Failure to Thrive

Those are three disturbing words aren't they?

Failure. To. Thrive.

In my breastfeeding saga and subsequent application of my ninja google skills, I've come across those words countless times.

When the baby won't gain weight like he's supposed to or grow like he's supposed to, it's "failure to thrive."

On Monday, I had a breakdown because after doing so well last week, Phinehas only gained a half ounce over the weekend.  I was devastated.  I cried all afternoon and evening.  Every time I took him in my arms to feed him I bawled because my poor little baby is the same size he was when we brought him home from the hospital.

I'm trying so hard.  I'm dedicating my entire life to feeding this little being, but still there's failure...failure to thrive.

I regained my sanity a bit yesterday, and today I was very happy to see that, once again, he's back to gaining a half ounce per day.  Yay.

The whole thing made me think, though....

Josiah recently came up with an excellent analogy about how Christians are born again, and just like other newborns, we cry out to be changed and we cry out because we're hungry...to be changed by the Holy Spirit and hungry for the Word.

I thought it was a great analogy, and today, I thought about our situation with Phinehas: failure to thrive.  I thought about how that fits in with Josiah's analogy, as well.

When we don't grow as Christians and we don't get adequate amounts of His Word into our souls, we too will fail to thrive as His disciples.

The Bible says in John that Jesus is the vine,God is the gardener, and we are the branches.  Those branches that bear no fruit will be cut off, but those who bear fruit will be pruned so that they will produce more plentifully (John 15: 1-2).

This makes my heart hurt.

I know for a long time I wasn't thriving as a Christian.  I wasn't taking in adequate heavenly nutrition, and therefore, my fruit bearing was pitiful.  I wonder how many other people I influenced then.

I wonder if my impact is any better now.  I know I've grown in Christ Jesus over the last couple years.  I've felt his presence moving in my life, and I still feel it now...even more so. But I also know that the devil takes strongholds, and I know there are areas in my life that still aren't producing the fruit they should.

*sigh*

Nevertheless, I suppose just like with little Phinehas, I need to take things day by day, one feeding at a time, and patiently wait for fruit to grow (or ounces to accumulate).  God has this under control.  He's growing me.  He's growing me in the experiences and people he puts in my path, and through the food I take in when I read his word and fellowship with other believers.

He's growing Phinehas, too.  I have to believe that, although honestly, that's been difficult for me over the past few weeks.  I know God can help him grow, but it's hard not to continuously feel that my failure will get in the way.  I think that might be an extension of the analogy, as well, but I don't have time to analyze it at the moment....

I have to go grow the baby. :)