Breaking Free

*sigh* I really don't know what to say here, except some seasons just beat you up.

There's a scene toward the beginning of Moana where she tries to take a boat out into the water for the first time. She's doing okay until a wave capsizes her and shoves her under. With her ankle stuck fast in coral, wave after wave plows into her until, finally, she grabs a rock, smashes the coral, and breaks free.

That's this season for me. In one particular area of my life, it feels like I keep climbing back into the boat, and time and again, waves hurl me into the sea. I've been caught by the coral so often that my entire being is bloodied and bruised, and my water-logged lungs ache for air.

And yet, I climb back on the boat. That's all that can be done, really. Sometimes, there's just no going back to the shore.

I thought about this as I jogged yesterday. I prayed and thought...and prayed some more.

Yesterday was a interesting day for me. The first couple weeks of the Couch to 5K program you only run for 60-90 seconds at a time. But yesterday was supposed to be the first day of week 3, which contains a couple 3 minutes runs.

I almost skipped it and when back to the week before. No shame in that right? A jog is a jog.

But something about it felt like cheating, and let's be honest, you never know what you can do until you try. Thus, week three, day one commenced.

The first 3 minute block was LONG. I didn't know 3 minutes could last that long. I got through, though, by praying and refusing to look at how long I'd gone.

But then the second 3 minute block came. This time, it was it was hard. MUCH HARDER. The only thing that got me through that time was the scene in the movie "Facing the Giants," when the coach has the kid crawl from one end of the field to the other blindfolded with another kid on his back. He just keeps saying, "You promised to give it your best! I know it hurts! But you've got more in you!" (Or something like that)

I felt like God was saying that: "With my help, you can do this. I know it hurts, but you have My strength in you. Give it all you've got. I'm here." 

And I got through. I mean...it hurt some, and I'm not entirely sure I was breathing by the end, but it got done. Then, I was home free! All the jogs were done, and I was down to a 3 minute walk, followed by a 5 minute cool down. 

However, once I recovered my breath, I felt God telling me He wanted me to jog again. He and I then had a little chat.

"I don't want to run anymore, though, God. I've done what I said I would do!"

But he whispered, "But with Me, you can do so much more than you can even ask or imagine. Run again."

"Fine," I grumbled. "I'll run from this car to that one down there, but that's it."

The second I started to run, the app told me I had a minute left of my workout before the cool down started...and as soon as I passed the second car, the app told my my workout was complete.

I cried tears of joy then...and even now. I hear you, God: with You, all things are possible. Sometimes you calm the storm, and sometimes, you just give us the strength to get through it. I know even when I feel like I can't go on, in you, there's hope.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

I wish I could say my hard season was over. In fact, even now I feel the waves crashing over me as I grope the seabed for something to break myself free. 

However, God has reminded me that no matter how long this lasts - a month, two months, or ten years - He is always with me, and one day, I'll break free from the waves that threaten to tear me to pieces. But to do that, I just have to keep getting back in the boat.