Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Wear the Dress



Today, as we prepared to go to the store, Emily was helping me get the younger kids dressed. When she brought in little Avery, I just rolled my eyes and sighed. 

She was wearing black tights and one of her beautiful little Christmas dresses. I barked at Emily to go change her. "She can't wear that!" I said. "There's no reason to."

If you've been keeping up with me at all lately, you know I have had some rough days. Due to having baby number seven, some rather severe hormonal fluctuations have put me in somewhat of a tailspin;  I've been unable to think clearly, moody, weepy, and pretty dang irritable.

But a meeting with the Minister of Counseling at our church yesterday has been working on my heart - shifting some of my perspectives - and here's what she told me: I might have some hormonal issues, but I also just have some significant life issues. I have been living my life in survival mode for so long that life itself has become a chore. Some processes, priorities, and perspectives MUST shift.

I started to come to this realization early last year. I said I wanted to be Adventure Mom. I wanted to have fun again, to BE fun again. But just as I was making those changes, I got pregnant...again...for the fourth time in five years.

I don't know if you know this, but trying to be adventurous with morning sickness is the pits.

And then I just forgot. I went right back to the rut.

So today, when little Avery looked so disappointed that Mommy wanted her to change a small voice inside me that began whispering just yesterday raised it's voice in my head. It screamed loud and clear, and it stopped me in my tracks.

"No!" I said. "Nevermind. Life is short. Wear the dress."

The words resonated so deeply. Even now, they bring tears to my eyes. Wear. The. Dress.

I even charged into my bedroom to put on a fancy dress, too. But then, I thought of trying to wrangle all the kids in Wal-Mart in a dress and whatever coordinating shoes that would require. I was looking at my closet and started to feel stressed, but then...that voice again.

"No!" I said. "Nevermind. Life is short. Wear the jeans."

Because I am just DONE.

I am so done stressing about things that don't matter. I am so done with charging through life worried about what other people think. I am so done with getting things done, but forgetting to have FUN.

God gave me this life, and it is just too short not to fully live it.

So, I put on jeans...and a shirt that says "Freedom"...and my most comfortable cardigan...and my favorite red lipstick...and my earrings that jingle just a bit...

And it felt freaking fantastic.

I am saying this now, loud and clear for anyone who will listen, I have had enough of the drudgery. I have had enough of safe and boring and normal and status quo.

Paul told the Hebrews to throw off every weight that kept them from running the race God set before them, and that's precisely what I intend to do. 

I want my life to look different. 

I want laughter and adventure and fun and creativity. I want to live life to its fullest, and more importantly, I want to teach my kids they can do the same thing.

The important stuff will all get done - schooling, bill-paying, errands, chores - but there just HAS to be a way to do it without squashing all the life out of it, and I'm going to find that way.

I want to live a life of meaning and significance, and I can't do that if I feel like I'm living each day just to make it to the next.

And I want you to come, too. Join me in the revolution, friend. Lock arms with me as we protest mediocrity and the mundane. Laugh in the face of the rat race and shake off the shackles of self-shame.

Put on the lipstick. Wear the fun shoes. Do the scary things that make you come alive. And, by all means, go ahead and wear the dress.

3 comments:

  1. I'm so glad this is where you are right now. I've started sort of doing the same thing but with perfume. "I don't need to put on perfume. I'm not going anywhere. It's a waste." "I never go anywhere, though. I like things to smell pretty. When are you going to wear your perfume if you save it only for when you go somewhere? SCREW IT, I'M SPRITZING SOME PERFUME AND SMELLING PRETTY DADBURNIT!"

    This is Tamara, btw. It wouldn't let me comment using my blog name. I think I did it wrong. ANYWAY. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. YES! It's like we're all waiting for a special occasion to LIVE. I'm done with all that. So #weartheperfume! Smell pretty for YOU.

    Btw, which perfumes are your favorites?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flowerbomb is my absolute favorite. It's by Viktor and Rolf. I tell you what, though, when everything calms down financially, I'm going to get My Burberry. It's smells AMAZING. I also like Miss Dior.

      Delete