When C's Won't Cut It

If you read my previous post, then you know I struggle with discipline in just about every area of my life.

In my housekeeping...

the way I discipline my children...

keeping up with this blog...

my business...

my schedule...

fitness routines...

eating....

I could probably go on, but I think you understand.

I have allowed the many hats I wear to serve as an excuse to be undisciplined. "I just have so much going on? Who can possibly get everything done?"

It doesn't help that many well-meaning people serve me excuses on silver platters. Everyone is very eager to give me grace because of the number of children I have, homeschooling, etc. And to some degree, they're right: I do need to be able to give myself grace and know there are times I just can't do it all. 

But here's the crux of the matter: somewhere, deep inside, we know when have crossed the line from God-given grace to self-given excuses. It's a fine line, but it exists, and if you're honest with yourself, you know.

When I was in school as a child, I was not allowed to get C's. It was unacceptable. To some people that was crazy, over the top, parenting, but I always understood it. I wasn't a C student. I was capable of more. If I was getting C's, there was a good probability it wasn't because I didn't understand, but because I wasn't putting in effort.

However, as a senior, I had one class I could NEVER get an A in, and more often than not, I got C's: AP English Composition. To this day I hate the words "passive voice" because I saw them written on my papers so often (not that it stopped me). I truly tried, though. I worked diligently on my papers, but for whatever reason, I wasn't able to perform beyond "adequate." 

Because my parents knew I was trying my best, earning a C in that class, while disappointing to me, was acceptable. It was my efforts that determined their view of my performance, not necessarily the results. And that, my friends, is the point of all this.

It's all about knowing what you're capable of and whether the effort you're putting forth is truly your best effort. 

In my case, many of my failures have come from a lack of organization. God has seen fit to give me responsibilities in a lot of different areas. I have known for some time that I needed to be more organized in order to thrive, but...even thinking about trying to organize myself was daunting challenge.

Who has the time? I said. I have too many other things to do!

So instead of taking the time necessary to get my life together, I plodded along haphazardly. And when that got too overwhelming, I didn't do anything at all. Scrolling facebook seemed like a much better option than trying to wrap my tired brain around getting more important things done.

I've been acting like an A student making C's and D's, giving the teacher every excuse in the book for why I couldn't get my work done. I was riding the waves of mediocrity like a pro, but the sea of excuses started drying up, and every facet of my life, including my walk with God, suffered.

The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,

while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Proverbs 13:4

My diligence and discipline were lacking, and my soul craved, but got nothing - until now...

I'm finally making a genuine attempt at organizing ALL aspects of my life. Thus far, I've seen some improvements in a few areas and less in others, but I've seen progress!

Recognizing that progress is actually a big step for me. In the past, I would have ignored any forward progression, keeping a laser focus on the areas where I wasn't progressing. I was an all-or-nothing kind of girl. I would become discouraged and then, like clockwork, I would give up because "it just wasn't working."

Praise God for direction and His amazing grace.

Where in your life are you making progress? Where do you need to? Do you struggle with discipline and organization?

Pray today that God would guide you and order your steps. Pray that He would give you the strength and clarity to make the necessary changes and incorporate HIS discipline into your life.

It may not be easy, and it may be messy, but I promise it will be worth it. 

On this day last year....

At this moment on the 21st of August, 2010, I was on a charter boat in Virginia Beach with my company.  Last year was the company's 25th anniversary, and to celebrate, we went on a 4 hour fishing trip.  I got totally burnt, touched some really cool (but gross) stuff, and had an awesome time!  (There's definitely a reason the croaker got it' name...and did you know the gills can tear you up?!)

That night, I reluctantly went out with some friends to Red Rock Lounge.  I was working 2 jobs at the time, and being in a loud, crowded bar on my night off just didn't sound fun.  However, my friends wanted to go out and I wanted to spend time with them...so to the bar I went.  It wasn't really that crowded, but all the seats were taken...and I was wearing heels. 

I spotted a guy sitting by himself in a booth, and after consultation with Valeri, decided to see if he would take pity on me and my feet and let me sit at his booth.  He did...

I met my Josiah one year ago today.  Had I known how important that man was going to be in my life and the lives of my children, I would have soaked up every word we said and everything he did.  I remember tidbits, but I wish I could remember it all.

What I remember is the feeling I had that this guy was different from the rest...and if I left without exchanging contact information, I would deeply regret it.  The Lord truly works in mysterious ways.

It has been a fantastic year Josiah, and I look forward to many more.  I love you more than I can say.