A few minutes ago, a friend of mine posted this article about modesty and men's struggles. It's a pretty decent take on things, and it's worth a read.
This subject has been on my mind a lot lately, and has been the subject of many of Josiah's and my discussions. Therefore, the comment on my friend's page was so long I had to delete it and turn it into a blog post.
For those of you who aren't familiar with my "quick and dirty" posts, that just means they are written in a mad dash and no real editing has been done.
First, regarding the male's struggle with visual stimuli, I won't even pretend to get it...because I DON'T. We just don't. We all THINK we do, but I realized very recently that "men are visual" actually means something entirely different than I thought it did.
Within the last couple weeks I read For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn, and it was a game-changer. In it, she deals with this topic and explains what actually happens physiologically when a man sees a woman he finds attractive: an ENTIRELY different region of his brain lights up. You'd have to read the book to get the particulars, but it's one of the regions at the base of the skull...the part that registers pure biological instinct like hunger...or, for men, looking. That doesn't happen for women.
The reason I say this is a game-changer is because MEN REALLY CAN"T HELP IT...at least the first look. It IS up to them whether they continue to look after that point, but the struggle is real...and it is a STRUGGLE.
Now, regarding what women should and shouldn't wear, I don't think there's anything universal for that, I don't ever want to be legalistic about something that's not specifically described in the Bible. I will say this, though, the Bible does tell us that we should dress modestly, so we should at least think a little about that before we walk out the door with pieces showing.
But, there are a couple things no one is talking about.
Like...men's struggle with porn.
I know what you're thinking: WHAT?! Everyone is talking about that!!
But are they really? Sure, the man that wrote this article says he struggles, but Josiah and I have talked about this, and while Christian society is saying this is a problem, it's a problem no one seems to HAVE.
Hey fellas, any of your buddies tell you recently that they have a porn problem? Ask you to pray for their purity? Ask you to help keep them accountable?
No? Huh.
We are setting our Christian men up to fail, ladies...our husbands, our sons. They're roaming around in a world that tempts them at every turn, but we've shamed them to the point of suffering in silence.
They try to deal with the sin on our own, but no part of the body of Christ was ever meant to struggle alone.
So, that's the first thing no one is talking about - no one is fessing up to this habit.
The other thing no one is talking about is the female counterpart to this habit - and I don't mean romance novels, Nicholas Sparks movies, or a million shades of gray.
I'm talking about our need to be seen.
I know what a lot of you women are saying: I couldn't care less if men look at me! I never even think about it.
But I think that's a lie. I think we all care. I think we all want attention. We want to be seen and noticed by men. (Well, if you're heterosexual, but if you're not, then that's just a whole different issue.)
At the very least, I know this is true of me. Gary Thomas said something along these lines in one session of Sacred Marriage, and it really made me think: am I concerned about what my husband thinks of me or what other men think of me.
Well, Josiah, of course!! my self-righteousness said. However, something else nagged at the back of my mind. If that's true, then why do I still cry in front of my closet when I feel like I look awful...and my husband has told me he thinks I look beautiful.
That's a conundrum.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized what other people think, particularly men, does bother me. I hate that men don't ogle me like they used to when I was younger and thinner. I hate that I'm not noticed like I once was.
When I'm super hormonal and staring in the mirror with tears and snot running down my face, I say to myself, What happened? I used to be beautiful!
It's like Memory from Cats in my head.
And maybe I'm alone. Maybe I'm the only one that feels that way...but I don't think so.
I think any woman who gives this even a bit of honest self-analysis will probably feel the same way.
And, ladies, that's what WE need to get under control. It's not always WHAT we wear, but WHY we're wearing it that truly makes a difference.
Well, there it is...my rant on yoga pants, porn, and attention-seeking. Take from it what you will.
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