I was talking with my friend Julie today about how hard it is for me to get my NYR Organic business off the ground because I'm terrified one of my friends is going to think I'm being pushy or feel uncomfortable or pressured.
Terrified.
I'm positive this is related to the fact that I'm a people-pleaser. If you've studied the enneagram, I'm a 6 with a strong seven wing...a "social six." What this means, for those of you who have NO CLUE what I'm talking about, is that I am often motivated by the fear of not being liked.
So, I'm afraid to promote my business because I am scared it will make people not like me.
You know what else I realized in thinking about this? Sometimes, I'm scared to be "too Christian" around people because I'm scared of what they'll think of me, or that I'll make them uncomfortable.
Ewww...that just wreaks of spineless and two-faced doesn't it?
I am getting much closer to God, and it makes me SO happy, but in everyday conversations with people I often find myself being embarrassed by it.
Think that doesn't make sense? Try imaging me explaining to a non-Christian that I've quit my job and don't know how we're going to make "ends meet" yet because I feel absolutely sure that's what God wants for my life...that it's His will, and I'm positive He's communicated that to me through many different avenues.
Yeah...to a non-Christian (or heck, just a Christian who isn't strong in their walk) that can sound like a lot of hullaballoo. That's some Bible-thumping, crazy, "God's going to make money rain from the sky" talk, right there.
So, I try to refrain from saying it. Or when I DO say it, I kind of rush through it, or WORSE, apologize for it. Like, "I'm a Christian, so that's what I believe, but I know you might not believe it" with an apologetic tone and this horrifying wince on my face (those of you who know me are familiar with my endless array of facial contortions).
At church or here on my blog, I can totally be SUPER CHRISTIAN GIRL!! Leaping idols in a single bound!
But in mixed company, the glasses go on, the Scripture gets put up, and I'm people-pleasing Alissa Shea. No controversy here!
Know what the Bible says about that?
Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. (Luke 9:26)Well...that makes me feel like crap, which is probably good if it results in repentance.
Do I honestly care about other people's opinions more than I care about Jesus? He died on the cross and suffered gruesome torture so that I could be counted among God's children and have a relationship with Him, and I'm going to be ashamed and embarrassed? That's just not okay.
People pleasing = idol if I put it before my love for God. End of story.
This is something I feel really convicted about, so I hope you'll all hold me to it. I need some accountability, people.
What about you? Do you struggle with sharing your faith with people or talking about it in conversations?
Pray about it. Maybe it's time to ditch the disguise, rip off the layer of duplicity, and proudly share the cross emblazoned on your heart.
Do you think what I'm talking about is a bunch of bunk? Or maybe you just don't know what to think? Give me a chance.
Let's sit down over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. I'll share my story, and if you want, you can share yours, and I'll show you how fallible, honest, silly, and sincere a super-Christian girl can be. <3 p="">
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