Morning Mercies

Last night, as I took a scalding hot shower to try to wipe off the stench of my hideous behavior, the hateful words I'd spoken rang loudly in my ears. This morning, I can still hear their echo.

Ironically, one of the things I told yelled at my son yesterday was, "You can't take words back. You can apologize, but your words drive a nail into someone's heart, and when you remove the nail, you still leave a jagged, bleeding hole."

Not only did I scream that at him, but I pounded my fist into my other palm for added effect. He had disrespected me and then really wounded his sister with his words, so apparently, I was going to teach him an excellent lesson by highlighting some very wise words with my some really horrible behavior.

I then went on to nail some more holes into my husband. Over and over and over, almost uncontrollably, I hammered them in. He was so brave in light of it all, so honorable. The Holy Spirit in Him was strong, and he gave grace when I needed it the most.

This morning, the shame of my behavior still clings to me, like an oily film even a scalding shower can't wash off. There is just so much remorse.

However, my God is faithful, even in these moments. His voice whispers to me, "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Corinth 12:9).

The Holy Spirit reminds me His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

And, when I sought a devotion this morning about my anger, He brought me to Unglued, by Lisa TerKeurst, and this verse wrapped its arms around my soul:

For, I, Yahweh your God,

Holy your right hand.

and say to you: Do not fear,

I will help you.

Isaiah 41:13

Do not be afraid. I'm holding your hand. I will help you. 

I let out a relieved sigh. Thanks be to God.

I need help in so many areas right now. My temper seems to have a mind of its own. My house is topsy turvy. Our homeschool days are dreary. My business needs new life.

But in all things, there He is. His grace is sufficient. His mercies are new each morning. He is with me, holding my hand.

And I am grateful.

Calling Her Out

A while back, Alissa (who was pregnant at the time), dropped off our eldest at college for orientation and to meet some friends. We live on a peninsula in Virginia where the only way to get back and forth to her college is to drive through one of a pair of tunnels, both of which are notorious for bad traffic in rush hour.

She sent me a message earlier in the day to alert me that Destiny had to be picked up, not on Saturday as originally thought, but that day, which was a Friday afternoon.

In the summer. Pregnant. Kind of a tourist destination. Traffic. Really bad traffic.

Alissa told me a little while later that she had agreed to let her hang out a bit longer with some of the people she met there, so she could develop some friendships... because in turn, that would mean her college experience in the fall would be much easier. If she already some relationships in place, she wouldn't have to worry about making friends, starting classes, and landing a job all at the same time.

I responded with a really, really short sentence.

“That was gracious of you.”

That triggered a mechanism in her to defend her decision and go into a fairly lengthy line of reasoning.

I kind of had to interrupt her.

“Baby, I wasn't telling you that you were making a bad decision, or that you should do otherwise. I was trying to let you know that I see you acting graciously.”

The response?

"Oh."

She was caught of guard.

There are two very important issues that come to mind here:

1. I don't affirm my wife often enough if she feels she needs to get defensive over me saying I noticed something good. 

2. I must do a lot of complaining if I see her doing something good or gracious towards others, and I get that kind of reaction.

Both of those are problems, and both of those are MY problems.

I read somewhere fairly recently, though I can't remember where, that it's important to catch your kids “in the act” of doing something good. This made me realize that it's also important to do for your spouse, or probably for that matter, anyone who is close to you.

I am not exactly an encourager. I can be, but it's not really who I am. I will notice if you cut your hair. Hopefully, I will say it looks nice, or good on you, and I will smile supportively.

Alissa, on the other hand, is a master encourager. She will notice you cut your hair, tell you it looks gorgeous on you, ask you why you decided to cut it, then identify with your decision and do so with an exclamation of how glad she is that you came to your decision, then reestablish how much she likes it, and that she would've done the same thing if she were you. You can walk in a room with a new dress, new haircut, new shoes, coat, glasses, and my wife will become your instant cheerleader.

I get it. I'm happy you got your hair cut. If it looks good, I'll tell you. I can smile and nod and give a gold star as good as anyone, but my wife has a gift.

If anyone speaks, it should be as one who speaks God’s words;

if anyone serves, it should be from the strength God provides,

so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything.

To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. 

1 Peter 4:11

Let me bring this back around to picking Destiny up in traffic...

What became obvious to me in that moment is, spiritually, I must either not notice gifts or growth, or I still kind of react the same way I would about a haircut: with a knowing smile, good job, looks good, and move on.

That's not who I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to call my wife out on her spiritual advances, decisions, and strengths. I'm supposed to be there to sharpen her, to encourage her, to be her spiritual ally and cheerleader, but most often, apparently, I either ignore or condemn.

Where did I go wrong?

Part of that answer is being too busy. Part of that is paying enough attention to say I'm paying attention, but not really investing.

The tongue has the power of life and death,

and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

If I'm not building my wife up, I am destroying her.

I think in a more peaceful, placid way she has tried to tell me that before.

I don't want Alissa to feel as though I'm her accuser. I'm not. I don't want that job, nor do I want the job description. I want her to know I care about her and love her, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

But I can't do that if I'm only pointing out “growth areas,” and not patting her on the back when she gets it right, and I pray God will open my heart and help me grow in my encouragement of her and of others.

The point of all this: what we say matters...and so does what we DON'T say.

Give someone encouragement today.

Speak life, give grace, love well.

But encourage each other daily,

while it is still called today,

so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.

Hebrews 3:13

Slaying Sarcasm

This post is probably going to be a hard pill to swallow for some people, including myself and some of the people I care about most.

I feel like there's a clandestine killer entering a lot of our homes and relationships. But we don't look for the murderous beast and try to eradicate it. We treasure, coddle, and prune it.

What's the name of the beast?

Sarcasm.

I know. Shoot me now.

I actually read a blog post years ago in which the author tried, in vain, to convince the readers that sarcasm really has no place in the Christian home. I balked and pushed it aside.

Whatever, I thought. People who don't appreciate the beauty of sarcasm are humorless half-wits, right? What kind of spineless Christians are we growing if they can't even handle a little sarcasm?

But obviously, the Holy Spirit kept it in the back of my mind. He knew I'd come to a point in my spiritual growth where I'd see the truth...and now I'm the crazy blogger trying to convince you of the evils of sarcasm.

Fantastic. God be with me.

First, let's define sarcasm for the purposes of this post. See the line right above this one? The one where I said, “fantastic”? I obviously did not MEAN that was fantastic. I actually meant, “this is probably going to be crappy and hard.” That, my friends, is irony.

Simple irony hurts no one. It's merely saying the opposite of what I actually mean.

Then, there's sarcasm, and the definition alone may convey my point better than the rest of this blog post:

sar·casm

ˈsärˌkazəm/

noun

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

"his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment"

synonyms:

derision, mockery, ridicule, scorn, sneering, scoffing;  irony; cynicism "well, it's easy to see that she got her biting sarcasm from her mother"

OUCH. Did you see that example? That, my friends did NOT come from me. Google the word, and that's what you get: Well, it's easy to see that she got her biting sarcasm from her mother.

Sarcasm isn't just irony. It is NOT just saying the opposite of what you mean. Instead, it's using that device to mock or convey contempt. OUCH.

Now, let's look at how we use this in our homes?

Mom to son: Well, THAT was smart.

Translation: That was really stupid.

Father to daughter: As always, we can depend on you.

Translation: You are not dependable and incapable.

Mom to Dad: Great job, genius!

Translation: You are a moron!

These are simplified and obvious examples, but they're powerful. Children understand this at a very young age. Are these really the messages we want to send to them?

You're stupid. You're incapable. Your other parent is moronic.

Now, if you need more proof, let's take a look at how scripture says we should and should not be speaking to one another.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 18:21

Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths,

but only such as is good for building up,

as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart,

and this defiles a person.

Matthew 5:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt,

so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Colossians 4:6

But I tell you that everyone will have to give an account on the

day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.

Matthew 12:37

These are just a few among so many. While we may dismiss our words as unimportant, God has seen fit to address the issue time and time again in His word. HE says our words are of extreme importance.

God says our words hold either life or death.

In essence, when we use sarcasm, what we're really doing is placing ourselves above the person we're speaking to. We're talking down to them.

Sarcasm, at it's core, is haughty and prideful.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourself.

Philippians 2:3

I think the reality of the situation is clear. It's a hard pill to swallow, though. There's no doubt about that.

I also want to clearly state that, while I have been convicted about this, I understand some of you may not share this conviction...yet. I think this one takes time, and I'm not judging anyone who isn't on the same timeline.

Nevertheless, unlike my clothing convictions (that I've SO poorly kept to since pregnancy), I do feel this lesson applies to everyone. The Bible is clear, but the question is this:

Will we heed the words of our Creator and slay sarcasm before it has left our tongues, or will we continue to use this weapon to slay the people we love?

Corinthians 3 Thursday: Pursuing Passion

Last week we talked about values, what ours are, and why it's important to define them. This week we're talking about passion.

Did you hear me? I said PASSION.

In Christian Coaching, Collins says: 

Your passion is what fires you up. It is a driving force that can give your life its greatest energy and fulfillment. If you get in touch with your passion (or passions) and let it motivate you in healthy directions, passion can be a powerful influence for good. It can invigorate your life and raise you to higher levels of achievement and self-satisfaction. If you ignore your passion or let it fade, your life becomes duller, emotionally flatter, less fulfilled, and sometimes tinged with apathy. Like a speech or a sermon without passion, life without passion can be boring, colorless, and uninspiring. 

So, live with passion and be invigorated, or live without it and let your life be dull and flat. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

But, as a Christian, is passion for anything other that serving God self-serving? Absolutely not! As long as your passion is in-line with the word of God, then it should be seen as a gift from Him!

Bruce Wilkinson, author of The Dream Giver says:

God has put a driving passion in you to do something special. Why wouldn't he? You are created in his image - the only person exactly like you in the universe. No one else can do your dream. (This is actually a quote Collins provides in Christian Coaching). 

Here's the deal, not everyone can be "in ministry;" it just isn't plausible. However, everyone can minister where they are, and there's no better way to do that then to pursue a God-given passion.

So, whether you eat or drink,

or whatever you do, 

do all to the glory of God. 

1 Corinthians 10:31

Lead a life worthy of your calling,

for you have been called by God.

Ephesians 4:1

So what is your passion?

Some people know what their passion is right away. They immediately know the subjects or activities that ignite their souls.

Then their are people like me. I've been a mom since I was 19. Now, as a mom with four children and one on the way, I'm lucky if I can find an ounce of energy or passion when I fall in bed with my husband at night, and I adore him! Now you're telling me I'm supposed to figure out some other passion?!

Luckily, Collins gives some great suggestions for finding out exactly what your passion is. 

• Ask somebody who knows you well to identify your passions.
• Think of times in your life when you felt exuberant and excited to be alive. What might this say about your passion?
• When you were young and your parents could not find you, what did they assume you were doing? What does this say about your passion?
• If you had no limitations in terms of money or time, what would you like to do?
• Look at your environment. Does this reveal what really interests and excites you?
• Search the Scriptures, wait, and pray that God will reveal his passion for your life.

I suggest implementing the last suggestion before pursuing the rest. We should always seek God in prayer and in His Word, particularly when we're looking for His guidance.

When I performed the tasks above, one answer screamed the loudest: books.

Josiah and Destiny said "books;" when I was young and quiet for a long time, my parents knew I was probably somewhere reading; my home is filled with books. 

Books, books, and more books. I love books. When I go Barnes and Noble, being surrounded by all the authors' words, imaginations, and experiences fills me with an electricity I can feel from my scalp to my tiptoes. That's a tell-tale sign of passion, my friends.

If you're thinking the same thing I was when I realized this, then you're thinking, "We've crowned our new Mrs. Nerd Universe 2014, whose overwhelming passion in life is...books."

And that's probably true. I am a nerd, and I'm cool with that. However, upon further examination, there's a deeper passion there. Like a fraction, we need to reduce this to its simplest form: words.

I don't just love books, I love words.

I love to write them, speak them, sing them, read them, hear them. My main love language is even Words of Affirmation.

Words, words, words...I loooooove words. They energize me and ignite a fire somewhere deep in my soul.

When I can't sleep at night or feel very passionately about a certain subject, I write books, blog posts, and speeches in my head. I dream of delivering messages God has laid on my heart to huge crowds of people. I dream of changing the world for Christ through the words I write and speak.

God gave me words.

All that having been said, that's probably enough words from me for the day.

It's your turn! What are your passions? If possible, try to think beyond family. As moms, we are passionate about our kids, but I feel very strongly that we should have other passions, as well...if for no other reason than to teach children how to pursue theirs.

If you're just now joining us, Corinthians 3 Thursdays are designed to help us find our pursue our individual callings based upon two Corinthians verses: 1 Corinthians 3:8-11 and  2 Corinthians 3:17-18. As  guide, w're using the book Christian Coaching by Gary Collins.For more information, you can visit this post or any of the earlier Corinthians 3 Thursday posts below:

Corinthians 3 Thursday Post 1: Clarifying Values

Please link up or share your thoughts in the comments section! Feel free to grab and share my button, too!