You Better Work

Remember back in middle school when just about every guy wanted to be a pro athlete? I'm sure there were a lot of girls who did, too, but the memory sticks out more vividly for the boys for me (middle school is also a much more distant memory for some of us).

How many pro athletes do you know now? Maybe one person you sorta kinda remember from school because you had that class together once? Why is that? If just about every boy wanted to be one, why aren't there more.

I'm sure there are countless reasons, but I'm confident many realized this: it's gonna take too much work.

The amount of drive and determination it takes to get to the professional level of any sport is commendable, but rare.

This week, a couple friends and I are headed to Minnesota for the Ezer Collective, a leadership intensive for Christian women led by speaker and author Jo Saxton. She and her business partner, Pastor Steph O'Brien, also have a podcast called Lead Stories. Today, they posted an interview with literary agent and writing coach Rachelle Gardner regarding the intricacies of becoming an author.

This is my calling! I was STOKED!

However, about 3 minutes into the podcast, I felt a familiar anxiety start to rise in my gut, and it usually precedes a powerful bout of insecurity, doubt, and fear. I'm starting to learn my lesson though, because before those nasty voices could even open their mouths, I called out to God to let me hear only what He would have me hear and to help me process it in a way that only furthers His purposes. 

And OH, did He ever deliver.

As I listened to the almost hour-long podcast, one overall theme really struck me: this "calling" of mine is gonna take a whole lot of flipping work. It will require every bit of the focus, drive, and determination of an aspiring pro athlete.

It's not like this is news to me exactly. I'm completely aware that I'll have to do a significant amount of work, but somehow, it always seems like the bulk of the work consists of some vague tasks in the distant future. That, my friends, is how aspiring authors and athletes remain "aspiring" instead of "professional." No one is paying you for work you might do in the future. 

The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,

while the soul of the diligent is richly supplies.

Proverbs 13:4

Have you ever asked your kids to do something, and, instead of obeying, they continue whatever mindless thing they're doing? When that happens, I might wait a little bit, but at some point, I look at them and say, "Dude. Get it together. I asked you to do something."

Today, when I listened to that podcast, God gently whispered into my heart, "Alissa, it's time to act. It's time to work. Rise up, child. I asked you to do something." (Please note that God is ever so much gentler and kinder to me than I am to my kids...because He's God. We're working on it).

So, as the time for this training draws near, I go into it knowing full well I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, not sometime in the distant future, but in the here and now. It should sound scary, but one thought gives me a lot of comfort: the Law of Marginal Gains.

My friend John-Erik Moseler often talks about this in his coaching. Basically, it's a concept that touts the profitability of very small changes CONSISTENTLY over time and was used by Sir David Brailsford in his training of the British Olympic Cycling team. With it, he was able to transform a program that had only won one gold medal in over 75 years to one that won seven out of ten medals in Beijing in 2008...and he did it in only six years, and all with 1% changes over time.

My point is that no one becomes Michael Jordan overnight. Michael Jordan certainly didn't. He practiced and practiced and practiced for YEARS to become the legend He is today, improving ever so gradually with each failed shot, each brick to the basket, each layup that landed just a bit too shy.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if God has a future mapped out for me, then He will give me everything I need to achieve it...including the will to WORK. 

Commit your work to the Lord,

and your plans will be established.

Proverbs 16:3

And let us not grow weary of doing good

for in due season we will reap,

if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

*Source: https://hbr.org/2015/10/how-1-performance-improvements-led-to-olympic-gold

A Winning Wardrobe

I had it all planned out.

Don't most humbling, slap-you-in-the-face moments start that way?

A few nights ago, I lay in bed thinking about exactly which outfits I would wear for the 5 days I'm going to be in Minnesota for the Ezer Collective. I was bubbling over with excitement.

A few weeks ago, I picked up a couple adorable clothing items from a second hand store. I tried them on briefly at home to make sure they fit, and Josiah seemed to think they were okay, so I thought they would fit fabulously into my trip wardrobe. (I tried them on for Josiah because we don't own a full-length mirror; if I ever look jacked up from the shoulders down, you now know why).

One was a plaid, tweed jacket that would look sophisticated and fun with skinny jeans and a white t-shirt. The other was a gorgeous, sheer red blouse (with the tags still on it) with slightly puffy sleeves and a ruffled collar. You just really can't GET more "me" than that.

The sheer blouse had a cami that came underneath it, but the thing was super short. When I tried it on the first time I looked like the female version of Winne the Pooh - NOT a flattering look. After purchasing a replacement cami yesterday, I came home and flew to the room to try it on.

The new cami felt just a little too long for the blouse, so I had Josiah take a picture to show me. It was TOO SMALL. The blouse I just adored felt comfortable but was far too snug, so not only was it a little short for the cami, but the last button pulled around my hips and accentuated my rolls.

NOOOOOOO!

"That's okay, though, right?" I thought. "Because that tweed jacket is going to be AWESOME!"

However, once I put it on again, I quickly noticed something that had completely escaped my attention the first time: that sucker had shoulder pads.

I don't know if you know this, but anything with shoulder pads makes a broad-shouldered girl look like the shortest linebacker in the NFL. It's not a good look.

Knowing we don't really have the funds for me to go shopping for new clothes right now, I fell to pieces. With the board for my "She is clothed in strength and dignity" sign slung haphazardly across the tops of my closet's louver doors (you can read more about that here), I stared into my closet seething, angry, and shattered, feeling clothed in very little strength and not a shred of dignity. Instead, I was clothed in a lot of sadness and boatloads of disappointment. I wailed about how I didn't have anything nice to wear and that I guess I'd just wear my "stupid, ''mom clothes."

Yes, you read that right. With people just hours south of here mourning the loss of everything they own due to Hurricane Michael, I mourned the loss of two items of clothing, which technically fit, but looked hideous. Not my finest moment.

As the hot tears slid down my face, leaving salty trails in my makeup, even I was surprised at the depth of emotion I felt over this seemingly insignificant event. "Why does this hurt so much?" I asked myself. "Why am I so devastated?"

And then, like Jack and Jill on their return voyage down the hill, the fears and insecurities tumbled out of me. They were numerous, but it all boiled down to this: I am afraid of being overlooked or disregarded because I'm old and fat.

I was super excited about the chic and fun outfits because I felt like they really represented me well...and because I feel like I need to do and be so much more to compensate for the fact that I'm truthfully "just" an overweight mom with seven kids. Even now, that makes my eyes sting with tears.

Unfortunately, there's actually some truth there, but it's mixed up with lies - Cocoa Pebbles in a bowl of sour milk.

If two women, one bigger and one smaller, put on the exact same outfit, nine times out of ten, the thinner woman would be taken more seriously, considered more attractive, hired for the job, etc. In many ways in our society, being bigger puts you at a disadvantage. That's the cold, hard truth.

The sour milk in the bowl, though, is the idea that I need these people's approval in order to fulfill my God-given calling. After a fitful night of sleep (or NOT sleep), I rose far before daylight and headed out to the beach to get my bearings. I knew there was truth I was missing, but I needed to be away from everyone with my God to figure it out.

There, in my van, in the dark hour just before dawn, I cried out to God and heard back, "Is anything impossible for the Lord?" I knew it was from the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Isaac, but I googled it to find its exact location (Genesis 18:14) . I didn't expect it to come up in three more places.

Oh Lord God!

You yourself made the

heavens and the earth

by Your great power and

with Your outstretched arm.

Nothing is too difficult for You!

Jeremiah 32:17

Look I am Yahweh,

the God of all flesh.

Is anything too difficult for Me?

Jeremiah 32:27

[Jesus] replied, 

"What is impossible with men

is possible with God."

Luke 18:27

And with those, this one popped into my head:

Now to Him who is able

to do above and beyond

all that we ask or think

according to the power that works in us,

to Him be the glory

in the church and in Christ Jesus

to all generations,

forever and ever.

Ephesians 3:20

My God can do more than I can even begin to imagine in order to fulfill His purposes for me.

• Sarah laughed when she was told she would bear a child because she knew she was too old. God gave her a child, Isaac.
• David was a shepherd boy no one thought anything of, not even enough to bring him in from the field while Samuel looked over Jesse's sons to see which would be king. God made him king.
• Elizabeth was too old to bear children and everyone thought she was barren. God gave her John, he who would pave the way for the Messiah.
• 
  

In each of these cases, God made his perfect plans work through imperfect, unlikely people. Why? To bring Him more glory because only HE could do those impossible things.

God asked Gideon to defeat the Midianites, who were oppressing His people. So, Gideon took 32,000 men with him to defeat the armies of Midian, a force that would probably have numbered in excess of 100,000. But the odds weren't stacked enough for God.

The Lord said to Gideon,

"You have too many people for Me

to hand the Midianites over to you,

or else Israel might brag:

'I did it myself.'"

Judges 7:2

Therefore, God made sure the Israelites knew no one but HE could have accomplished the victory by sending Gideon with just 300 men...and they defeated them not with swords, spears, and arrows, but with torches, trumpets, and terracotta pots - a truly divine upheaval.

Here's the thing: if I'm meant to connect with any of the women attending this thing in a way that will impact my future and God's purpose, then it won't matter if I'm wearing a burlap sac and Birks. 

It is not my wardrobe that will bring me through to my calling. It is not my gifts, talents, or bubbly personality. It is nothing other that the power of the living God working in and through me and my circumstances.

He gave me those tools, yes, but without Him, they still aren't enough to fulfill a God-sized purpose.

God will do what He wants, when He wants, through whom He wants, and if I'm willing to walk in obedience, there's nothing that's going to keep me from the calling He has put on my life.

So, I'm heading to Minnesota in just over a week clothed in strength, dignity, and outfits I already own. I won't be clothed in what I've planned, but now that the fears and insecurities have been dealt with, I can go clothed in what I should have been thinking of all along: the love of my Heavenly Father, the strength that comes from knowing His great power, the power given to me in Christ Jesus, and the authority I have been given as the daughter of the One, True King. THAT, my friends, is a winning wardrobe!

Now, get thee behind me, Satan, and observe this outfit from the back. I've got work to do.

My Heart's Report Card

I could feel the sadness creeping in. It was heavy and thick, like Mississippi mud, and I tried to swallow it down, but it rose up, a knot in my stomach that threatened to crawl through my chest and escape as a ragged sob.

Sometimes, you just don't want to lose it in public...but sometimes you do anyway.

This weekend at church, we continued our "Rooted" series. First, we talked about being rooted in the word, and then in our relationship with God. Last week we talked about being rooted firmly in relationships with other believers, and this week, we talked about being rooted in our purpose.

It didn't really affect me until then end...until the worship team was singing about moving forward and Pastor Freddy prayed about clarity of vision. That's when the knot started forming.

Five years ago, I received a calling from God (and you can read about that here). He didn't ask me to do anything specific at the time. He just told me He was calling me.

I know it was real. I know He's calling me. I know He wants something very big from me.

But I still have no clear vision of what that is...and somewhere, deep in me, that weighs so heavily.

I remembered feeling like that another time at FLC, just over three years ago, when we visited on a Saturday night on a whim.

I was pregnant with Avery at the time, and Pastor Freddy was preaching on GOING: praying hard for God's will, but MOVING. I wrote a blog post about it because, even then, I felt the indescribable urge to move forward, but felt the hand of God holding me back until the time was right.

And once again, last night, there I sat on the front row, tears streaming down my face because I'm so ready for my vision.

Or am I?

Cognitively, I'm very aware that I'm NOT ready. I have six children. Five of them are still in our home, three of them are ages four and under, and we have yet another baby on the way. Taking care of them is most important right now, and I know I'm not ready for any huge responsibilities beyond that. Raising them is part of my preparation process.

Furthermore, I know that, should God give me more of His vision, I wouldn't wait for His timing. I like to jump in with both feet, and I would jump straight into the wrong thing. It's almost certain.

I think that's what made the overwhelming sadness so difficult to contend with: I felt like there was no reason for it! God's got this! I'm very aware...so why the heavy heart?

When I got home, I did some digging. I went back to the blog post I wrote three years ago, and it ministered to me.

First, it brought back to mind a verse that I should truly plaster all over the walls of my house just to make sure it gets plastered on my heart:

For the vision still awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end-

it will not lie.

If it seems slow, wait for it;

it will surely come;

it will not delay.

Habakkuk 2:3

It is exactly what I am sure of in my heart, and there it was, staring right back at me from God's Word. He is so good.

Secondly, however, it reminded me to look back and see the progress that's been made in the last three years, as well as completing a sound assessment of where He's still doing some major work on me.

I started two pages in my prayer journal: one for "lessons learned" and another for "lessons He's still teaching me." Then, I went back through almost every, single blog post I've made since the one in May of 2014. The results were both uplifting and sobering.

I was able to fill an entire page with lessons I feel God has worked solidly into my heart, lessons that have become part of my daily walk, part of who I am as a follower of Christ.

However, there was also 2/3 of a page of lessons He's still teaching me - areas where I may have picked up part of the lesson, but have continued to fumble or have just dropped altogether.

I felt both deep conviction and sincere gratitude. God has already given me my next steps: complete the ones He's already given me.

There are areas in my life - diligence, household management, self-doubt, confidence - where He's still teaching me lessons, and if they are not tended to before I go into ministry, I will crumble and fold under the pressure of the enemy.

Pastor Freddy even preached on that last night! He said, "Sometimes we have to go back and complete what God has already asked us to do in order to move forward into what He has next." At the time, however, I was unable to see how that applied.

I once was blind, but now I see - thank God for His amazing grace. It's time for me to move backward and pick up some things I've dropped in order to make sure I'm fully equipped for the road ahead.

I made a report card for my heart: in some areas I've got O's for outstanding and S's for satisfactory, but I've also got some big fat N's staring back at me for areas in which I desperately Need Progress. 

The main verse we've concentrated on for our Rooted series has been Colossians 2:6-7:

Therefore, as you have received

Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him,

rooted and built up in him

and established in the faith,

just as you were taught,

overflowing with gratitude.

And very appropriately, that's where I ended up last night. I laid my head to my pillow overflowing with gratitude, knowing all God has already done, grounded in what He's still doing, and excited for what's to come.

That's another lesson from the past that He's still writing on my heart:

My adventure doesn't start

when I become the person I'm supposed to be;

my adventure is in the BECOMING.

Alissa Shea Coburn

"I'm Going on an Adventure"

December 30, 2016

And I'm enjoying my adventure. 

A Weekend to Remember Part 1: It's Just the Beginning

A few months ago, I met a guy at a Food Lion. We talked a bit about where we might have known each other from, talked about what churches we went to and what we liked about them, and exchanged numbers. We may send each other a message about once a month, but I haven't really run into him since then.

I knew from the moment I met him it was a divine appointment.

The FamilyLife® Weekend to Remember began on Friday, November 18th, but before we reported for the prayer team, I had report to work. I went in at 5 am, having slept very little for the second night in a row, and under a little bit of stress.

I had been looking at our finances. It didn't look great.

I sent a text to my wife to discuss them. However, less than 5 minutes later I received a text from my aforementioned friend.

The message he sent said:

Unless the Lord Builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchman stays awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

for He gives His beloved sleep.

Psalm 127:1-3

No other message, just scripture.

I thanked him, telling him I needed it, then I told him it made me ask 2 questions.

1. God, what house, what refuge are you trying to build or establish in my life right now? 

I have no doubt that this scripture was inspired by God, and I have no doubt that I needed it.

I know I'm not where God wants me occupationally, and I know that God has something in store for me and my best interests.

God IS supplying all of our needs, though maybe not all of our wants, and that's more than okay. It's fantastic!

But things are still tight enough for me to know and rest assured that HE is the one taking care of us.

And He is providing a push to make me want to go towards the promised land.

This leads me to my second question:

2. Where IS our "promised land"?

Uh.

I don't know yet. I know what my gifts are, and I know that God didn't give them to me for me to set them on a shelf and collect dust, so I'm certain those gifts are currently in refinement stages and my heart is being made malleable.

I know I shed tears of joy and sorrow that morning at the revealing of this Word in the moment, when I didn't even know I needed it.

With praise, I said,  “God thank you for hearing what I wasn't even saying.”

With sorrow, I said a prayer for God to open my eyes and to open my ears, and asked Him to open doors, and to give me to have the faith to walk through them.

In the sermon we heard last night, just over a week later (which Alissa wrote about here), the pastor said God uses the “hidden years” to develop in us the things we will need for the future.

David, after his anointing, was used for years in the same role...honing his skills as a shepherd. He was disciplined and knew he had a higher calling – one that was divinely inspired and God given.

He was being trained to be a gentle leader: to care about the, the helpless, the victims of prey, well before he walked in his purpose.

He faced lions and bears which ultimately gave him the skills to face Goliath.

Sometimes our position doesn't match our purpose, but God is using this in order to construct something new.

And sometimes in order to do something new, you have to deconstruct the old.

The things we practice in the dark shine even brighter in the light of day.

(Thank you for those nuggets, Pastor Cyon.)

I am not currently facing a giant, but I will still face a decision to act in faith when the time comes.


My original questions remain unanswered for now, and that's okay.

In His perfect timing, when He thinks I'm ready, He will let me know. If there's one thing I have learned over the last week, it's that nothing happens on accident.

Thus, our Weekend to Remember started before we even arrived on the premises. Alissa and I both felt like God was about to start something new in our lives...and then, we walked into the War Room.

More on that tomorrow....

He Sees Me

Sometimes life doesn't happen in the right order. Or at least, it doesn't happen in the order you think it should.

I'm writing this right now, but it was supposed to be a different post. It was supposed to be a beautiful post about the Weekend to Remember last weekend. I will get to that post...

But this is something else entirely.

Lately, a lot of my posts have been about "searching." Finding my way through self doubt; searching for me; seeking in the darkness; wrestling with my purpose.

And, in that same vein, today, before I can move on to the beauty of last weekend, I have to confess the ugly of the past week.

And it was indeed ugly.

It had me building up resentment toward my husband only days after I cried sweet, happy tears as I witnessed his amazing spiritual growth and hiding in the bathroom crying a river of tears when, really, I have so much to be grateful for.

I felt it impressed on me so heavily last weekend that God was doing something NEW and EXCITING in our lives, but somehow, that goes away so quickly, and sin creeps in my mind and heart.

Over 4 years ago, I felt God calling me to some form of very public ministry...someday. (You can read about that here.) Since then, I've been waiting...in a holding pattern.

Because of that, with each day that passes, blog post that gets written, development I've made, I hold my breath expectantly, waiting for the moment when God will decide I'm ready to be used in a bigger way.

The other night (while I was hiding and crying in the bathroom), I sent a text to my sister-in-law, Jamie. There are very few people in this life you can just pour your ugly out to, and they'll embrace you anyway. Jamie is one of my people.

 I told her I was just struggling and asked for prayer. I told her I'm having difficulty connecting. I told her I'm resentful of Josiah's writing because I'm struggling with mine. I told her I think I've misunderstood my purpose.

I said, "Everything I touch turns to mediocrity." Not trash. Not gold.

Mediocrity.

Of course, she admonished me in the most loving, Jamie-like manner. She reminded me that I'm not God and, I don't know "all the things." I don't know what He's doing in the background. She reminded me to trust God, even though I don't FEEL like anything is happening.

I don't know if y'all know this, but feelings can be big, fat liars.

A child normally doesn't FEEL their growth. Sometimes, when it happens quickly, they have growing pains, but most of the time, it happens slowly and steadily until, one day, both they and their parents see their heads towering above the last mark on the wall.

It happens in front of your eyes, but you don't see what's going on in the background: the cells growing and multiplying, the bones stretching, the muscle developing.

No...just one day, "WOW! You've grown!"

She prayed for me and I prayed for myself. I felt like God was cold and distant, not caring about my broken heart, not seeing me in the desert, in the wait. But I prayed anyway.

And then...I went to church last night. I knew the sermon would be on the subject of our "Legacy," and it would involve the life of King David, but I was wholly unprepared for the way God would reach down and touch me.

The sermon was on David's waiting space: the years between when he was anointed as the next king of Israel and when he fought Goliath. You know, those years after he was anointed when he went back to being the littlest brother, the shepherd of the flocks.

Pastor Cyon said, "What do you do when your position doesn't line up with your purpose?"

And then I cried. I cried on and off the whole sermon. She went on to outline what God was doing to prepare David in those years, and what we should do in OUR waiting space.

She even asked the question, "How many 'what about me' moments did David have in those lonely years?" Haha...I think I know.

My intention here, though, is not to retell the sermon (although you should definitely listen to it on the FLC website). Instead, it's to show you how much God cares.

See, there are a lot of people in this world struggling over much more serious things than a "waiting space." There are far bigger problems in the world.

But as much as God cares about those big problems, He also cares about my little heart.

He sees me; He knows me; He loves me.

He knew I was feeling distant, and He reached down to show me how much He cares. He even had these women who don't know one another at all, use some of the exact same words to speak life back into me when I counted my purpose dead...lifeless.

He is El Roi, the God who sees me (Genesis 16:13), and my friend, if He sees Hagar in her distress, and He sees me in mine, He sees you in yours.

He knows your heart. He knows the number of hairs on your head. And He cares about you AND your feelings...even if they are liars.

He WANTS to comfort you. Reach out to Him, even when you don't FEEL like it.

Cast all your anxiety on Him,

because He cares about you.

1 Peter 5:7

Throw your burdens far from you, and cast them on the shoulders of our almighty God because He loves you, He cares about you, and He SEES you.

Who Are You?

I've noticed over the past year, this blog is becoming less about my life under construction, and much more about me under construction. God has slowly been working on revealing my identity.

Just over a year ago, God taught both Josiah and I powerful lessons on how He wanted us to communicate and what our roles were in our marriage. We wrote a whole series on it last November called Marriage Renovations.

Then, God did the unthinkable and asked me to be more purposefully feminine, partially by changing my entire wardrobe. You can read about that here. I'm still a little salty about that one. It was smack dab in the middle of hoodie season!! I'm adjusting...slowly.

In recent months, God has exposed me to some people, particularly some women, who are powerful prayer warriors.

When they pray, you can tell they aren't just speaking casually with God or speaking for the benefit of the people in the room; they have a powerful connection with Him. They are speaking TO Him...and He is speaking THROUGH them.

I want that. I want to connect with God like that! But somehow, I can't quite connect....

However, God has also been revealing to me that my spiritual disconnect is probably directly related to my lack of one-on-one time with Him. I read my Bible every day (or just about every day) and I pray, but it's hardly without distraction. It normally looks something like this:

But if Jesus is supposed to be our example, then his prayer time looked like this:

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

Luke 5:16

Jesus OFTEN WITHDREW to LONELY PLACES and PRAYED.

I try to make excuses about my prayer life because of my "season" and the little people who wake up really early and follow me around. But let's face it: if Jesus can get away from the throngs of thousands who followed him and hung on his every word, I can probably find a few minutes away from my six. Just saying.

Last Sunday night I had an opportunity to be alone and just pray. Just me and God and a good bit of silence.

I poured my heart out to Him. I told Him I wanted to know Him more. I told Him I wanted a more intimate relationship with Him.

Then, I told Him I was going to be quiet and wait. I was going to just shut up and listen for a while.

And God spoke.

He said, "How are you supposed to get to know Me more when you won't even acknowledge who YOU are? Who I made you to be?"

Touche, God. Touche.

So, I thought about that. Who am I?

Called. Child of God. Daughter of the One True King. Adopted. Loved. Conqueror. 

But that's what He calls every Christian. I wanted God to tell me who He wanted ME to be. Who does God say Alissa is?

He answered:

1. Feminine
2. Joy
3. Light
4. Bold
5. Confident
6. Perseverant 

Interesting. 

Then, I was reminded of  a conversation earlier in the week where a friend told me God was calling her to be more like her name. In the Bible, she said, God was very specific about names. He knows our names. He has always known them.

So, I thought about my name.

Alissa is derived from Alice. Alice means "noble." I've known that forever. It isn't a surprise, and didn't mean much to me...at the time. 

Until I decided to look up my middle name: Shea. Then, a picture started forming.

Depending upon the source you look at, Shea means "majestic" or "stately."

      Noble: having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals.

      Majestic: having or showing impressive beauty or dignity

      Stately: having a dignified, unhurried, and grand manner; majestic in manner or appearance

Uh oh, I thought. This sounds scary.

As I looked into the synonyms for each of these descriptions, certain words stood out to me: 

      Noble: righteous, virtuous, good, honorable, moral, ethical...

      Majestic: dignified, distinguished, august, statuesque...

      Stately: regal, slow-moving, measured, deliberate...

*deep breath*

These words painted a beautiful picture for me. A picture of a princess...one who has been groomed to assume the king's power. 

She is humble, but powerful; righteous, yet merciful; dignified, but kind.

She is me...well, the me I want to be: the me God wants me to be.

She is clothed in strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come

Proverbs 31:25

Up until now, I've considered myself to be far more the court jester than royalty. I bumble and fumble and apologize all the time.

I disqualify myself, forgetting that He who sent me is IN me, and He is more than qualified.

My name is a derivative of Alice. If you have seen the more recent Alice in Wonderland, she spends much of the movie being the wrong Alice. Or not hardly Alice. Or almost Alice. She has to discover who Alice is before she can go on to slay the jabberwocky.

She has to know who she is before she can go on to fulfill her purpose.

I've been praying for God to tell me what He wants me to do, but I couldn't get there.

I lost my muchness.

I was the wrong Alissa. And then not hardly Alissa. And now...I'm almost Alissa.

I won't be many of these wonderful things overnight, and I'm sure I'll fail quite often. I pray those of you witnessing the transition will offer me both accountability and grace.

It's a frightening endeavor, but most things worth accomplishing are.

Who has God called YOU to be? He knows you; He knows your name. You are not an accident, and you have a purpose, but you might need to figure out who you are before you move on to what you should do.

Who...are...you?

Is it enough?

Generally, I like to have blog posts written in my head before I decide to share them with the world. This time, however, we're dealing with more of a jumble. At the suggestion of my dear friend, Alice, I've done a "brain dump" on paper, but it led to more and more questions.

So now...I'm bringing it all to you, dear internet. Make of it what you will. If you have answers, I'd love to hear them.

A couple months ago, I was driving along a nearby stretch of road. I've driven this road many times before and often marveled at the amount of churches that could lie along one roadway...it seems almost every Christian denomination imaginable is represented on this ONE street. There's even a Christian bookstore!

On this day, though, instead of just noticing the amount of churches, I had another thought: why isn't our city different? How can there be this many churches on one road, not even one block between them, representing only a fraction of the churches in the area...and our city not be on fire for God? The "Bible Belt?" The nation?

Then, last Saturday, Josiah and I went to worship at Freedom Life Church (FLC) in Hampton because he had to work on Sunday. We caught the second of a 4-part sermon series called "I Love My City."

I love the book of Nehemiah. Josiah and I were talking about it just the other day. Nevertheless, it was a different passage of scripture Pastor Cyon brought to my attention that totally rocked my world. It's Isaiah 58. Here it is almost in its entirety.

See if you can read it without it rocking YOUR world, too.

"Shout with the voice of a trumpet blast.

Shout aloud! Don't be timid.

Tell my people Israel of their sins!

Yet they act so pious!

They come to the Temple every day

and seem delighted to learn all about me.

They act like a righteous nation

that would never abandon the laws of its God.

They ask me to take action on their behalf,

pretending they want to be near me.

'We have fasted before you!' they say.

'Why aren't you impressed?

We have been very hard on ourselves,

and you don't even notice it!'

"I will tell you why!" I respond.

"It is because you are fasting to please yourselves.

Even while you fast,

you keep oppressing your workers.

What good is fasting when you keep on fighting and quarreling?

This kind of fasting will never get you anywhere with me.

You humble yourselves by going through the motions of penance,

bowing your heads like reeds bending in the wind.

You dress in burlap and cover yourselves with ashes.

Is this what you call fasting?

Do you really think this will please the Lord?

"No, this is the kind of fasting I want:

Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;

lighten the burden of those who work for you.

Let the oppressed go free,

and remove the chains that bind people.

Share your food with the hungry,

and give shelter to the homeless.

Give clothes to those who need them,

and do not hide from relatives that need your help.

"Then your salvation will come like the dawn,

and your wounds will quickly heal.

Your godliness will lead you forward,

and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.

Then when you call, the Lord will answer.

'Yes, I am here,' he will quickly reply.

"Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.

Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!

Feed the hungry,

and help those in trouble.

Then your light will shine out from the darkness,

and the darkness around you will be bright as noon.

The Lord will guide you continually,

giving you water when you are dry

and restoring your strength.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like an ever-flowing spring.

Some of you will be known as a rebuilder of walls

and a restorer of homes.

Isaiah 58:1-12, HCSB

Church...people of God...'Merica...did you hear that?

Did you FEEL that?

God says he sees us coming to church, entering and serving every time the doors are open, offering ourselves up as a sacrifice, showing him how much WE do, but our hearts are prideful and our offerings are rejected.

We act like pious, godly people, but we're still fighting and quarreling and name calling on the internet.

OUCH, right?

He wants us outside the walls. 

He wants us ministering to the lost and lonely.

He wants us feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless.

He wants us to free the oppressed from their bondage.

He wants our hearts, not our paltry sacrifice.

Then, He will hear us.

Then, He will heal us.

Then, He will guide us.

Then, He will shower us with streams of living water.

Then, He will make us rebuilders of walls and restorer of homes.

God is speaking to us Newport News, Hampton, Hampton Roads, United States...church.

He wants our hearts to reflect His, and His heart is broken for the lost...is yours? Is mine?

Here's where I get more personal, though. I have a lot of questions that have been building for quite some time. 

It's been months since I've written...and longer than that since I've written much of consequence, with fire and passion. A couple years ago I wrote a series on passion, vision, mission, and goals. What has happened to mine? And is my writing "ministry" even enough?

I love reaching out to people and seeing their lives changed through my business, but it's not really reaching the lost and feeding the hungry is it? I supposed you could call it "freeing the oppressed from the bondage" of their own fatigue and constraints, but is it really enough?

We're volunteering with the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember team in Williamsburg. That ministers to the lost and broken, but once again, it's not sheltering the homeless or clothing the impoverished. It doesn't feel like enough. Is it enough?

Futhermore (and this is truly my core concern, I think), how many passions and missions can one person really have and still be effective? 

Can I minister to my family AND marriages AND write AND help people with my business AND sing eventually (because, honestly, that's been on my heart a lot lately, too)?

Can one person do all those things and really do any of them well...with 6 children? Is that a thing?

I know some would say that my main ministry right now is fulfilling my roles as wife and mother. They're not wrong. Biblically, I know how the priority list is supposed to work: God, husband, children, etc.

But that's not enough either, right? I mean, if everyone only concentrates on what's going on in their own homes and families, then nothing is getting done outside. Wouldn't that give half the body of Christ a "free pass" not to do much of anything in the world?

I want to feel a passion and a purpose again, but instead I feel a little torn and twisted. I want God to light a fire in my soul, but I'm almost scared because...really? One more thing?

And, finally, at what point does all this business on my part turn into me looking at God and going "See? Look at everything I'm doing! Look at all MY WORKS."

Faith without works is dead (James 2:17), but it would seem works without a passion for the heart of God are useless.

There's a fine line somewhere...I'm just looking for that line.

So, dear, wonderful friends who have gotten this far: what's the answer? How do you find the balance? Was your heart moved by the passage in Isaiah as much as mine was?

I want desperately to hear from you. This is one situation where I just don't feel like I have the answers: a missing page in the blueprints of my "Life Under Construction."

I'm praying hard for answers, and I'm praying for YOUR hearts, too! 

Marriage Renovations: Blueprints HIS Way

Photo credit: mikeg1968 Etsy Shop

In this series, Josiah and I are talking about the "renovations" God has recently made in our marriage, and how to negotiate your own marital renovation project.

When you're building from scratch, you start with the foundation and build up. In a Christian marriage, the foundation is Jesus Christ. He is the cornerstone. He is the rock you build on.

Josiah and I had this part already, praise God. (If you don't, but you'd like to know how, get with us!)

Nevertheless, even when you've built on a strong foundation, and you sincerely love your home, there are times when you need to do renovations.

Today, Josiah discusses what the Blueprints phase of the remodel looked like for HIM. You can catch up on what's already been written here:

Marriage Renovations: Intro
Marriage Renovations: Demo Day HER Way
Marriage Renovations: Demo Day HIS Way
Marriage Renovations: Blueprints HER Way

This is a hardhat area, folks. Strongholds are falling.

PHASE 2: Blueprints - Josiah Style

When we got home from the leadership retreat in Cape Charles, I decided I needed to read the books I had promised Alissa I would probably a year prior, but hadn't finished.

And I did need to. For me.

And I didn't just read them, I studied them.

I didn't grasp what God was doing inside of Alissa, or inside of me, or where He was leading us.

For Men Only (by Jeff Feldhaun) helped me understand some of the things that were going on with my wife that I didn't really grasp like I thought I did.

And the other book (For Women Only by Saunti Feldhaun)? Yep. I needed that one too. And it helped me explain to Alissa some of the emotions I was having when I wasn't really able to explain my feelings very clearly.

My wife is vocal and assertive, but the books helped me put two and two together. In some areas, I may not understand exactly what she's feeling all of the time, but I CAN understand why she feels that way.

A couple weeks later, Alissa and I FINALLY ended up taking dance lessons because it was really cheap and made for a series of very fun dates. And they were really about to expire.

(Note to the guys: DO THIS. There's no reason to be embarrassed. It will only be you two and the instructor. It is an investment in your wife, and you WILL see her radiate with the fact that you thought of her. There are places to purchase these at a very discount rate, so even if you can't afford much, this should be doable. If you need assistance with this, please contact me, and I can point you in the right direction.)

So we went to the first lesson, and I felt like I caught on fairly quickly, but not as quickly as I personally would like. I think as part of my masculinity, I want to walk in and get it all immediately. To get it right the first time.

In everything I do, I want desperately to walk in and find out that this one thing is the one area that I am amazing at without really trying.

You know, just do nothing but wake up in the morning and realize I was a hidden Mozart, Beethoven, or Fred Astaire (in this case)...something.

But that's not realistic, and I couldn't do that because I was learning... and learning how to do something so much more important than how to dance.

I was learning how to lead.

After the second lesson, on the way home, Alissa told me how much more she appreciated it when I led her firmly.

How can I lead my wife firmly in dancing?

Learning. Following someone who knows. Knowing someone who has been there and can give me direction.

1 Timothy 3:1 says “If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.”

Woohoo! I want to be noble. Better yet I want to be known as noble to my wife, but...

How can I lead my wife and kids at home, every day?

Learning. Following someone who knows.

God.

Luckily, 1 Timothy 3 goes on to give a checklist. I can do checklists.

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach,

a husband of one wife,

self-controlled, sensible, respectable,

and hospitable and an able teacher.

Not addicted to wine, not a bully but gentle,

not quarrelsome, and not greedy.”

I was looking at this... above reproach? Well. I'm a sinner, so not exactly, but for the most part... sure. A husband of one wife. Check. Self-controlled. Check. Sensible? I think so. Hospitable? Sure. Able teacher?

A mentor?

Is that me? In ways I don't understand at the moment, maybe. Not really.

Not intentionally. Not with purpose.

Do I have a spiritual mentor?

Not really. Maybe some in ways I don't understand at the moment. So maybe, but not really.

Not intentionally. Not with purpose.

In another book I've been studying, that I hadn't read since I was teenager, it talks about how the decisions you make, make you.

I heavily underlined 3 words.

Plan. Purpose. Persevere.

Without a plan on what to do, it's all too easy to not do anything.

Without purposing your plan, and making your moves intentionally, you won't accomplish anything... your plans are just a pipe dream.

Without perseverance through the difficult times – if you give up – then those who would look up to you won't have a reason to.

These are words of a lot of strength, and there are a ton of applications.

In your marriage, in your teaching, in your following, in your studying...

Plan. Purpose. Persevere.

After all, what are blueprints? PLANS.

An Announcement About Thursday...on Tuesday!

A couple weeks ago a dear friend confided in me that he felt lost. He was working hard in a lot of different areas, but still didn't feel fulfilled and had no idea which direction to go in next. For some reason, this resonated so deeply with me, and I wanted to reach out and help him somehow. Then I figured out why I felt his plight so deeply...

I feel lost, too. Wow - talk about the blind wanting to lead the blind.

Let me define, though, what I mean by lost (from my perspective, not his, of course - I can only speak for myself). As a Christian, I know I am always loved and taken care of, and there is always a plan, even if I don't know what that plan is.

In his book The Circle Maker Mark Batterson talks about a point in his life when he felt like his life resembled an airline joke - the pilot comes on the overhead speaker and says, "I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is we're lost; the good news is we're making great time."

My life feels like that a lot of the time ( and you know that because I've written about it...oh...eight billion times). The issue, I've discovered, is that in order to know where you're going, you have to know where you are.

Like Bilbo discovered in the movie The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug when he and the dwarfs are lost in Mirkwood Forest, sometimes you have to stop moving, running around in circles, look up (or in his case climb up) and take an accurate assessment of where you are. Only then can you determine the direction in which you should move.

God reveals His plans to us in many different ways, and He revealed to me yesterday that He'd been smacking me in the face with answers for the past 8 weeks. I was just too buried to see it.

At the end of my last semester at Liberty I took a Christian Life Coaching class. Many of the discussion board assignments for this class were designed to make you think about the material from a personal perspective, but because I was operating in overload, and under some serious time constraints, I kept the material at arm's length and attacked it mainly from a scholastic perspective.

But times, they are a changin'. It's time to get personal.

And of course, I've decided I want to bring you along on the journey! Aren't you excited?!

First, I should probably share a little about what the heck life coaching is...and what it isn't. Actually, we'll start there.

It isn't therapy or counseling. Those deal with the past, this deals with the present and future.

It isn't mentoring. Mentors guide you to be more like them; life coaches want you to be more like you.

It isn't discipleship. Discipleship is purely spiritual in nature, while coaching deals with many different aspects of life, albeit from a Christian perspective (if you're dealing with Christian Coaching).

So what is it? Well, Life Coaching is helping someone become exactly who or where they want to be. It's telling them, but helping them discover through thoughtful questions and guided self-examination.

Christian Coaching, on the other hand, is helping someone become exactly who or where GOD wants them to be. You use the same methods, but instead of just seeking inward, you first seek upward.

If you'd like more information on this, I would strongly advise you to take a look at Christian Coaching by Dr. Gary Collins. It's the main book I'll be using throughout this series of blogs, and it was the main textbook for the course.

And of course, I'm not just writing this because I'm a huge over-sharer...I want you to walk along with me!! Have you been feeling lost? Do you feel like your life should have greater purpose or a more defined direction? Then let's take this journey together!

(Disclaimer: I have taken one Christian Life Coaching class and am going by the book on this one. What this means? I am in no way a certified life coach. This is all amateur, folks. If this sparks a serious interest, I strongly advise you to seek a real life coach to help you on your journey!! But until then, we can have some fun together.)

And you'll never guess what else...this series is going to be my first link up!!! I'm so EXCITED!!!!! Can you tell?

Thus far, I've been very intimidated by the link up process, and I've just kept telling myself, I'll wait to start a link up when I get Seeking the Symphony up and running. But guess what, that's taking a while, and in a recent talk with my Life Coaching professor, which was invaluable (more on that later), I discovered that it's okay that it's okay that it's taking a while. Sometimes, things that need to be done right take time...and I've got to learn to be okay with that.

So, with that, I introduce to you Corinthians 3 Thursdays!!!

Why Corinthians 3, you ask? And which Corinthians: 1 or 2? BOTH

As I was looking for Bible verses on our purpose according to Christ, I found the following verses:

For we are God's co-workers.

You are God's field, God's building.

According to God's grace that was given to me,

as a skilled master builder I have laid a foundation,

and another builds on it,

because no one can lay any other foundation that what has been laid - 

that is, Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:8-11

Now the Lord is the Spirit;

and where the Spirit of the Lord is. there is freedom.

We all, with unveiled faces, are reflecting the glory of the Lord

and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory;

this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Two verses, from both Paul's first and second letters to the Corinthians, and both in the third chapters, beautifully articulate the purpose of this series.

I don't want to find direction and purpose according to my own plans, Instead, by following these steps, I am praying God will reveal HIS divine purpose and plan for my life...at least this next stage of it. We're laying a foundation for Jesus to build on, being transformed by Him.

That is the purpose of this series, and I sincerely hope you'll come along with me!

Now because this is a process, if you decide you want to come along, but you need to skip a week or two here or there, I would strongly advise you to go back to the next step for YOU. This is not a race to purpose, people. We all have our own lives and our own schedules. If you decide you want to link up with your blog and you're "behind," just link up with what you've got. Ain't nobody judging around here.

I think that's enough for today. This Thursday, we'll have our first link up, and we'll talk about values and why it's important not just to have them, but to be able to define them!