Father's Day

Photo credit: Amanda Truth Photography

This weekend we celebrate the most important male figures in our lives (or at least who should be): our fathers.

As a father, I see my kids growing so quickly - the words they're using now, the conversations they have and try to have, even when you can't understand them. None of them crawl any more; they're running. They're trying to have serious conversations with us about something that's obviously very important to them, but almost impossible to convey, whatever it is.

This is a vital time in their lives: an exciting time, a time full of changes and influence.

One of my friends said he wants to make absolutely sure he can be around for every little moment as his future child grows up.

I was thinking, there is something with my children that is even more important to me than watching them grow up.

I want to watch them grow deep.

In life, there are going to be times of trouble, heartache, unexpected storms, and the only way to make it through is by the strength of the roots.

Fathers: tend the roots!

He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season

and its leaf does not whither;

And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Psalm 1:3

The foundation you lay will determine their self-confidence and trust in those around them.

Often, we don't understand the power we have as fathers, or we wish to deny it. With great power comes great responsibility, as we all learned from a certain web-slinger and his father-figure uncle.

It's true though.

Sometimes, our children will define their own path and struggle in spite of a good foundation that's been laid, and some of our children will find the right path in spite of the fathers we are.

This is not an excuse to back off and let God have His way, because He made it very clear to us His way is for us to be more than involved.

It's for us to be a foundation that they can build upon.

As a father, I want you to know a few things.

• You matter more than they think you do.

What you do, how you act, how you teach your children to behave, whether or not you can sit down and have a conversation with them, whether or not you can have a spiritual conversation with them will have more to do with their lives than almost anyone else they will ever come into contact with.

• You matter more than you think you do.

Your perspective of yourself, your marriage, your wife, and your kids will be a huge factor in how they think of themselves, what they believe about marriage, and how a husband should treat his wife.

How you treat things of God, how you react when God moves, and moments when you wait in expectation... if you include them in these, they will gain a perspective of God very few ever gain without spending a long time searching for themselves.

• It's okay to admit it when you've messed up.

It's a sign of strength to be able to admit to anyone when you're wrong, not a sign of weakness. Your kids will respect you for it and will admire the fact that you cared enough about them to apologize instead of taking a hard line.

It creates an atmosphere where they can admit when they mess up because it shows that their dad is human, and it's okay if they are too.

• Let them know that you're not always in control.

There are situations you just can't handle and were never meant to. Let the people around you know.

If we are honest, we are NEVER in complete control.

If a paycheck comes in late, you don't control it. If the transmission goes out in the car while on vacation, it probably means things are going to work out a bit differently than planned (I have personal experience with both of these.)

Stress does no one any favors, but letting God do God-things, and giving Him the credit when it happens, teaches faith in a way nothing else can.

• Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.

What this means in my family is a whole lot of maybes, we'll sees, and I hope sos.

I know the kids really hate it, but I would much rather them be disappointed at the initial answer than be disappointed that I broke a promise or wasn't a man of my word.

I'd rather have them be disappointed in my response than my character.

If it's not something I feel absolute about, then I cannot say absolutely, but will do my best to make it happen.

Fathers:

The world needs you. Your children need you.

There is no bench. There are no sidelines.

This is not a game.

There are no buzzer-beaters.

There are always extra innings, and overtime is typically a requirement.

However, depending on the children, a penalty box may be helpful. We typically have to settle for corners.

For those who do not have children yet, but wish for them, know that I pray for you often. There are people around you who will need you to have a similar influence.

I love you, and I pray that God will allow you the opportunity to teach and lead in love as a father.

The ultimate challenge is this:

Be the father they think you are; be the father you wish you had.

Lives depend on it.

Be on your guard;

stand firm in the faith;

be courageous;

be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13

Slaying Sarcasm

This post is probably going to be a hard pill to swallow for some people, including myself and some of the people I care about most.

I feel like there's a clandestine killer entering a lot of our homes and relationships. But we don't look for the murderous beast and try to eradicate it. We treasure, coddle, and prune it.

What's the name of the beast?

Sarcasm.

I know. Shoot me now.

I actually read a blog post years ago in which the author tried, in vain, to convince the readers that sarcasm really has no place in the Christian home. I balked and pushed it aside.

Whatever, I thought. People who don't appreciate the beauty of sarcasm are humorless half-wits, right? What kind of spineless Christians are we growing if they can't even handle a little sarcasm?

But obviously, the Holy Spirit kept it in the back of my mind. He knew I'd come to a point in my spiritual growth where I'd see the truth...and now I'm the crazy blogger trying to convince you of the evils of sarcasm.

Fantastic. God be with me.

First, let's define sarcasm for the purposes of this post. See the line right above this one? The one where I said, “fantastic”? I obviously did not MEAN that was fantastic. I actually meant, “this is probably going to be crappy and hard.” That, my friends, is irony.

Simple irony hurts no one. It's merely saying the opposite of what I actually mean.

Then, there's sarcasm, and the definition alone may convey my point better than the rest of this blog post:

sar·casm

ˈsärˌkazəm/

noun

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

"his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment"

synonyms:

derision, mockery, ridicule, scorn, sneering, scoffing;  irony; cynicism "well, it's easy to see that she got her biting sarcasm from her mother"

OUCH. Did you see that example? That, my friends did NOT come from me. Google the word, and that's what you get: Well, it's easy to see that she got her biting sarcasm from her mother.

Sarcasm isn't just irony. It is NOT just saying the opposite of what you mean. Instead, it's using that device to mock or convey contempt. OUCH.

Now, let's look at how we use this in our homes?

Mom to son: Well, THAT was smart.

Translation: That was really stupid.

Father to daughter: As always, we can depend on you.

Translation: You are not dependable and incapable.

Mom to Dad: Great job, genius!

Translation: You are a moron!

These are simplified and obvious examples, but they're powerful. Children understand this at a very young age. Are these really the messages we want to send to them?

You're stupid. You're incapable. Your other parent is moronic.

Now, if you need more proof, let's take a look at how scripture says we should and should not be speaking to one another.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 18:21

Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths,

but only such as is good for building up,

as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart,

and this defiles a person.

Matthew 5:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt,

so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Colossians 4:6

But I tell you that everyone will have to give an account on the

day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.

Matthew 12:37

These are just a few among so many. While we may dismiss our words as unimportant, God has seen fit to address the issue time and time again in His word. HE says our words are of extreme importance.

God says our words hold either life or death.

In essence, when we use sarcasm, what we're really doing is placing ourselves above the person we're speaking to. We're talking down to them.

Sarcasm, at it's core, is haughty and prideful.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourself.

Philippians 2:3

I think the reality of the situation is clear. It's a hard pill to swallow, though. There's no doubt about that.

I also want to clearly state that, while I have been convicted about this, I understand some of you may not share this conviction...yet. I think this one takes time, and I'm not judging anyone who isn't on the same timeline.

Nevertheless, unlike my clothing convictions (that I've SO poorly kept to since pregnancy), I do feel this lesson applies to everyone. The Bible is clear, but the question is this:

Will we heed the words of our Creator and slay sarcasm before it has left our tongues, or will we continue to use this weapon to slay the people we love?

Grace in a Glob of Whipped Cream

I looked over to see little, 7 year-old fingers scraping whipped cream off the top of the just opened lid.

"STOP!"

But the little fingers decide to make another round before succumbing to mom's demand.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I told you to stop, and you didn't even listen! I shouldn't even have to tell you to stop because I've told you not to do that a million times!! Go to your room! NO FAMILY BREAKFAST FOR YOU!! You can come to the table when everyone else is finished."

To which Josiah added, "and no whipped cream for you this morning."

And that's how "family breakfast" started yesterday...with tears and mommy guilt.

Since we started homeschooling last year, it's been a huge blessing to be able to share breakfast with Josiah on his days off, which are often in the middle of the week. When I was working and the kids were in school, we missed that time with him. Not anymore!

Now there's "family breakfast." Even if he has other things to accomplish on his days off, as he often does, we all look forward to sitting down to a special breakfast with Josiah on his days off.

But not little Ryan...not yesterday. He got sent to his room RIGHT before family breakfast started because he couldn't control the impulse we all have to scrape the whipped cream from the lid.

However, this was just the most recent in a long stream of disobedient offenses lately. He just doesn't wanna listen. And it's driving mommy nuts.

Of course, I see small disobedience now, and my heart fears BIG disobedience later.

How will you ever obey laws and stay out of jail if you can't control your urge to get the whipped cream!!!!!

Okay, so my thoughts aren't just like that, but they're close enough.

Pretty ridiculous right? Meh...maybe. Like all moms, I think I'm just terrified of screwing up. Too much discipline? Too little discipline? Did I point you to God enough today? Did I talk to you enough? Did you play enough?

Yeah...it may be time to do another blog post on fear soon, but for now, I'll finish this story.

I felt completely guilty for making him miss family breakfast. Josiah completely agreed with my decision because his behavior has been in decline as of late, but sadness still tugged at my mama heart.

We prayed over our chocolate chip waffles, with the strawberries and whipped cream that were Ryan's idea, but before I could eat, I had to sneak away to talk with my boy. (FYI, this is a "meal" - aka "sugar feast" - that is special even for family breakfast...like once a year...mommy guilt multiplied).

He laid on the bed with tears running down his little face, and we had a talk about obedience and discipline and love. I hugged him and told him I loved him, and then went back to breakfast with tears in my eyes.

Oh, my heart.

When everyone else was pretty much done, I had Ryan come back to the table. There, waiting for him on the table, was a chocolate chip waffle with strawberries, syrup, and a large glob of whipped cream.

His little blue eyes started welling up with fresh tears as he looked at the plate sitting at his normal place at the table. "That can't be mine," he said. "It has whipped cream." His lip started to quiver.

I sat him down, and with my own lip quivering and tears running down my face, I explained to him the concept of grace: gifts we're given that we can never deserve.

I explained to him that God gave us salvation and Jesus, even though we're all sinners, and in this instance, mommy was choosing to give him grace...grace in whipped cream.

It sounds silly when I type it out, but it was a moment I don't think I'll ever forget, and I am so thankful to God for putting it on my heart. 

I hope Ryan remembers it, too. I hope he remembers the beautiful gift we've been given in Christ, and how sometimes even the simplest things can mirror that...like grace in a glob of whipped cream.

Happy Friday, friends. May you go into this weekend thinking of the many times God has given you grace.

I know I will.

But God proves His own love for us

in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us! 

Romans 5:8

Taking the Plunge...in a BIG Way

Many of you are already aware that I plan on homeschooling Emily and Ryan in the fall.  There are many reasons for that, and I'll probably cover most of those in another blog, but this blog is about my scary, fantastic, revealing trip to the HEAV convention in Richmond and a decision I made because of it.

For those of you who are unschooled on the homeschooling, HEAV stands for the Home Educators Association of Virginia.  Each year they have a three day convention at the beginning of June in Richmond.  This is a big deal, and in a lot of cases, a family affair.  Families from all over the state come to attend the many workshops offered (both for parents and children), to browse and shop the exhibit hall filled with vendors, and nab deals at the used curriculum sale.  I was mainly going for the three free workshops they offer for beginning homeschoolers.

I was so delightfully excited and terrified leading up to it.  Each day ticked by like a roller coaster slowly ascending the hill leading to the first big drop...click, click, click.  I had been warned about the convention by veteran homeschool moms.  I knew it would be overwhelming, so I went in with a plan...and a binder.  

Binder and program from the convention

I was prepared to be overwhelmed, but one thing blindsided me.  After the first session, I was smacked with an intense desire to homeschool Destiny, too.

WHAT?!

I know what you're thinking.  No one takes a well-adjusted high school kid in the pre-diploma phase of the International Baccalaureate program and decides to homeschool them AND two other children at the same time.

I thought the same thing.

After the first of three sessions, I ran around desperately looking for friends I knew were attending the seasoned homeschool people workshops.

As luck (aka God) would have it, they were in the room right next door.  I spotted one friend from the hallway, navigated hurriedly through pockets of conversing parents, and attacked her in mid-conversation with her friend and fellow attendee.  I do mean attacked...arms flapping, half-laughing, almost in tears, and blurting "I need support!!"  Luckily, my friend knows me and my dramatic nature well, so she didn't mind too much.

After the workshops I entered the 7th level of hell for the new homeschooler, otherwise known as "the exhibit hall."

I jest...sort of.

The exhibit hall is actually awesome.  It's filled with all sorts of vendors; you can see curriculums and ask questions, buy supplies, get college information, and more.  For the beginner, though, it's total sensory overload.  I'd been prepared for that by friends and knew in advance I would buy nothing.  This was a scouting trip only.

It helped that a friend recommended this blog beforehand containing tips on organizing your convention binder.  One helpful suggestion was printing out the exhibit map and noting vendors you really want to visit and then putting that in the back of your binder.  As you can see, mine is color-coded based upon subjects (the legend is at the bottom, but hard to see).

This was really helpful because, while I wanted to see all the vendors, it gave me direction when I hit sensory overload.  I knew exactly where my next stop should be if I wanted to skip to it.  I did a great job scouting, too.  See?

Just a portion of the information I picked up from various exhibit booths.

Those are just some of the brochures I picked up from different vendors...and this only consists of information from about 1/20 of the exhibitors.  It was awesome...and nuts.

As the evening progressed, my thoughts veered more and more toward Destiny's educational destiny (haha), and little discoveries pushed me closer to the edge.

'Oh, they have homeschool OM teams.' (Odyssey of the Mind)

'Oh, they have a Christian Forensics league, and there's a base in Yorktown.'

'Oh, you can take AP classes and/or exams, as well.'

'Oh, there are actually more AP classes available because you're not limited by what the school offers.'

Oh.

Each vendor starts with one basic question..."what ages are you teaching?"  

I started by saying "Probably just my 10 and 6 year olds, but I have a 15 year old, as well."

Then I graduated to, "I was thinking of just homeschooling my 1st and 5th graders, but now I'm considering my 10th grader, as well."

And finally, "1st, 5th, and 10th grades."

With each person I talked to I started to feel more like this was something I could (and should) do.

On my drive home from Richmond constantly yanked back tears so I could see the road.

My Destiny.  On her way to 10th grade...only 3 years left before college.

What am I thinking??  She's begging me to be homeschooled. She's begging for time with me and her siblings.  She's gotten knocked around as collateral damage in two fights already this year, had to step through blood in the hallway afterward, and has seen cockroaches and rats.

WHY WOULDN'T I HOMESCHOOL HER?

I used her IB curriculum as an excuse since I first began considering homeschooling.  Now, armed with new information, it felt like the only thing holding me back was my own fear.

I prayed.

I prayed for wisdom for myself and for Josiah...because I was about to go home and unload this on him and toss the ball in his court because I didn't want it anymore.

After hearing the new information, he thought it was a good idea, too.

But what about her dad?  Would he be on board.

Yup...after hearing about it, he's on board, too.

But what about Destiny?  Maybe she just wanted to homeschool because it wasn't a possibility.  Teenagers are experts at wanting something simply because it isn't available.

Nope...Destiny is still totally on board. I made her think about it all day before she made her decision.  She came home with her decision firm, her mind made up.

So, unless something huge comes along to change our minds, we will be homeschooling everyone next year, and I'm so excited.

It just didn't feel complete before.  How could I start this amazing adventure and leave a member of the family behind?

Now, I'm triple scared, but triple excited!!  I know it will be difficult, but I'm ready, and I am so happy my Desilu is coming along for the ride. :)

Wedding Portraits: Family/Bridal and Ceremony

Tada!!  Blog post as promised.  I know they're hitting late in the day, but it's really the best I could do.  Honestly.  We took the kids to see Madagascar 3 this afternoon, and then came home and did family devotions.  

So, here is the next installment of the Josiah-Alissa wedding!!  This covers all the family/wedding party portraits and the ceremony.  Once again, these are all courtesy of my wonderful photographer Amanda Truth!!

Me and my gorgeous girls

Adding the boy into the mix

My lovely wedding party made up of my eldest and my wonderful new sisters-in-law!!

My parents and I

One of my favorites *sigh*

*Double sigh* My gorgeous Nana.  She lives in TX and miss her SO much.  

Josiah's brother, Jedd, his wife, Jamie, and Wesley & Bailey

Fun fact: Jamie and I share the same birthday.  We are exactly the same age, born on the same day!

All the handsome men

I love this.  My son looks like little Lord Fauntleroy because Amanda asked all the guys to put their thumbs in their pockets, and he didn't have any pockets.  Thus, he had not a clue what to do with his hands.

New family!

Josiah and his parents

Fun fact 2: Susan made her beautiful outfit for the wedding!!

The kiddos taking a break

My pew bows, made for me by an awesome coworker

Almost ready for showtime!

"Look Mom!  I got a stingray!" says Wes coming down the aisle. :)

Kendra

Katherine

Jamie

Destiny

Fun fact 3: My dad and the pastor have very similar speech patterns and gestures.  See the face the pastor is making.  My dad makes that face...and he's looking at my dad.  I love that! 

Communion: our first act as a married couple

Our first kiss (married): Come here big boy!

Mr. and Mrs. Josiah Coburn!!

Yup Josiah...that's your cheesy, goofy wife...til death. Hahaha

Best frienemies

More Mr. and Mrs. Coburns!!

Amanda had something like this on her Pinterest site and I just loved it.  How often do this many family members from all over the US get together?!  So, this pic is all about the family!!

I don't know what happened, but Susan, my dad, and me thought it was funny.

Grandma Sherry and Grandpa Anderson from Alabama!

With our awesome pastor, Jim Weston, Jr.

See that gorgeous bouquet?  I could not have made those without the help of my dad and Kendra.  Seriously.  They should start a business.

Wedding party!

Tada!

We are such a goofy group...and I love it!!

Well, that's all for now.  I'll post the final installment with the surprise shoe-giving and the reception tomorrow night.

Goodnight all!