Heart on Fire

It is late.  I haven't slept well for days.  I am wide awake.

AND I AM LOVING IT...and let me tell you why.

My heart is on fire my friends.

ON FIRE

I don't know if you've noticed, but the blog has been kind of silent lately.  It's not really that I don't have anything to say or that God isn't working in my life.  He is.  Every day.  Nevertheless, my words have been few.

I needed to take a step back for a little bit.  I was (and am) working on not needing to get outside approval from everyone on everything I do, so I've backed off a bit on my facebook posts and blogs.

But not right now...nope.  Right now I'm on fire, and God wants me to shout from the rooftops, but it's late and that would make the neighbors mad, scare my husband, and wake the baby.

So Internet, THIS IS ME SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!

If you've made it past the mention of God and the all caps then hang on cuz I've got something to say and you're going to want to come along.

I am changed.  My God has been working in me...slowly...deeply...and I am changed.  Like a popcorn kernel in the pot, the water of the living God has been heated slowly by fire of the Holy Spirit in me, changing me from the inside out, and I have popped!  I am now a new creation, changed visibly by the grace of my God...and it is radical (thank you Priscilla Shirer for that metaphor!!)

As you can maybe tell, I've gotten back from the Women of Faith conference.

If you remember from another recent blog, I went last year and felt God called me to ministry (and if you missed that you can read about it here).  This year the speakers were JUST as amazing, if not better, but once you have a "calling" experience the next year is rather anticlimactic.

Or so I thought.

I didn't have a moment where I froze this year.  I wasn't scared.  I wasn't running.  I was IN IT.

And oh my precious Lord Jesus it was AWESOME, and I don't mean "That was really cool!" awesome, or even "Super inspiring!!" awesome.  I mean crying right now, getting down on my hands and knees and thanking Jesus awesome.

And I'm going to tell you why...but, as always, it's a story, and it's going to take a minute.

While I was singing and praising God this weekend, I realized I kept wanting to apologize to the people around me.  For those of you who know me, this is not a shocker.  I apologize all the time anyway, right?

I just felt so badly because I am so freakishly loud.  I am always afraid that my worshiping might be interfering with someone else's worshiping, like "don't we have a muzzle for her?!"  Because of this, it is really difficult for me to just praise God.  I'm always worried about what the people around me are thinking and whether I can sing out or whether I should hold back.

It's exhausting.

But guess what my God did?  He spoke to me. He knew I was wrestling with this, and He sent a woman named Liz Curtis Higgs onto that stage, and she said "Don't hold anything back.  Give it all to him.  Don't worry about what you sound like just give it all to Him.  Praise Him."

That's MY GOD.  I can be in an arena full of people.  I can be in a state full of people.  I can be in a world FULL of people, and MY God cares about me, loves me, enough to send a woman on stage to say something to me. 

Was she just saying that for my benefit?  No.  Obviously there was an arena full of women and other people needed to hear that, too, for many other reasons, but don't you see? That is the beauty of it.  He doesn't just love me.  He loves each and every one of us and we are precious to Him.  He is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent.

He is the GREAT I AM, and He loves us, and He speaks to each one of us.

We just have to choose to listen.

So, I sang out.  I gave my God my all.  I messed up the words sometimes, but that's okay.  I changed octaves in the middle sometimes, but that's okay.

I gave my all to my God, and friends, it felt gooooooood.

And I'm ready to do it more.  You see, I got a NEW word from God this weekend, a lot of words actually, and I'm ready to share.

I need to share.  I am bursting at the seams to share!

If you're reading this I want you to know, you may be my best friend or we may be complete strangers, but I love you and God loves you, and He's got something He wants me to say to you.  It's going to take a while and you may have to come back and visit me multiple times because He has A LOT He wants me to say, but any message He sends through any person He chooses will be worth hearing.  Always.

Will you listen?