Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A Message for Josiah

You looked like this yesterday:


I could see the exhaustion in your eyes, and it made me hurt for you.  You work so hard for us and try diligently every day to be the best husband and step-dad possible.  You love my children.  You love me.  

I hurt for you.  And yet...

I still made you go out in the rain last night.  I watching you drag in after a long day and head to the shower.  I watched the trees swaying ominously in the backyard.  I prayed.  I had a plan after all.

I needed us desperately to do what we do: go to Fresh Market to look at all the amazing cool, expensive stuff we won't indulge in, only to get to the sweets section where we will.

You went...because I asked you to.  I could tell you didn't want to go, and my heart pounded the entire way there, but you went.

I casually tried to walk into the store, when all I really wanted to do was sprint to the bakery (well, sprint-hobble with my bad ankle).  I didn't though.  I looked at not-ripe-enough-yet avocados, ripe-but-too-pricey mangoes, and Chicken a la Venezia.  Meandering.  Yelling inside.

When we finally arrived at the bakery, I'd had enough of the show.  Like a spy in a cheesy B-movie I ever so not casually asked the worker if he had any "special" cupcakes back in the back...like I was asking for "special brownies" only this was way different.

You expressed confusion by the fact that I wasn't even looking at the cupcakes, and even more when the knowing bakery boy reached into the case and pulled out Mr. Special Cupcake.

I was disappointed...it was hard to read.  I wanted the message to be so clear.  I had waited since 10:30 a.m., and I needed desperately for the secret to be in the open.

"What the heck?!" you were thinking.  "Why are you trying to read bakery kid's 'special cupcake'?!"

So, I showed you this:

 

I read it to you in case it wasn't clear.  "It says, 'Dad 2 Be.'"

I looked in your eyes and watched my special message sink in.  I was so nervous...so happy...but so nervous.  

"You took a test today then?"

"No...I took two."

Clarity, hugs, kisses, and another cupcake for me.

We grabbed drinks, bought our goodies, and sat down to consume them and I had you pose like this:



The rest of the evening was a "tell it to family" party, and it was fun.  Everyone is so elated...well, almost everyone, but she'll come around, too.

I can tell you're scared...excited, but scared.  We left it up to God to tell us when we should have a baby, but neither of us dreamed He'd say, "right away!!"  There are a million things to consider, and a thousand more decisions to be made.

But it will all be okay.  Because we have Him...and He gave us this:



And that will get us through this amazing adventure...and all the rest of them, too.

I love you, Josiah...with all my heart and soul.  You're already the best step-daddy, and you're going to be a great daddy, too.


Love always,

Your adoring wife

Monday, July 23, 2012

Is He Better Off On the Roof?


Good morning world.  I hope you’re all well today.

Want to hear about how I messed up this weekend?  Sure you do.  We’re a voyeuristic society.  Everyone wants to know about how someone else messed up. 

*sigh* Well, that’s pessimistic. 

Let’s try this instead: on Time Warp Wife this morning, guest contributor Clare Smith said God places people in our lives sometimes as a warning.  We see the consequences someone else is enduring for their actions, and therefore, we are reminded to alter our behavior.  I thought the example she used was brilliant.  We see someone on the side of the road caught for speeding, and immediately we are 1) thankful it wasn’t us and 2) reminded to slow down. 

Let me be your example.  Let me be the person that reminds you to slow down and think today.

No, I didn’t get a speeding ticket.  I might have preferred that.

First, we all know I haven’t been sleeping.  I don’t think anyone who’s glanced at the blog lately could miss the whining about that.  Furthermore, I’m not a person who deals with sleep deprivation well.  I…need…sleep.  Without it, I have a tendency to be kind of grouchy and over-emotional.  Sprinkle a little PMS in the mix and you’re really left with an explosive cranky cocktail.  Yup…that’s me.

The chapter I read last week in The Resolution for Women dealt with the subject of fulfilling your husband.  In it, Priscilla Shirer said she heard Kay Arthur say something once that really stuck with her.  Kay said the sum of a man’s fears could be summarized into two:

-          Fear of being found inadequate
-          Fear of being controlled by a woman

I would say that’s probably pretty accurate.  Somehow, though, despite the fact that I studied this last week, took it to heart, and prayed about it, I still managed to screw up rather royally.  Apparently, God knew I needed a more hands-on approach.

I had a few very snarky moments last week, but all of them paled in comparison to the verbal sewage moment I had on Saturday morning.  Josiah and I lay in bed together, holding on to the last few moments we could before cooking breakfast so he could go to work.  And then, in an attempt to be sweet, he did something that actually sort of annoys me.  And I told him that…rather obnoxiously.  Okay…incredibly obnoxiously.  Like many times when we spray verbal venom, it wasn’t necessarily what I said, but the horrifyingly ugly tone in which I said it.  Just ugly.

I apologized almost immediately and countless times since then, but that’s the thing about ugly words (or tones).  Once you’ve spoken them, you can unspeak them.  There’s no eraser for that.  In less than 10 seconds I damaged my new husband’s pride and made him feel inadequate.  Consequently, things have been different for us the last couple days.

If you know Josiah and I, and you’ve ever seen the way he looks at me (only the Lord knows why), then you might get this, but it’s just been different the last couple days.  He’s wounded, it’s my fault, and I see it in his eyes when he looks at me…and that’s entirely my fault.

I had another sleepless night last night…big surprise.  I gave up around 4:30 and got up to do my quiet time.  When I finished around 5:15, which is when I normally get up, I almost just got straight into the shower.  Instead, though, I crawled back into bed with my husband, wrapped myself in his arms, and sobbed.  My heart is about as remorseful as I think it can be.  He assured me that everything is fine, it’s just going to take a few days to shake it off, but it feels like forever.

All because of haphazardly chosen words and a condescending tone.

Beware ladies.  I’m actually lucky because Josiah, like me, wears his heart on his sleeve.  Seeing his pain allowed me to recognize the gravity of my decision almost immediately.  But many men would hide their hurt behind a wall built with bricks made of their wives’ unkind words, whose hurt wouldn’t be apparent until the wall stretched high and long, an almost impenetrable fortress.

Learn from my mistakes, and remember:

Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 25:24

Let’s see if we can keep Josiah off the roof, shall we?

Friday, July 20, 2012

Red Writing Hood: The Secret


The two women sat in silence as they shared their dessert, forks clinking as they scraped the last pieces of cheesecake from plate.  Almost over.  It hung in the air, a sickening, almost suffocating fog.

One subconsciously touched her cheekbone, thinking about the bruises she spent a half hour meticulously covering before the outing, and it didn’t escape the notice of the other.

No words were necessary.  They both knew.  The conversation was so familiar that they skipped it now, but it still played on silently in their minds.

The plate sat completely empty, waters gone, check paid.  For a brief moment they made real eye contact, storm clouds engaging blue skies.  It was too much to bear.

Goodbyes were said.  Hugs were given.  Promises made to see each other soon.

Hopefully.

Each escaped to the solitude of their cars and prayed.  

One prayed for strength, change for her husband, and a way out. 
 
The other prayed simply to see her friend alive again…physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

“Please give her back to me…alive.”


This post is part of a writing link up with Write on Edge.  This weeks prompt was a tiny poem by Robert Frost titled, "The Secret Sits."

We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.


We were given 450 words, but I only used 173.  I don't necessarily think that's a good thing.  It's the one thing that keeps me from true fiction/novel writing.  I'm not one to draw it out.  Nevertheless, we're all give different talents and abilities.  I simply feel that by participating in the writing prompts I'm developing the talent I was given...mourning the fact that I don't have the gifts someone else possesses seems to be an awful waste of the ones I've been given.  Have a great weekend everyone!!!

 
 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Wedding Portraits: Shoe Surprise & Reception

Well, today is the last wedding picture post.  I wish you all could see all  the pictures, but there are so many.  It's been really difficult to choose!!  Amanda Truth did such a great job on the photography, especially with the lighting she had to work with.  I love our church, but it doesn't have the best lighting in the world, and I was super worried about the fluorescent lighting in the gym.  I feel like it has a tendency to make everyone look kind of sallow, but I don't see that in the pictures at all!  Thanks Amanda!

The first group of pictures are of the post-ceremony surprise.  I knew I wanted to have reception shoes because I didn't want my feet to hurt all night and wearing heels for that long with a looming ankle surgery just didn't seem wise.  I also knew this was my girls' first stint in heels (okay, Em's were really low), and I knew their feet would hurt, so I decided to surprise them with matching reception shoes.  I bejeweled the heck out of them and used a good amount of fabric paint, too.  Josiah decided that since I was decorating their shoes, he should decorate mine.  So, after the reception we gathered in the "Cubbie Room" to present the shoes.  The girls were SO shocked, and they still wear them all the time!!

After these, of course, are the reception pics.  Maybe this weekend I'll actually get around to posting all  the honeymoon pictures I've been promising!!

So, my friends, I give you the last of the pics from May 12, 2012.  Warning: this will be the longest...post...ever.


I get my shoes first!










He's so helpful



Reception time!  Stage is set for Sunday morning, too. Haha







My wonderful new mother-in-law, Susan, made the cake.  It was really good!  The icing was marshmallow fondant and it was wonderful!  We got the recipe from Cherlanda Fowlkes.  She was the teacher at a cake decorating class Susan and I sat in on.  She makes gorgeous cakes and she's the new cake decorating teacher at the Michael's that's opening in Hampton!!  She's on my facebook page if you're interested.


Random picture of my bouquet

Wedding party entering




Our first dance <3




All the great food!  I just wish I got to eat more of it.  I was a bit constricted.

Susan and and two of her longtime friends

Me with Raieco!

My good friend Nancy Yarborough

My Dawn <3

Josiah's still there, too!  We didn't forget about him. :)

This is a really special picture to me.  These are two of my very close friends, Michelle and Valorie.  I don't get to see them very often, especially Val since she up and moved to Alabama!!

 Dance with Dad


This next series of pictures are the best ever.  We look good here right?

And this is what he looks like when I step on my dress and almost fall!!

Priceless I tell you...priceless.



*sigh* The next two pics say it all...


My boy
Bailey Boo and Gracie, too!  (On a side note, I am so proud of Bailey's dress.  I think it's just gorgeous and I found it at A Barefoot Bride in Phoebus for $12!!  They are simply wonderful.)


The girls are having a great time!

More dancing

Joey G is in on the fun!


Cake cutting time






You can't take me anywhere...


But I'm a happy girl!

Dancing with the best Best Man ever


Love from my Nana

And a special dance...Nana and Josh bonded when they were here. :)



Beauty in motion


Jamie and Wes join in on the fun!

Jesse calls this his "wedding swag."  He had all the ladies with him. lol








Four sisters

My coworkers daughter asked for a dance.  Could you say "no" to that face?!



And then she looked at me and asked me to pick her up...and my heart melted.

And pick her up I did


Wes wanted up, too!

And this is why we belong together...

Remember how I said Josh was the best Best Man?  Yeah, that's him behind me with my heels and purse in hand.

Some mischievous people were very busy earlier.


Yeeeah...it was inside, too.




That's the end!!  If you've hung in this long, you're really a trooper!  Thanks for coming along on this pictorial journey with me.  It almost saddens me to end this post.  It's bittersweet.  However, I know I'll have tons of pictures to post from our many new adventures together...and there will be adventures....