Lessons Learned: HR BBBS Amazing Little Race

2011 ALR Planning Committee (Hampton Teen Center)

Yesterday was the Hampton Roads Big Brothers Big Sisters "Amazing Little Race," as I'm sure many of you know because I've been spouting off about it constantly. LOL  It was a long day.  It was a GREAT day.  It was a bittersweet day.  I've enjoyed the planning process and working with the people that I have immensely, but it was also nice to see it all come together.  At some point during the final celebration last night my Operations Committee Co-Chair, Meisha, looked over at me and said just one word: "fruition."  That said it all.  Months and months of hard work and dedication to this event and to this wonderful organization that builds future generations with the wisdom and love of the current generation had finally culminated into something we could all be proud of.  Did everything go exactly as planned, and was the event quite as big as we'd initially imagined?  No.  However, it was bigger than any event most of us had ever dreamed of planning, and in almost every way it was still successful in its own right.

As often happens with these big events, the organization will soon have a final meeting regarding what went right, what went wrong, whether the event should be ongoing in the future, and what changes should be made if it does.  In thinking about my involvement, I think it's necessary for me to do the exact same thing now. I need to analyze the positive and negative aspects of my involvement and see if I think I should participate next year (if it happens) and if so, what changes need to be made.  So...here goes:

The Good

1. I met some absolutely amazing people during this process.  We've used the word "amazing" so much in the past few months, that it's almost become passe.  Just a moment ago I tried to use an online thesaurus to come up with a different word, since this seems to be the only one my brain will spit out right now, but I just couldn't change it.  Yes, we've used the word a lot, but it is so fitting for these individuals.  It has been SUCH a pleasure to learn with them and from them, that I will call them "amazing" forever. 
2. Not that everyone doesn't already know this, but giving back feels SO good.  Many who give their time and efforts to causes such as this know exactly what I'm talking about.  For me, it simply solidified what I already know to be true.  I love being part of something larger than myself that gives back to the community and will survive long after me.  Simple, but true.
3. This next thing is a little hard for me to say, and it makes me squirm a bit to admit it, but if I'm going to be honest, I might as well go all the way: I like being a leader, and I feel like I'm good at it.  Ugh...that sounds a little egotistical right?  I really don't mean for it to be.  I just feel like I'm in my element in leadership positions...not necessarily in the corporate sense, as much as in the community sense.  I was the Operations Committee Co-Chair for this event, and the Site Coordinator for two of the venues (Great Wolf Lodge and the Virginia Air and Space Center).  I like being positive and trying to pull positive out of people.  I know some people think my energy is a little over-the-top, and I completely understand that, but I also feel like it gives other people energy they may have needed.  This part is just hard for me to explain...so we'll just leave it at the fact that I think God is building me for a leadership project at some point and I look forward to Him using me for that, as long as it's His will and not my own.
4. I like projects.  I like beginning, middle, and end.  I like "fruition."  Once again, I like projects.  This is why my "real job" feels so overwhelming at times...not because it's too hard, but because there's no beginning, middle, and end.  Instead, it's just an endless flow of paperwork: no middle, no end, no fruition, just pecking away at infinity.  I like my company.  I appreciate what they have done for me.  I need and appreciate my job very much, but at some point, something is going to have to give, I think.  As always, I'm constantly praying for guidance about it.
5. The HUGENESS of this project gave me the ability to see some of my faults and the negatives, and see where I need to get a grip on my priorities.  This is a big positive because if we are not able to see our mistakes, then we are not able to correct them.  Sometimes it takes something BIG to highlight these mistakes because in the world's eyes, they may not look like mistakes at all.

The Bad

Only one, but it's a doozie:  In the process of preparing for this event I lost focus on just about everything: God, family, work, school, house, relationship, and health.

Well, okay, it wasn't really the event's fault.  It's not like I dropped EVERYTHING to concentrate on the ALR and everything else got put to the side (as a matter of fact, there are many ways in which I feel the event, itself, did not get the focus it deserved from me).  It's not like I was juggling 9 things and dropped all of them to just play with this 1.  Instead, it was more like I was juggling 9 things and added 1 more.  With 9 I was struggling, and adding 1 made things a lot messier.  Here's the deal though, you wouldn't know that unless I told you because on the surface everything is fine.  I still went to church and prayed.  My kids are still fed and alive.  My work still got done.  I still have A's in my classes.  My house is a mess, but none of you will see that because it's easy enough to hide if you don't have people over and I'm about to clean it.  My relationship with Josiah is still AWESOME because he's just wonderful and stuck by me and my unfocused self the whole dang time.  My health...well, yeah, I got sick as a dog this week, but a lot of people have been sick right? 

Yeah...not so much.  I still prayed and went to church most of the time and the kids still went to Awanas, but I still feel the slight disconnect from God internally.  My kids are fine, but they could definitely use my focus on them right now, too.  My work got done, but with less mental mishmash and less need to go here, there, and everywhere for the event, I probably could have gotten a lot more done.  I still have A's, but I haven't dedicated the time I should have to REALLY learning what I'm studying, and that's just a waste of an education.  The house just should NOT be this messy.  It's not good.  Also, taking on so much made me sick.  I always get sick when I decide I can take on the world.  It's like my body is insistent on making me hit a wall to slow me down.  The last one (relationship)  needs its own paragraph, and yes, I know I'm writing a book, but this is what's going on in my head folks.  Sorry. LOL

My relationship with Josiah is still strong because of HIS undaunted dedication to me, which luckily, is completely and totally out of my hands.  The man has spent his last two Saturdays off completely dedicated to helping out with the ALR because he knew that's what he would have to do if he wanted to spend time with me.  He was right next to me every step of the way, there whenever I needed him.  He drove for me, made sure I ate, made sure I had what I needed, and helped wherever he saw anyone had need.  I cannot possibly express my gratitude.  What compounds that appreciation exponentially is that he didn't agree with me taking this on to begin with.  He knew I was overextending myself.  He knew I was taking on too much and he cautioned me against it.  However, once I dedicated myself to it, he continued to dedicate himself to me, and he helped me through it in every way anyway.  As Janet Sellers from NASA said yesterday, "He's a keeper." LOL  I know in the future I need to make sure I prayerfully consider his guidance instead of refuting it right away because I wanna do what I wanna do.

It all goes back to what Susan (Josiah's mom) has been trying to tell me since she met me...doing good things can be bad if your priorities aren't straight AND when the world thinks we look the best is probably when we're heading for our worst.  A really good Biblical of this is Solomon and his massive building projects in Jersusalem.  He started out with wonderful intentions, but he lost focus on God and His instruction and, therefore, the kingdom of Israel that David united began to fall apart (see...I learned SOMETHING from the Bible class I'm taking).

Will I participate again?

This has been such a hard question for me.  How do you eliminate something from your life that you feel driven to do, yet falls much lower on the list of priorities than the things I already mentioned.  Answer: you pray.  I don't know if I'll be able to participate next year.  I think I probably will on some level, but maybe just not the level that I did this year.  Maybe I'll participate more.  We'll see.  It's hard not to want to, and even Josiah was talking about "next year's event" by the end of the day yesterday.  It's hard not to let the enthusiasm of this group infect you.  I'm going to pray, seek God's guidance, and seek the guidance of the wise people around me who love me and ALSO pray about it.  "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" (Proverbs 15:22).  I'm going to see what doors God opens and which he closes because more and more each day I see that His will in my life is what I should be seeking, and if I do that, joy is sure to follow because in hardship and happiness I will know He is working in my life. 

The participants ready to start the race! (Great Wolf Lodge)

Aaaaand they're off!

Elizabeth Chisolm, CEO of HR BBBS (aka my "sista from anotha motha" LOL) and I giving a Big Sister and her Little medals with the help of Hampton's Vice Mayor, George Wallace (way left) and Les Kayanan (way right).  All the participants received medals, and the top three teams received trophies. 

So I think I'm Invincible...so what?!

So, guess who's sick?  That's right...me! *sigh* 

I don't have time to be sick right now.  Josiah said that is why and when I always get sick...and he's absolutely right.  Dang it....

I always have a tendency to WAY overdo it it, and then my body stops me like I hit a roadblock doing 90 mph.  So? I guess I think I'm invincible and don't need rest...ever.  So what?! :P

I think this one has been worth it though.  The focus of a great deal of my energy this time has been on putting together an event for Big Brothers Big Sisters.  It is this Saturday and it's called "The Amazing Little Race."  The concept is based upon "The Amazing Race" on CBS.  Twenty five "matches" (match=one Big with their Little) will compete in challenges at four different venues in Hampton Roads: Great Wolf Lodge, Newport News-Williamsburg International Airport, Virginia Air and Space Center, and The Norfolk Zoo.  After these challenges, there will be a big "Finale Rally" at the Hampton Teen Center where the matches will all get medals for participating and the top three teams will receive trophies.  It's also a way for BBBS to interact with the community and bring awareness about the organization.

 This is a BIG deal.  This event has the potential to make these kids aware of things and concepts they never even knew existed.  It will teach them SO many things: creativity, good sportsmanship, critical thinking, compromise, geography, science, astronomy...the list is endless!

Plus, it might open the doors for BBBS to move to the Southside (where the organization doesn't currently operate).  How awesome would that be?!  These mentoring programs are SO important and would benefit the Southside kids AND adults greatly.  I can assure you, to hear the Bigs talk about their Littles, this is is definitely a mutually beneficial program.  I was going to sign up to mentor, too, but then common sense got the better of me.  Single mom with three kids who's going back to school and is already volunteering...I can't take on mentoring, too.  That's just not smart and I wouldn't be able to even dedicate the time necessary.

So the event is finally here...and I'm excited.  I'm sick and exhausted, but REALLY excited.  I'm all about community responsibility, and I really feel like that's what this event and this organization are representative of...community responsibility at its finest.


Do you volunteer?  Do you overwhelm yourself like me?  I'd be interested to hear other takes on this!

Just Write: If it's not about me, then why does it still hurt this badly?

I feel rusty.  It's been a while since I've written, and I feel like I'm trying to ride a bike again.  I may not fall on my face, but it won't be a pretty ride either.  Jamie sent me the link for a blog called The Extraordinary Ordinary, and on Tuesday there's a "Just Write" linkup...so that's what I'm doing.

Lately, my entire waking life has consisted of kids, work, Big Brothers Big Sisters, schoolwork, repeat.  Yeah, there have been some showers and eating in there, too, but you get the idea.  But everything in my life came to a screeching halt yesterday when I heard these words:

"Mom, not right this second, but soon...I want to go live with Dad."

WHAT?!  ARE YOU CRAZY?!  

I didn't say that, but I totally thought them.  I tried to discuss it calmly and rationally, but it just hurt so much.  There are certain things stab you to the core of your soul...this is one of them.  I ended up sending her to her room.  We both took a few minutes and by dinner we were somewhat relaxed, but things have an ugly way of reappearing at the dinner table.

We didn't really yell, and no horrible words were said, but we both argued our points and, no matter what, neither of us was seeing things from the other's perspective.  I cried, so Emily cried.  Destiny was indignant.  And Ryan just wanted to get away with not eating his greens.

The bottom line is this: it doesn't really matter what she wants.  She can't live with her dad.  He loves her and her siblings dearly, but he isn't in any position to take care of them...financially, emotionally, or spiritually.  He knows this, and it isn't news to anyone else either...except Destiny.

I try so hard to be someone she can admire and look up to.  I try so hard to give her love, affection, and acceptance balanced with discipline, pragmatism, and guidance.  It's a tightrope walk folks...and I swear I fall every day...but I'm trying.

It probably isn't even about me.  It probably has a lot to do with the fact that she is a hormonal teenager who doesn't get to see her dad often (or her boyfriend that lives next to her dad).  It probably has something to do with her growing up, but still wanting to cling to being Daddy's Little Girl and all the conflicting feelings that goes along with that.

It probably isn't even about me...but it still kills me.  This is my little girl.  This is my first.  This is my Cindy Lou Who with the big blue eyes...the baby that was so good people would come up to me in public places to ask about her.  This is the child who I let sleep on top of me every night when she was a year old because she was sick, and I was scared she might need me and I wouldn't be there.  I've held her when she was sick, taken her everywhere, given her all that I have, helped raise money for her to go to Arizona...given everything I have and more, in every way.

At the end of the day Josiah came in and helped calm the storm.  He talked to her very sensibly (in a way that I couldn't because of my obvious emotional roadblocks) and by the end they were both laughing and the subject seemed to be dropped.  I'm sure it will raise its ugly head again...but for now, that monster is sleeping.

I hope someday she looks back with an adult perspective and can see and appreciate the efforts.  Until then, I'm just praying to God for guidance.  Outside prayers are always welcome....

My Own Worst Critic

This is going to be a quick post tonight because I am SOOOOO tired.  Was the emphasis clear there?  In all reality, I should probably just go to bed now, but I won't for two reasons:

1. I really feel the need not to let this go too long without posting.  I don't want this to be another thing I start, but don't see through to completion.  This is about seeing the ways God is working in my life, and writing about it makes me take the time to think about it.  Very important.
2. All I would do is go lay in bed thinking about what I want to write and that I MUST remember it in the morning...but I won't.  So, I shall write now.

Thought of the day: Why on God's beautiful green earth do I find it necessary to constantly compare myself to others?  Totally not healthy.

Mind you, a little healthy competition can be good.  However, in this instance I seem to consistently compare myself to others negatively, and it has a way of stunting my growth. 

Take my writing for example.  I tell myself I'm nowhere near as good as other people, and therefore, wonder at times why I even bother.  I read other blogs and envy their wit, charm, or structure.  I read novels and envy their use of description or dialogue to paint a story.  It makes me want to be better and not want to do it at all...all in the same breath.

Another prime example: my singing.  I'm even more critical of myself in this arena, I think.  I love to sing.  I will admit to being decent.  However, when I hear people who are REALLY great...the ones who hit every note without fail and sing the complicated runs effortlessly, I get immensely intimidated.  Once again, I want to perfect the craft and only sing in solitude ever again...all in the same breath.

I have the proverbial angel and devil sitting on each shoulder whispering in my ears.  The angel is telling me to continue to try and do and improve because the only way we improve is through practice.  The devil is telling me I'm a moron and to stop because I'll never be THAT good.  He sucks.

Bottom line?  While I may never sing or write professionally, I do have something to offer.  If even one person is inspired by something I write or a song I've dared to sing, then it won't have been in vain.  Furthermore, if I stop doing either, then I will have let fear steal a gift I feel God has given me for a purpose, much like the Israelites let Fear lie to them and keep them from the Promised Land (see the Book of Numbers...and thank you Dr. David Jeremiah for bringing the illustration to light).

That having been said, I'm going to work up the bravery to talk to the Music Minsiter at Menchville and see about singing one Sunday.  Know what else?  I'm not even going to do one of my easy, fallback songs that doesn't challenge me.  I'm going to sing this:

"Beautiful, Beautiful" - Francesca Batistelli (I would have embedded the video, but you can't).

It is a gorgeous song...and has such meaning for my life right now.  So there...I said it.  Now you all have to hold me to it!!

On this day last year....

At this moment on the 21st of August, 2010, I was on a charter boat in Virginia Beach with my company.  Last year was the company's 25th anniversary, and to celebrate, we went on a 4 hour fishing trip.  I got totally burnt, touched some really cool (but gross) stuff, and had an awesome time!  (There's definitely a reason the croaker got it' name...and did you know the gills can tear you up?!)

That night, I reluctantly went out with some friends to Red Rock Lounge.  I was working 2 jobs at the time, and being in a loud, crowded bar on my night off just didn't sound fun.  However, my friends wanted to go out and I wanted to spend time with them...so to the bar I went.  It wasn't really that crowded, but all the seats were taken...and I was wearing heels. 

I spotted a guy sitting by himself in a booth, and after consultation with Valeri, decided to see if he would take pity on me and my feet and let me sit at his booth.  He did...

I met my Josiah one year ago today.  Had I known how important that man was going to be in my life and the lives of my children, I would have soaked up every word we said and everything he did.  I remember tidbits, but I wish I could remember it all.

What I remember is the feeling I had that this guy was different from the rest...and if I left without exchanging contact information, I would deeply regret it.  The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.

It has been a fantastic year Josiah, and I look forward to many more.  I love you more than I can say.

Adventures in Tubby Running...and Other Exploits

Today was a great day.  I started it by sleeping in unitl 8, and then I got up and dragged my behind to the White Oak Trail at Newport News Park.  I totally love that trail.  It was beautiful outside this morning.  The crickets were chirping, the sun was shining on the water, and as I walked on the bridge to warm up I felt each muscle in my body slowly waking up. 

The sun was behind a cloud here, but it was still gorgeous.

The plan was to do the 2.6 mile loop and then go a half mile further so I could get an accurate current 5k time.  Things did NOT go according to plan...

The c25k program (couch to 5 k) that Krystyn and I are following suggests alternating 60 second runs and 90 second walks for the first week.  We're starting that on Tuesday, but I thought I'd get a little head start and see what I could do.  I wanted to really push myself.  My first mile I did in just under 12.5 minutes.  That is freaking AMAZING for me...seriously.  I was huffing and puffing really hard, but whatever...I felt good.

The second mile started well, but gradually I felt myself slipping.  My 90 second walks started to become a little bit longer, but I kept running for at least 60 seconds.  By the end of the second mile I was calling myself VERY unkind names and I thought I was going to have to pull over and puke.  Inner dialogue:

Body: What do you think you're doing?  Fat girls don't just get up and run honey.

Brain:  Shut up and stop being a sissy.  You can do this.  You're GONNA do this whether you like it or not!

 Body:  This is stupid!  WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!  I see the van.  We're stopping at the van right?  We can guestimate right?  This looks right about...2.4 miles to me.  That'll work right?

Brain:  No!!  We're going to AT LEAST do the 2.6 miles.  Now start doing that sad little forward motion bouncing we call jogging and stop being a wussy.  We can do this!

It really wasn't pretty.  I didn't go the whole 5k, but I finished the 2.6.  I did it in 37:23, which is14.4 seconds per mile...my best time so far.  I was totally ugly and red when I finished, and I think the people on the boat fishing were snickering a little at my blood red face and panting, but I am SO proud.  It also made me think, with a little bit of training, I can definitely do this!

Later I got to go out with my wonderful friend Raieco.  We were going to go yard saling, but we got a little sidetracked.  We stopped for Starbucks, and since Josiah's always bringing me stuff to the office, I decided I wanted to surprise him with something.  As it turns out, you can't forget to take a Venti Mocha Coconut Frappuccino off the dashboard before your friend pulls away from the window without coating her door and part of your butt in whipped cream and a little iced coffee. Huh...who knew?  Luckily, it was easy to clean up and we only lost a little of the whip...I just totally saved him a lot of calories. 

When we dropped the drink off, I was just going to get Josiah to come outside because popping in on his parents first thing in the morning really isn't nice.  Then I realized there was actually a crack in his cup and it needed to be transferred to a new cup...ASAP.  So Alissa drags her friend to the kitchen door trying to catch drips with her hand while apologizing to Josiah's mom profusely.  She totally didn't care.  How awesome is that?!  She just chatted with us and talked about antiques and we showed Raieco some of her auction finds.  It was just lovely.  Raieco needed to get back to give her grandmother medicine, but it was great to spend some time with her.

Next I picked up my girls and we sorted all the newly bought school supplies and stuffed backpacks.  Destiny said it was like Christmas!

I love that she loves school supplies like I do!

Em was a happy camper, too.

 

We cleaned up a little more, took a really short nap, and then I took the Destiny and her friend to play laser tag at Menchville Baptist.  Ryan is spending the night with his Pop-pop tonight, so I got to spend some quality time with Emily.  She and I went to the mall...and got her ears pierced!!

Look at my brave girl!

She was really brave and was all smiles when it was done.  So we got a special treat...mini Nutter Butter Blizzards!

The earrings are hard to see, but they're little pink sparkly flowers.

Josiah met us in the parking lot so he could give me a quick hug before we went separate directions.  (We'll just skip the part where we had to walk back in because I left my keys in the food court.)  I picked the girls up from church and headed home.

I am so thankful for days like today.  Now I get to stop blogging and go start my schoolwork!!

 

SUCH a great day!

I'm gonna try to make this post reeeaaally quick, but this is just TOO cool not to share.

We last weekend I was pretty distraught over my car situation.  Then, I blogged about how I need to learn to ask for help.

Monday night I did just that.  I got down on my knees and told God I trusted him to provide for my needs, and I was asking him to do just that.  "Please God, help me take care of getting my car inspected and getting the kids what they need to go back to school."  It was like that, only longer and more heartfelt.

In the last 24 hours:

1.  I received some money that I was expecting, but didn't think it would come in until towards the end of  the month.
2. When I found out I got the money I googled my car year, make, and model with "clock spring," since that's what needs to be replaced...and I found a RECALL.
3. When I got to the dealership to get everything taken care of, I found out my car wouldn't fail because of the ABS light being on (which was the other thing I thought I needed to fix to get my inspection).

So, my car is now inspected, it only cost me the $16 for the inspection, AND I had money to go get the kids their school supplies.  My God is a wonderful, caring, loving God and I feel so incredibly blessed!!