*

The next day. The day after the whiny rant.

Here's the way this works. I feel a certain way for a looooong time, and I have a really hard time shaking it. So, I finally write about it to get it off my chest, and then God shows me why I'm wrong.

Actually, strike that. It's at that point, when I've opened myself up for the world to see, that my heart is finally softened so he can make his point...I think.

I'm a work in progress folks.

Anyway, regarding yesterday's little "rant," I've been convicted in the following ways:

1. Wow. I am prideful. So prideful. This isn't really a shock to me because, as it turns out, almost every time I feel deep conviction, it's because of my pride. I want God to do this, and I want God to do that. Like the creator of the universe needs to bend to my will and do what I want when I want it. Prideful.
2. The whole "I'm lost" thing is complete crap. Completely. Crap. I'm not lost. That's the point of the Good News. I'm found ya'll. I've been adopted by the aforementioned Creator of the universe. I CAN'T be lost. He knows the number of hairs on my head, and I'm not lost at all. He's just making me wait...spoiled brat that I am.
3. A lot of my whining about my efforts has been that I don't feel they're fruitful, so I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. How do I know? In Galatians Paul says, "So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we do not give up" (6:9, emphasis added). Yup. Like Josiah noted last night, we prayed a lot before we started this marriage ministry and all along the way. It's not what I'M doing anyway (prideful again), it's what GOD chooses to do. I do the work, and he grows the fruit. 

God is making me wait for a reason, but He hasn't left me. He hasn't forsaken me. Why, then, have I been feeling so stinkin' ALONE?! 

Because of THIS. I haven't been doing THIS.

I've told myself that I don't have anything to write about, and besides, I don't have the time to write. Who has time to write?!

I do. 

If I've got time to mindlessly scroll through facebook, then I've got time to jot down thoughts about how God's working in my life.

See, I'm a verbal processor. In order to really solidify my thoughts, I need to share them.

I've told myself since not many people read this blog, it's a waste of time. However, I now know that's not true.

God has told me to write, and if no one else reads it, then no one else reads it. This is about me being obedient. As it turns out, God doesn't necessarily want me to write for other people; He wants me to write for me. So I can grow closer to Him.

I bawled talking to Josiah about all this last night. I asked where God was. I've been seeking Him every day. I used to feel Him moving in my life and speaking to me. Is He mad at me? Why has He left me?

He hasn't gone anywhere. He's just been waiting for me to obey Him so He could speak to me. For me, reading His word isn't enough. I've got to write about it in order to actually process and apply it. 

That's me. He knows it. He created me; every bit of me. 

You know me, God. 

In true God-like form, He also sent me a little word today, and of course, He chose to do it through a child.

Little Ryan sauntered into the dining room this morning before breakfast and said, "I did my devotion, Mom. It was on waiting. God makes us wait for birthdays and all kinds of stuff. I'm waiting for Phinehas's birthday!"

Then, he got his breakfast.

I pulled out his devotion, and read it. God is so awesome. The words and Scriptures that go with it are below:

While You Wait (from Jesus Calling for Kids, March 26th - he wasn't even reading the right date)

It is good to wait quietly for the Lord to save.
-Lamentations 3:26

Waiting is not an easy thing to do, but there is a lot of it in this world. You wait for birthdays to come; you wait for your ride to arrive; you wait in all kinds of lines. You even sometimes wait with worry for bad things that never happen.

Waiting on Me is different. You are waiting for the perfect timing of My plans in your life. Waiting on Me means trusting me with every fiber of your being instead of trying to figure it all out yourself. When you trust me - when you wait for my timing - I will fill your life with blessings. I will give you strength and joy and hope. And I will give you My Presence - while you wait.

I say: the Lord is my portion,

therefore, I will put my hope in Him.

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

to the person who seeks Him.

Lamentations 3:24-25

You reveal the path of life to me;

in Your presence is abundant joy;

in Your right hand are eternal pleasures.

Psalm 16:11

Lost

A few minutes ago, a young man who's wrestling with what to do with his future asked me how I got into the ministry.

I literally laughed out loud. Literally. L-O-L.

Is that what I am? I'm in the ministry? I mean, sure, I'd really like to be. I'd LOVE to be. I feel like that's what God has called me to do, but...is that what I'm doing?

I'm the director of our church's marriage ministry at church, but let's face it, that doesn't make me IN ministry. That makes me a glorified Sunday School teacher. And there's this blog...that I do nothing with anymore...that I avoid like the plague because it makes me feel like a failure.

I don't know what I am anymore or where I belong. I feel like I'm stuck at a crossroads screaming at God to tell me which way to go...but nothing...not yet.

Josiah and I don't know where we should be. Here? In Texas? Somewhere entirely different?

He's looking for a new job, but we don't know where that's going to be. Wherever that is, that's where we'll assume God wants us. But nothing yet.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel completely stagnant. I feel like no matter what I do to try to make a difference where I am, I'm just failing...so I wanna leave.

The nomad in me wants to take off for better pastures, I think. Maybe it's just not in my blood to stay one place for too long.

I just feel lost.

There's my confession for all you folks: I am lost.

I don't know where I belong. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I had a pastor tell me one time that if you'll pay close attention, you'll find God will send you people to encourage you on the path you're supposed to be on...they'll encourage you in the area of your gifts.

I've felt that feeling before. When I was trying to decide whether to stay home and homeschool or continue working, I felt like God put a lot of people in my path to encourage me to homseschool. That was my path.

But now...I feel nothing. No encouragement...not in speaking, writing, or the marriage ministry. Does that mean I'm not supposed to be doing it?

Maybe I've completely misinterpreted what God wants from me.

I've avoided writing about this for some time. I've tried to wrestle silently with the whole issue...to try to work it out with God in my head and my heart.

But He's been pretty silent on it. I don't know what that means either.

You know what I told that kid? The one who asked me the question a few minutes ago? I told him the decision probably wasn't important right now because if it was, God would make His will known.

You know what? I. AM. A. HYPOCRITE. Because I don't feel at all that way.

And I truly wish I had something more definitive to say about this...something that wraps it up in a pretty bow and makes it a lesson. Something that gives this rant value to anyone...even me.

But I don't. I just...needed to get it off my chest, I guess.

I'm sure I'll feel convicted about it tomorrow, but today...it is what it is.

Today I'm lost.

Counting...and dreading...my blessings

**Disclaimer - this post is about some very personal decisions. It is not about YOUR personal decisions. I pass no judgment on anyone else, just me. If it makes you uncomfortable, search your heart and make sure that doesn't come from God...because I'm writing about decisions for OUR family. Now...let's dig in.**

My pastor is in the midst of a sermon series right now called "Break Away," and it's all about how we normally focus on our decisions and their outcomes, but we sometimes forget that what we believe determines our decisions, and once we've decided, we have far less control over the outcome than we imagine.

And sometimes our actions say far more about what we believe than our mouths. 

The main passage we're going through in the sermon series is Romans 12:1-2:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters,

in view of God's mercy,

to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,

holy and pleasing to God-

this is your true and proper worship.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world,

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-

His good, pleasing and perfect will.

The other passage he concentrated on yesterday was Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight.

He noted that this is one of those passages that we kind of take for granted: Yeah, of course. I trust God with everything. I trust Him to know what's right for me.

Do we really though? Do we really trust God to know what's right...for us? 

We say we do, but if we REALLY trusted God to know what's right for us...in all things...then we would follow His word at all times, without question, right?

But there are some things...some things we just have such a hard time letting go of. We don't actually say we know more than God. How presumptuous would that be?! Instead, we silently take control out of His hands...sneaking it back into ours...because just this once, we know what's best. 

Sound familiar?

One of the things the pastor mentioned in his long list of areas where we tend to take control away from God was "how many children to have." 

Booooo!! That's something I've been trying not to think about because, quite frankly, every time I think about it, I get stressed out.

Not that I could really avoid thinking about it.

As a 35 year-old woman (which is, according to modern medicine, advanced maternal age) who is pregnant with her fifth child, I get quite a few questions and raised eyebrows.

Is this the last one?

Are you going to have more? 

or my favorite - You're done after this, right?

My answer to all these people...I. DON'T. KNOW.

I laugh it off, but inside, this is really causing me some serious inner turmoil.

My children are all blessings. I love them all dearly, and I am beyond thankful for each and every one of them...

BUT. There is always a but. Even as I write this, as I look at my youngest beam at me with joyful eyes from under gorgeous blond curls and feel the baby inside me kicking in the womb, I feel tired.

The thought of going through this process God only knows how many more times makes me want to cry. 

On top of that, I feel super selfish because, just after my second child, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), and A LOT of women with that diagnosis have a very difficult time getting pregnant.

Apparently, I'm not one of them.

And those women, the ones who can't have babies, they aren't any LESS blessed by God!! They are simply blessed in different ways!! 

The question is, though, if I can have babies and God would provide them if I allowed it, am I refusing a blessing He would give? Am I saying, "God, I know you might bless me in THIS way, but I want to be blessed in a different way. Can you just give me a different blessing, please? The one you've chosen isn't good enough"?

The Bible never talks about women not wanting to have babies. Conversely, they were always wanted, always a blessing (except in Isaiah where he talks about the forthcoming judgment of Israel). Here are just a couple of the passages on the matter:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

the fruit of the womb a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;

your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

The Lord bless you from Zion!

May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life!

Psalm 128:3-5

The Bible speaks of God opening and closing the wombs of certain women, which begs the question, should I simply trust Him to open and close mine?

Society says, "no." When I was about 30 weeks pregnant with Phinehas, the doctor asked, "do you know what type of birth control you'll use after the baby is born?" The question wasn't if, but what type.

Today, there's rarely a question over whether a woman will control how many children she has, and those who choose to leave it up to God are often viewed as zealots...even among believers.

WHY then, if the Bible is so clear that babies are always a blessing, is my heart so torn?

I mean, after all, a lot of the other stuff I want to do...the stuff that's very difficult to do with tons of children in tow...is really GOOD stuff. It's ministry stuff!! It's GOD stuff!

*sigh* stuff...children...or other stuff. 

Actually, now that I'm writing it down, it's really not a question of if, is it? If God wants me to do ministry stuff, He'll provide the when and how, won't He? It doesn't really matter how many children I have...because I can do all things within His will through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

Josiah is pretty solid on the subject. Babies are a blessing. He sees my children from my previous marriage as a blessing, the children we've been given together as a blessing, and any children we might have in the future as a blessing.

A lot of women would say, well, it's easy for him to see them as a blessing, but he doesn't have to carry them!

Well, no, not for nine months in the womb. And yes, I'm the one who's majorly responsible for teaching and loving throughout the day, but he will carry them in many other ways throughout their lives. He's the one that's responsible for caring for them financially and for leading our household. He doesn't bat an eye at the responsibility...

if only his wife were as steadfast.

Furthermore, despite the fact that many would argue that it's my body, and therefore my decision, the Bible is very clear that's NOT the case:

The wife does not have authority over her own body

but yields it to her husband.

In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body

but yields it to his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:4

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,

his body, of which he is the Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-33

Gotta love those two verses. They make women's libbers all over the planet anywhere from super uncomfortable to downright incensed.

They are neither unclear or muddled: I'm to submit to my husband. My body is not just mine anymore, but his, and I should trust him to care for it and make decisions for it. 

So, here's the question...will I trust God in this area? Will I trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding? Will I dare to defy conforming to this world, renew my mind, and experience true and proper worship by presenting my body as a sacrifice?

That's straight out of scripture, folks, and the answer seems clear. I don't necessarily like it, but it's clear as day.

I might be wrestling with this decision for nothing. There's a possibility that I won't even be able to have any more children. Nevertheless, now that I've written my heart and the scripture down, I strongly feel - for our family - handing the possibility over to God is the only way to go.

How do you feel about this matter? Has your family made a different decision? I'd love to hear about it!

OR what about other areas of your life? I'm wrestling with this, but is there something else you're wrestling with? Are you silently ripping control from God's hands in some other area of your life? Are you saying to Him, I know best in THIS one area?

If so, I pray you'll examine your own heart and motives and seek His path and His glory, so He can make your paths straight.

Playing Solitaire

We've been playing a lot of cell phone solitaire in this house recently. The nasty virus that has settled in for a nice long visit has made it much more difficult to be out and about, so we've been spending a lot of time indoors. 

(Let's just ignore the fact that we'd be spending time indoors anyway because it's summer and HOT...and the fact that we should be playing a lot more games together instead of solitaire. Blog posts for different days, I suppose.)

At any point in time, you might catch Destiny, Josiah, or me (or some combination) playing solitaire on our cell phones. Sometimes, it really is a solitary event, and sometimes you find yourself with an audience, telling you each move you've missed.

It's always easier to see the moves someone else has missed; perspective is always different from the outside.

Each game has its choices - moves that look very similar and you just don't know which to choose. Sometimes you think you've made the perfect choices and everything is working out perfectly...until all of a sudden you're at a dead end. Then again, there are times when everything looks pretty bleak and it looks like there's no way you'll win, and then, suddenly, everything works out perfectly.

Our lives feel so much like those solitaire game sometimes - never knowing which decisions to make, how they'll turn out, or what victories or defeats lie ahead. However, there is one major difference...

We're never actually alone. There is always someone in our corner; someone who knows each day or our lives; someone who's waiting for us to turn to Him to get direction on our next move.

God knows every day from the beginning to the end, and He's always there, waiting to give us guidance, support, and comfort. That doesn't mean we won't make wrong moves and experience both victories and defeats, but it means we'll never go through them alone.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I walked through so much of my life blind. I loved Jesus and had asked him into my heart, but ignored the fact that he was waiting to give me guidance.

Sometimes I weighed out my decisions on paper, with columns of pros and cons. Sometimes I just followed my heart (or various other parts of my body). 

I have mixed feelings about all that. I'm sure there's pain I could have avoided if I learned the lesson earlier, but at the same time, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be today.

Nevertheless, I'm here to share what I've learned. 

Maybe you've never considered the fact that the God, who created our universe, who created each cell in your body and knows the beginning and the end, is waiting to give you direction - that He loves you and cares about even the most minute details of your life. 

Maybe you've know that for quite a while, but something you're dealing with today still has you feeling alone, like you're playing solitaire and there's no way to know which move to make next.

Rest in Him today. Give your choices to Him. Read His word and spend some time on your knees seeking His wisdom. Then, wait...be quiet and let Him answer you. Let His peace be yours. 

With that, I'll leave you with a couple scriptures today to remind you of these things. Write these on your heart and recall them when you feel like you're playing life's most endless game of solitaire. 

Corinthians 3 Thursday: Vision Check-Up

I am so totally late writing the Corinthians 3 Thursday post this week. But...better late than never, I suppose.

In the three weeks previous we talked about where we are right now: values, strengths, weaknesses, spiritual gifts, and passion.

Now it's time to look to the future!

On rare occasions Josiah and I get to go on little drives his family calls "explores." They're awesome little day or weekend trips to somewhere...nowhere. We just go in whatever direction we want and see what fun things we can find.

This is a GREAT way to have fun every now and then...but it's not a great way to live your life.

That's what most of us do though, right? We are so intent on going that we just keep moving, taking no stock of where we are or where we're going?

She does not ponder the path of life;

her ways wander, and she does not know it.

Proverbs 5:6

Now, in all honesty, in context that's talking about avoiding the forbidden or adulterous woman. However, if we're not paying attention to where we're going, who knows where our feet may trod.

At the very least, it's clear here that God wants us to pay attention to where we're going, to keep our ways straight. And that, my friends, is why we're talking about vision today, or more accurately, we're talking about making a vision statement.

Leadership expert and author John C Maxwell says: "Vision leads the leader. It paints the target. It sparks and fuels the fire within. Show me a leader without vision, and I'll show you someone who isn't going anywhere" (from Christian Coaching by Gary Collins).

But maybe you don't consider yourself a leader. Does this apply to you? Absolutely. Whether you like it or not, everyone leads someone. It's far better to do so consciously and intentionally than haphazardly. Whom do you lead? Your children? Youth at church? Your coworkers? Subordinates?

Even if you can't think of one person you lead, you still need to be aware of one person: YOU. You need to know where you're going in order to get there successfully.

So what is a vision exactly?

"A vision is a clear picture of something we want to have exist in the future. It is a target we intend to reach....Vision pulls us forward. Once that vision clearly is in mind, we can deal with the practical strategy steps of getting where we want to go" (Gary Collins, Christian Coaching).

All well and good right? But how the heck do you go about formulating a STATEMENT OF VISION. It just sounds like something intimidating, doesn't it?

It's actually a lot simpler than it sounds...and of course, in Christian Coaching, we're given steps.

First things first, pray. As Christians, there's no point seeking vision for our lives without seeking direction from the Almighty first.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, 

and do not lean on your own understanding. 

In all your ways acknowledge him, 

and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, 

when he delights in his way;

Psalm 37:23

Next, take your time. This is actually the hardest step for me. I like to just know. Once I start working on something, I just want to get it done. But you really can't rush this process. 

Now that we're clear on that, take a look inside. Consider values, passions, and gifts we talked about in the previous weeks, all of them will be at the foundation of your vision.

We also need to learn from visionary people, either in person or by reading. Let these people inspire you and serve as an example.

Finally, construct the vision statement and check it with the 4 Cs. Is it clear? Is it concise? Is it consistent with Scripture and who you are? Is it compelling (does it inspire and motivate you)?

To give you an idea of what it might look like, here's my vision statement:

I want to share God-given words that will change people’s hearts, draw them closer to Him, and give Him glory!

That's me. That's my perfect picture of the future. What does your perfect picture of your future look like? Where do you want to be?

Now, this whole vision thing comes with a warning: just completing a vision statement will not get you where you want to go. You're also going to need to set up goals and strategies for achieving your vision...and then work hard to get 'em done.

The vision won't stay alive on its own. Life gets in the way if we let it. It will take conscious effort to keep to your path, always looking to God for guidance, of course.

Now it's your turn. What's your vision?

Please comment or link below! And feel free to grab my button on the right, too!

If you're just now joining us, Corinthians 3 Thursdays are designed to help us find our pursue our individual callings based upon two Corinthians verses: 1 Corinthians 3:8-11 and  2 Corinthians 3:17-18. As  guide, we're using the book Christian Coaching by Gary Collins. For more information, you can visit this post or any of the earlier Corinthians 3 Thursday posts below:

Corinthians 3 Thursday Post 1: Clarifying Values
Corinthians 3 Thursday Post 2: Pursuing Passion
Corinthians 3 Thursday Post 3: Got Gifts?

God's Holy Tether

He stands there alone, eyes fixed forward and chest high. I'm sure he's praying. How could he not be?

Praying for all of us. 

Praying for the people who were touched by the Spirit, but are unwilling to move. 

Praying for those who the sermon should have touched, but didn't because their hearts are hard and their ears clamped shut.

He had just delivered a powerful sermon, the gospel made personal to each of us. I felt sure it would stir many to tears and revive hearts and spirits, convict and cleanse. But now, as he stood there during the public invitation, I watched him: motionless, praying, patiently waiting.

For a moment, I was discouraged for him.

Then, I thought about every other week. Sometimes people respond to the invitation, but more often than not, he stands there the same as this week: motionless, praying, patiently waiting.

How does he do that?!

That's the question that was screaming at me as we drove home that afternoon. 

I get so discouraged sometimes. I've been discouraged because, despite a serious increase in effort lately, my blog readership seems weak and, sometimes, even in decline. I've been discouraged by the underwhelming show of enthusiasm for The Art Of Marriage event coming up, feeling like I'm trying to coax people into making marriage a priority - a cheerleader for a losing team.

Yet, there he stands each week, peace and joy in his countenance.

Of course, I had to send him an email to ask him. I just couldn't let it go. If we're going to go into ministry, I need the voice of experience to give me a little guidance, because I'm drowning in a pool, of hopeless, self-pity already...and we've only just begun.

His response?

Discouragement in ministry is oh so common. We ALL go through discouragement. And sorry to say, it is a shadow that will always follow you. I have to own that emotion and then tie a rope around it and pull it to the side. To deny I have those feelings is, I think unhealthy. But to let discouragement rule the day only creates lethargy. I am reminded that people are fickle and God is trustworthy. We are commanded to sew and it is God bring the harvest.

So relax. Keep both hands on the plow.

Um...a shadow that will follow me? Fantastic. However, I spoke with him a bit later, and he elucidated...and it changed everything.

He said that discouragement and ministry go hand-in-hand, but it has its uses because it keeps us constantly tied to God, relying on Him to be the encouragement we need. 

I could feel the light bulb blink on above my head.

We have to stay connected with Him all the time, keeping our pride out of the way, and relying on Him to do His will through us. Our meager efforts aren't meant to conquer armies and hardened hearts. It's only God working through us that can do those things.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

If we could do it all by ourselves, then we wouldn't need a Savior, would we? But we do...we really do. 

This extends far beyond those in "ministry," though. God often allows discouragement and despair in our lives so we will seek Him, relying on His strength.  

It can be a hard lesson to learn.

Recently, I had a teensy-weensy emotional breakdown...which translates to I was bawling like a baby and everything seemed hopeless and wrong. I did what I normally do in those moments: pray and then call my sister-in-law, Jamie, to talk me down. As always, it was worth the call.

She suggested that perhaps I was coming to the end of myself...the end of my talents, my strengths. God was pushing me to rely on His strength instead of my own.

And she was absolutely right.

God wants us tethered to His strength, instead of trying to operate on our own.

What are you trying to handle by yourself right now? What has you discouraged and hopeless? What situation or predicament are you trying to handle with your own strength, instead of placing it in the hands of our loving, almighty God?

Today is the day, my friends. Turn it over to Him, and if you're like me, pray about keeping it turned over because I have a tendency to try to take it back. Put your worries where they belong, and have faith that, indeed, all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand,

that he may lift you up in due time. 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-8

Open and Shut

A door slams in your face, and you're devastated...discouraged...disappointed...desperate.

The new job falls through...

a pink slip is delivered...

a relationship falls apart...

the perfect opportunity dies in front of you.

The door slams firmly shut, stubbing your toes and your pride in the process.

Once again this morning, I was reading The Circle Maker and Batterson brought to my attention a verse I've read before, more than once, but somehow never noticed. 

“The Holy One, the True One, the One who has the key of David, 

who opens and no one will close, and closes and no one opens says:

I know your works. 

Because you have limited strength, have kept My word, 

and have not denied My name, look, 

I have placed before you an open door that no one is able to close."

Revelation 3:7-8 (emphasis added)

We love open doors. We love to be given new opportunities and adventures, but rarely do we thank God for the doors that are closed securely behind us.

However, in this verse we're reminded that it's Jesus Christ who opens and closes the doors of opportunity for us, and his will is irreversible.

"And we know that all things work together

for the good of those who love God:

those who are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

All things. Not some things, not most things. All things.

I've prayed for some stuff before, let me tell ya. I've prayed for that relationship I just knew was right, but didn't work out anyway. I've prayed about the job that seemed like the perfect fit, but I didn't even get an interview. In retrospect, I was able to see how every one of those closed doors was a blessing in disguise, and not just a little one either...a huge one.

Every slammed door is shut tight for a reason. And guess what? You may not know what that reason is on this side of eternity. You may never know why, but we know He's in control and working for our good, and we have to just trust Him.

I know it's hard. I've been there, and I know I'll be there again someday. It happens to all of us. However, I'm here to tell you that no door opens or closes that God doesn't have control over, and He loves you, and his love is perfect.

Just remember, often, the reason God shuts one door is because there's a much better door He wants to open for you just a little bit down the pike, and once He opens that door, no one can close it.

I'll go! Send me!

I just finished my Christian Coaching textbook. That might mean nothing...it might mean a lot.

I have no clue.

The last couple years have been awesome, yet very difficult for me. I feel like I've been creeping to the edge of a precipice on my hands and knees....

Actually, scratch that. The previous sentence implies that I can see the precipice...and I can't.

I don't know what's out there. Whatever it is, it's probably more like a mountain than the edge of a cliff, but I can't see it. I don't know where it is or what the terrain will look like when I get there. 

I'm just groping around in the dark, and every now and then, God gives me a little glimpse of something in the moonlight.

Josiah and I went to a Saturday night service last weekend at Freedom Life Church in Hampton. Josiah's friend Freddy Villarreal is the pastor. The service was awesome; the worship was upbeat and authentic, as was the preaching (Never fear MBC friends - we're not going anywhere. It can never hurt to praise God and hear another sermon though, can it?!).

Pastor Freddy's main point during the message was "GO." Just go. If you've been praying about it, it's inline with the gospel and scripture, and God is still laying it on your heart, then it's probably time to just go...keep praying, but go.

For a lot of people his message was probably inspiring. For me, it was kind of frustrating.

I'm a jump in with both feet kind of girl. For the last two years (since getting the call from God, which you can read about here), I have been jumping up and down waiving my arm like a mixture of Hermione and Lecrae...sitting on the very edge of my seat, saying..."Oh, oh, oh!!! I'll go! Send me! I'll go! Send me!Lemme Go!" (For those of my unfortunate friends who are contemporary film or Christian music challenged, Hermione is a character from Harry Potter, and Lecrae is a very awesome Christian rapper and speaker whose song, "Send Me" can be found here).

But I can't go yet...because while I kind of know where I'm supposed to be heading, He keeps giving me SUPER AWESOME things to slow me down. I'm not even being sarcastic there. The things He's given me are wonderful and irreplaceable - like 2 babies on the way in the last two years and homeschooling and finishing my degree - but that stuff will slow your roll, ya know? 

Pregnancy brain is NOT a fallacy people. I'm just looking forward to being able to form sentences without having to play charades because I forgot important words, much less form a nonprofit ministry, design a website, craft a vision, define a mission, and leap buildings in a single bound!!

In all reality, I'm probably not being completely fair to God in my assessment of the information He's given me over the last couple years. After all, after a lot of prayer and deliberation, we were able to discern that it was His will for me to stop working and stay at home (despite the fact that the math didn't work). The decision to homeschool wasn't far behind and was also Spirit-led. Then, Josiah and I both felt like He was pushing us to start a ministry.

I guess that's a lot of movement for a couple years' time, huh? It just FEELS SO SLOOOOOW.

And just now...right this very moment...I found a scripture that convicted me and lifted my spirits simultaneously:

"For still the vision awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end—

it will not lie.

If it seems slow, 

 it will surely come; it will not delay."

Habakkuk 2:3

Or how about this one from Psalm 27:14:

"Wait for the Lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the Lord!"

While I started writing this post with no clear message or intention, God decided to make Himself clear through - shocker - His Word. It seems, for all the studying I've done in the Bible lately, all I really had to do was a 5 second Google search.

Someone remind me of that next time, please.

So, today, if you're anything like me, and you desperately want to move forward, but God seems to have other plans, meditate on these Scriptures (and the MANY others you can find just by googling "What the Bible says about God's timing" - I really do feel kind of idiotic).

God has a plan for your life...and mine. If we're waiting and willing, then He will surely reveal His plan in time...

but you better be ready to GO when He does!! Right Pastor Freddy?