Last night, as I took a scalding hot shower to try to wipe off the stench of my hideous behavior, the hateful words I'd spoken rang loudly in my ears. This morning, I can still hear their echo.
Ironically, one of the things I
Not only did I scream that at him, but I pounded my fist into my other palm for added effect. He had disrespected me and then really wounded his sister with his words, so apparently, I was going to teach him an excellent lesson by highlighting some very wise words with my some really horrible behavior.
I then went on to nail some more holes into my husband. Over and over and over, almost uncontrollably, I hammered them in. He was so brave in light of it all, so honorable. The Holy Spirit in Him was strong, and he gave grace when I needed it the most.
This morning, the shame of my behavior still clings to me, like an oily film even a scalding shower can't wash off. There is just so much remorse.
However, my God is faithful, even in these moments. His voice whispers to me, "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Corinth 12:9).
The Holy Spirit reminds me His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).
And, when I sought a devotion this morning about my anger, He brought me to Unglued, by Lisa TerKeurst, and this verse wrapped its arms around my soul:
For, I, Yahweh your God,
Holy your right hand.
and say to you: Do not fear,
I will help you.
I let out a relieved sigh. Thanks be to God.
I need help in so many areas right now. My temper seems to have a mind of its own. My house is topsy turvy. Our homeschool days are dreary. My business needs new life.
But in all things, there He is. His grace is sufficient. His mercies are new each morning. He is with me, holding my hand.
And I am grateful.