Normally the house would have been in a tizzy for the last couple hours with everyone getting ready for church. Today, all is quiet.
Josiah is at work.
The kids are with their dad.
And I am quenching an overwhelming thirst for solitude.
I don't feel this need very often, or at the very least, I don't allow myself to feel it. I'm a really social person; I thrive on social interaction and the energy I get from being around people. Nevertheless, every now and then I feel like God is calling me to BE STILL.
Today is one of those days.
He and I have spent a lot of time together this morning, though, so maybe it's not quite solitude. For a Christian, I suppose there's never absolute solitude. While we might not be in the presence of other people, our God is always with us and speaking to us. As a matter of fact, it may be that the times we spend in quiet seeking His face may be the least alone we ever are.
Apparently, the quiet is making me wax philosophical.
In other news, Josiah and I spent some time last night with some very dear friends watching the movie "Facing the Giants." For those of you who don't know, this is the second movie made by the Kendrick brothers, who also made "Fireproof" and "Courageous." As our friends promised, it was low budget, the acting was stiff in places...and it was absolutely amazing. Simple, heart-felt, and amazing.
I think one of the things I found most peculiar about the movie was that the acting may have been stiff during a few off the simple dialogues, but in the scenes that were truly emotional, where most novice actors would have the hardest times connecting, these people were stunning. They might not be able to talk about dinner or the stove being broken with a lot of skill, but when it was time to connect with the character during a heart-wrenching battle these people gave some Oscar-winning performances. They connected. It was beautiful.
I also find it miraculous that with all the major things going on in the world, our God finds the time to speak to each one of our hearts exactly when we need it, and in the way we need it. I needed that movie last night...desperately. I didn't know I needed it, but I did, and I am truly grateful our friends allowed themselves to be a conduit for God's grace and love.
This movie was all about facing the obstacles in front of us with the knowledge that God is always with us, and nothing is impossible with Him. Absolutely nothing.
Josiah and I are at a very exciting, but very scary, point in our life together. We are about to have a new baby, and we feel so blessed God has given us this precious gift (in addition to the three precious gift I brought with me into the marriage). At the same time, this means a lot of changes for our family...especially financially.
Secretly, deep down, I was starting to doubt...not God, but my ability to interpret His will in my life and what He's trying to accomplish.
I talked to Josiah after the movie last night, and I guess I thought if I was correctly interpreting His will for my life, then I would have known something by now. I thought He would have given me some inkling of His plans for me...a thought, an idea, a feeling...a post-it note from Heaven. I don't know. Something.
On the other hand, if He gives me all the answers before I have to step out in faith, then I'm not really acting faithfully am I? Anyone can ace a test when they have the answers in front of them. I need to face this test in my life understanding that it wasn't designed for me to have the answers in advance. I'll get them exactly when I need them...not a minute before or a minute after.
The movie taught me something else, too...being stagnant while I wait for the answers is not okay either. At one point someone tells the main character a story about two farmers. Both farmers prayed desperately for rain, but only one of them went out to prepare his fields for rain. Which farmer showed the greatest faith? The one who prepared his fields to received God's blessings.
My thoughts and actions need to reflect my faith in God and His ability to care for me. Furthermore, until God chooses to show me my next path in life's journey, he expects me to blossom right where He's planted me NOW. He expects me to grow where I am. I think I had forgotten that. I had become so obsessed with the future that I forgot to take care of my heart today. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow; it seems a shame to waste the time we know we have been given while waiting for a time we don't even know will ever come.
In this very same vein, Time Warp Wife (see her blog here) posted this message on her facebook wall this week. It spoke to my heart at the time, but even more so after seeing the movie:
This morning I spent a lot of time praying. I had quiet time with my God that I had skipped out on a lot lately. I don't know what God has planned for us in the next few months, but no matter what I will praise Him and trust His absolute wisdom, goodness, and love.
How about you? Are you somewhere today where you don't know the answers? Where your entire life seems overwhelming and wrapped up in fear? Are you praying for help but acting like you already know it won't come?
Praise Him...Praise Him, seek Him, and watch the movie. :)
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:25-34