Thursday, November 5, 2015

Marriage Renovations: Blueprints HIS Way

Photo credit: mikeg1968 Etsy Shop
In this series, Josiah and I are talking about the "renovations" God has recently made in our marriage, and how to negotiate your own marital renovation project.

When you're building from scratch, you start with the foundation and build up. In a Christian marriage, the foundation is Jesus Christ. He is the cornerstone. He is the rock you build on.

Josiah and I had this part already, praise God. (If you don't, but you'd like to know how, get with us!)

Nevertheless, even when you've built on a strong foundation, and you sincerely love your home, there are times when you need to do renovations.

Today, Josiah discusses what the Blueprints phase of the remodel looked like for HIM. You can catch up on what's already been written here:

Marriage Renovations: Intro
Marriage Renovations: Demo Day HER Way
Marriage Renovations: Demo Day HIS Way
Marriage Renovations: Blueprints HER Way

This is a hardhat area, folks. Strongholds are falling.

PHASE 2: Blueprints - Josiah Style

When we got home from the leadership retreat in Cape Charles, I decided I needed to read the books I had promised Alissa I would probably a year prior, but hadn't finished.

And I did need to. For me.

And I didn't just read them, I studied them.

I didn't grasp what God was doing inside of Alissa, or inside of me, or where He was leading us.

For Men Only (by Jeff Feldhaun) helped me understand some of the things that were going on with my wife that I didn't really grasp like I thought I did.

And the other book (For Women Only by Saunti Feldhaun)? Yep. I needed that one too. And it helped me explain to Alissa some of the emotions I was having when I wasn't really able to explain my feelings very clearly.

My wife is vocal and assertive, but the books helped me put two and two together. In some areas, I may not understand exactly what she's feeling all of the time, but I CAN understand why she feels that way.

A couple weeks later, Alissa and I FINALLY ended up taking dance lessons because it was really cheap and made for a series of very fun dates. And they were really about to expire.

(Note to the guys: DO THIS. There's no reason to be embarrassed. It will only be you two and the instructor. It is an investment in your wife, and you WILL see her radiate with the fact that you thought of her. There are places to purchase these at a very discount rate, so even if you can't afford much, this should be doable. If you need assistance with this, please contact me, and I can point you in the right direction.)

So we went to the first lesson, and I felt like I caught on fairly quickly, but not as quickly as I personally would like. I think as part of my masculinity, I want to walk in and get it all immediately. To get it right the first time.

In everything I do, I want desperately to walk in and find out that this one thing is the one area that I am amazing at without really trying.

You know, just do nothing but wake up in the morning and realize I was a hidden Mozart, Beethoven, or Fred Astaire (in this case)...something.

But that's not realistic, and I couldn't do that because I was learning... and learning how to do something so much more important than how to dance.

I was learning how to lead.

After the second lesson, on the way home, Alissa told me how much more she appreciated it when I led her firmly.

How can I lead my wife firmly in dancing?

Learning. Following someone who knows. Knowing someone who has been there and can give me direction.

1 Timothy 3:1 says “If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.”

Woohoo! I want to be noble. Better yet I want to be known as noble to my wife, but...

How can I lead my wife and kids at home, every day?

Learning. Following someone who knows.


Luckily, 1 Timothy 3 goes on to give a checklist. I can do checklists.

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach,
a husband of one wife,
self-controlled, sensible, respectable,
and hospitable and an able teacher.
Not addicted to wine, not a bully but gentle,
not quarrelsome, and not greedy.”

I was looking at this... above reproach? Well. I'm a sinner, so not exactly, but for the most part... sure. A husband of one wife. Check. Self-controlled. Check. Sensible? I think so. Hospitable? Sure. Able teacher?

A mentor?

Is that me? In ways I don't understand at the moment, maybe. Not really.

Not intentionally. Not with purpose.

Do I have a spiritual mentor?

Not really. Maybe some in ways I don't understand at the moment. So maybe, but not really.

Not intentionally. Not with purpose.

In another book I've been studying, that I hadn't read since I was teenager, it talks about how the decisions you make, make you.

I heavily underlined 3 words.

Plan. Purpose. Persevere.

Without a plan on what to do, it's all too easy to not do anything.

Without purposing your plan, and making your moves intentionally, you won't accomplish anything... your plans are just a pipe dream.

Without perseverance through the difficult times – if you give up – then those who would look up to you won't have a reason to.

These are words of a lot of strength, and there are a ton of applications.

In your marriage, in your teaching, in your following, in your studying...

Plan. Purpose. Persevere.

After all, what are blueprints? PLANS.

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