Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Resisting the Urge to Run to the Fridge

On Saturday at the convention (yes...the convention...again) Priscilla Shirer relayed a funny story told to her by her little brother while he was foraging through her fridge recently.  He was telling her about a time when his daughter (her niece) was two and she'd learned that the refrigerator was a magical food-bearing device.
He said she would walk over to the fridge, point to it with staunch purpose, and simply say, "EAT!"  Then, he would walk her over to the table, put her in her booster seat, and go to the fridge to make get her food.

This didn't work for her.

As far as she was concerned, she knew the fridge contained the food, and therefore, that's exactly where she thought she needed to be.

He said she would promptly pitch an absolute fit, squirm her little body out of the booster, under the table, and go back to the fridge where she would again say, "EAT!"  And the cycle repeated itself...again and again.

Man, toddlers are rough huh?

Then, tonight in the shower, I was thinking about how people like Priscilla and the rest of the crew at Women of Faith got their positions.  I mean, I feel called somehow, but you don't just start at Women of Faith conventions.  They must have started somewhere!  I know Priscilla's dad is actually in the ministry and Angie Smith married the lead singer of Selah or something.  Maybe you just have to know someone.  How am I supposed to do this if I don't know how to get there?

And then it hit me: "No, dorky, they aren't there because of some religion nepotism; God put them there."

God placed them in a particular set of circumstances in order for them to fulfill His divine purpose.  He put them at the table and then gave them what they needed.

That was Priscilla's point with the story, and it wasn't until I caught myself barging headlong over to the fridge when I needed to be waiting patiently at the table that I felt the full weight of her message.

God has put me exactly where I belong, and as hard as is to wait at the table for what He's going to give me, that's exactly what I need to do.

It's time to finally climb out of my terrible two's and learn a little patience.

Monday, August 19, 2013

No Apologies

This is second in my series of "Oh my loving Jesus, thank you for sending me to the Women of Faith conference!" posts.  It's days later, and honestly, I'm still gushing a bit.  I just feel like someone plugged me into a spiritual battery charger; I feel like my soul has been renewed.

This post is somewhat of a continuation of my last post (which you can see here).  For those of you at church last Sunday, it's like the second half of the testimony you heard...with maybe slightly more detail.

My children frustrate me so much sometimes.  Sometimes I feel like nothing I give them is ever enough.  If we go to Busch Gardens, then why can't we get ice cream afterward?  If we go to the movies, why can't we go somewhere else afterward?  Why can't they have? Why can't they do?  Their friends have blah, and their friends have blah blah; why can't they?  They're actually very grateful sometimes, but in those other times...man, it irritates the snot out of me.  It also makes me sad.

How sad do I make God?

I consistently compare myself and my abilities to other people's.  I sing decently, but I'm no Crystal Lewis from high school (she was and is A-MAZING) or Sandi Patty or Mandisa.  I think I write pretty well, but I'll never be a Priscilla Shirer or Beth Moore.  I can speak decently in front of people, but I can't imagine impacting people like these other women and men.

They're something special.  I'm just Alissa.

How often have I saddened my God?  How often has He looked on me lovingly with sadness in His eyes and said, "Oh precious Alissa, why can't you appreciate what I've already given you?  Why must you compare yourself to everyone else to find your worth?  I have given you just what you need to accomplish MY purposes for your life; for those things you are perfectly equipped."

I'm just a spoiled child; nothing He's given me is ever enough.

At one point on Saturday, Sheila Walsh told a story about singing for a Billy Graham event early in her career.  She said when she finished she thought, "Well that just wasn't all that good."  Of course, the "alter calls" for Billy Graham events are legendary, and she just knew no one would come up and they :would "put two and two together" and realize it was her fault.  Nevertheless, they flocked up.  She said she realized in that one moment that we get caught up in what we can and can't do, but when we are anointed by God there is no end to what He can do with us.  No end.

Dear Jesus, forgive me.

It was in those moments that I realized how much I take for granted and how much I compare myself with other people...and how tired I am of apologizing for who and what I am.

Tired.  Flat out tired.

I'm tired of apologizing for my voice that carries and my big personality.  I'm tired of feeling like a pit of mediocrity and secretly harboring the fear that nothing I do will never measure up.

"For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful and I know this very well.
My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all of my days were written in Your book
and planned before a single one began."
Psalm 139:13-16

I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13) and if I am using the talents, personality, strengths, and gifts He's given me for His purposes and seeking His will, then I have nothing to apologize for.

Nothing.

I'm Alissa Shea Coburn.  

Most of the time I'm sunny like Rainbow Bright and my personality, voice, and butt are big. 

I have a great singing voice; it's not perfect, but I'm working on it.  

Sometimes I get so caught up in singing for my Jesus, and it's loud and bold, but then I mess up the words because I'm too immersed to look at the screen. 

I am crazy in love with my husband and my kids, and I'll probably gush about them if you give me the chance.

I love to write, and I want to be published one day.

I goofy and grinning loud and loving.

I'm Alissa, and this is the way my God made me.

I will try to learn.  I will try to improve.  I will try to grow.

But right now, right now I'm exactly who I should be for this moment and He's given me everything I need to accomplish His purposes today....

and that's all I need.



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Saturday, August 17, 2013

Heart on Fire

It is late.  I haven't slept well for days.  I am wide awake.

AND I AM LOVING IT...and let me tell you why.

My heart is on fire my friends.

ON FIRE

I don't know if you've noticed, but the blog has been kind of silent lately.  It's not really that I don't have anything to say or that God isn't working in my life.  He is.  Every day.  Nevertheless, my words have been few.

I needed to take a step back for a little bit.  I was (and am) working on not needing to get outside approval from everyone on everything I do, so I've backed off a bit on my facebook posts and blogs.

But not right now...nope.  Right now I'm on fire, and God wants me to shout from the rooftops, but it's late and that would make the neighbors mad, scare my husband, and wake the baby.

So Internet, THIS IS ME SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!

If you've made it past the mention of God and the all caps then hang on cuz I've got something to say and you're going to want to come along.

I am changed.  My God has been working in me...slowly...deeply...and I am changed.  Like a popcorn kernel in the pot, the water of the living God has been heated slowly by fire of the Holy Spirit in me, changing me from the inside out, and I have popped!  I am now a new creation, changed visibly by the grace of my God...and it is radical (thank you Priscilla Shirer for that metaphor!!)

As you can maybe tell, I've gotten back from the Women of Faith conference.

If you remember from another recent blog, I went last year and felt God called me to ministry (and if you missed that you can read about it here).  This year the speakers were JUST as amazing, if not better, but once you have a "calling" experience the next year is rather anticlimactic.

Or so I thought.

I didn't have a moment where I froze this year.  I wasn't scared.  I wasn't running.  I was IN IT.

And oh my precious Lord Jesus it was AWESOME, and I don't mean "That was really cool!" awesome, or even "Super inspiring!!" awesome.  I mean crying right now, getting down on my hands and knees and thanking Jesus awesome.

And I'm going to tell you why...but, as always, it's a story, and it's going to take a minute.

While I was singing and praising God this weekend, I realized I kept wanting to apologize to the people around me.  For those of you who know me, this is not a shocker.  I apologize all the time anyway, right?

I just felt so badly because I am so freakishly loud.  I am always afraid that my worshiping might be interfering with someone else's worshiping, like "don't we have a muzzle for her?!"  Because of this, it is really difficult for me to just praise God.  I'm always worried about what the people around me are thinking and whether I can sing out or whether I should hold back.

It's exhausting.

But guess what my God did?  He spoke to me. He knew I was wrestling with this, and He sent a woman named Liz Curtis Higgs onto that stage, and she said "Don't hold anything back.  Give it all to him.  Don't worry about what you sound like just give it all to Him.  Praise Him."

That's MY GOD.  I can be in an arena full of people.  I can be in a state full of people.  I can be in a world FULL of people, and MY God cares about me, loves me, enough to send a woman on stage to say something to me. 

Was she just saying that for my benefit?  No.  Obviously there was an arena full of women and other people needed to hear that, too, for many other reasons, but don't you see? That is the beauty of it.  He doesn't just love me.  He loves each and every one of us and we are precious to Him.  He is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.

He is the GREAT I AM, and He loves us, and He speaks to each one of us.

We just have to choose to listen.

So, I sang out.  I gave my God my all.  I messed up the words sometimes, but that's okay.  I changed octaves in the middle sometimes, but that's okay.

I gave my all to my God, and friends, it felt gooooooood.

And I'm ready to do it more.  You see, I got a NEW word from God this weekend, a lot of words actually, and I'm ready to share.

I need to share.  I am bursting at the seams to share!

If you're reading this I want you to know, you may be my best friend or we may be complete strangers, but I love you and God loves you, and He's got something He wants me to say to you.  It's going to take a while and you may have to come back and visit me multiple times because He has A LOT He wants me to say, but any message He sends through any person He chooses will be worth hearing.  Always.

Will you listen?





Wednesday, August 14, 2013

The World is Our Playground

I'm hoping this post comes out okay because I'm posting from my cell phone...on a park bench...watching my children play...in the sun and cool breeze.

*sigh of contentment*

I am just so very grateful. I'm grateful to my God and my wonderful husband for making this a reality. So delightfully, inexplicably, sublimely grateful.

And guilty. Very, very guilty.

While we delay school for an hour or two so we can play outside, my loving, hard-working husband is spending his "day off" painting for extra money.

I'm trying to do what I can to show him how much I appreciate him (like homemade blueberry muffins and banana chocolate chip waffles this morning), but it's just never enough.

He's tired and doing his best to push off worry and trust in God, but as the family's sole provider I know the burden rests heavily on him. We're praying God will provide a different job soon, one that allows him to relax just a bit and see his family more, but until then, he's working hard and long.

I'm so proud: grateful and proud.

I've been given moments like today and the ability to be with my children every day. I'm not in a windowless office staring at a computer screen and longing to be with my children.

I'm with them. The world is our playground and I am in love with my life.

Thank you God, and thank you Josiah. :)