Marriage, Matt Walsh, and My Take on Things

I'm finally caving. I'm jumping on the bandwagon with like 8 million other bloggers...

I'm re-posting about a Matt Walsh blog post.

I've avoided it up to this point. He's a pretty big name in blogging. He doesn't need my puny publicity. Furthermore, a lot of the time, while I agree with his general stance, I feel his angry, acerbic rants on the ills of society are a poor representation of the love that's supposed to reside in the Christian heart...and then came yesterday's post.

(That link should open in a new window. I'll let you take a few minutes to read it, and then you just come right back here and we'll discuss. *twiddles thumbs*)

Okay, so you read it right? Wasn't that a gorgeous tribute to his wife? Did you read any of the comments? There were some people that were angry. Of course, there normally are angry people associated with Mr. Walsh's blogs, but this just struck such a chord with me.

So many people lashed out at him saying he didn't know what the future would hold and then gave their own personal (or secondhand) stories of mangled marriages and broken bonds, the hurt and bitterness so overwhelming.

Oh dear Jesus, we are a broken world.

We seem to be a society that is incapable of looking past our own personal situations to grasp a picture of overall truth. So sensitive we've become to what others think or say, so easily offended, that we'll lash out an anyone who dares to tell us we may be wrong.

At one point in his post, Matt Walsh said:

If we feel ourselves drift, we reach out our hands and grasp tightly, because I choose to remain at her side, and she at mine. And if I ever look over to find that we’ve somehow lost sight of each other — both now walking alone and lost in that cold night — I will grab a torch and search for her until I find her again. She is my mission, my life’s work, and I’d sooner give up my life than give up on her.

That is an eloquent statement of conviction and dedication. It reflects the biblical viewpoint that marriage is a holy covenant.

Then the man said,

"This at last is bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called Woman,

because she was taken out of Man."

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother

and cleave to his wife, 

and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:23-24 (emphasis added)

The definition of the word "cleave" (when followed by "to," according to dictionary.com), is to adhere closely, stick, cling, or remain faithful. It isn't used in a casual manner; instead, its usage denotes hanging on for dear life. There is almost a primal desperation associated with "cleave."

And it that sort of energy and commitment with which which we are to cling to our spouses.

But alas, the drift Matt speaks of is the natural course of things. In their book Staying Close, Dennis and Barbara Rainey (founders of FamilyLife) say:

Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture  and maintain your marriage, you will begin to drift apart from your mate. You'll live together, but you will live alone....The good news is that isolation can be defeated. Its disease can be cured if you are willing to make the right choices and then put the necessary effort into building oneness.

 Did you catch the key words there? Choice. Effort.

Marriage is about choices. Each day we make a choice: we choose to put in the effort to grow closer to our spouses, to love and offer grace, or we choose to drift farther apart.

Think about it like this. When you go to the beach, you put your stuff in the sand and wade out into the water. You talk. You relax. You swim. You play in the waves.

If you're not thinking about making a conscious effort to stay in alignment with your possessions, to keep them nearby and in sight, you'll drift father and father away. If you take your eyes away for long enough, you'll eventually lose sight completely.

It takes a conscious effort to stay close.

But what if you don't? What if you lose sight of your things? Do you give them up? Abandon them?

HECK NO! 

Come on people. You know full-well you need your car keys to get home, and hell would turn into an icy wonderland before you'd let your cell phone go without a fight. 

That's marriage, my friends. 

Staying together takes effort. At all times we are either growing closer to our spouses or farther apart. It is only effort and intentionality - a daily choice - that keeps us from losing hold of the perfect gifts God has given us. 

I don't say these things from a place of condemnation, but from a place of experience. I was married once before Josiah, and he was married once before me. We both know the agony of divorce. We know who you choose to marry is of infinite importance, and while we are very aware that God hates divorce, both of us are sure that He has forgiven us and blessed us despite our failures. We have learned from our mistakes, and would be remiss if we didn't share those lessons with others.

I think that's why Josiah and I feel so strongly about The Art of Marriage event we're hosting this month and about the ministry we're starting together, which is aimed at healing the body of Christ, starting in the home (the quote from Dennis and Barbara Rainey came directly from The Art of Marriage resources, by the way). We are acutely aware that harmony cannot consists within the body of Christ when the relationships that are supposed to mirror our relationship with him - marriage - lies in ruins. 

And even having been through a divorce, having witnessed the wreckage of our broken home and of other marriages all around me, I can say the following with conviction in every fiber of my being:

Josiah Coburn, there is nothing you can do, nowhere you can go, where I won't love you and fight for you. You're stuck with me for life, til death do us part. Don't believe me? Just try and get rid of me. But because you're stuck with me, I'll also fight every day to make ours a happy home: to give to you the grace I've been given by our loving and merciful Father in heaven; to give you far more smiles than frowns; to treat you every day like I adore you because the truth is, I REALLY do. Forever and ever. Amen. 

Today, if you're married, rededicate yourself to your spouse. Make every effort to stop the drift and connect. But most importantly, whether you're married or not, commit yourself to Christ. We are sinful, selfish creatures, and it is only through him that we can truly become the spouses, or heck - the people- we desperately want and need to be.

Photo credit: Amanda Truth Photography