Early Christmas Present

Tonight, I couldn't sleep. Why? 

I was having a pity party.

I'm not even joking, folks; I was having some kinda night. I don't know if it's because my hormones are wacky, or I'm just mentally exhausted, or what, but I was distraught.

I felt lonely. I felt like I missed the boat on something. I felt like I just couldn't make anyone happy.

I prayed. 

I prayed getting changing into my sleep shirt. I prayed brushing my teeth. I got down on my knees by my bed and I prayed, knowing that I was thinking wrong and feeling wrong, but feeling powerless to stop it. 

So, there I lay in my bed, soaking my pillow with tears...until....

Until I finally decided I couldn't go to sleep anyway, so I might as well get up. When I did, I saw a message from a VERY dear friend, asking me if I wanted to go to the "DEEPER Christmas" event with her (by Established Footsteps). That, in and of itself, lifted my spirits. On a night when I felt so alone and just unlovely, my sweet friend sent me an invite.

Oh, my dear Lord Jesus...how you know what I need. And it gets better....

It seems, this DEEPER thing is a three part event. The first two parts have already happened, but you can listen to them online, too...FOR FREE! So, what do I do...I listen to the first one, of course.

And it was brilliant.

Sharon Thomas (founder of Established Footsteps) speaks about trying to find the true meaning of Christmas in her life and what God has been showing her...

and it's in John 4:3-42.

Yeah, you read that right. It wasn't the first chapter or two of any of the gospels that helped her. It wasn't the sweet baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger with the cattle, oxen, and sheep. It wasn't gifts of gold, frankincense, or myrrh, or angel announcements on a starry night.

Nope...it was the Samaritan woman at the well.

Now, I strongly encourage you to listen to Sharon tell you this...strongly. But, just in case you want the cliffs notes, here goes.

The Samaritan woman was mixed up in oh so many ways, not the least of which was her mistaking Jesus trying to give her literal water instead of actual water. She was mixed up in her life all over the place.

John 4:10 says:

Jesus answered her, 

“If you knew the gift of God 

and who it is that asks you for a drink, 

you would have asked him 

and he would have given you living water.”

Eventually, he does just that, gives her the living water.

I knew all that...but I still didn't connect it with Christmas.

But then Sharon takes us over to Isaiah 9:6. AHA! This is a familiar Christmas passage, right? Yes! I know this one! I'm all like Elf in a Gimbel's screaming about Santa - "ISAIAH 9:6!!! I KNOW THAT! I GET THAT!" - but I didn't...not all the way, anyway.

That verse reads:

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

    

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Where she rested with this one was on "Wonderful Counselor." She says the meaning of the Hebrew word there for Wonderful is not just "great", it's like "awesome beyond all possible comprehension."

God sent us a Counselor that is awesome...beyond all possible comprehension.

He sent me a Counselor that knows me better than I know myself; who created me; who loves me; who knows the beginning and the end.

My Counselor doesn't just point me in the right direction; He can give me the power I need to walk that way!!

My Counselor knows. I don't have to wait a week or two and keep a journal and try to remember what my problem was on Wednesday of last week. He knows now.

He knows when I'm lying in bed having an all-out pity party and soaking my pillow. He knows me. He loves me. And He (and ONLY He) knows how to fix me!

Praise be to GOD!

And get this, that is our Christmas gift folks!!! The baby in the manger was SUPER awesome, really and truly, but the sacrifice of our Savior on a cross, the sending of the Counselor, and our ability to have a relationship with God is the REAL gift!

Well that's Christmas, folks. Wrap it, bag, it, and take it home.

So, back to the Samaritan woman...she's all confused looking for literal water, and here we are, all confused, trying to find the perfect Christmas gift for people, and make every play, and bake every cookie and cake, and sing the right notes, and find the right sweater.

It's just earthly water, people; it might quench your thirst for a minute, but not for long.

Sharon calls it "Present Day disconnect." Get it? "Present Day." That's punny!

But God has already given us the best gift ever. He's given us the living water! He's given us water that will quench our thirst into eternity. He gave us a Counselor. Hear me? 

This is important - He gave YOU a Counselor. 

YOU. 

Yes...YOU.

Praise be to GOD!

So, this year, while you're having so much fun at Christmas (and by all means, have fun), make sure you take some time to talk to your heavenly Counselor; drink some living water. And while you're at it, let someone else know about the gift, too!

And listen to Sharon say all this because she really is a lot better at it. I'm sure I'll have more to say after I listen to the second and third installments.

But for now, I'm going to go back to bed, cuddle my husband, and hope my pillow is dry by now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

The Prodigal Friend

I don't really have time to sugar-coat things this morning, so we're just going to get down to some raw reality.

I sat in church on Sunday and listened to a woman give a testimony that was very touching. I appreciated every minute of it, but I sat right there in my church pew and let envy crawl all over me (okay, I was in a chair, actually, because we were in the Family Life Center...same thing).

What caused this reaction during this lovely, emotionally charged testimony?

She was thankful for her best girlfriend.

That's all.

She was so desperately thankful for her best girlfriend, and then, later, I saw pictures of them on facebook together...and again, I felt so envious.

God doesn't like envy. I don't know where to even begin to illustrate this Biblically because it's just all over the place. But we'll start here:

But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart,

don't brag and lie in defiance of the truth.

Such wisdom does not come down from above,

but is earthly, sensual, and demonic.

For where envy and selfish ambition exist,

there is disorder and every kind of evil.

(James 3:14-16)

OUCH, right?

So, because I'd prefer to not be filled with "disorder and every kind of evil," I suppose we should get down to removing this envy.

There are going to be people who read this who will be so confused because I am their friend. There will also be people who will be confused because I don't look like I need any more friends.

First, one can never have too many friends. I love friends.

Second, I do have wonderful girlfriends. I have beautiful women in my life that love me and I love them.

So why the envy?

Because I'm missing out on the deeper relationships! I want a bestie! (or 5...whatever). I want to feel deep in my heart like I have girlfriends who are always there, who want to spend time with me, and who get me. Why don't I feel that way?!

Because I'm not taking care of those relationships. 

I'm not taking care of my friends. There's a nasty, hard reality.

I'm a busy girl, right? When this degree is done, then I'll have time to foster my friendships. After Christmas, I'll have more time to spend with them. When I'm done with this project or that project, then there will be more time.

Consider this verse:

And let us consider 

how we may spur one another on

toward love and good deeds,

not giving up meeting together, 

as some are in the habit of doing,

but encouraging one another-

and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

(Hebrews 10:24-25)

We always see it and say, "See? That's why we go to church!" But honestly, is that it? I don't think so. When was the last time you really had time to spur someone on toward love and good deeds on Sunday morning? Not just in Sunday School or passing in the hallway while you herd your children, but on a deep personal level?

Exactly.

If I want to have a bestie or 5, then I am going to have to MAKE time, just like every other relationship in my life. 

I will not be close to Jesus if I don't make time for him. 

I will not be close to my husband if I don't make time for him.

I will not be close to my children if I don't make time for them.

I will not be close to my friends if I don't make time for them.

In the middle of the night last night I woke up dreaming of the parable of "The Prodigal Son" and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. I prayed that God would help me find the reason, if there was one. I didn't get it until JUST NOW, in the middle of writing this post. I actually took the time to look up the word "prodigal." It means this: "spending money or resources freely or recklessly; wastefully extravagant." 

OUCH.

I have been so wastefully extravagant with my friends and have not guarded my friendships as I should.

What's even more convicting about the whole thing is that, when I woke up thinking about the parable in the middle of the night, I woke up thinking about the son's humility. He came back to his father groveling...not that the father required that, but it was still necessary for his own heart. He had to be broken by his behavior.

So here I sit...broken by my wastefulness and truly repentant.

To my friends, if you're reading this, please forgive me (although I'm sure I'll be getting in touch with you personally). Please forgive me, and please help me. Please drag me out of my house, away from my books and the 8 million other things I have going on. Please help me foster a deeper relationship with you.

I miss you, and I love you.

Most sincerely,

Your prodigal friend

Linking up with:

Time Warp Wife

Juana Mikels

Simply Beth

Am I Kind?

Last night in bed I was thinking about the Fruits of the Spirit, and I asked my husband, "Do you think I'm kind?"

I so totally set him up, right?

See, I LOVE words, but he's not a really wordy person, per se; so I have a tendency to try to help him have words.

The answer I wanted to hear would have gone something like this: "Of course, darling! You're the kindest person I've ever met besides Jesus himself!"

That's not what I heard.

Fortunately, my husband is a genius, and he figured out how to answer that question both gracefully and truthfully.

His reply was as follows:

"Generally, yes of course, I think you're very kind, but I also think that's the wrong question to ask. If we think to ourselves, 'I'm a kind person' then it implies that there's no room for improvement. Instead, however, I think the proper question to ask is 'Am I as good at giving grace as I ought to be?' That completely changes things doesn't it?"

Ho-ly cow. Do you see why I'm so in love with this man?!

That was such a brilliant answer and it touched my heart more than a quick, "yes, of course" could have.

Then, just this morning, I went to check a discussion board for a class group project, and once again, someone is late meeting a deadline...really late, and I found prideful, arrogance in the place where loving, grace should be.

In the way you judge, 

you will be judged; 

and by your standard of measure, 

it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:2

So beyond that today, I have nothing but a prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you. Thank you for giving me a husband to be a spiritual leader for our home. Thank you for his wisdom and his love for You and for his family.

Forgive me, please, for my arrogance and unforgiving nature.

Please help me, Lord, to be a mirror of your grace in a sinful, unforgiving world, so that Your light will shine all the brighter. I know God that even if I succeed in this, it will not be by my own will, but through Your Spirit within me.

You are might and holy and loving, and I am so grateful every day that I am able to have a relationship with You through the sacrifice of Your only Son, Jesus Christ. It's in His name I pray, today. Amen.

Linking up today with:
Juana Mikels
Time Warp Wife
Simply Beth

Catching A Thief

There's a thief in my house. I just know it. I keep noticing something is stolen, and as much as I try to get it back, I just can't.

It's time. My time is being stolen, and I know just who is taking it.

Yes...facebook.

I don't mean to be there. I get on the laptop to do schoolwork (necessary), write a blog post (necessary), or research something (necessary), and then, somehow, before I even know it's happening, my cursor is in the navigation bar and my fingers are flitting across the keyboard. I don't even have to type in the whole word...my computer just knows. 

"fac" + enter = facebook

Once I'm there, I just go to look at just one thing. Or just tell one person something.

Before I know it, I'm scrolling mindlessly through status updates, pictures, e-cards, blog posts, and share if you love your _______.

I wish I could say I just do it on the laptop, but the thief is on my phone, too! 

I'm in the car with my husband and kids...I'll check facebook.

I'm watching a movie...I'll check facebook.

I'm in bed...I'll check facebook.

It's nuts.

It's almost as though my brain is so used to being engaged in multiple things at a time that I just can't simply concentrate on one thing. Instead of just being in the car with my husband and/or children and taking in what's going on around me, my mind has to busy itself.

It's sad.

And let's be real here, people: no one is holding a gun to my head and telling me to read status updates. The thief isn't really facebook, it's my own poor choices.

Right now I'm at a point where I want to be very purposeful and mindful of everything I do: talking to God, speaking to my children, eating, spending time with loved ones...let's just add facebook to that list. It's time I acknowledged the problem. That's the first step, right?

I won't say I won't visit facebook anymore. Like anything else, it's fine in moderation, but I've let it get out of control.

It's time to reign it in.

What thieves do you allow in your home that steal your time? Your joy? Your peace?

I'll leave you with a few verses today that I'm meditating on in relation to this. Do you have more to add to the list?

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

(Proverbs 25:28)

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. 

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, 

but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape,

 that you may be able to endure it.

(1 Corinthians 10:13)

For God gave us a spirit not of fear

but of power and love and self-control.

(2 Timothy 1:7)

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, 

but only one receives the prize? 

So run that you may obtain it. 

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. 

They do it to receive a perishable wreath, 

but we an imperishable. 

So I do not run aimlessly; 

I do not box as one beating the air. 

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, 

lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

(1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

A Spiral Approach

I am so blessed to have friends and family that are so very supportive about my blog and my writing...and just me in general really. My mother-in-law is super awesome and quite often sends me little comments or insights about my blogs after I write them.

The other day, after she read this post where I said I felt like a spiritual dunce because God keeps having to show me the same lesson over and over, she sent me the most amazing little insight. I just had to share it.

She said God teaches us lessons...like Saxon teaches math!!!

Mind-blowing, right?!

For those of you who aren't homeschool curriculum obsessed, let me explain.

Saxon is a math curriculum a lot of homeschoolers use. It uses a spiral approach. What this means, is that a lesson is introduced sort of briefly, and then you just practice it every day. Once you get that down, then the lesson is sort of taught again, but from a different angle or a slightly different, but related, concept.

Do you hear the genius that came from that brilliant woman?!

God teaches us like Saxon Math!

He knows us. He knows how we work. He created us. He created ME. 

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise; 
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; 
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD....

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 

(Psalm 139:1-4,13-14, NIV, emphasis added)

This bit of scripture offers so much wisdom and so much comfort.

My God knows me and he LOVES me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by an Almighty God.

In His infinite wisdom, God shows us a lesson we need to learn, lets us practice, and then shows us another component when we're ready!

Praise be to GOD!

As a side note, but related, Intentionally Yours is hosting an event on January 4th at The Bridge in Princeton, North Carolina called Intentionally and Wonderfully Made, and it speaks to exactly this subject. Princeton is about 40 minutes outside of Raleigh. I'm definitely planning on going because I know this is a message God has been trying to get through to me...really written on my heart...for quite some time. 

Tickets for the event are only $5 in advance or $10 at the door! Please visit them at http://www.intentionallyyours.org or see the facebook event here.


Linking up today with:
Time Warp Wife
Juana Mikels

Playing with Razors

My little Ryan hurt himself yesterday. Although he's been told many times not to, he decided to touch his sister's razor in the bathroom.

Sometimes, it's just hard to be a little boy with sisters.

He came to me with a bloody thumb and tears in his sad, little eyes and wailed, "Mommy it hurts!"

I bandaged his little digit and gave him hugs. In this situation he'd already gotten punishment enough, but he did get a little speech.

We talked about why mommies and daddies have rules: to keep their children from getting hurt. We also talked about God's rules for us: they are for our benefit, and keep us from getting hurt. Emily chimed in at that point and said, "And to keep us from hurting other people."

*sigh* I don't know if she knows the weight of her statement

My sister-in-law, Jamie, wrote a beautiful blog post recently about her walk with God, and it so mirrored mine. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I just didn't get it. I had no idea how to go about living it. I thought there were "good Christians," and then there was me, and I tried, but I just couldn't be that good. I was too dirty. 

I made decisions for my life and never once consulted God because I prayed, but I had no clue how to hear His voice in my life; so why pray about decisions? 

I was flying on a wing and a prayer. My plane was in bad shape, and all my instruments were down. I didn't know where I was going, but I hoped I was still sort of in one piece when I got there.

Just to let you know, that's not a good way to go through life.

But then, God brought people into my life that showed me how to walk with Him...and it changed my life forever. He bandaged my wounded heart and continues to every day.

Last night I had dessert with my gorgeous young friend and her wonderful boyfriend. We talked about the blog and church, and she said she's trying to find God for herself. She's had some bad experiences with religion and church and hypocrisy and seeing unfaithful Christians, and now she's trying to work out her faith.

Oh my heart.

I told her I was proud of her and she needs to find Jesus for herself. Hear this: you cannot own someone else's religion. It has to be yours, in your heart. I have faith that she'll find Him, and I'll help her any way I can.

But it made me think back to when I was younger...all three years ago or so. I thought back to all the times I was claiming Jesus and clamoring around in the dark. I think again about people I may have misled or turned away from the gospel. I've asked for forgiveness, and I know it's been granted, but often accepting it is the hardest part.

Please understand this, and I say it not with condemnation but from experience - if you are claiming Jesus, but walking in darkness (not reflecting His light), then you are actively working for the other side. I see that now. There is no middle ground. I wasn't helping, so I was hurting...that's just how it is.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, 

that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 

If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, 

we lie and do not practice the truth. 

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, 

we have fellowship with one another, 

and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

(1 John 1:5-7, ESV)

So, if you're there, walking in darkness, and you want to know how to walk in The Light, contact me. Email me (alissaandjosiah@yahoo.com); facebook me (https://www.facebook.com/daizygirl1979); comment here; heck, send carrier pigeons, whatever it takes. If you don't want to talk to me, call or email my pastor, Jim Weston, at Menchville Baptist Church (757-877-4532; pastorjim@menchvillebaptist.com).

Just don't go another day without claiming what is already yours! All you have to do is reach out and take it! There may be a cost (there is with every decision), and it probably won't be painless; I won't tell you a lie. But I will tell you this: it is always worth it. HE is always worth it. The relationship with Him is always worth it.

Life has many "razors", and unfortunately, most of them look like they'd be fun to touch. God's Word is there for us, not to hinder us from having fun, but to keep us and others, safe. We all have scars from the razors we've played with, but God is waiting, hearing our desperate cries saying, "Jesus it hurts!" 

But He's still waiting: to dry our tears, bandage our wounded hearts, and teach us the lessons we so desperately need. Let Him.

Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

Linking up with:
Simply Beth
Juana Mikels
Time Warp Wife

Quick and Dirty: Just Say It

Alright this one is going to be quick and dirty (on the fly and no editing). I feel led to write it, but I don't have a lot of time today, so please forgive me!

I've been struggling some lately with writing...wondering if this is really what God wants me to do, or if I just think it is because I LOVE it so much. If you read the blog, then you know I've also been struggling with seeking approval from others, too.

Well, I've been praying a lot about both...and then God moved.

Just when I stopped seeking the approval, and just when I stopped reaching, He reached out for me.

First, I got an email back that I'd been hoping for, and it served as confirmation that I'm on the right track.

I also got a message from sweet young lady saying that a blog I wrote was just what she needed in her relationship.

Then, last night at church, I had multiple people tell me they've been reading the blog and that it touched them in some way.

Finally, I got a voice mail this morning from a dear friend. She left it last weekend, but I am HORRIBLE at checking my voice mail. She said God was working through me and my blog. She had been at a meeting after reading my blog on letting our light shine, and she brought up the post and it touched people.

Hear this...my grandmother always said "self praise is no recommendation," and that's not what this is. I know FULL WELL that this isn't me...it's God moving in me because let me tell you, my nature is dirty: self-seeking, willful, and deceitful. It's only Him working in me that makes this blog worth anything.

What's the point then? He's not just using me. 

Each person that felt led to tell me how they felt about my blog or how it touched them allowed God to use them! They were encouragers (yeah...I made up a word).

That's the moral of the story today folks. If you feel led to give someone encouragement, but you don't want to because you'd feel stupid or you're sure they already know, DO IT ANYWAY.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come from your mouths, 

but only what is helpful for building others up 

according to their needs, 

that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV, emphasis added)

This verse says "according to their needs," but how do you know what someone else needs?

You don't. 

It's not our job to figure out how God works, it's only our job to do what He wants.

So today, if God lays it on your heart to encourage someone...just say it. You never can tell what may become of it.


Linking up with:

Juana Mikels