Marriage Renovations: Series Wrap-Up

Photo credit: mikeg1968 Etsy Shop

In this series, Josiah and I have spoken about the "renovations" God has recently made in our marriage, and how to negotiate your own marital renovation project.

When you're building from scratch, you start with the foundation and build up. In a Christian marriage, the foundation is Jesus Christ. He is the cornerstone. He is the rock you build on.

Josiah and I had this part already, praise God. (If you don't, but you'd like to know how, get with us!)

Nevertheless, even when you've built on a strong foundation, and you sincerely love your home, there are times when you need to do renovations.

Today, we're wrapping up the series. You can catch up on what's already been written here:

Marriage Renovations: Intro
Marriage Renovations: Demo Day HER Way
Marriage Renovations: Demo Day HIS Way
Marriage Renovations: Blueprints HER Way
Marriage Renovations: Blueprints HIS Way
Marriage Renovations: Rebuilding HER Way
Marriage Renovations: Rebuilding HIS Way

This is a hardhat area, folks. Strongholds are falling.

Renovation Wrap-Up

Our most recent marriage renovation project is over. It was relatively quick, but not remarkably easy. Nevertheless, I don't think either one of us would trade lessons we've learned for less pain.

We can both FEEL the difference in our home now. It was already pretty peaceful, but it's even MORE peaceful now. 

Generally, Josiah gives me very few reasons to be irritated; he's a fantastic husband. However, when I do find myself getting irritated with him and responding in a way that's not very respectful, I've been able to renew, recover, and respond pretty quickly.

And sometimes NOT.

Here's a practical example of what a relatively quick turnaround looks like:

A week ago, we were getting ready for church. We had to leave early to pick Ryan up from a sleepover, and I felt like Josiah was taking a really long time to get out of bed. I was stressed out trying to get the babies ready. The house was in utter chaos. Baby stuff was everywhere. Emily had misplaced my phone...and I was UPSET.

I was irritable.

Previously, I would have let all those thoughts roll over in my head. I would have stewed over all the reasons I had to be irritated. Immediately, my brain would try to draw in other reasons to support the argument. And I would seethe.

This time, though, I turned directly to God. I didn't know how to stop it, but I knew someone who could.

So, in the car, on the way to church, I busted out my prayer journal. My pen had just barely touched the paper when a Francesca Battistelli song we love came on the radio, and Josiah turned it up...

"Holy Spirit you are welcome here;

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for,

To be overcome by Your presence, Lord."

God sent me a song, and it touched my heart. Immediately, I thought of Philippians 4:6-8, and how I was supposed to pray with gratitude and concentrate on what was praiseworthy.

In my prayer, I turned every complaint I had just made into a praise:

Thank you, God, for giving me a husband who will take us to church.

Thank you, God, for giving me a husband who enjoys playing with our babies on a Sunday morning.

Thank you, God, for giving me a husband who thinks of me enough to turn up songs he knows I love.

Thank you, God, for a home to get messy.

Thank you, God, for my beautiful children.

Thank you, God, that I even have a cell phone to get misplaced.

Thank you, God, for the chaos that is my home because you've allowed me to stay home and homeschool my children, to teach them and be with them every day, and that makes our house look exceedingly lived in.

Immediately, all the stressful thoughts drained away, and I had peace. That's what God promises, and He always delivers. It's not always immediate, but He is always faithful.

But then...then sometimes it's not that easy. The day after "Blueprints HER Way" posted, I was struggling. Josiah had said a couple things that REALLY hurt my feelings...but I'd written this blog, and I was desperately trying to "pray it off."

At the same time, I was contacted by a friend, who basically said, "I'm trying to follow your blog series, but I'm struggling because I'm not sure advocating NOT communicating with your husband is healthy." That's not exact, but it was the basis. 

She's right.

I had gone to God in prayer and read His Word, but the issue still sat heavily on me. I think I hesitated to share my feelings with Him because the incidences were so minute. Why did they matter? As it turns out, they mattered because what I was feeling needed to be discussed because his actions stemmed from a hurt HE felt earlier in the week, that I knew nothing about.

The Holy Spirit was prompting me to speak to Josiah about this issue, and as soon as I did, we were able to come to a peaceful resolution...but I prayed a lot first, and I asked him to pray with me before we discussed it.

I am not advocating you not share genuine concerns with your husband...things that really bother you or really hurt you. If you've taken the issue to God, and prayerfully and carefully sought Him, which also includes reading His Word to see what He has to say, and you still feel a weight, THEN by all means, please talk to your husband.

After she sent me the message yesterday, I was talking to Josiah, and he absolutely agreed. If something is really bothering me, he wants me to talk to him about it. However, if I've gone to God in prayer, and sought Him in His Word, and asked Him to speak through me and to prepare Josiah's heart, then you're looking at an entirely different conversation than the one I would have had otherwise.

It's like Josiah said: "It feels entirely different when conviction comes from God than when it comes from you." Ouch. 

God has, indeed, been working in Josiah's heart, though.

He has been a diligent study on becoming a better leader, as well. I can feel him becoming stronger. He's trying to be more assertive with the kids and trying to communicate his wants, needs, and feelings to me more clearly.

I am just so grateful.

Are you a wife struggling to let your husband lead? Are you a husband struggling to figure out what Christian leadership looks like? You're not alone! 

If you've seen Fixer Upper with Chip and Joanna Gaines, then you know the more "far gone" a house is, the more amazing the transformation. Watching a $300,000 house turn into a $450,000 house is cool...but watching a $75,000 turn into a $200,000 house is miraculous.

Marriage renovations work the same way. Your marriage is not too far gone for God to do something miraculous and beautiful! It may not be easy, and it may not be quick, but it will always be worth it!

Happy renovating!