Saturday, July 23, 2016

The Worship Experience

Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker.
Psalm 95:6

Last night, our family attended The Worship Experience at our new church, Freedom Life Church (FLC). I went prepared to..."worship," aka sing a lot of "worship" songs and have some fun praising God.

I left having experienced WORSHIP, and it was POWERFUL.

Unfortunately, I didn't know what to say beyond that.  I felt a strong urge to write about it. I posted on facebook that it was an experience like nothing I had ever had...but how to put that experience into WORDS?

If you Google the definition of "worship" you get: 

wor·ship
ˈwərSHəp/
noun
  1. 1.
    the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity.
    "the worship of God"
    synonyms:reverencevenerationadoration, glorification, gloryexaltationMore
verb
  1. 1.
    show reverence and adoration for (a deity); honor with religious rites.
    "the Maya built jungle pyramids to worship their gods"
    synonyms:reverereverencevenerate, pay homage to, honoradorepraise, pray to, glorify,exaltextol;





In the grand scheme of things, I guess that's about what I expected...a feeling...an expression. 

I expected ME...MY actions...MY worship. But then, GOD. 

It started much like many other worship experiences I've had: God showed up in my life in a major way to show me how much He loves me. Man...I must really take that for granted.

Earlier in the day yesterday, I posted on facebook about the C-section we have scheduled this Wednesday. I SAID I was "praising God for His goodness and sovereignty," because when I was writing the post all I could think of was the song, Good Good Father,  by Chris Tomlin.

You're a good, good Father, it's who You are...it's who You are.

As I was posting it, I knew of His goodness and power, but that didn't stop the FEAR because that's the reality. I have been absolutely terrified at the thought of lying there on a table, awake, while they cut me open and take out my baby. Terrified.

And then, of all the songs we could have possibly sung last night, what was the very first? Good Good Father...and I remembered, sang, and experienced the second part of the chorus:

You're a good, good Father; it's who You are...it's who You are.
And I'm loved by You; it's who I am...it's who I am.

When I posted to facebook, I knew He was a good, good Father...but I forgot that my entire identity as His child is encapsulated in the fact that I am LOVED by Him. It is WHO I AM.

He loves me...more deeply than I can ever possibly imagine..and He, the God of the entire universe, reached down to show me that by ordaining the very first song as mine. 

That's not the first time that has happened to me, though, so had it ended there. It would have been like a big, fat hug from Jesus (which once again, I think I take for granted), but last night was...so much MORE.

TWO HOURS, ya'll. We spent TWO HOURS, in song and in prayer, falling at the feet of the Creator of the Universe, expressing HIS MIGHT and HIS GLORY and HIS SOVEREIGNTY.

When you do that, spend that much time laying down at the feet of God and expressing His greatness, something amazing happens: everything else ceases to matter.

That's not to say that it all disappears.

People walked in there with money problems...
People walked in there with marriage problems...
People walked in there with health issues...
People walked in with walls and strongholds...

And guess what...people walked out of the building with a lot of those same things, BUT (and it's a BIG but), spending that much time and energy in worship puts every, single one of those things into perspective.

True worship doesn't make them disappear, but it shows how scrawny and insignificant they are in light of who HE is. And that, my friends, is POWERFUL.

As I write this, it occurs to me that it's still beyond words. Every attempt I make pales in comparison to the actual thing.

I'll never be able to put it into words.

However, there is a bottom line:

No matter what you're going through, today - no matter how hard, bad, frustrating or heart-breaking - situations in your life may seem, they are no more than mere situations, and they are NOTHING in comparison to the goodness, love, and power of our God, who reigns now and forevermore.

Today, I would encourage you to take some time...however long it takes...lay your burdens at His feet, and just spend some time WORSHIPING Him and PRAISING Him for who He is, and whatever you lay down at the foot of His throne will diminish in the light of His glory.

Raise your hands. Get on your knees. Reach up to the Sky. Fall down on your face. Whatever it takes.

Today, experience worship.


Saturday, July 9, 2016

Making a Move

**Today's post is brought to you today by my husband, Josiah!!**



For Alissa and I, we are in a season of transitions.

*Destiny will soon be heading off to college.
*Alissa is due to have baby number 6 in around 3 weeks.
*We are looking at a house in order to fit the needs of our growing family a little better.
*My car just sipped the last gallon of it's life, in all likelihood.
*I have been in a position where I've been required to work 6 to 7 days for a while now,     and that in turn has had its effects on things.
Case in point...a season of transitions.
We have also been talking for a while as to whether or not we should visit another church, and if we did, what we would look for in one, but we always put it off thinking “but we love our friends and the connections we have made, and how on earth do we leave them?”

For weeks, because of my work schedule, we were not able to attend church on Sunday together. So understanding the difficulty my quite pregnant wife would have trying to wrangle 5 children with the 6th on the way...we decided she shouldn't be doing church by herself on Sunday morning.

Instead, we would fill the gap by visiting a church that we had visited twice before when things were in similar circumstances. On a Saturday night.

Logistically, it made a ton of sense. It's much easier to make sure everyone is functioning at a decent level, fed, clean, and dressed by 6:30 in the evening than it is in order to make the early service at 9 am, or Sunday school at 10. I also would be off of work in plenty of time to do that as well.

Not only that, but  I am not willing to sacrifice worshiping God as family, spending that time together and the conversations that it opens later, 

So, the first Saturday we walk in... the praise and worship isn't traditional, and it's not contemporary, and it's not gospel...it's all of it. The band is pouring their hearts out on stage to God, and the congregation has its hands up and tears in their eyes, singing for God's glory.

I was. My wife was. My kids were.

The message was powerful. It struck a chord with everyone in our family that heard it, and the message relayed to me after I picked up the little ones was one from the kids that “I need Jesus. I need God.”

After some time of discussion and attending the next week, seeing excitement in Emily about her spiritual growth and how some of messages impacted her, I encouraged her to visit the youth group. She left so excited she barely left room to breathe.

The ride home we didn't talk about her most recent favorite boy band or musician or somebody she met...

She was so impacted by the message. It was exactly what she needed, when she needed it, put in a way that was completely accessible, doable, and made so much sense to her.

She had a fire inside of her that I hadn't seen in her before.

Little Phinehas and Avery have been coming home and singing “Jesus loves me” in the car.

So we have had a discussion with our pastor, and told him that we felt God was calling us to a new church home: Freedom Life. He told us he was glad we were listening for God and wanting to do what God was calling us to. He was very encouraged that we were following the Holy Spirit...that's why we love him so much.

We have decided that we don't have a choice.

As the head of our household, I have to nurture spiritual growth in my children; I have to challenge them.

And I can't tell you how excited I am to see this seed planted and growing in our entire family.

There is a season and a time for everything, and we know that God has used and will use everything that has occurred and has yet to occur for His glory. We appreciate the role MBC has played and love the people we have come to know. The pastor has our utmost respect and admiration.

The only reason Alissa and I are saying any of this is because we know people leaving a church can sometimes be...well...awkward. Do you say something? Do you simply disappear? Who do you tell?

But we don't really feel like we're “leaving” the church at all. We might not still attend worship in that building, but the “church” isn't a building, it's the body of believers in Christ Jesus, and we aren't leaving the people we love at all.

We are not abandoning our friendships. We will continue to care for you and pray for you, and we would love to continue to spend time with you.

We still need you in our lives as mentors, people that pray for us, and people that we can still invest in.

We are casting our nets to the other side of the boat, so to speak, because we feel that's what God has called us to, and we already seeing some of the blessing He has in store.

We can look back and be excited and see God's hand in where we have been, and where we are going, and we trust Him to lead us.

As time goes by, there will probably be more and more references to our new church home here and on facebook, so we wanted to be clear about what was going on with us.

Wish us well and pray for us! We are praying for our church family, too...no matter the building in which they worship, or whether they worship in a building at all.





Monday, July 4, 2016

Celebrating Dependence Day

Today's post is brought to you by a lot of pain and turmoil, and just as a warning, it's pretty long. All of my posts are "real," but this one is a little raw.

Josiah and I have been arguing far more than normal lately. Frankly, we don't argue much, so any amount is more than normal, but the last couple weekends have been rough...

Verbal, knock-down, drag-out rough.
Screaming, crying, cussing, about to yank off the steering wheel rough.

I'm not going to go into the reasons for the arguments because, really, they're beside the point. I am, however, going to reveal how the Holy Spirit has been working in our lives through it because there are a couple of critical lessons I want to share.

This week's fighting started on Friday afternoon with one VERY poorly expressed text on my part. That's all it took...one text. From there, Josiah felt disrespected. I felt unloved. "The Crazy Cycle" had begun (for more on the Crazy Cycle, look up Love and Respect, by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs).

The cycle churned on into Friday night and, and by Saturday morning, I wouldn't even let him kiss me goodbye when he went to work. By Saturday afternoon, we had said some things that I thought might have caused irreparable damage.

Throughout all this, my sweet sis-in-law, Jamie, was checking in with me to make sure I was okay, and praying for me.

Jamie is one of my people. She's a safe place for me to land my deepest thoughts and my worst marital (or other) issues. She will always protect my marriage and point me toward Jesus.

At one point, Jamie encouraged me to just give everything over to God, to lay it at His feet. She said she just wanted to urge me to put on my armor and get out there and fight.

My reply wasn't pretty.

I told her I couldn't fight anymore. I told her I had, quite literally, laid down and told Jesus that I was ready to just let Satan have it because I couldn't fight anymore. I had prayed and cried and been on my knees, and I just couldn't do it anymore. My armor was war-torn and missing, and I was dying on the battlefield. 

None of that is easy to type. It's pretty embarrassing. I'm pretty ashamed that those were my words...but they were. It's honest.

However, even though I had already spoken those words to Jesus, the process of writing them and reading them brought on such a strong conviction from the Holy Spirit.

I typed back to Jamie, Crap! Fine! I'll get one my knees one more time. Okay???

I dragged myself into the bedroom, dropped to my knees, and cried out to Jesus. There was no eloquent prayer, no recitation of scripture...just sobbing and sighing and Jesus help me.

Finally, when I was all cried out, I laid my pregnant self down on the floor. The only thing that came to mind was the song Holy Spirit by Francesca Battistelli.

Holy Spirit you are welcome here,
come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.
Your glory God is what our hearts long for,
to be overcome by your presence, Lord.

Over and over, I mumbled the words, until finally, I again had the strength to stand and go back in with my kiddos.

I would LOVE to tell you that, because of all that, my heart was ready to greet Josiah when he walked through the door, but that's just not the case. I am PRIDE-FULL, ya'll. I know that's not actually how you spell prideful, but it's really the most accurate representation of the real me.

Pride-FULL. FULL of PRIDE. That's me,

Lately, Josiah has been working on Sundays, so we've been going to Saturday services at Freedom Life Church in Hampton. We grudgingly got ready for church, not speaking to or looking at one another.

When it was time to leave, Josiah was in the restroom, and I didn't even tell him we were getting in the car. I just got the kids together and got in the van. For a split second I almost got into the driver's seat...almost. But I felt the Holy Spirit's nudge and walked around to the passenger seat.

What I didn't know until much later was that Josiah didn't think he was going to go to church with us at all...until he looked out and saw I was already in the passenger's seat. I had left the driver's seat open for him.

We drove to church in silence. I let him and Emily take the babies to the nursery as I trudged to the doors of the church...and then, a Lindsay happened. 

Lindsay is always the most REAL person you can imagine. Her favorite phrase is "just keepin' in real," and that means one thing...you can always be real WITH Lindsay, too.

I grabbed her and gave her a hug that you can only give someone who accepts you like that...the kind where you grab on for dear life and hold on for way too long.

And then I wasn't trudging into church alone...I was heading in with my sister in Christ. And that makes all the difference.

Sometime during the praise and worship, my heart was finally set free and I tried to grab hold of Josiah's hand...and he wouldn't budge...but I held on tight. I knew I just had to hold on tight.

And then...the Holy Spirit had us...both of us, and we held on to one another...and healing began.

In this long, long narrative, there are two lessons I'd like to highlight.

The first is this: we all need a Jamie and a Lindsay...and a few more besides. I am so grateful God has placed these godly women, among other people, in my life. We cannot traverse this earthly journey alone. God made us for relationships.

Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

Two are better than one
because they have a good reward for their efforts.
For if either falls, his companion can lift him up;
but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Saturday night, Pastor Freddy finished up a sermon series on Nehemiah. He said God placed Nehemiah exactly where he was in order to give him influence with the people he needed to in order to accomplish God's purpose.

He said God has also placed US exactly where we are, in a certain sphere of influence, in order to affect the people around us to accomplish God's purposes. 

Find people to walk with who will point you to Christ and lift you up in prayer, even when...especially when...you feel like you can't do it yourself.

And BE that person to the people around you, as well.

Second, always get on your knees one more time...and then, one more time after that.

In my prideful despair, I felt like putting on my armor and fighting meant being brave and standing up, but in reality, it simply meant getting on my knees and crying out to Jesus.

He's already won the battle. He already has the victory. Crying out to Him IS how we fight. Giving it all to him and admitting we can't do it alone IS how we stand firm in battle. 

I know...it's counter-intuitive.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is perfected in weakness."
Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power will reside in me.
So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes,
persecutions, and in pressures, concerning Christ.
For when I am weak,
then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

That verse took on new meaning for me yesterday.

And that's why I dragged you through the entire narrative. I'm a story-teller, it's what I do, but I firmly believe that Jamie's encouragement to put on my armor led to my submission to Christ on my knees, and that allowed the Holy Spirit to work in me enough to bring forth healing in our brokenness. 

Today, we celebrate Independence Day. I'm very proud to be a citizen of this great country, despite what may be occurring presently in the political realm, and I'm very grateful for the men and women who have fought for my freedom.

However, even more than that, today, I celebrate my dependence on Christ.

The sacrifice he made wasn't in battle, but he laid down his life for me. And now, through my dependence on Him, I am made free.

So if the Son sets you free,
you will be free indeed.
John 8:36

Celebrate FREEDOM today, my friends! Happy Dependence Day!