Little Things

I got this picture a little while ago at the office.  It's simple.  It's silly.

And it makes my heart sing.

Normally, I wait to write a post until I have something I really want to say...a story or observation...long and in depth.

But not today.

Today, I am relishing the sweet and simple.

A hand written message on the front walkway of our home sent to me via text...for no other reason than to make me smile.

*sigh*

The feeling of pure contentment in a moment....

Crawling Back

Five minutes to write.

Five minutes to write when it's been so long.

I'm glad it's only five minutes because I don't feel my words coming anymore...not like I used to.  Today's "5 minute Friday" is on focus  and as much as I've lurked and never written, I NEED this right now.

I recognized it immediately...the opportunity to jump back in when for a long time I've avoided it.

Since I got pregnant, got morning sickness (and thankfully, may have gotten rid of it), and started back to school, I haven't written anything.  I've felt so...UNfocused.  I think of things all the time that I'd like to write about, but I never have the time, and even when I do...I just feel so...everywhere.

I can't quite get my mind wrapped around the subjects I want to write about or what I want to say.  Creativity has abandoned me, and all I'm left with is mundane and mediocre thoughts.

I told someone earlier this week that this baby is going to have an excellent vocabulary because it's stealing all my words.

Can I have some back please baby?  Just a few so I can express myself and not feel so bottled up and stagnant?  Please?

I needed this...focus.  Thank you Gypsy Momma...and Jamie. :)

Linking up with The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday

Writing Me: I Remember

Guess who's featured today on Bigger Picture Blogs?!  Oh yeah...it's me! :)

I participated in a writing series they have called "Writing Me," and this particular project is called "I Remember."  It's pretty simply, really; each paragraph or sentence had to begin with the words "I remember," and the rest was all mine.

Since today was my feature date and also happens to be the second anniversary of Josiah and I meeting, I thought it only fitting that it be about us.

So, happy second anniversary, Josiah.  It's so hard to believe it's only been two years.  I love you more today than I did yesterday, and although it's hard to believe, I'm sure I'll love you even more tomorrow.  It may be trite and cliched, but who cares?  You are truly my soul mate, and a gift from God.  I love you.


With no further ado, I'll ask you to head on over to Bigger Picture Blogs to read "I Remember."

Grace, Growing Life, & Getting One

This post is probably going to be kind of a jumble…so hang on tight.  I have a lot of stuff going on in the noggin.

First, after doing a series of daily devotions just recently, I’ve been trying much harder to extend grace to those around me.  But then…what happened was…I kind of half extended grace, I think.  Is that even possible?  Someone kept doing something that kind of hurt my feelings, but I knew they were just tired and frustrated and they just happen to be awesome, so I extended grace and smiled and left it alone…until I didn’t.  Until my feelings were ultra hurt and, while I tried to get past the one thing, ten was too much, and I SPILLED.  My hurt just spilled out all over the place…it was messy.  How do I know when to extend grace and when to say something because my feelings are hurt so it doesn’t build up and overflow?  Do I need to just change my feelings?  Is that where I went wrong?  I would really love thoughts on this because I sincerely haven’t a clue.

Next, I’m really excited about having Josiah’s baby.  Yay!  I’m glad the morning sickness I had really only lasted a week because it was horrifyingly awful, but it will be nice when I get fully back to normal a bit, too.  I’m absolutely exhausted all the time, and I’m still having some serious issues with smells and food.  Mais, c’est la vie, n’est pas?  AND, I just happen to be growing a whole human which is infinitely awesome.  So there.

And finally…*sigh*

I just read some beautiful posts by the wonderfully talented Mary of Justin and Mary photography…and they made me loooong again.  Just long…To be. To do. To create.  I am grateful for my job.  It’s helping pay bills and keeping my insurance while I’m pregnant and that’s awesome…but I just…long.  I want to be passionate about what I do, but even beyond that, I want to do so many different things.  I want to create and write.  I see so much beauty around me, and I want to capture it in words and form.  Those are solitary pursuits, though, and that’s part of what I love about them.  But there’s so much more in me, too.  We all know I’m a talker…a people person.  I want to use that, too.  I want to plan and network and communicate.  Did I mention that I also want to spend tons of time with my kids and actually teach them a thing or two before they’re grown and gone?  Oh…and I want to be a great wife, too.

Is it possible?  It is feasible to think that it can all be done?  By just one person?  How can one person want to be and do so much?!  And do I have a right to these feelings?  Is all of it just part of the sinful nature, making me ungrateful for what I DO have by daring to want more?  Or is it possible that God is making me want what HE wants for me? 

I got nothing.  No clue.  There are no answers here today, just questions.

Anyone else have any answers?

Sick and Grateful

I haven't posted anything on the pregnancy since I posted the bit about how I told Josiah, but I thought I might just share an update.

I feel awful...but it's the best kind of awful. :)  Plus, as morning sickness goes, it isn't exactly the worst I've ever seen.  If I let my stomach get empty things get kind of ugly, but beyond that it's really just a matter of nausea on and off and feeling super tired.

Nevertheless, if you have to feel ill, it's at least good to know it's because you're growing a living person inside of you.  Josiah and I talked about it last night while we lay in bed...the miracle of human life.  We talked about the cells producing rapidly..at crazy speeds...and how each one knows just what to do.  Each knows its purpose...hands, eyes, brain, heart.  It's an amazing thing to consider.

I'm so grateful for this little life growing inside me.  I was so scared that something would happen and I wouldn't be able to give him a child of his own.  I was worried about it way more than him, I think.  He said he'd be happy with whatever God saw fit to give us, and if that was just my children, then he would be fine with that.  He loves them like their his own.  I know that; I still wanted to give him more.

And it looks like that will happen.  And I'm so grateful.

Thank you God.  Thank you for my wonderful husband, beautiful children, and this little life growing inside me.

Thank you.

Giving Grace

Grace, grace, God’s grace,

grace that will pardon and cleanse within.

Grace, grace, God’s grace,

grace that is greater than all our sin.

That song has gone through my head a lot in the last couple days.  A lot.

Grace…favor or kindness given to one not deserving of it.

Once, a long, long time ago…okay, actually less than a year ago, I remember having a rather passionate discussion with Josiah.  He was trying to help me de-clutter, and it seems I have a habit of having 2 of things…an empty container of gel next to a full one, for example.  Apparently, this is a pet peeve of his.  I remember feeling very hurt by his tone with me, and I explained to him the way I saw things.  At the time I was still a single mom to three children, working full-time, and going to school full-time.  “I’m juggling a million things, and I’m going to drop some things sometimes,” I told him.  “I don’t need you to make me feel guilty about it or teach me a lesson; I need you to extend some grace and simply help me.”

Fast forward to yesterday’s quiet time: we’re almost done with the Resolution for Women, and yesterday’s reading for me was simply titled “Grace.”  The author shared the story of a young wife whose husband worked very hard as a salesman, but made very little money.  She realized one day that the lights were cut off because the bill hadn’t been paid.  He came home late, absolutely exhausted from doors being slammed in his face all day, and found his wife and children waiting for him at the dinner table, having fun in a beautifully candlelit home.  After dinner, he collapsed into the bed, and he didn’t realize until then that the electricity was off.  She never uttered a word about it.  She extended him grace, and he was overwhelmingly grateful.

Putting these two stories together was very convicting for me somehow.  Would I extend the same grace that young wife did, or even the same grace I ask be extended to me?  It seems as though we’re always ready to accept grace, from God and others, but how often are we willing to give that grace in return?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,

but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3

That is so hard for me…humility…considering others better than me.

I mean, of course, I can see some people as being better than me, but did you hear what she was saying?  Did you see what he’s doing? *eye roll*  I mean, really!  It’s not that hard.

Yes…it’s that kind of attitude that makes me so often the opposite of humble: haughty.  What does God have to say about haughty?  Let me tell ya, it’s not pretty.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18

The proud and arrogant – "Mocker" is their name; they behave with insolent fury.

Proverbs 21:24

That stings a little right?  Generally, I don’t think of myself as a prideful, haughty person, but I definitely have some prideful, haughty ways about me sometimes.  So I’m going to continue humming, “Greater Than All Our Sin,” and try to remember that while I’m receiving the full benefits of God’s wonderful grace, I should be giving grace to the people around me, as well.

A Message for Josiah

You looked like this yesterday:

I could see the exhaustion in your eyes, and it made me hurt for you.  You work so hard for us and try diligently every day to be the best husband and step-dad possible.  You love my children.  You love me.  

I hurt for you.  And yet...

I still made you go out in the rain last night.  I watching you drag in after a long day and head to the shower.  I watched the trees swaying ominously in the backyard.  I prayed.  I had a plan after all.

I needed us desperately to do what we do: go to Fresh Market to look at all the amazing cool, expensive stuff we won't indulge in, only to get to the sweets section where we will.

You went...because I asked you to.  I could tell you didn't want to go, and my heart pounded the entire way there, but you went.

I casually tried to walk into the store, when all I really wanted to do was sprint to the bakery (well, sprint-hobble with my bad ankle).  I didn't though.  I looked at not-ripe-enough-yet avocados, ripe-but-too-pricey mangoes, and Chicken a la Venezia.  Meandering.  Yelling inside.

When we finally arrived at the bakery, I'd had enough of the show.  Like a spy in a cheesy B-movie I ever so not casually asked the worker if he had any "special" cupcakes back in the back...like I was asking for "special brownies" only this was way different.

You expressed confusion by the fact that I wasn't even looking at the cupcakes, and even more when the knowing bakery boy reached into the case and pulled out Mr. Special Cupcake.

I was disappointed...it was hard to read.  I wanted the message to be so clear.  I had waited since 10:30 a.m., and I needed desperately for the secret to be in the open.

"What the heck?!" you were thinking.  "Why are you trying to read bakery kid's 'special cupcake'?!"

So, I showed you this:

 

I read it to you in case it wasn't clear.  "It says, 'Dad 2 Be.'"

I looked in your eyes and watched my special message sink in.  I was so nervous...so happy...but so nervous.  

"You took a test today then?"

"No...I took two."

Clarity, hugs, kisses, and another cupcake for me.

We grabbed drinks, bought our goodies, and sat down to consume them and I had you pose like this:

The rest of the evening was a "tell it to family" party, and it was fun.  Everyone is so elated...well, almost everyone, but she'll come around, too.

I can tell you're scared...excited, but scared.  We left it up to God to tell us when we should have a baby, but neither of us dreamed He'd say, "right away!!"  There are a million things to consider, and a thousand more decisions to be made.

But it will all be okay.  Because we have Him...and He gave us this:

And that will get us through this amazing adventure...and all the rest of them, too.

I love you, Josiah...with all my heart and soul.  You're already the best step-daddy, and you're going to be a great daddy, too.

Love always,

Your adoring wife