I am SO Proud

Today, I have not a lick of schoolwork to do. I'm finished. Tomorrow, I'll participate in the commencement exercises at Liberty University.

It's been a hard road.

In 1996 I graduated from high school in the top 10% of my class and then went on to CNU with one of the first 50 Presidential scholarships President Trible awarded.

I jacked that all up.

When I finally went back to school, it was 2007. I was eight months pregnant with my third child, and instead of going to CNU, I was at Tommy Tech (a.k.a. Thomas Nelson Community College). I got my Associate's Degree in Business in 2010, and I began my journey at Liberty in the fall of 2011.

Seven years.

Between taking time off between degrees and after having Phinehas, going part-time when I was working full-time, and just plain life, it took seven years.

What a huge accomplishment right? I should be SO PROUD!!

Well, I thought so...and then I read Ezra.

"He was a scribe skilled in the Law of Moses....The gracious hand of God was on him, because Ezra had determined in his heart to study the Law of the Lord, obey it, and tech its statutes and ordinances" (Ezra 7:6,10)

I'm telling you, if you read through Ezra, this guy was amazing. The king gave him pretty much anything he wanted and he was like THE expert in God's law. 

This man should be so PROUD!!

But he wasn't. In everything he did, he demonstrated humility, and a willingness to turn it all back to God. He didn't claim to be successful because of all his hard work, his awesome people skills, charm, or intelligence.

He gave all the glory back to God...which is where it belongs anyway.

In the same way, I've come to realize in the last couple weeks that I couldn't have done anything without the Lord's divine grace, guidance, and strength.

This is not my accomplishment folks...it's only the work of God.

And lest you think I'm really this humble, you should know this is a struggle...sorta.

I mean, I have no problem giving God the glory (AMEN), but even in doing that, there's a temptation to be proud in my humility...to want people to see how humble I am.

It's kind of how God made me. I'm a "look at me" kind of girl. The gifts He gave me - writing, speaking, leadership, etc. are all very LOOK AT ME gifts. I've got a crazy big personality and a voice to go along with it. 

And with all that comes a crazy amount of a struggle with pride...both negatively and positively. Most of the time, it's not even a battle with pride because I think I'm great...quite the opposite.

I hate seeing me in the mirror.
I think everyone is looking at how much weight I've gained.
I think everyone dislikes me or thinks I'm annoying.
I worry about what other people think about me all the time.

That, my dear friends, is pride. It's my struggle. The thorn in my side.

I just think about ME way too much.

So today, I'm trying really hard to just give the glory for the achievement I celebrate this weekend over to God. 

Praise Him, folks, not me. If I had been on my own, I would have given up a LONG time ago.

What about you? Do you struggle with pride? Is there an area of your life in which you just think about YOU way too much? 

One's pride will bring him low,
but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23

Today, as we venture out into the world, let's attempt, as God's people, to think of ourselves less and others more, to turn the glory to God in all things.

I'll go! Send me!

I just finished my Christian Coaching textbook. That might mean nothing...it might mean a lot.

I have no clue.

The last couple years have been awesome, yet very difficult for me. I feel like I've been creeping to the edge of a precipice on my hands and knees....

Actually, scratch that. The previous sentence implies that I can see the precipice...and I can't.

I don't know what's out there. Whatever it is, it's probably more like a mountain than the edge of a cliff, but I can't see it. I don't know where it is or what the terrain will look like when I get there. 

I'm just groping around in the dark, and every now and then, God gives me a little glimpse of something in the moonlight.

Josiah and I went to a Saturday night service last weekend at Freedom Life Church in Hampton. Josiah's friend Freddy Villarreal is the pastor. The service was awesome; the worship was upbeat and authentic, as was the preaching (Never fear MBC friends - we're not going anywhere. It can never hurt to praise God and hear another sermon though, can it?!).

Pastor Freddy's main point during the message was "GO." Just go. If you've been praying about it, it's inline with the gospel and scripture, and God is still laying it on your heart, then it's probably time to just go...keep praying, but go.

For a lot of people his message was probably inspiring. For me, it was kind of frustrating.

I'm a jump in with both feet kind of girl. For the last two years (since getting the call from God, which you can read about here), I have been jumping up and down waiving my arm like a mixture of Hermione and Lecrae...sitting on the very edge of my seat, saying..."Oh, oh, oh!!! I'll go! Send me! I'll go! Send me!Lemme Go!" (For those of my unfortunate friends who are contemporary film or Christian music challenged, Hermione is a character from Harry Potter, and Lecrae is a very awesome Christian rapper and speaker whose song, "Send Me" can be found here).

But I can't go yet...because while I kind of know where I'm supposed to be heading, He keeps giving me SUPER AWESOME things to slow me down. I'm not even being sarcastic there. The things He's given me are wonderful and irreplaceable - like 2 babies on the way in the last two years and homeschooling and finishing my degree - but that stuff will slow your roll, ya know? 

Pregnancy brain is NOT a fallacy people. I'm just looking forward to being able to form sentences without having to play charades because I forgot important words, much less form a nonprofit ministry, design a website, craft a vision, define a mission, and leap buildings in a single bound!!

In all reality, I'm probably not being completely fair to God in my assessment of the information He's given me over the last couple years. After all, after a lot of prayer and deliberation, we were able to discern that it was His will for me to stop working and stay at home (despite the fact that the math didn't work). The decision to homeschool wasn't far behind and was also Spirit-led. Then, Josiah and I both felt like He was pushing us to start a ministry.

I guess that's a lot of movement for a couple years' time, huh? It just FEELS SO SLOOOOOW.

And just now...right this very moment...I found a scripture that convicted me and lifted my spirits simultaneously:

"For still the vision awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end—

it will not lie.

If it seems slow, 

 it will surely come; it will not delay."

Habakkuk 2:3

Or how about this one from Psalm 27:14:

"Wait for the Lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the Lord!"

While I started writing this post with no clear message or intention, God decided to make Himself clear through - shocker - His Word. It seems, for all the studying I've done in the Bible lately, all I really had to do was a 5 second Google search.

Someone remind me of that next time, please.

So, today, if you're anything like me, and you desperately want to move forward, but God seems to have other plans, meditate on these Scriptures (and the MANY others you can find just by googling "What the Bible says about God's timing" - I really do feel kind of idiotic).

God has a plan for your life...and mine. If we're waiting and willing, then He will surely reveal His plan in time...

but you better be ready to GO when He does!! Right Pastor Freddy? 

Kids are people?!

I've had a revelation, and with that revelation came some conviction.

The revelation: our kids are TOTALLY people!!

I know, it sounds foreign, and as much as my father-in-law is convinced kids are plastic (family joke), I have discovered they are, indeed, flesh and blood people.

I know you're confused right now. As always, I have a story...

I have been very upset with a couple of adults lately at church because it got back to my child that they were speaking ill of her.

She used to love going to church and now, she still enjoys the Word, but heaviness hangs over her when she's there. She feels whispers around her, probably even when none exist...because you know, that's what gossip does.

How dare they!! Despite what they may think, our children are people, too, and talking about them is gossip just as much as speaking about an adult is. They're hurting my child! 

And then, the Holy Spirit swooped in with conviction for me...as He often does.

How often have I spoken ill about my children to other people? How often, when someone is sharing about their teenage daughter woes, have I (in an attempt to sympathize) said, "I don't really have those problems with Des, but man are we scared of when Emily gets there!" and many other things about all of my kids.

Ya know what? That's not nice. 

I learned before Josiah and I were even married that I should cover him in my speech (Time Warp Wife), but unfortunately, I didn't learn the lesson about my kids...until now.

Should we revisit what the Bible says about gossip?

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,

but only such as is good for building up,as fits the occasion,

that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy.

Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure.

Psalm 101:5

If anyone thinks he is religious

and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart,

this person's religion is worthless.

James 1:26

...and MANY more. Ouch.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I know sometimes we need parenting advice; we need prayer for this journey. However, if that's the case, then we should following the same rules for that as we would for getting advice and prayer for our marriages - seeking wise Christian counsel in confidence, always being aware that we should still speak respectfully, even in times of trouble.

As a general rule - when seeking advice concerning anything that concerns another person, follow exactly the same guidelines you would want them to follow were they seeking advice about you.

What? You wouldn't want them talking to 20 different people to ask for advice and "get prayer" about you? You wouldn't want them to talk to people who wouldn't protect your relationship and may jump on the "ill-speaking" bandwagon?

Huh - interesting.

It's the golden rule, folks. "Do to others as you would have them do to you" Luke 6:31.

And, as it turns out, this doesn't just apply to grown-ups or people you haven't birthed. 

I guess I have some apologies to make. How about you?

Linking up with:

Time Warp Wife

Juana Mikels

Simply Beth

Out of Control

Today's post is courtesy of none other than my wonderful husband, Josiah. Eventually, when I'm able to get the other blog up and running, we'll both be contributors. Until then, he's posting fabulous thoughts like this on my blog!! 

Angst.

Alissa had asked me a simple question earlier that evoked a rather difficult response.

I told her I felt like I’m bracing for an accident that’s about to come.

You know what that is - that scary feeling where you know you’re not in control. When you’re not excited about what comes next because you feel pretty certain that whatever may happen, it’s not going to be easy, someone may get hurt somehow, and that there’s going to be potential carnage.

I don’t know why I have that feeling, but I know I've been fighting it for days now, and now...it’s my turn to write a late-night "lesson learned."

Guess what?!

I’m not in control. And that is a good thing. God alone knows what's best for me, and I’m tired of fighting for every square inch of what I think is better than where I am now.

Outside of that, there’s the fact that I’m human, and I have a HUGE tendency to not even really know what I want, not appreciate it when it’s actually mine, and then of course, I normally find out what I wanted initially wasn't what was actually good for me to begin with.

I can’t help but think sometimes that yes, God is in control, and He knows what’s best, BUT God doesn't help those who don’t help themselves.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

First of all, did I just have the AUDACITY to place limits upon GOD??

Second, way, way, waaaaaaay beyond that… how in the world did I in any way, or could I in any way, help myself to salvation?

Obviously, I know I didn't. All I can do is accept that He brought salvation to the doorsteps of my heart, left it there, and rang the doorbell. All I had to do was accept that it is out of my control, and cede control over my own life.

So now, I find myself in a giant tug-o-war against God. When I finally take time to think about it, I see how truly foolish this is…

Yep. Creator of the universe. Conqueror of death. Uh-huh. Him.

When I take the time to think about it, (which isn't nearly often enough) I know that my angst, confusion, and struggle for control should all be let go.

I know Psalms 46:10:

"Be still and know that I am God."

I should be still and know that He is God. 

That’s God baring down and knocking on my forehead saying, "hey, you…I got this. I’ve got you. You don’t even know what I've got for you."

And then I can remember every time God has come through. 

The time when we needed a van upgrade pretty seriously, and things worked out to where we got it at an unbelievable bargain.

That time when we were out in the mountains of Tennessee and the transmission went out, and we didn't really have to worry at all about anything because of ALL the help we received from many different people along the way.

That time when bills were running late and there was money stuffed in a Christmas card anonymously that helped so much.

Yup. That God.

So tonight, on the way home driving in my car, I was praying, “God, I want the best of what you have in store for me and my family…but…what is Your will??”

DING!

Another Bible verse I memorized popped into my mind! Or three.

I’m going to separate them because I don’t think I or anyone else gets the importance of it until we look at each one individually.

1 Thessalonians 5:16 -  Rejoice always,

Convicted. I've been focusing on my problems and not the solution.

17 pray continually, 

Convicted. I have been praying, but not properly. I've been focusing on what I needed to have or to be. I haven’t been focusing on what God needs me to be. I've been praying selfishly.

18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Convicted. By praying over what I felt were my needs, I wasn't being grateful. I have been on edge, wary of disappointment or shortcoming, but I am loved and cared for beyond anything I could ever have imagined by the most powerful being that has existed and ever will...and that's enough for me.

After all of this, a very specific hymn came to mind, and I'll close with this…

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.

      Refrain:
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
He taketh my burden away,
He holdeth me up and I shall not be moved,
He giveth me strength as my day.

With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And filled with His fullness divine,
I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God!
For such a Redeemer as mine.

When clothed with His brightness transported I rise
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love,
I’ll shout with the millions on high.

The Prodigal Friend

I don't really have time to sugar-coat things this morning, so we're just going to get down to some raw reality.

I sat in church on Sunday and listened to a woman give a testimony that was very touching. I appreciated every minute of it, but I sat right there in my church pew and let envy crawl all over me (okay, I was in a chair, actually, because we were in the Family Life Center...same thing).

What caused this reaction during this lovely, emotionally charged testimony?

She was thankful for her best girlfriend.

That's all.

She was so desperately thankful for her best girlfriend, and then, later, I saw pictures of them on facebook together...and again, I felt so envious.

God doesn't like envy. I don't know where to even begin to illustrate this Biblically because it's just all over the place. But we'll start here:

But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart,

don't brag and lie in defiance of the truth.

Such wisdom does not come down from above,

but is earthly, sensual, and demonic.

For where envy and selfish ambition exist,

there is disorder and every kind of evil.

(James 3:14-16)

OUCH, right?

So, because I'd prefer to not be filled with "disorder and every kind of evil," I suppose we should get down to removing this envy.

There are going to be people who read this who will be so confused because I am their friend. There will also be people who will be confused because I don't look like I need any more friends.

First, one can never have too many friends. I love friends.

Second, I do have wonderful girlfriends. I have beautiful women in my life that love me and I love them.

So why the envy?

Because I'm missing out on the deeper relationships! I want a bestie! (or 5...whatever). I want to feel deep in my heart like I have girlfriends who are always there, who want to spend time with me, and who get me. Why don't I feel that way?!

Because I'm not taking care of those relationships. 

I'm not taking care of my friends. There's a nasty, hard reality.

I'm a busy girl, right? When this degree is done, then I'll have time to foster my friendships. After Christmas, I'll have more time to spend with them. When I'm done with this project or that project, then there will be more time.

Consider this verse:

And let us consider 

how we may spur one another on

toward love and good deeds,

not giving up meeting together, 

as some are in the habit of doing,

but encouraging one another-

and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

(Hebrews 10:24-25)

We always see it and say, "See? That's why we go to church!" But honestly, is that it? I don't think so. When was the last time you really had time to spur someone on toward love and good deeds on Sunday morning? Not just in Sunday School or passing in the hallway while you herd your children, but on a deep personal level?

Exactly.

If I want to have a bestie or 5, then I am going to have to MAKE time, just like every other relationship in my life. 

I will not be close to Jesus if I don't make time for him. 

I will not be close to my husband if I don't make time for him.

I will not be close to my children if I don't make time for them.

I will not be close to my friends if I don't make time for them.

In the middle of the night last night I woke up dreaming of the parable of "The Prodigal Son" and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. I prayed that God would help me find the reason, if there was one. I didn't get it until JUST NOW, in the middle of writing this post. I actually took the time to look up the word "prodigal." It means this: "spending money or resources freely or recklessly; wastefully extravagant." 

OUCH.

I have been so wastefully extravagant with my friends and have not guarded my friendships as I should.

What's even more convicting about the whole thing is that, when I woke up thinking about the parable in the middle of the night, I woke up thinking about the son's humility. He came back to his father groveling...not that the father required that, but it was still necessary for his own heart. He had to be broken by his behavior.

So here I sit...broken by my wastefulness and truly repentant.

To my friends, if you're reading this, please forgive me (although I'm sure I'll be getting in touch with you personally). Please forgive me, and please help me. Please drag me out of my house, away from my books and the 8 million other things I have going on. Please help me foster a deeper relationship with you.

I miss you, and I love you.

Most sincerely,

Your prodigal friend

Linking up with:

Time Warp Wife

Juana Mikels

Simply Beth

Catching A Thief

There's a thief in my house. I just know it. I keep noticing something is stolen, and as much as I try to get it back, I just can't.

It's time. My time is being stolen, and I know just who is taking it.

Yes...facebook.

I don't mean to be there. I get on the laptop to do schoolwork (necessary), write a blog post (necessary), or research something (necessary), and then, somehow, before I even know it's happening, my cursor is in the navigation bar and my fingers are flitting across the keyboard. I don't even have to type in the whole word...my computer just knows. 

"fac" + enter = facebook

Once I'm there, I just go to look at just one thing. Or just tell one person something.

Before I know it, I'm scrolling mindlessly through status updates, pictures, e-cards, blog posts, and share if you love your _______.

I wish I could say I just do it on the laptop, but the thief is on my phone, too! 

I'm in the car with my husband and kids...I'll check facebook.

I'm watching a movie...I'll check facebook.

I'm in bed...I'll check facebook.

It's nuts.

It's almost as though my brain is so used to being engaged in multiple things at a time that I just can't simply concentrate on one thing. Instead of just being in the car with my husband and/or children and taking in what's going on around me, my mind has to busy itself.

It's sad.

And let's be real here, people: no one is holding a gun to my head and telling me to read status updates. The thief isn't really facebook, it's my own poor choices.

Right now I'm at a point where I want to be very purposeful and mindful of everything I do: talking to God, speaking to my children, eating, spending time with loved ones...let's just add facebook to that list. It's time I acknowledged the problem. That's the first step, right?

I won't say I won't visit facebook anymore. Like anything else, it's fine in moderation, but I've let it get out of control.

It's time to reign it in.

What thieves do you allow in your home that steal your time? Your joy? Your peace?

I'll leave you with a few verses today that I'm meditating on in relation to this. Do you have more to add to the list?

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

(Proverbs 25:28)

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. 

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, 

but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape,

 that you may be able to endure it.

(1 Corinthians 10:13)

For God gave us a spirit not of fear

but of power and love and self-control.

(2 Timothy 1:7)

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, 

but only one receives the prize? 

So run that you may obtain it. 

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. 

They do it to receive a perishable wreath, 

but we an imperishable. 

So I do not run aimlessly; 

I do not box as one beating the air. 

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, 

lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

(1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Playing with Razors

My little Ryan hurt himself yesterday. Although he's been told many times not to, he decided to touch his sister's razor in the bathroom.

Sometimes, it's just hard to be a little boy with sisters.

He came to me with a bloody thumb and tears in his sad, little eyes and wailed, "Mommy it hurts!"

I bandaged his little digit and gave him hugs. In this situation he'd already gotten punishment enough, but he did get a little speech.

We talked about why mommies and daddies have rules: to keep their children from getting hurt. We also talked about God's rules for us: they are for our benefit, and keep us from getting hurt. Emily chimed in at that point and said, "And to keep us from hurting other people."

*sigh* I don't know if she knows the weight of her statement

My sister-in-law, Jamie, wrote a beautiful blog post recently about her walk with God, and it so mirrored mine. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I just didn't get it. I had no idea how to go about living it. I thought there were "good Christians," and then there was me, and I tried, but I just couldn't be that good. I was too dirty. 

I made decisions for my life and never once consulted God because I prayed, but I had no clue how to hear His voice in my life; so why pray about decisions? 

I was flying on a wing and a prayer. My plane was in bad shape, and all my instruments were down. I didn't know where I was going, but I hoped I was still sort of in one piece when I got there.

Just to let you know, that's not a good way to go through life.

But then, God brought people into my life that showed me how to walk with Him...and it changed my life forever. He bandaged my wounded heart and continues to every day.

Last night I had dessert with my gorgeous young friend and her wonderful boyfriend. We talked about the blog and church, and she said she's trying to find God for herself. She's had some bad experiences with religion and church and hypocrisy and seeing unfaithful Christians, and now she's trying to work out her faith.

Oh my heart.

I told her I was proud of her and she needs to find Jesus for herself. Hear this: you cannot own someone else's religion. It has to be yours, in your heart. I have faith that she'll find Him, and I'll help her any way I can.

But it made me think back to when I was younger...all three years ago or so. I thought back to all the times I was claiming Jesus and clamoring around in the dark. I think again about people I may have misled or turned away from the gospel. I've asked for forgiveness, and I know it's been granted, but often accepting it is the hardest part.

Please understand this, and I say it not with condemnation but from experience - if you are claiming Jesus, but walking in darkness (not reflecting His light), then you are actively working for the other side. I see that now. There is no middle ground. I wasn't helping, so I was hurting...that's just how it is.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, 

that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 

If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, 

we lie and do not practice the truth. 

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, 

we have fellowship with one another, 

and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

(1 John 1:5-7, ESV)

So, if you're there, walking in darkness, and you want to know how to walk in The Light, contact me. Email me (alissaandjosiah@yahoo.com); facebook me (https://www.facebook.com/daizygirl1979); comment here; heck, send carrier pigeons, whatever it takes. If you don't want to talk to me, call or email my pastor, Jim Weston, at Menchville Baptist Church (757-877-4532; pastorjim@menchvillebaptist.com).

Just don't go another day without claiming what is already yours! All you have to do is reach out and take it! There may be a cost (there is with every decision), and it probably won't be painless; I won't tell you a lie. But I will tell you this: it is always worth it. HE is always worth it. The relationship with Him is always worth it.

Life has many "razors", and unfortunately, most of them look like they'd be fun to touch. God's Word is there for us, not to hinder us from having fun, but to keep us and others, safe. We all have scars from the razors we've played with, but God is waiting, hearing our desperate cries saying, "Jesus it hurts!" 

But He's still waiting: to dry our tears, bandage our wounded hearts, and teach us the lessons we so desperately need. Let Him.

Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

Linking up with:
Simply Beth
Juana Mikels
Time Warp Wife

Give Me A Break...Or Not

Yesterday was a rough day. The busyness of the past couple weeks came back to haunt me as I tried desperately to get all my assignments done.

I don't really remember the kids going to bed last night, and at some point Josiah disappeared, too. I finished my assignments around 9:30, and then wrote a blog that I finished posting and linking around 10:30. By that time, I was way too awake to try to go to sleep, so I spent some time online trying to decompress for about an hour. I still didn't sleep well, though. Sometimes, if my brain is engaged for too long, there's just no shutting it off, unfortunately.

Then, this morning, long after Josiah had already left for work, he sent me a text asking how I slept. I told him, "not well at all," and asked how he slept. His response:

"Okay. Why'd you wait so long to come to bed?"

Awww, I thought to myself, he missed me.

I explained to him what I just explained above, that I was trying to decompress for a bit. I thought he'd get that, and maybe he did, but I could still tell he was irritated with me.

And then, I started to get irritated.

He escapes every now and then. He'll retreat to the room and play his guitar or work on his music. Why don't I get a break?

I spent all day homeschooling, making purchases for projects, helping with a government lapbook, putting together dinner, leading devotions, and getting my assignments done...all with four kids asking questions and making noise. Don't I deserve a break, too?!

Then...as always...conviction.

My husband didn't want me to come to bed to get in the way of my break...he wanted to BE my break.

And then I saw him in my head:

His tired eyes last night as he waited for me to get done with my assignments;

His sweet face when he brought me home the Diet Dr. Pepper and dark chocolate because he knew I'd be stressed;

His willingness to get the kids in bed and take care of things last night so I could do what I needed to do.

This man LOVES me. He CARES about me. He WANTS me. And here I am whining about it.

So, now this is me, sitting down at the table and pouring a steaming cup of conviction for myself, heaped with a healthy dose of repentance.

How about you? Care to sit with me? If you'll share this cup with me, I think you'll find that, often, the little things that annoy you most about your husband can be turned into something positive...something that initially you loved and cherished in him.

Does he spend too much time watching sports? Perhaps you were initially drawn to his manly, competitive side.

Does he forget to pick up his socks or leave a mess in the sink? Perhaps you were initially drawn to his laid-back nature.

Does he fail to plan and change plans often? Perhaps you were initially drawn to his spunk and spontaneity.

Does he have a hard time being serious, often saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? Perhaps you were initially drawn to his sense of humor.

No matter what the "little thing" is, it can probably be traced back to something you loved and cherished about him in the beginning. I urge you today to take those things that irritate you, and find the good in them.

We should seek the good in others, just as we want them to always seek the good in us, looking over our flaws. "Do to others as you would have them do to you....Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6: 31,36, NIV).

So tonight, just after the kids go to bed, know where I'll be? In that bed, waiting for my wonderful, loving, caring husband because I've got some making up to do...

and maybe, just maybe, you do too.

Linking up with:

Eating My Heart Out

Ever feel like a broken record...like when you say the same thing over and over and over to your kids, but they just don't get it.

Right now, my life feels like a broken record.  I keep living the same moments over and over and over, each time saying, "I'm glad I learned that lesson; now I can move on!"

But I don't.  I haven't.

*sigh*

Picture this:

Everything is fine.  I've made waffles for everyone for breakfast, and we're all getting showered and ready for church.  Everyone is happy.  All is well and right in the world.

But then I have to get dressed...again.

I hate getting dressed.

It's an odd thing for a grown woman to say, right?  But I really do hate it.  I hate staring into a closet-full of clothes that don't fit, feeling like I'm expanding even as I stare at them.

What to wear?

I actually have some very pretty things that fit, but let's face it - you can put glorious satin on a sack of potatoes, and it doesn't make the potatoes look better...it just makes the satin look lumpy.

I just feel awful right now.  Awful.

So, as I stood there staring at the clothes, the gnawing began, and by the time we left for church my heart was being enthusiastically devoured by self-loathing, the kind of self-loathing that spills out over onto everyone it comes in contact with.

My children wanted to know what's wrong and they asked me to cheer up, so I snapped at them.  Josiah wanted to hold my hand, but I didn't want to reach out.

I just wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and lay there.

And, of course, we had to be going to church.  We had to be going somewhere I have to smile and pretend like the demon, Self-Loathing, isn't hunched in the corner of my psyche gobbling my heart like Georgie Porgie shoving in Christmas pie.

All I can think is, "Why don't I have any self-control?  I'm not working right now; why haven't I been working out?  Why do I let myself get like this.  I'll tell you why, Self, because you're lazy.  Josiah is working himself to the bone and you can't even put the fork down and burn a calorie or two." 

And the demon eats.

Maybe I'm learning a couple lessons after all, though.

On the way to church, I closed my eyes and prayed.  I didn't want to; the demon was having too much fun, and in the end, we're sinful, disgruntled creatures, are we?  But I did; I prayed.

I told God I was mad at myself.  I told him I don't understand why I'm this way, and thanked Him for everything He had given me and everything He has done for me.  I just can't seem to win this battle.  I fight and I fight and I fight and temptation and twinkies always win.  I gave it to Him though.  Right there in the minivan while Josiah drove to church I prayed and I handed my mangled heart to Him.  And do you know what my Savior did?

He healed it.

I walked into the church and instead of feeling like the walls were pressing in on me and I needed to get out, I felt enveloped by the people in our loving congregation, and before I could get to the nursery my heart was lighter.  In no time at all, I had forgotten my heart was ever-eaten.  It was whole.

When we took Communion, I handed my blackened heart over again.  I handed Him that sin of self-loathing and quite a few others, and as always, He handed my heart back again, clean and new.

Perhaps that's the lesson to be learned here.  We all struggle with things, sometimes the same thing...the same demon....

Self-Loathing
Gluttony
Sloth
Anger
Alcoholism
Greed
Pride

The list could go on forever.

But we can never stop handing it over.  Only when we stop handing it over to God are we truly defeated.  He wants us to give it to Him so He can fill our hearts with grace.

Lesson learned...for today.

Picking Up My Sword

Good morning, everyone!

Guess what I have for everyone this morning?  A healthy dose of conviction! Don't you just LOVE that first thing in the morning?  No. Whoops.  We're going there anyway.

I, along with many of my Christian friends, have been caught saying, "I just can't memorize Scripture" or "I kinda know some Bible verses, but I never remember references."  Like a spoiled rotten rich girl tossing fiscal responsibility out the car window, we as Christians are collectively claiming, "I've no head for such things."

But that's okay right?   It's okay that I can't remember Scripture because I know what it says basically.  I know the gist of the Bible.  It's cool.

Yeah...probably not.  Not cool.

Conviction doesn't always hit you in the face like a hammer.  Sometimes it starts slowly and just starts to burn a bit...like hot coals warming up on the grill.  

The embers were first lit while listening to a sermon in the car by Dr. David Jeremiah.  My mother-in-law lent me a whole series on Spiritual Warfare forever ago, but I didn't start listening to them until recently.  

In the series, Dr. Jeremiah expounds upon the spiritual battle we all face as Christians and the spiritual armor we all need to fight the battle, which is found in Ephesians 6:10-18. 

We're at the end of the series now: we've reached the Sword of Truth, which is the Word of God.

I always thought the "sword" was the Word as a whole.  Dr. Jeremiah said he's even seen people refer to their Bibles as their swords...but that's not actually the case.

Greek is a tricky language.

In the Bible, the whole Word of God, or the message of God, in Greek is logos (pronounced Low-goss). When Jesus is referred to as "the Word" in Scripture, it is the term logos that is used, if I'm not mistaken.

However, that is not the word used in the Bible in Ephesians 6:17 when Paul says:

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,

which is the word of God.

Here "word" is the Greek word Rhema (Ray-mah); literally, it means "utterance," but contextually it means the Word of God applied to your situation...the Word of God written on your heart and spoken directly to you.

Confused yet?  Hang on--we'll get through, I promise.

Dr. Jeremiah explained it like this: The Bible is not the sword.  The Bible is the armory, which contains many swords.  When you read a verse (logos) and it speaks directly to your heart, in your situation, it becomes your sword (rhema)...God's word TO YOU.

That's crazy powerful, right?

The issue is, even when God speaks to our hearts through his Word, when he writes those words directly onto our souls, we're dropping them.  Can you imagine?  God is handing us gifts, and then, after the crisis, after the moment, after the turning point, we just drop it. He's handing us swords--personal, intimate gifts from him to us--and we're dropping them.

Then, the fiery coals of conviction got hotter when I went to an Awana leaders' meeting where we watched a video and one of the founders was speaking on the importance of memorizing Scripture.  This 90-odd year old man recited an entire Chapter of Isaiah (53) with passion and emotion, and he challenged leaders to do the same.

Ya see, even Awana leaders, people who are teaching children to memorize Scripture are not doing it themselves...like our brains are too old and addled for such nonsense. 

Poppycock.

We're wrong--just plain wrong. He knows it. Dr. David Jeremiah knows it. I know it.

And now...so do you.

Let me ask you something...

Can you quote your favorite movies?  Word for word?

What about your favorite songs?  Sing them at the top of your lungs?

How about your kids' favorite movies?  The ones you don't even like, but you've heard them as background noise for so long that you just know them...memorize those?

You mean, your brain doesn't freeze and go into a coma when you start to quote those things?  Huh...that's interesting.  Wonder why it's different?  

Well, duh, we know why it's different right?  We've heard and seen those movies and songs over and over and over.

DOH!  That's the clincher...that's the sword to the heart.

Maybe we should be in God's Word 

more than Hollywood or the radio.

Yup. Convicting right?

I challenge you: today memorize a Bible verse.  Today.  Sit down, open your Bible, and memorize a verse and the reference (where it's found in the Bible).  I guarantee you can do it...probably in ten minutes...or less.

You see, that's what I've found in all this.  It's not that I CAN'T memorize Scripture, it's that I DON'T, and those are two entirely different words.

Here's the deal, folks, the sword isn't doing you any good in the armory.  Only when you take up your sword(s) are you equipped to do battle in the spiritual war that is raging around you (and it is, whether you like it or not...whether you acknowledge it or not).

Body of Christ, I'm begging you--pick up your swords.

No Apologies

This is second in my series of "Oh my loving Jesus, thank you for sending me to the Women of Faith conference!" posts.  It's days later, and honestly, I'm still gushing a bit.  I just feel like someone plugged me into a spiritual battery charger; I feel like my soul has been renewed.

This post is somewhat of a continuation of my last post (which you can see here).  For those of you at church last Sunday, it's like the second half of the testimony you heard...with maybe slightly more detail.

My children frustrate me so much sometimes.  Sometimes I feel like nothing I give them is ever enough.  If we go to Busch Gardens, then why can't we get ice cream afterward?  If we go to the movies, why can't we go somewhere else afterward?  Why can't they have? Why can't they do?  Their friends have blah, and their friends have blah blah; why can't they?  They're actually very grateful sometimes, but in those other times...man, it irritates the snot out of me.  It also makes me sad.

How sad do I make God?

I consistently compare myself and my abilities to other people's.  I sing decently, but I'm no Crystal Lewis from high school (she was and is A-MAZING) or Sandi Patty or Mandisa.  I think I write pretty well, but I'll never be a Priscilla Shirer or Beth Moore.  I can speak decently in front of people, but I can't imagine impacting people like these other women and men.

They're something special.  I'm just Alissa.

How often have I saddened my God?  How often has He looked on me lovingly with sadness in His eyes and said, "Oh precious Alissa, why can't you appreciate what I've already given you?  Why must you compare yourself to everyone else to find your worth?  I have given you just what you need to accomplish MY purposes for your life; for those things you are perfectly equipped."

I'm just a spoiled child; nothing He's given me is ever enough.

At one point on Saturday, Sheila Walsh told a story about singing for a Billy Graham event early in her career.  She said when she finished she thought, "Well that just wasn't all that good."  Of course, the "alter calls" for Billy Graham events are legendary, and she just knew no one would come up and they :would "put two and two together" and realize it was her fault.  Nevertheless, they flocked up.  She said she realized in that one moment that we get caught up in what we can and can't do, but when we are anointed by God there is no end to what He can do with us.  No end.

Dear Jesus, forgive me.

It was in those moments that I realized how much I take for granted and how much I compare myself with other people...and how tired I am of apologizing for who and what I am.

Tired.  Flat out tired.

I'm tired of apologizing for my voice that carries and my big personality.  I'm tired of feeling like a pit of mediocrity and secretly harboring the fear that nothing I do will never measure up.

"For it was You who created my inward parts;

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful and I know this very well.

My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret,

when I was formed in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw me when I was formless;

all of my days were written in Your book

and planned before a single one began."

Psalm 139:13-16

I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13) and if I am using the talents, personality, strengths, and gifts He's given me for His purposes and seeking His will, then I have nothing to apologize for.

Nothing.

I'm Alissa Shea Coburn.  

Most of the time I'm sunny like Rainbow Bright and my personality, voice, and butt are big. 

I have a great singing voice; it's not perfect, but I'm working on it.  

Sometimes I get so caught up in singing for my Jesus, and it's loud and bold, but then I mess up the words because I'm too immersed to look at the screen. 

I am crazy in love with my husband and my kids, and I'll probably gush about them if you give me the chance.

I love to write, and I want to be published one day.

I goofy and grinning loud and loving.

I'm Alissa, and this is the way my God made me.

I will try to learn.  I will try to improve.  I will try to grow.

But right now, right now I'm exactly who I should be for this moment and He's given me everything I need to accomplish His purposes today....

and that's all I need.



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Pet Peeves

"Do you have any pet peeves about me?  Other than the whole scratching my feet thing?"

That was the question that was presented to me by my husband the night before last.  My first thought was that we were about to go into dangerous territory, and my next thought I posed to him audibly:

"Why do ask?  Do you have pet peeves about me?"

He said he didn't, and that wasn't why he was asking the question...he just wanted to know.

Well...in that case....

I started to think about whether I had any "pet peeves" and what they were.  I even got ready to name some...

"Ugh..when we put plastic containers away, is it absolutely necessary to just pile them willy-nilly?"

"Dishes - it grosses me out SO much when you leave the washcloth in the sink...just sitting there...producing mildew and nastiness."

"Everything is kind of half done...painting, the burner things on the stove, the stuff on the side porch getting cleaned out...it's all just kind of half done."

I could probably think of other things, but I never said them; something stopped me.

Initially, the only thing that stood in the way of my nag list was the fact that he may indeed have things that bother him about me, and I may open Pandora's box...yikes.  I mean, if something I do really bothers him, then I'd like for him to tell me, but starting a "I hate when you do this..." war didn't sound like a good idea.

I'm glad I kept my mouth shut.

When I was up in the middle of the night last night, I had some time to think about the subject, and I was able to grasp a little clarity.

This is deep...ya'll ready?

The things we call pet peeves are actually just things

we're letting the devil use to destroy our contentment.

Yup...I even brought Satan into it.  In all reality, it's debatable whether it's actually Satan because, unlike our God, Satan is not omnipotent, nor is he omnipresent.  Therefore, the actual culprit is probably just our sinful nature...but that came into play because of the fall of man, which Satan had a good part in, so we'll just go with that and leave the formal theological discussion for another day, m'kay?

Back to the statement though.  Is that accurate?  It kinda stings a little, right?  Because we all have those things about other people that drive us a little nuts, right?  It's completely normal, and I refuse to give up my little idiosyncrasies.  I refuse...even if they get in the way of me being the Christian God wants me to be...even if it means I'm not loving people the way I should.  This is me...get over it.

What's that sound like folks?  Ding, ding, ding!!  Survey says??  

IDOLATRY

Yes, sirs and madams, it would seem as though these little things we call "pet peeves" are our idols.  The little things that we allow to get between us and the love we should have for others.

For example, every single thing I listed about Josiah above can be countered with something positive...and infinitely more important (and honey, I sincerely hope you don't mind me using you as an example.  I love you).

• You scratch at your feet when they're flaky, and it grosses me out.  But your feet are like that because you work hard every day.  You stand on them all day long working to support our family.  Moreover, when was the last time I stopped thinking about my pregnancy swelling and whining about my feet and did something for you?  It's been a while hasn't it.  Convicted.
• You totally turn the storage containers into an inevitable plastic avalanche, and you do have a tendency to let the dish rag lay about...but unlike many husbands, you're helping me in the kitchen.  You've taken my working and being pregnant very seriously, and you are there working for us at every turn.  How many wives wouldn't give their right arms to have their husbands help in the kitchen? You cook quite frequently AND you end up doing the dishes a lot and cleaning up after us.  Convicted.
• Yes, there are things around here that are half done...but the reason they're only half done is because you're often too busy helping us do other things and spending quality time with us.  You're constantly shuttling kids places or doing things with and for me.  Do I expect you to work every second of your day?  When you have Sundays off, you could be getting stuff done around here, but nooooo, instead you're with us...in church...being and becoming a strong spiritual leader for our family, which is so much more important than whether things are half done in the house.  Convicted.

There isn't one thing I can list, not one "pet peeve," that doesn't have a much weightier counterpart...and I am  choosing to focus on the latter.

Further, I would hope he would extend the same grace to me.  I hope the little things I do that annoy him are drastically outweighed by the things he loves about me, and I hope he chooses to see the positive instead.

Would our marriages, and honestly, our relationships with others in general, be much healthier if we chose to concentrate on the positive instead of allowing our minds to be continually drawn toward the negative?

This is something I am going to pray about often...and with fervor.  Will you do the same?

(Listed below are scriptures I wanted to list with this, but I didn't want to lose the continuity of though.  Always important to link it back to the Word though!)

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:11-13

"Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love."  

Jonah 2:8

"Little children, keep yourselves from idols."

1John 5:21

"A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm"

Proverbs 27:15

"Better to live on a corner of the roof
    than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

Proverbs 21:9

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:36-40