Seeking Approval

"Is it there yet? No."

"Maybe there's something there now! No"

"I know there's probably not anything there, but I'm going to check anyway. *sigh* No."

This has been me for the past couple days, checking my email semi-obsessively. 

You see, I went to this super awesome conference this week called Smart Stepfamilies with Ron Deal. We got a lot of great information and tips, and we also realized we're doing pretty darn well at the blending. I think we realized that before the conference, but this was definitely confirmation.

Actually, the highlight of my weekend was kind of unrelated to the conference itself. While standing there talking to one of the people from Family Life, I saw a business card for Intentionally Yours, a blog I've been following for about a month or so now.

"Cool!" I thought to myself, as I picked up the card and explained to the Family Life lady that I have been following the blog. "Oh!" she said. "Sherry and Scott are here this weekend. There Sherry is now!"

And so, my dear internet friends, I got to meet Scott and Sherry Jennings, and talk to them about my blog and the changeover (which I'll talk more about at the end of this post). They suggested a blogging platform I was unfamiliar with, and Sherry asked me to email her the link to my blog so she could take a look.

GAAHHHH!!

I was a little excited. On Saturday evening I emailed Sherry the URL for my blog along with a couple suggested posts she might want to read.

And then...I waited...and I've been waiting.

Here's the thing, it's been two days: two measly little days. She probably just hasn't gotten around to reading it yet. No big deal right?

But somehow, my entire internal thought process has been consumed by "What if she hates my blog?!"

I asked Josiah that question yesterday - "What if she hates it, Josiah?! What will that mean?!"

His reply - "Nothing."

He just doesn't get it though, right? Everyone appreciates the approval of their peers, and acceptance of my blog would give me the affirmation I need! How else am I supposed to know that I'm actually a decent writer, for crying out loud?

For crying out loud...because THAT is what I need to do.

I need to cry out loud because I have been prideful and sinning, and once again, have forgotten that this isn't about me.

I'm not good enough. I'm never good enough.

But GOD is good, in fact He's perfect, and it's HIM working through me that gets results...not my measly writing.

He has guided me to write, and so no matter what someone else thinks of my blog or my writing, I should continue to do it because He says so.

Honestly, approval from others is quite often a motivator for me, and it really shouldn't be. We discussed that at Sunday School this week, too, and with the email-checking the last couple days, it really got my attention.

I'm approval-seeking instead of God-seeking.

Ouch.

The Bible verse that made me think of my approval-loving ways was John 15:18-25. Jesus said:

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own,

As it is, you do not belong to the world,

but I have chosen you out of the world.

That is why the world hates you."

Obviously, Sherry Jennings is not of this world either, so that's not directly what this is referring to, but how often do I post things about my awesome God on facebook and then obsess for a while afterward about whether I've offended someone or they're sneering at me?

More often, I think, then I've really been cognizant of before now.

And that hurts.

So, this is my confession, my friends: once again, I've caught myself seeking approval from the world instead of from my Almighty God. 

Thankfully, He's a forgiving, loving, and patient God, too. As long as I'm following His guidance and His plan for my life, then that's all the approval I need.

...but compliments are still welcome! (I'm a work in progress,okay?)

(Here's the note I promised with the update on the changeover.  I AM going to be creating a new blog, but Josiah and I are feeling like we have some other exciting ministry things coming our way, too.  So, instead of just creating a new blog, we are going to create a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, and then create the blog underneath that. Isn't that exciting!!  So, for now, I'll continue to blog here until all that gets done!)

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