I've been doing a lot of weed pulling recently, both literally and figuratively. I've done some weeding at a couple of Josiah's parents' properties, in my own yard, and in my heart. I don't know when you all weeded last, but it's kind of dirty, hot, nasty work.
And that's how I've felt my blog has been lately because that's what I'm doing in my life. I'm yanking out weeds, and it's gritty and grimy.
This has been happening so much that it's actually been frustrating me. You all might not know this, but digging up the garden of my heart, dirt and grime flying everywhere, bleeding from the thorns and aching from the toil, that's not glamorous work...particularly with an audience.
Frankly, I've even gotten frustrated with God a time or two over it. One day, I read this beautiful blog where this woman was describing her love for her daughter in the simple moments of life. It was heart-wrenching and glorious, and the language was decadent and rich. It was brilliant...and it made me ill.
I read it in the car (Josiah was driving - calm down people), and as soon as I read it I practically threw my phone down in disgust.
"Why God? Why does she get to write about the beautiful, amazing, peaceful, small moments with her baby, and I get stuck flinging my dirt all over the place? It's not fair! I have beautiful moments with my kids, too, God! I do! But noooooo, I only write when I feel like You're leading me to, and You lead me to toss my mud in front of everyone!"
Yeah, not the most mature and respectful conversation I've ever had with God...but it was honest, and He deserves that.
Fortunately, because I was honest, He was able to be honest back.
"Alissa, he said. You have been My child for a long time, but in that time you've let your garden go. You're just now working diligently to clean it up, and therefore, that is what you're sharing. As you clean the beds of your heart out, the beauty will shine more brilliantly than it could before. Much of your garden has been choked by your pride and insistence on following your way; follow ME through my Son and through my Word, and I will make your garden more beautiful than you can imagine."
And then, my heart was at peace. This actually happened a couple weeks ago, and I've been meaning to write this post but couldn't get around to it, but now I know why.
Gatlinburg happened this week (you can read about that here). I was thinking about our wonderful adventure, and I realized that had I not been pulling those weeds recently, the beauty of God's awesome provision would have escaped me. I would have stressed and fretted. I would have done everything in my power to fix it, forgetting that I am a child of THE ONE TRUE GOD, and His power is infinite and "in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
I would have missed my beautiful moment because it would have been lost in the weeds. I praise God because HE helped me see the beauty in it, and I can't wait for more of those moments, times when I'm able to sit back and see that all the hard work has paid off because HE is making my life more beautiful than it was before because HIS light is shining in it.
But until then...
It's like my beautiful friend Amanda Truth said, this is Life Under Construction, and construction sites are dirty. In the end, you get a beautiful building that people can use and enjoy, but the dirty work has to be done first.
So, until God tells me otherwise, I'm here to do the dirty work. Put on your hard hats and join me, folks; it will be dirty, but it will be worth it. (You could also join me by putting on your garden gloves if you'd like - I've begun to mix my metaphors a bit, but either will do!)
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