Fit, Fat, and the Temple of the Living God

This morning I walked through a weekly ritual. I locked the bedroom door, took a deep breath, exhaled, and stepped onto the bathroom scale.

The number on the scale was right around the same as it has been. No change.

Then, with another deep breath, I went to my dresser and got out my tape measure. I wrapped it around my body in all the different places. With each new wrap I noted the numbers, right around the same as they have been. No change.

I've been doing this dance for more than a month at this stretch, but in reality, it's been a lifelong endeavor - the effort to make this body of mine change into something I can more fully appreciate.

For the last month or so, I have watched my calories carefully, been drinking more water (although still not the gallon I should be drinking every day), and committed myself to being more active.

I tried going low carb/carb cycling, with disastrous results. It didn't make me lose weight, but it did make me an emotional and psychological train wreck. Not everything is for everybody, apparently.

However, carb cycling or no, physical laws dictate that a calorie deficit over a prolonged period of time should lead to weight loss.

Apparently, I'm a law breaker.

Also, for the last 3 years, I've been taking supplements that, typically, aid people in weight management (if that's what their bodies need). They've changed my entire life, helping me through two pregnancies, and giving me back energy and great sleep when I thought I'd never feel great again. But unlike others, I haven't lost weight.

Recently, because of all this difficulty, I started to look into weight loss surgery. I mean, the weight HAS to come off somehow right? The temple of God, the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, can't STAY fat, can it? I can't just stay this way forever...right?

But wait. Why not? What is truly at the heart of my desperation to lose weight and be thinner?

Other people's opinions. 

My "target audience" may have changed some over the years, but it doesn't really change the fact that I'm worried about how my body looks because of how I might be perceived. Now, as I sit on the cusp of some sort of ministry, I fear how those listening will think about my witness.

Will they ignore my words because they think I'm a hypocrite? As I speak about identity, calling, and purpose, will my message get lost because, to the world, my body screams louder "gluttony" and "sloth"?

Maybe, but those are really the wrong questions. They're firmly rooted in pride and selfishness. What if we change it up a bit?

What if, instead, the question is, "If I'm doing everything reasonable to take care of my body, and it still looks this way, is there a possibility God wants it to look this way?"

It almost sounds like an impossibility, given the aversion to fat in our society. Weight loss is practically synonymous with piety, and there are entire ministries (even churches) devoted to the practice.

I'm not knocking those things. Some of them are amazing, Biblically-focused ministries that help people regain a healthy perspective on food and their bodies. I think they're great, but I also think one very important component is missing from the discussion: my body is holy, just the way it is.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters,

in view of God's mercy,

to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,

holy and pleasing to God-

this is your true and proper worship.

Romans 12:1

I used to read that verse and feel pressure and shame, thinking, in order for my body to be a holy and pleasing sacrifice, it needed to look different; or at least, I needed to be moving in the right direction. It felt like the Holy Spirit had to just be ACHING to live in a body that was thinner and more pleasing to God.

But y'all, that is just crap theology, and let me tell you why.

Before I was saved by the blood of Christ, there was nothing in the world I could do, no matter how "good" I was (or how good I looked) to make my body "holy and pleasing to God." Apart from God, none of it is good enough.

But, as soon as I recognized sacrifice of Christ in my life, my body became holy and pleasing. I was washed clean, and nothing can change that.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,

he is a new creation.

The old has passed away;

behold, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

I'm doing what I can to be healthy, but even if I wasn't, even if I was stewarding my body poorly, that would be sad, and God might work through the Holy Spirit to convict me and change my path, but my body would still be holy and pleasing to Him because it's covered by the blood of Christ. 

And that is precisely why I present my body as a sacrifice, because He has saved me and made me pure, no matter what. His great forgiveness, grace, and mercy inspire me to make changes because He has made me clean when no amount of my own behavior could do it.

Furthermore, there is no place in the Bible that says God prefers one body type over another. What it DOES say, however, is that God doesn't look at physical appearance, but at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). He says that I have been remarkably and distinctly made, knit together in my mother's womb, that He sees me, knows me, and loves me (which is a whole conglomeration of verses - if you want references, let me know). 

Maybe, just maybe, my body looks just like it should at this moment in time, in His timing and for His purposes. Maybe, "All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28) REALLY means "all things" and my appearance is part of that.

Maybe, just maybe, I can look just like I do, and still be walking in God's will, or even, actively fulfilling a purpose in it.

Maybe, if I finally learn to accept my body in this moment, just as it is, God can use me to inspire someone else to see themselves as God sees them - as fully known, seen, and loved. Then maybe, just maybe, they can inspire someone else, too.

And those "maybes" are enough for me.

Plot Twist

What is it about your favorite book or story that makes it your favorite? Seriously. Think about it. I'll wait. *insert Jeopardy music here*

My friend John-Erik Moseler often says, "Just remember, all your favorite stories have plot twists," and he's right. Our favorite stories ARE our favorites because good triumphs over evil, the hero prevails, or the couple overcomes insurmountable obstacles. 

What we often fail to comprehend is that it's the very presence of evil, enemies, and obstacles that brings life to those stories, and that otherwise, they wouldn't be very interesting at all.

A good pot of beans is bland and, honestly, pretty gross without some meat, salt, and pepper (at the very least) to flavor it. But once, my hand slipped and I added FAR too much pepper. It made the entire pot completely inedible. 

Plot twists add flavor to our lives, but we also often have the ability to control whether we allow them to season our days well or make them completely "inedible."

 The last few days, I've experienced a plot twist of sorts - not one of the ginormous tragic ones, but instead, one that just seems to shift everything. Words are said, truths and feelings are revealed, and suddenly you find yourself at a crossroads of sorts.

For those of you who don't know me well or haven't known me long, I'm a fighter. I don't mean that in the positive sense, either. Words are my gift, but that also means I can spew venom and spit fire in the worst of ways when I feel backed into a corner.

But I'm also a work in progress - a new creation in Christ Jesus, becoming more like Him every day. So this time, I handled my plot twist in a different way. I went to church, spoke to a mentor, and most importantly, sought out time alone with God.

I drove to Fort Monroe yesterday, thinking I was going to seek God on the beach. I parked gathered my things and began to walk towards sand and waves, but it just didn't feel right. I stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, turned in a couple circles, ad decided to go back to the car. I didn't know where God wanted me to go, but I knew it wasn't there.

I followed God's leading to another beach parking lot, but instead of going towards the beach, I walked in the other direction, under the shade of a tree, watching the slow, quiet waters of the fort "moat." And there, I prayed and studied God's word.

And He met me there, powerfully.

He reminded me through His word, while I stared at an old fort, that He is my strong tower, my stronghold, my fortress. 

He reminded me there in the shade that I rest in the shadow of His mighty wings.

He reminded me, as I sat in the grass by the water, that He is my shepherd who makes me lie down in green pastures and that he leads me beside quiet waters.

He reminded me that He will always lead me down the right paths for the sake of whatever brings Him glory, and that should be my aim.

He reminded me that, in Him, I have everything I need.

He quieted my soul.

I don't know where your story right now: if you're fresh off a plot twist, drowning in the middle, or on your way in. I don't know if your plot twist is a tiny turn or an implosion. But friend, what I DO know is that you have a choice in how you handle it. You have a choice in your perspective.

We all have different stories, but the same choice: who we allow to be the author. Personally, I choose Him - my Creator, the One who knows the beginning and the end. I am merely a character in His story, but I trust Him enough to know He'll write a far better version than I could ever imagine.

Who's writing your story? Are you muddling through, trying in every earthly way to make the next right turn? Or are you trusting God to guide your path, knowing He can take you places in this adventure that are beyond your wildest dreams?

We all have plot twists. How will you handle yours?