Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Grace, Growing Life, & Getting One

This post is probably going to be kind of a jumble…so hang on tight.  I have a lot of stuff going on in the noggin.

First, after doing a series of daily devotions just recently, I’ve been trying much harder to extend grace to those around me.  But then…what happened was…I kind of half extended grace, I think.  Is that even possible?  Someone kept doing something that kind of hurt my feelings, but I knew they were just tired and frustrated and they just happen to be awesome, so I extended grace and smiled and left it alone…until I didn’t.  Until my feelings were ultra hurt and, while I tried to get past the one thing, ten was too much, and I SPILLED.  My hurt just spilled out all over the place…it was messy.  How do I know when to extend grace and when to say something because my feelings are hurt so it doesn’t build up and overflow?  Do I need to just change my feelings?  Is that where I went wrong?  I would really love thoughts on this because I sincerely haven’t a clue.

Next, I’m really excited about having Josiah’s baby.  Yay!  I’m glad the morning sickness I had really only lasted a week because it was horrifyingly awful, but it will be nice when I get fully back to normal a bit, too.  I’m absolutely exhausted all the time, and I’m still having some serious issues with smells and food.  Mais, c’est la vie, n’est pas?  AND, I just happen to be growing a whole human which is infinitely awesome.  So there.

And finally…*sigh*

I just read some beautiful posts by the wonderfully talented Mary of Justin and Mary photography…and they made me loooong again.  Just long…To be. To do. To create.  I am grateful for my job.  It’s helping pay bills and keeping my insurance while I’m pregnant and that’s awesome…but I just…long.  I want to be passionate about what I do, but even beyond that, I want to do so many different things.  I want to create and write.  I see so much beauty around me, and I want to capture it in words and form.  Those are solitary pursuits, though, and that’s part of what I love about them.  But there’s so much more in me, too.  We all know I’m a talker…a people person.  I want to use that, too.  I want to plan and network and communicate.  Did I mention that I also want to spend tons of time with my kids and actually teach them a thing or two before they’re grown and gone?  Oh…and I want to be a great wife, too.

Is it possible?  It is feasible to think that it can all be done?  By just one person?  How can one person want to be and do so much?!  And do I have a right to these feelings?  Is all of it just part of the sinful nature, making me ungrateful for what I DO have by daring to want more?  Or is it possible that God is making me want what HE wants for me? 

I got nothing.  No clue.  There are no answers here today, just questions.

Anyone else have any answers?

1 comment:

  1. Ohhh, this post made me miss you!! I think that since the person was so awesome you could have probably told her a couple of times in, "Hey, I know you are super tired and frustrated and that I shouldn't take your (insert whatever) personally, but it sort of hurts my feelings when you..." You are extending grace by giving them the human part of their nature, and you are showing total respect for the relationship you have with him/her by protecting it from continuing to let him/her dump on you (probably w/o even realizing it). But I getcha girl. I am always in a jam about when to defend myself and when to forgive and give grace etc. I am so happy that you are feeling better!! AND, I know that God has great plans for you and your family. Just keep praying! And keep embracing the gifts in each day...one day at a time. And don't underestimate how God is already using you. That said, when God created you, he created you in His image, our Creator God, embrace that gift and create. Perhaps the way in which you create isn't exactly how you dream or as big as you want it to be, but just keep talking to God and listening to Him like you are. I can only imagine how God will continue to use you. You are such a gem, and I love you!