I am SO Proud

Today, I have not a lick of schoolwork to do. I'm finished. Tomorrow, I'll participate in the commencement exercises at Liberty University.

It's been a hard road.

In 1996 I graduated from high school in the top 10% of my class and then went on to CNU with one of the first 50 Presidential scholarships President Trible awarded.

I jacked that all up.

When I finally went back to school, it was 2007. I was eight months pregnant with my third child, and instead of going to CNU, I was at Tommy Tech (a.k.a. Thomas Nelson Community College). I got my Associate's Degree in Business in 2010, and I began my journey at Liberty in the fall of 2011.

Seven years.

Between taking time off between degrees and after having Phinehas, going part-time when I was working full-time, and just plain life, it took seven years.

What a huge accomplishment right? I should be SO PROUD!!

Well, I thought so...and then I read Ezra.

"He was a scribe skilled in the Law of Moses....The gracious hand of God was on him, because Ezra had determined in his heart to study the Law of the Lord, obey it, and tech its statutes and ordinances" (Ezra 7:6,10)

I'm telling you, if you read through Ezra, this guy was amazing. The king gave him pretty much anything he wanted and he was like THE expert in God's law. 

This man should be so PROUD!!

But he wasn't. In everything he did, he demonstrated humility, and a willingness to turn it all back to God. He didn't claim to be successful because of all his hard work, his awesome people skills, charm, or intelligence.

He gave all the glory back to God...which is where it belongs anyway.

In the same way, I've come to realize in the last couple weeks that I couldn't have done anything without the Lord's divine grace, guidance, and strength.

This is not my accomplishment folks...it's only the work of God.

And lest you think I'm really this humble, you should know this is a struggle...sorta.

I mean, I have no problem giving God the glory (AMEN), but even in doing that, there's a temptation to be proud in my humility...to want people to see how humble I am.

It's kind of how God made me. I'm a "look at me" kind of girl. The gifts He gave me - writing, speaking, leadership, etc. are all very LOOK AT ME gifts. I've got a crazy big personality and a voice to go along with it. 

And with all that comes a crazy amount of a struggle with pride...both negatively and positively. Most of the time, it's not even a battle with pride because I think I'm great...quite the opposite.

I hate seeing me in the mirror.
I think everyone is looking at how much weight I've gained.
I think everyone dislikes me or thinks I'm annoying.
I worry about what other people think about me all the time.

That, my dear friends, is pride. It's my struggle. The thorn in my side.

I just think about ME way too much.

So today, I'm trying really hard to just give the glory for the achievement I celebrate this weekend over to God. 

Praise Him, folks, not me. If I had been on my own, I would have given up a LONG time ago.

What about you? Do you struggle with pride? Is there an area of your life in which you just think about YOU way too much? 

One's pride will bring him low,
but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23

Today, as we venture out into the world, let's attempt, as God's people, to think of ourselves less and others more, to turn the glory to God in all things.