Friday, December 30, 2016

I'm Going On an Adventure

God started forming this post in my heart a week ago. In that time, it has changed and morphed. He's done SO MUCH. He's poured into my heart to the point where if I don't share, I think it may burst.

And that's the best time to share.

Last week, during breakfast with a sweet friend, I told her I started doing yoga again. I picked it back up because it helps my strength and flexibility, and, I said jokingly:
It strengthens my core. Apparently, God said this person I'm supposed to be is "statuesque." I don't know if you know this, but it physically HURTS to try to be statuesque without a strong core. Haha. There's probably a blog post in there somewhere.
 Oh...I didn't even know at the time.

Throughout this week, God has been showing me that it's about the process. There is value in the process.

Just over a month ago, God shared with me who He wants me to be (read about that here). When I wrote about it, I said it would take time, and I wasn't quite there yet, but somewhere deep inside, I thought, "Now that I know who I'm supposed to be, I have to start acting like that."

And it hurt...because I wasn't ready.

What I didn't realize at the time is God still has so much work to do in me in order to become that person. I cannot skip the process. There are idols to be overcome, thoughts to be cleared out, and fears to be faced.

In Alice in Wonderland, Alice didn't get her muchness back because she was told that's who she was. She had to go through the journey. She had to face her adventure.

I came to the most amazing realization today.

My adventure doesn't start when I become the person I'm supposed to be. My adventure is in the becoming. It's in the fire. It's in the Word separating bone from marrow and carving me into the person I'm supposed to be.

The power is in the journey.

And now I'm free.

Now I'm free to run and pursue and preach and screw up and bask in God's glorious grace because TODAY I am exactly where I need to be. Today I am exactly who I need to be, and as long as I take the time to pursue God and sit at His feet, He'll take care of who I'm supposed to be 10 years from now or 10 days from now, or heck, 10 minutes from now.

That's it, my friends. Normally I try to wrap this all up neatly with a bow and a probing question, but not today.

This is it. I don't know where YOU are, but wherever that is, I hope this helps you on your journey as much as it has helped me on my own.

You are loved, by me and by a glorious, almighty God.


Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Cheap Imitation



Sometimes we try so hard to be like Jesus, we forget to be like Jesus.

It's easy to do.

We try to put on blamelessness and perfection, we try to put on avoiding sin at all costs, and avoiding the places where we know sin is or is likely to be out of fear that someone will associate us with it.

Think about it for a second, if it takes that long... You can come up with a list of places that people who call themselves Christians shouldn't be, right?

It's not that we can't talk to drug dealers, it's not that we can't talk to prostitutes, it's not that we can't talk to the broken, and it's not that we can't talk to the destitute, but we wait for them to come to us on our terms.

We say Jesus make me a missionary, I want to tell people about you, but only once they walk through church doors, and if the pastor talks to them first, or maybe if you want to send me to some other country, BUT don't send me to Siberia because I can't take the cold. Or Africa because I don't like heat either.

Please don't misunderstand me. I have a list as well.

There are places I feel like I don't belong inside of, and in truth I don't.

But in those places are people that Jesus belongs inside of, and there are places that the power of God needs to be put, and there is a darkness that needs to flee from the light, and people that need to see the love of Jesus.

We try to imitate the blamelessness, and try to appear perfect to everyone because that's how we feel we imitate Jesus.

The Jesus that changed and still changes lives is the Jesus that sets captives free and ate with the “worst sinners” of the times, broke racial barriers, reached out to people the “Holy” law-followers would have deemed untouchable, unworthy, and unimportant.

I'm NOT saying that everyone should walk into questionable establishments to do whatever they please.  We all have weaknesses, and we all have strengths, and we all need God to show us where we should go, whom we should speak what to, and what His design is, and we have to allow His strengths to fill our weaknesses.

The parable of the good Samaritan comes to mind. (Luke 10:25-37)

As people of God, how often do we walk by those that are left for dead physically? Emotionally? Spiritually?

Jesus said “go unto all nations and make disciples.” (Matthew 28:19)

The word disciple and discipline share the same root word.

We aren't called to go out and just save people, or just reach out to people... but once they accept Christ, to help them develop a good relationship and to teach them the disciplines necessary for having a deep relationship with God.

We lead by example.

By the words of our mouths and the works of our hands.

We have to put on the armor of God ourselves, and then help others. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

The stage has been set, and the outcome has been decided, and the fight is all around us.

After the time spent in the prayer room Alissa had mentioned in one of her previous posts, I have tasted and seen the war around us, and now realize more than ever...

What we battle is not flesh and blood, (Ephesians 6:12) and we do have an enemy and he is ready, even if we aren't. (1 Peter 5:8)

My pastor talked about the armor of God and pointed out that if you look down the list, you will see nothing to protect your backside. There is no room for retreat.

But in Isaiah it says that the Lord's Glory will be our rear guard.

This is a call to action – the cause and the effect:

Isn’t the fast I choose:
To break the chains of wickedness,
to untie the ropes of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free,
and to tear off every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
to bring the poor and homeless into your house,
to clothe the naked when you see him,
and not to ignore your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will appear like the dawn,
and your recovery will come quickly.
Your righteousness will go before you,
and the Lord’s glory will be your rear guard.
At that time, when you call, the Lord will answer;
when you cry out, He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you get rid of the yoke among you,
the finger-pointing and malicious speaking,
and if you offer yourself to the hungry,
and satisfy the afflicted one,
then your light will shine in the darkness,
and your night will be like noonday.
The Lord will always lead you,
satisfy you in a parched land,
and strengthen your bones.
You will be like a watered garden
and like a spring whose waters never run dry.
Isaiah 58:6-11

This is how we are to be like Jesus.

There is no plan B.

There is no second string.

There is no retreat.

Vigilance.



This is how the Kingdom advances.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Metamorphosis

I have a secret for you.

Shhhhhh...come in really close so I can whisper. Closer.

Change is hard.

Actually, that's not a huge revelation, but at least I have your attention.

Change is hard. Anytime you're dealing with change, there's going to be difficulty, but transforming the way we think can be the most trying.

For though we live in the body, 
we do not wage war in an unspiritual way,
since the weapons of our warfare are not worldly,
but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds.
We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing
that is raised up against the knowledge of God,
taking every thought captive.
2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Recently, I wrote about a moment in a dressing room, and the resulting realization that I had given up hope of ever being at a semi-healthy weight. I was depending upon my own strength, forgetting that my God is El Gibbor, the Mighty Warrior. 

If I'll get out of His way, He will fight with me and for me, going before me in battle. In order to do this, though, I'm going to have to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, taking every thought captive.

God's word says our weapons of warfare are spiritual and powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. I looked up the exact definition of stronghold:
1. a place that has been fortified so as to protect it from attack 
2. a place where a particular word or belief is strongly defended or upheld.
Throughout our lives, Satan and our own sinful natures have created strongholds in our minds: fortresses built with steel beams of intense hurt and the bricks of repetition. These are places where our beliefs about ourselves are strongly defended and upheld.

But if these beliefs are counter to God's word and His will for us, they must come down.

Winning wars is about demolishing strongholds again and again.

But how exactly do we take every thought captive? How do we know if it's against God's will? 

Through the transformation that comes from the renewal of our minds.

Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God,
I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice
 holy and pleasing to God;
this is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this age,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
so that you may discern what is the
good, pleasing and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:1-2

These are the verses I think about anytime I think about my body because it talks about presenting our bodies as living sacrifices. However, through study and a lot of prayer, God opened this verse up even more, and printed it in a brand new way on my heart.

I was not only made BY God, I was made FOR God, and for His purposes. He wants me to lay my entire being - my love for food, my imperfections, my abusive mind - down at his feet. He wants me to give it to Him, so He can transform me, so HE can renew my mind and show me His will for me. He wants to demonstrate how, though His great compassion and mercy, He can provide, when I lay myself down as a sacrifice.

In the Greek, the word for transformed is metamorphoo (with a thing over the last o that I don't know how to type). It is where we get the word metamorphosis.

The Greek word for renewing is anakainosis, and it means renovation, a complete change for the better.

Metamorphosis into the women and men God wants us to become can only happen with a complete renovation of our minds - our thoughts, feelings, and desires - so that God's good, pleasing, and perfect desire for our lives can be discerned.

And renovation can't happen without demolition...the strongholds must come down.

A caterpillar has the makings of a butterfly within him in a drastically simplified form. He can eat and eat and eat, and grow and grow and grow. But he can't just change into a butterfly. He doesn't just sprout wings and begin to fly.

He has to be transformed.

Within the chrysalis, his body literally demolishes itself so that the old can be used to give life to the new. All the energy that was once used to sustain the caterpillar is now used to compound what was within all along. Only by doing this can he grow wings, emerge, and take flight.

Metamorphosis.

It's time, my friends. It's time to give it over to God, let him demolish and destroy the bad, so the energy that was formerly used to keep us crawling on the ground can be diverted into developing those things He placed in us so long ago. It's time to sprout wings, and eventually, we will fly.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

When Faith Meets Fat (a.k.a. Dressing Room Drama)

Lamentations 3:21-23
I sat there, in dressing room, the unforgiving fluorescent lights bearing down on my half-clothed body, and I prayed.

Dear God, I just told Emily 15 minutes ago that hating her body was a waste of time and a waste of a gift from You. Help me, God. Help me keep it together so those words won't be lost. Don't let me break down here.

God got me through. I put the unkind, unforgiving pants back on the rack, bought Emily's things, and continued on about the evening. Later that night, though, I laid in bed and talked to Josiah about it. At first it was a calm controlled conversation, and then...

Then the Holy Spirit revealed to me what was really going on inside me, and it came gushing out with hot, condemning tears.

It's just pointless. I was put on my first diet at 7 years old. I have been fighting this battle for 30 years, just about my entire life, and the victories are few and far between. I cannot do this anymore. I'm just a fat person. It's who I am, and there's no use in trying to change it. It doesn't matter if I walk. It doesn't matter if I put the cookie down because tomorrow, or in the next hour, or in the next 5 minutes, I'll just fail again, so what's the point in putting forth the effort/

Apparently, the pants weren't the only things that were "unkind" and "unforgiving." Basically, I was saying losers lose...and I'm a loser.

And that, my friends, is my battle, in a nutshell.

The next morning, though, I poured my heart out to Jesus. I dove into His Word, and He put these scriptures on my heart. This is a picture of what that looks like for me...because it's real and raw and organic. Sometimes, the clean lines of computer font can't quite convey the heart as well as ink on paper.

It's definitely imperfect. Avery scribbled all over the page before I even wrote on it, and I didn't want to waste the page. But I didn't care. It was messy, and it was pure, and it was good.

He knocked at the door of my heart, and I opened it, and He came in to fellowship with me and comfort me (Revelation 3:20).

And His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). Oh dear God, thank you for your grace being sufficient. When I am weak, HE is strong, and even though I struggle, He is ready and waiting with grace upon grace. Always enough. Always sufficient.

When Paul was talking about power being perfected in weakness, do you know what he was talking about? The thorn in his flesh. He begged God to take it away, but to ensure Paul stayed humble and constantly seeking His grace, God left the thorn.

Because His grace is sufficient. 

My struggle with my body and food is my thorn. It just is. I can attempt to fight it on my own or just admit defeat (one normally leads to the other), OR I can lean into God for His strength, and rest and revel in His grace when I don't.

If you asked me, generally, if I think I am a hopeless person, I would answer "Of course not! I'm full of hope!" But, in this one thing, I was definitely hopeless.

I had given up hope because I felt like it only brought pain, but that was because I was only hoping in my own strength, and can I tell you? I am not a strong person, not in this area, at least. I am weak.

But God is not.

So, now, I will dare to hope. I will put my trust and hope in Him because He is faithful and His mercies are new each morning. Thank you, God!!

Now friend, it's time for me to ask you, in what area have you given up hope? Where have you depended upon your own strength when you should be leaning on the everlasting arms?

It's almost the end of 2016. We're on the cusp of a new year, a fresh start. Let Him breathe new life, new hope, into those dark corners of your heart.

His mercies are new, and He's waiting for you.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Calling Her Out

A while back, Alissa (who was pregnant at the time), dropped off our eldest at college for orientation and to meet some friends. We live on a peninsula in Virginia where the only way to get back and forth to her college is to drive through one of a pair of tunnels, both of which are notorious for bad traffic in rush hour.

She sent me a message earlier in the day to alert me that Destiny had to be picked up, not on Saturday as originally thought, but that day, which was a Friday afternoon.

In the summer. Pregnant. Kind of a tourist destination. Traffic. Really bad traffic.

Alissa told me a little while later that she had agreed to let her hang out a bit longer with some of the people she met there, so she could develop some friendships... because in turn, that would mean her college experience in the fall would be much easier. If she already some relationships in place, she wouldn't have to worry about making friends, starting classes, and landing a job all at the same time.

I responded with a really, really short sentence.

“That was gracious of you.”

That triggered a mechanism in her to defend her decision and go into a fairly lengthy line of reasoning.

I kind of had to interrupt her.

“Baby, I wasn't telling you that you were making a bad decision, or that you should do otherwise. I was trying to let you know that I see you acting graciously.”

The response?

"Oh."

She was caught of guard.

There are two very important issues that come to mind here:
1. I don't affirm my wife often enough if she feels she needs to get defensive over me saying I noticed something good. 
2. I must do a lot of complaining if I see her doing something good or gracious towards others, and I get that kind of reaction.

Both of those are problems, and both of those are MY problems.

I read somewhere fairly recently, though I can't remember where, that it's important to catch your kids “in the act” of doing something good. This made me realize that it's also important to do for your spouse, or probably for that matter, anyone who is close to you.

I am not exactly an encourager. I can be, but it's not really who I am. I will notice if you cut your hair. Hopefully, I will say it looks nice, or good on you, and I will smile supportively.

Alissa, on the other hand, is a master encourager. She will notice you cut your hair, tell you it looks gorgeous on you, ask you why you decided to cut it, then identify with your decision and do so with an exclamation of how glad she is that you came to your decision, then reestablish how much she likes it, and that she would've done the same thing if she were you. You can walk in a room with a new dress, new haircut, new shoes, coat, glasses, and my wife will become your instant cheerleader.

I get it. I'm happy you got your hair cut. If it looks good, I'll tell you. I can smile and nod and give a gold star as good as anyone, but my wife has a gift.

If anyone speaks, it should be as one who speaks God’s words;
if anyone serves, it should be from the strength God provides,
so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything.
To Him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. 
1 Peter 4:11

Let me bring this back around to picking Destiny up in traffic...

What became obvious to me in that moment is, spiritually, I must either not notice gifts or growth, or I still kind of react the same way I would about a haircut: with a knowing smile, good job, looks good, and move on.

That's not who I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to call my wife out on her spiritual advances, decisions, and strengths. I'm supposed to be there to sharpen her, to encourage her, to be her spiritual ally and cheerleader, but most often, apparently, I either ignore or condemn.

Where did I go wrong?

Part of that answer is being too busy. Part of that is paying enough attention to say I'm paying attention, but not really investing.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

If I'm not building my wife up, I am destroying her.

I think in a more peaceful, placid way she has tried to tell me that before.

I don't want Alissa to feel as though I'm her accuser. I'm not. I don't want that job, nor do I want the job description. I want her to know I care about her and love her, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

But I can't do that if I'm only pointing out “growth areas,” and not patting her on the back when she gets it right, and I pray God will open my heart and help me grow in my encouragement of her and of others.

The point of all this: what we say matters...and so does what we DON'T say.

Give someone encouragement today.

Speak life, give grace, love well.

But encourage each other daily,
while it is still called today,
so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.
Hebrews 3:13