As always, I had been meaning to write this blog for days. I knew what I wanted to write about, but it kept getting pushed off...for a reason. God hadn't given me the clincher yet...the one thing I need to make the connection I was missing...
the connection I didn't know was missing.
One of the classes I took last quarter was a psychology class called Group Dynamics. I learned a lot of things from the class, but one thing in particular stuck out: the Bystander Effect.
In the wee hours of the morning of March 13, 1964 a woman named Catherine ("Kitty") Genovese was brutally raped and murdered outside her apartment building in Queens, NY. Coincidentally, in looking up the story again today, I found out her murderer is due for his second parole hearing this month. It was initially reported that there were multiple witnesses who heard or saw Kitty in distress, but did nothing to help her (although details that emerged later painted a different portrait of the witnesses' situations).
How could that be? How could people do nothing?! (Once again...the perception at the time, not necessarily the reality)
Two psychologists, Latane and Darley, decided to investigate this psychiatric and social phenomenon, and the Bystander Effect was born.
In essence, the Bystander Effect says this: the degree of responsibility felt by an individual is inversely proportional to the number of other people present. Of course, that is a REALLY simplified version (and in my own words), but it's accurate enough.
For those of you who just got totally lost by my math-speak (i.e., inversely proportional), here's what I just said: we feel less responsibility to help people when there are a lot of other people around. We think "someone else will do it" or "I don't want to get involved" or "I should mind my own business" or "I might look stupid."
Since learning about the Bystander Effect, I've witnessed it in multiple situations, and while I have always kinda been helpful, I've also taken note of my natural instinct to shy away. Because of that, I wanted to write about it. Once you become aware of something and can identify it, you can overcome it, right?
But that's only part of the story...God hadn't revealed the full connection to me yet.
After reading my last post, my gorgeous friend and photographer, Amanda Truth, saw something else in my post that I hadn't seen. She used it to connect her own dots, to put together a blog post God had put on her heart (you can read that here). Here's part of what she said:
My sweet friend and past bride, Alissa wrote a blog post yesterday talking about that sinking feeling we often get with the question Who am I to be bold and light up the world and go after the things I love? And my response to her was Who are you NOT to? And I fully believe in that! When we chase the things that matter most to us, we light the fire inside of us, and by lighting the fire inside of ourselves, we’re unconsciously giving permission for others to light the world as well!Isn't that awesome!! But guess what? I still didn't get it all the way.
But then I read this heart-breaking blog by my friend Lindsay about the World Vision organization and the children they help. I felt so inspired by her passion, and while there's NO way we can really do anything monetarily right now, I can try to impress these lessons on my children. I can try to teach my children how to care for others and appreciate what they have.
But guess what? God still wasn't done with the connection.
I had coffee with Amanda today, and she called me her "community." You know, you have a certain person (or people) you go to when you need advice or just to develop an idea or thought. Regarding faith and some other things, I'm her community. That's pretty awesome.
We also talked about our faith, and how, until I met Josiah and his family, I didn't really understand my faith all the way. I loved God and had faith, but I was missing out on the relationship. I didn't understand that He wanted a deep, intimate relationship with me. He didn't just wanted me to try to be good, He wanted my heart.
Amanda said she hadn't gotten that either until about 6 months ago, and God had used me in her life to help show her that.
SHUT UP. That's pretty dang cool.
And on the way home from coffee...MY DOTS CONNECTED!
Josiah and his family helped me deepen my faith and develop a relationship with my glorious Savior. Then, I met Amanda and her beautiful self, and she is developing her relationship with Him. And now, she's influencing people in HER life so they can do the same thing.
Lindsay is spreading the word, too. She wants everyone to look outside of their first-world boxes and see how blessed we are and how we can change someone else's life who doesn't even have the basic necessities for survival.
We have a responsibility to those around us (and even those far away) to BE MORE and DO MORE. We have each been called to a purpose. If you're reading this and breathing, then GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU, and it's not just a plan for you. Each one of our lives connects with other lives; our paths all cross, converge, and connect.
He has a plan to use you, and let me tell you people, there is no better feeling than knowing you are fulfilling God's purpose for your life. Hear me?
No. Better. Feeling.
Period.
Who am I to write this blog and advise people spiritually? Who am I to dream BIG and try to change the world?
Who am I NOT to?
Each of us has a responsibility to our God and our fellow Earth inhabitants to fulfill our God-given purposes and to dream BIG and do BIG.
Don't let the Bystander Effect run your life. Don't wait for someone else to open your door. Don't wait for someone else to help or give or do.
Who are you to dream BIG and change the world? My friend, who are you NOT to?
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