The Tie that Binds

Earlier this week, I wrote An Open Letter regarding the recent events in Charlottesville, racial tension, and what I feel we do from here.

One of my suggestions (which came from people far wiser than me) was for us to seek out "the other:" find someone who looks and thinks differently than ourselves and listen very openly to their feelings and try to come to a place of understanding.

However, in giving counsel to the world, you place yourself in a very precarious position. You either learn to take your own advice or risk becoming the worst kind of hypocrite. I know I don't want to ever be considered hypocritical, so I decided to be brave and reach out.

But in all honesty, I totally cheated.

I reached out to Raniesa, my new friend from church. She certainly looks differently than I do, her skin a lovely, rich, dark shade of brown, but our personalities are so similar that it hardly felt unsafe to approach her.

As a matter of fact, I quite literally told her I wanted to talk to her because I trusted her enough to be honest with me if I said something dumb, knowing she would love me regardless. As I said, that seems to be cheating, but maybe we'll just call it baby steps.

We plopped down on her bed last night right around 7:30, and before we knew it, more than 3 hours had passed. Those 3 hours impacted me more than I ever could have imagined; I think they impacted us both.

I already knew our minds worked similarly and have joked that we're really the same person
in different bodies. What we didn't see, though, was that it was the combination of some remarkably similar and some vastly different life experiences that led us to that point.

And as much as I think we both thought we knew, we were shocked by certain revelations.

For example, we both attended Denbigh High School (and barely missed attending with one another), but where my experience was one of relative racial integration and harmony, hers was a much more segregated experience. With few exceptions, her friends were black, and she rarely saw people "cross the lines" into other groups.

We also have some similar family structures and issues, but many of the conversations in our families were vastly different, and led us, early on, to have contrasting assumptions about people of other races.

One thing, though, was very much the same: coming to Freedom Life Church changed us. Both of us encountered grace and truth in a way we hadn't up until that point, but also, because of its very eclectic congregation, it challenged and changed many of our racial assumptions.

Last night I confessed that, before coming to FLC, I felt like most black women tolerated me but really didn't like me. I really had no problem with them, I've just always felt like I annoy them. There were obviously exceptions to this, but generally, that was my perception.

FLC introduced me to amazing, beautiful, spiritually deep women who love me, listen to me, and value me...and a good portion of those women are black. Perception changed.

For Raniesa, growing up in church meant growing up in a "black church." For the most part, races worshiping together was unheard of for her, and she remembers vividly being hugged by Carrie when she first visited, a very southern white woman. She said she froze in that moment, wondering if Carrie was confused and if she knew that she was black; until that moment she had never been hugged by a white woman.

I don't know how it's possible to laugh and have your heart break at the same time, but hearing that caused both reactions in me - so close and yet so far. But now? Perception Changed.

We talked about so many things last night: her deep fear for her son as a black man, my fear for my sons' futures as white men (believe it or not, that's a thing); the term "white privilege" and our perceptions of it; church; experiences with racism. It was deep and personal and beautiful and so much fun.

On the way home, the words our youth pastor, James Wilson, Jr., posted on facebook earlier this week struck me in an entirely new way:

When you love someone you realize their story is a part of yours and what they experience effects you. Because you love them you are willing to be vulnerable with and for them, you are willing to use your platform to stand up for them, your are willing to lose your reputation for them, you are willing to give your life and its comfort for them.

Before last night, I liked Raniesa a lot as a person and loved her as a sister in Christ. When I left, knowing her much more intimately, I loved her. Why does that make a difference? Because I fight for people I love. 

She has claimed a piece of my heart, and once someone truly has real estate in your heart, there is an undeniable shift: I would fight to the death for the people I love, any hour of any day. Love is the tie that binds.

This realization energized me to my core. I started trying to think of all the people I wanted to know on a deeper level. It brought to mind so many individuals I've always thought I've known, but have probably only scratched the surface. It made me want to get in contact with and truly know people who not only don't look like me, but who don't think at all like me.

I'm not in any way under the assumption that all encounters will end like last night - I'm not that "sunshine and rainbows." However, I sincerely believe that even if I come away from an encounter still in disagreement, if I listen to understand their experience, I will still come away with an empathy and respect that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and that is always a worthy endeavor.

I hope reading this has touched you. I hope it's opened your eyes at least a little. But more than anything, I desperately hope and pray it moves you to action because the only way we know we belong to the truth is if our love is not just in speech and words, but if it moves us to action (1 John 3:18-19).

Here is your call to action: contact someone today. Don't put it off until tomorrow. Tell them you want to know more about their experience and who they are. Ask to be part of their world. 

After all...

The world is changed by your example,

not your opinion.

Paulo Coelho

Land of the Free and the Home of the...Gays?

So, today is a landmark day in history...a day I think we'll all remember.

Today, the United States Supreme Court, the ultimate law of the land, deemed that it is unconstitutional for any state to prohibit gay marriage.

And the country celebrated...

And the country mourned.

I've been praying all day about it, about whether or not I should wade into the waters of public opinion and share my two cent's worth...if it's even worth that. Why should I do that? Do I have anything different to add?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Nevertheless, as I've prayed about it today, I've felt an overwhelming urge to try to whisper a voice of love and hope over the cacophony.

Last Sunday I sang I song in church by Sarah Groves called When the Saints. At the very beginning she says:

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know,
it's more than I can handle.
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I can't let it go. 

And now, that's where I am.

I don't talk about politics on this blog very often...or, well, ever. But this...this, I think, is important enough. So now, I'm going to say something that's going to make a lot of people angry.

Christians, we have to get to a point where we are more concerned about walking in our beliefs than we are about legislating them.

Yup...you heard me. I said it. Walk the walk, people, and then maybe, just maybe, someone will actually want to hear what you have to say about the love of Jesus.

But hey, all you Christians applauding me because I just put those other Christians in their place - yeah you, the ones waving around the rainbow flags today - I have a message for you, too.

We have this book that we believe was written by God through men, it's called the BIBLE, and ya know what it says? It says homosexuality is a sin. BAM. I said it.

It's a sin. If YOU want people to take your faith in God seriously, and therefore, take your witness to the world seriously, then you'd better wake up and smell the Fruit Loops because you're turning your back on what you believe. You are a hypocrite.

So...now that I've made everyone mad. What about this ruling, eh?

Well. *sigh* It makes me sad, I guess. Sad because of where society is and the direction in which it's headed. At the same time...life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, right?

Right?

As much as we, as Christians, like to stand on the Bible and declare this country was built on a faith in God, in reality, it was built on those three inalienable rights expressed in The Declaration of Independence.

Liberty is basically the right to be as free as possible, as long as you're not encroaching upon the rights of others.

Now, I know...they want to use the term marriage, which is indeed a biblical term for the joining of one man and one woman for life.

But guess what, we Christians are already doing a pretty good job at botching marriage: divorce, adultery, pornography, disrespect, lack of leadership. We're jacking it all up.

Here's where I'm going, my main point, if you will:

I can love you and still think what you're doing is wrong, but you have a right to do it.

I love people who lie.

I love people who cheat.

I love people who have murdered.

I love people who are gay.

I don't think any of those things are right, but I still LOVE people who do them. Do you know why?

"God proves His own love for us

 in that while we were still sinners, 

Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

Because God has loved me in spite of my sins and continues to love me in spite of them.

Furthermore, God is all about free will, right? He gave Adam and Eve a choice, and He gives each of us a choice, to accept Him or reject Him.

So, I respect your right to choose. I may not agree with your choice, but that's okay. All I ask is that you protect MY right to choose, as well. Please continue to protect MY right to speak...MY right to disagree with you.

In closing, on US money stands the phrase In God We Trust.

Well, do you? Do you trust in God, in His Word, in His divinity? If so, no matter what the world does, no matter what craziness ensues, you are covered. No need to fear. No need to go crazy.

In God We Trust.

"You gotta earn my R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

Let me ask you a very serious question: do you always deserve your children's respect?

Got a picture in your head? If you're like me, you're thinking of all the ways you've blown it in the past: the times you've blown up, the times you've acted in a disrespectful manner...the many, many "mommy fails" on the bumpy road of parenthood.

Blech.

Now, let me ask you this: do you always demand respect from your children?

For most of us, this is a resounding YES! Most of us understand that, despite the fact that we don't act in a manner that deserves respect 24-7 (we are human, after all), we certainly have to demand respect from our children simply because we have a position of authority over them.

We have to teach our children that, even though we, as parents, are not perfect, they still have to respect our authority.

After all, if we don't teach them that now, then how will they ever hold down jobs or become respectable citizens?!

Furthermore, let's face it: households run in chaos, with the kids only respecting parents when and if  they deserve it, are a recipe for disaster. God's word says:

Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord, because this is right.Honor your father and mother,which is the first commandment with a promise,so that it may go well with youand you may have a long life in the land.Ephesians 6:1-3 (emphasis added)

The Bible goes on to command parents not to stir up anger in children, but to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). However, God was wise enough not to make their obedience to us and their respect toward us conditional upon our own behavior. THANK YOU, LORD!

So, let me ask you another question: are you a wife that is denying your husband the respect the Bible says he deserves by virtue of HIS position of authority because you don't feel he deserves it?

BAM...that hits hard, right? I'm going to let that sink in for a second.

I had two posts a couple weeks ago (here and here) that discussed a wife's duty, according to scripture, to submit to her own husband (Ephesians 5:22-24). Afterward, I had a few wives comment to me that they really struggled with biblical submission toward their husbands for various reasons, but it basically amounted to the fact that they didn't feel like their husbands deserved their submission...their respect.

Here's the deal, ladies. Submission isn't blindly and silently following the leader. You are your husband's partner!! You advise and make decisions together, consult and discuss...but all with a manner that belies your respect for his God-given authority to make the final decision.

If you're still having difficulty with this, let me re-frame it for you. Ephesians 5:25-31 speaks to husbands, and tells them to love their wives as Christ loved the church: sacrificially. The word for love in that passage is agape, and as we've all been taught, that represents a divine love: a love that comes through grace, not because we deserve it, but in spite of the fact that we don't.

As wives, our hearts scream this to our husbands even when our mouths don't: you're called to LOVE me! The Bible tells me so!!

But ladies...do you feel like you have to earn his love? Do you always act in a manner that is deserving of that holy, sacrificial love? The same love Christ gave when he died on the cross for you?

We could never earn that?!?! We don't have to earn love from our husbands! 

We don't have to earn our children's respect! We should get both just by nature of our position in the family, right?!

Why, then, are you making your husband earn YOUR respect, despite HIS God-given position in your family?

Ladies, don't get me wrong: this is hard. If it wasn't hard, we wouldn't need Jesus to accomplish it. We wouldn't need to die to ourselves each and every day and take up our cross and follow him if it was easy. 

Furthermore, let me be clear, I'm no better at this than you. I am not on a mountaintop looking down at your struggle, but alongside you, climbing the mountain, saying I know it's hard, sisters, but we have to forge ahead, trusting in God to get us to the top!!

If you're wrestling with this (the same as all the rest of us), I'd strongly recommend reading Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. That's what I've been reading, and it's challenging, but in such a good way. I can't say that I haven't been wanting to write this blog post for a long time, since long before I picked up his book, but reading his words did give me some inspiration and got the cogs of my brain turning in the right direction.

Pray about this, sisters. If you feel conviction in this area, please don't harden your hearts to the calling of the Spirit within you or let this be just one more thing that makes you feel guilt and shame because you just don't think you can change. 

Circumcise your hearts, call out to God in your pain and confusion, and ask him for wisdom and strength, but do so with faith that He will answer because He is a God who gives to the faithful generously and without criticism (James 1:5-8).

I love you all, my sisters in Christ, and I'm praying God will help us on our quest to mature and grown in Him!!

**Disclaimer: I know someone is going to say, "but what if authority is telling you to do something wrong?!" I'm just going to ask for a general application of common sense and submission to God's word here. Obviously, God is our ultimate authority and we are responsible to him first. No one can overrule His authority. This post assumes the demands placed by authority are in alignment with God's word.**

I Am So Much Better Than You...In My Head

Have you ever, with all humility and reverence, prayed to our all-knowing God that he would expose the sin you know you have hidden underneath, but you're just not seeing? And then, in His deep and profound wisdom, He slowly reveals to you the grime in your heart that was there all along.  And you, now seeing the depth of your depravity say...

"Awww crap! Seriously? But I like that! It's mine, and I don't want to give it up! Boooo!"

What can I say? I'm a spiritual paragon of virtue. *ahem*

In all actuality, I didn't really say that to God, but I think I felt it, and that's bad enough.

I did ask God recently to show me the sin that I was blind to, and He definitely came through. He showed me two blogs by Darlene Schacht of Time Warp Wife that were aimed right at me. The subject matter of both of these?

Humility. (The blogs can be found here and here)

Before my spiritual construction project was fully underway, my mouth was pretty out of control, in a lot of areas. I worked in an environment where curse words flew, and I was no better than anyone else. I might not have said something about you to your face, but if I was frustrated with you, someone was probably going to know about it.

This stuff is pretty hard to admit. I mean, this isn't exactly a pretty picture I'm painting here. It's true, though.

Since beginning this blog and trying to seek God's face and His will in my life, I've spent a lot of time praying about those things. I've made GIGANTIC strides in keeping my mouth shut and not saying unkind things...not that they don't sneak out every now and then, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Anyway, I read those blogs and took them to heart, but the message didn't really "hit home" until Josiah and I went to Busch Gardens last weekend with his brother and my sister-in-law. Some guy was behind me on his phone...kind of loud and obnoxious, in my not-so-humble opinion...and I almost turned to Josiah to say something kind of funny/sarcastic about it, but then I stopped myself....

"That wouldn't be very nice to say," I thought...but I kept right on thinking about it. I kept right on thinking about how that guy was either brain damaged or drunk, until I realized what I was doing.

I might have brought my tongue under submission, but my brain was running rampant through Sin Land and I was loving every second of it.

No wonder the Apostle Paul said we are to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).

But why? I mean, they're just thoughts right? I mean, for crying out loud, can't a girl even have her thoughts?! (Obviously, this is where the mental kicking, screaming, and stomping came into play.)

No, a girl cannot have her thoughts because: 

"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart,

and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil things stored up in his heart.

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."

(Luke 6:45, NIV)

If I'm serious about getting my mouth completely under control, then I have to bring my mind under submission.

Each and every person on this planet was made from God's image. He formed each one in his mother's womb. They are His beloved just as much as I. Whether they love Him or not, whether they acknowledge His mere existence, He loves them beyond words...enough to send a piece of Him, His Son, to die a brutal death so they might live...

enough to send His Son to die a brutal death so that I might live.

My sin, my hatred and sneering and evil thoughts, put Him on that cross just as much as anyone else's. I need to remember that.

So, the next time you think mean thoughts about someone...the next time you put someone down or judge them, even if just in your head, remember they were made in the image of God, too, and He loves them, the Bible says we should, too.

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, 

but do not have love, 

I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy 

and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, 

and if I have a faith that can move mountains, 

but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor 

and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, 

but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast, 

it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, 

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. 

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; 

where there are tongues, they will be stilled; 

where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 

but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 

When I was a child, I talked like a child, 

I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. 

When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;

then we shall see face to face. 

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, 

even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. 

But the greatest of these is love."

(1 Corinthians 13:1-13, NIV, emphasis added)

Linking up today with Time Warp Wife

Fighting Ghosts

I came face-to-face with the nastiest girl today. I've seen her before, but I didn't really pay her any attention, but I did today, and seriously, this girl was a pill. I'm talking all-out, temper-tantrum, sulking, "look-at-me," spoiled brat princess ever. She's a contentious beast who picks fights just to get attention and pushes away just to get chased.

Of course, it was me I'm talking about.  

Doesn't sound like the Alissa you know?  Really?

That's because I don't let her out of the box often. I normally keep her pretty-well reigned in..or at least, I thought I did.

The problem is, I've always let her sit pretty close to the surface - not so close that she'd be seen, but close enough where I could pull her out if I need her - and instead of just getting rid of her, I've tried to subconsciously control her.  

Here's when I realized this:

This morning I started thinking about how I don't feel close to Josiah right now, how I never see him, and yeah, he's working hard, but what good is that if I never get to see him?

But then God, in His infinite wisdom, reminded me that we fell asleep last night holding hands, and he gently kissed me goodbye this morning when he went to work...like he always does.

I've had these thoughts creep up before, but I talk myself out of them. I remind myself how hard he's working for us and how much he loves us and shows us that love every day. But today was different.  Once again, God put a small voice in my head that whispered, "But what if?"

What if Josiah wasn't working his butt off? What if I was working, too? What if we had plenty of money? Would I still feel like this?

Yes.

You see, the issue isn't really with Josiah; the issue is that Josiah and I don't have an issue.

Lost yet? I'm working on it.

Apparently, I have a hard time living without conflict. I've experienced conflict so much of my life that I have a very difficult time living without it. I want there to be something wrong so I have something to complain about; then I'll have something to fix, and I'll get attention. I want to toss grenades into my relationship just to feel the rubble rain down on me, to feel something heavy and intense.  I'm fighting ghosts.

I'm struggling every day not to sabotage my marriage...and I didn't even realize it until today. I've been keeping it at bay somehow, but not really addressing the problem. I've just been putting a band-aid on a gangrenous wound.

Part of me wants to delete this. I want to hide it away knowing that I've had my own little self-realization, and I can fix it, and no one needs to know...not even Josiah.

But, I can't. I know I can't be the only one. And if there is even one person out there who reads this and says, "I do that!" and she's able to repent and dig that infectious nastiness out of her heart (or his...this isn't a gender-specific issue), then admitting my filth to you all will have been worth it.

I feel so...awesome actually.  It feels so good to be aware of this, and therefore, able to get rid of it.  

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--

his good, pleasing and perfect will.

~Romans 12:2~

That's what I feel has happened.  God has renewed my mind, and allowed me to discern His will; He wants me to have a strong marriage, free from unnecessary conflict and tension.

He wants me to be a loving wife, a blessing to my husband, not contentious and disgruntled, even if just in my mind or in my heart.  Because:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:9

And even if I'm not outwardly contentious most of the time, if I let those things store up in my heart at all, they will always be waiting to spill out.

A good man brings good things 

out of the good stored up in his heart, 

and an evil man brings evil things 

out of the evil stored up in his heart.

 For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

~Luke 6:45~

And I do love my husband.  I absolutely adore him.  I want him to feel that with every bit of my heart, with not even the slightest bit of it reserved for the fight I keep stored away for a rainy day.

Just absolute love and adoration...always.

Little Things

I got this picture a little while ago at the office.  It's simple.  It's silly.

And it makes my heart sing.

Normally, I wait to write a post until I have something I really want to say...a story or observation...long and in depth.

But not today.

Today, I am relishing the sweet and simple.

A hand written message on the front walkway of our home sent to me via text...for no other reason than to make me smile.

*sigh*

The feeling of pure contentment in a moment....

Writing Me: I Remember

Guess who's featured today on Bigger Picture Blogs?!  Oh yeah...it's me! :)

I participated in a writing series they have called "Writing Me," and this particular project is called "I Remember."  It's pretty simply, really; each paragraph or sentence had to begin with the words "I remember," and the rest was all mine.

Since today was my feature date and also happens to be the second anniversary of Josiah and I meeting, I thought it only fitting that it be about us.

So, happy second anniversary, Josiah.  It's so hard to believe it's only been two years.  I love you more today than I did yesterday, and although it's hard to believe, I'm sure I'll love you even more tomorrow.  It may be trite and cliched, but who cares?  You are truly my soul mate, and a gift from God.  I love you.


With no further ado, I'll ask you to head on over to Bigger Picture Blogs to read "I Remember."

A Message for Josiah

You looked like this yesterday:

I could see the exhaustion in your eyes, and it made me hurt for you.  You work so hard for us and try diligently every day to be the best husband and step-dad possible.  You love my children.  You love me.  

I hurt for you.  And yet...

I still made you go out in the rain last night.  I watching you drag in after a long day and head to the shower.  I watched the trees swaying ominously in the backyard.  I prayed.  I had a plan after all.

I needed us desperately to do what we do: go to Fresh Market to look at all the amazing cool, expensive stuff we won't indulge in, only to get to the sweets section where we will.

You went...because I asked you to.  I could tell you didn't want to go, and my heart pounded the entire way there, but you went.

I casually tried to walk into the store, when all I really wanted to do was sprint to the bakery (well, sprint-hobble with my bad ankle).  I didn't though.  I looked at not-ripe-enough-yet avocados, ripe-but-too-pricey mangoes, and Chicken a la Venezia.  Meandering.  Yelling inside.

When we finally arrived at the bakery, I'd had enough of the show.  Like a spy in a cheesy B-movie I ever so not casually asked the worker if he had any "special" cupcakes back in the back...like I was asking for "special brownies" only this was way different.

You expressed confusion by the fact that I wasn't even looking at the cupcakes, and even more when the knowing bakery boy reached into the case and pulled out Mr. Special Cupcake.

I was disappointed...it was hard to read.  I wanted the message to be so clear.  I had waited since 10:30 a.m., and I needed desperately for the secret to be in the open.

"What the heck?!" you were thinking.  "Why are you trying to read bakery kid's 'special cupcake'?!"

So, I showed you this:

 

I read it to you in case it wasn't clear.  "It says, 'Dad 2 Be.'"

I looked in your eyes and watched my special message sink in.  I was so nervous...so happy...but so nervous.  

"You took a test today then?"

"No...I took two."

Clarity, hugs, kisses, and another cupcake for me.

We grabbed drinks, bought our goodies, and sat down to consume them and I had you pose like this:

The rest of the evening was a "tell it to family" party, and it was fun.  Everyone is so elated...well, almost everyone, but she'll come around, too.

I can tell you're scared...excited, but scared.  We left it up to God to tell us when we should have a baby, but neither of us dreamed He'd say, "right away!!"  There are a million things to consider, and a thousand more decisions to be made.

But it will all be okay.  Because we have Him...and He gave us this:

And that will get us through this amazing adventure...and all the rest of them, too.

I love you, Josiah...with all my heart and soul.  You're already the best step-daddy, and you're going to be a great daddy, too.

Love always,

Your adoring wife

Life's a Beach

Yesterday afternoon, after a long day at the office, Josiah and I decided we should go to the gym and then cool off in the water at Huntington beach for a bit.  It's not very often he and I can just hang out together, and since the kids were with their dad for a couple nights we wanted to take full advantage of the alone time together.

Confession:  I'm not much of a "river" beach person...the water, I mean.  I like swimming in the rivers near/in the mountains...cold, clear water rushing by.  I like swimming in the ocean...waves rolling or crashing against your body.

However, the water along the river beaches here can feel...stagnant...like pond water.  That's not my favorite.

We waded in, and instead of cooling relief from the summer sun it felt like warm bath water.  I made an honest attempt at relaxing and enjoying myself.  Josiah and I played together a bit on our knees because that's what we had to do to get the water to our shoulders.  We reminisced about the last time we were there by ourselves and how we had chatted about the what if's of marriage.  He didn't have the house yet, then.  He hadn't proposed.  We hadn't walked down the aisle and said our sacred vows.  Wow.  A lot can change in a year.

So after a hours and hours of this...okay...more like 15 minutes, I was squirmy.

Me:  Um...have you had enough? Because if you have, we can go anytime.  Really.  Anytime.

Josiah:  Close your eyes and relax.

Me:  Please remember that I'm the girl who always takes showers instead of baths because I can't sit still for...

Josiah: (interrupting) Close your eyes and relax.


He took me in his arms and made me close my eyes and just sit there while he gently rubbed my arms and legs.  Our foreheads rested together and the sun lit the shadows between our faces.

It was magical...and I'll never forget it.

After a minute or two, little fish invaded our space and relaxation quickly turned to distraction.  We waded back to the hot sand and continued on through our night.

But I'll always have that moment, not even just for itself, but because it's representative of who he is and has been in my life.

He (after God, of course) is my rock, my quiet, calming place...my gentle giant.

*sigh* I'm so in love with that man.

Every Thursday Bigger Picture Blogs invites members to link up and share a moment during their week that captures a "glimpse of the Bigger Picture through a simple moment."  While this was actually written on Tuesday, I felt like I had shared my moment for the week, and therefore, this is the post I chose to link to.  I would encourage you all to head over and see the Bigger Picture!!

Extreme Red

Red: the color of rage...and the color of love.

Josiah and I went to see a movie last night (Snow White and the Huntsman, which we really enjoyed btw).  One of the previews was for Katy Perry's movie(?) Part of Me.  It was pretty bold.  It stated in big letters that Katy Perry grew up Christian, showed a video of a young Katy holding up a "Jesus" sign, and then said something like "what if you had a song inside of you and you weren't allowed to sing it?"  This is paraphrased from the trailer, but it's pretty close. 

I was incensed.  I was angry.  How dare they?  That is a blatant attack on Christianity!  I can't believe they actually put that on there!!

I was indignant.  I was thinking (in the shower, of course) about the post I would write and how I would tear into this and the moral and social example she's setting.  I thought about how I would maybe even write a letter to her on the blog, knowing she would never see it, but sending out my message all the same.

But what if she did see it?  I'm sure she'll see tons of them because the way that was done was really rather offensive.  What will she think about that?

She'll probably think the same thing she obviously feels now...that Christianity is about rules and judgment.

Apparently, this girl has had some experiences with church and Christians that have soured her, so much so that she would make sure that was part of the trailer for her movie...part of her.

It saddened me.

I thought of how angry I'd been just a moment ago and how, often, as Christians, we let our feelings about what's right and wrong get in the way of what the Bible says is the most important thing...and it's not wrath.

 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:1-3, 13)

Ouch.  That stings.

Centuries upon centuries of Christians have tried to use anger and power to push their position instead of love, and I just don't think that's what God wants.

Right then, I prayed for Katy.  Something happened in her life that took a young heart on fire for God and turned her against Him.  I prayed for her life and her heart.

 So, today's post is all about Red.  Wrath.  Anger.  Passion.  Love.  Red.

Done in conjunction with Bigger Picture Blogs: Color Me Creative.  Also linked to Time Warp Wife's Titus Tuesday.

 

A new year, a new life....

Every time I write something on here, there's been a larger gap in time since my last entry.  But I'm not going to be too hard on myself considering I just finished my first semester at Liberty with straight A's!!  I don't know how I would have done it without Josiah, though.  He was so helpful.  There were nights he helped with dinner, cleaned the kitchen, read to the kids and watched movies with them, and then helped get them into bed...all so I could get assignments completed on time.

So how lucky am I that I get to spend the rest of my life with him!!  On Thanksgiving Day he asked me to marry him.  We all knew the proposal was coming, which made it pretty funny, but when it finally arrived, it became real to me.  I am so grateful and happy and content.  There have been days when I have literally cried out to God praising and thanking Him for the many blessings in my life.  I have my health, beautiful, healthy children, family that love me, a wonderful man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me (and reminds me of that regularly), and a new family that accepts us just as we are with open arms and open hearts.  *Sigh* So blessed.

That's it for now.  Tons of planning to do for the wedding before the spring semester starts on January 16th.  Wedding is on May 12th!!

On this day last year....

At this moment on the 21st of August, 2010, I was on a charter boat in Virginia Beach with my company.  Last year was the company's 25th anniversary, and to celebrate, we went on a 4 hour fishing trip.  I got totally burnt, touched some really cool (but gross) stuff, and had an awesome time!  (There's definitely a reason the croaker got it' name...and did you know the gills can tear you up?!)

That night, I reluctantly went out with some friends to Red Rock Lounge.  I was working 2 jobs at the time, and being in a loud, crowded bar on my night off just didn't sound fun.  However, my friends wanted to go out and I wanted to spend time with them...so to the bar I went.  It wasn't really that crowded, but all the seats were taken...and I was wearing heels. 

I spotted a guy sitting by himself in a booth, and after consultation with Valeri, decided to see if he would take pity on me and my feet and let me sit at his booth.  He did...

I met my Josiah one year ago today.  Had I known how important that man was going to be in my life and the lives of my children, I would have soaked up every word we said and everything he did.  I remember tidbits, but I wish I could remember it all.

What I remember is the feeling I had that this guy was different from the rest...and if I left without exchanging contact information, I would deeply regret it.  The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.

It has been a fantastic year Josiah, and I look forward to many more.  I love you more than I can say.