A Weekend to Remember® Part 3: A Time to Recharge

This is the third and final post in our series about the FamilyLife® Weekend to Remember Alissa and I volunteered at the weekend before Thanksgiving. (If you missed the first two parts, you can catch them here and here.)

This organization is near and dear to our hearts. With the love of Jesus, they pour hope and life into marriages that need to be revitalized, renovated, and marriages that sometimes just need basic maintenance.

One particular couple who attended the conference really had our attention .

Before we met them Friday night, we were told of their difficult journey to the conference and about all of the various things that had gotten in their way to make this a weekend to remember, but for all the wrong reasons.

Because of their story, though, we had already covered them in prayer, and praised God because we KNEW that God had something in store for them this weekend.

I mean, if the devil is going to put everything out in order to try to keep you away, God's gotta have something for you on the other side of it, right?

On the way, they ran out of gas and got stuck on the side of the road. Someone brought them gas, but then their car battery died.

So after all of this...they still came. Albeit, late, but they showed up with smiles, grateful to even be there.

After the sessions that night, Alissa and I had the opportunity to meet them and talk with them a little bit, and sympathize with their story.

It being late, they were looking for an opportunity to find a restaurant that was still open. We gave our suggestion and drove back home.

Saturday morning, we spent our time greeting and opening doors, lending smiles, and trying to answer questions.

When they came in and that morning, they told me the their car battery died again when they went out for dinner, and a policeman from a local college helped them get their car started again so they could get back to the hotel.

Later that day, I ran into them again. They told me that, yet again, their car didn't start, and I offered to help them jump it this time and stay with it so it could charge for a while.

After way more effort into jump-starting a car than I have experienced before, it eventually started, and I sent them back inside to enjoy the upcoming session.

After what seemed like more than a reasonable amount of time, I decided it would be a good idea to turn their car off, then restart it, in order to see if their battery managed to hold a charge this time.

It didn't.

So I spent another while trying to get it to start again.

It didn't.

So I went inside, and told our dear friend and FamilyLife® missionary about the issues I was having with the car.

“So do you feel we need to buy them a new battery?”

YES!!! That's exactly what I wanted to do!

So money was collected!

I was going to go buy a battery, but then I came to the realization that tools were needed to remove the old one and install the new one.

I didn't have any of those either, so we rounded up a few hotel employees with willing hearts to try to find tools we could use.

One of the bellman told me he would meet me at the car with whatever he could find. At this point I was starting to get a little uneasy because I knew I couldn't go and get the old battery out, go buy a new battery, and get it in before the car owner came back out.

I mean, I just really wanted to hand back his keys and say “Hey, everyone chipped in because we love you, and we just hope the weekend can be redeemed a little bit.”

The bellman did make it down with the tools he could find... but none of them would work. So we got the car started, and the bellman wanted to turn it off, and then try to restart it again to see if it held the charge.

We tried.

It didn't.

Then the owner came back out, and I had to look at him and tell him the battery was dead, and wasn't holding the charge at all. I told him some of the different things that I had tried to do to insure that it would work, but of course...

It didn't.

So we said we would just get it jumped and drive to the auto parts store and get a battery together.

After struggling to get the car started AGAIN, the guy who was parked next to him came up and asked if everything was okay.

We gave him the very short version of the car not starting and it needing a new battery.

He walked back and came back with a meter, which showed the cables weren't providing much power to the car.

So he went back to his car and got his cables.

The car started within a few seconds this time!

Then we turned it off, to try to see if it would start again!

And... It didn't.

He walked back over to his car, looked over his shoulder and said, “I've got a battery in the back of my car.”

Not really believing I heard what I heard, I followed him, asking what he said.

He pulls the battery out of the back and looks it over.

“Will it fit?”

It did.

He walked over with socket wrenches, which he also had in the back of his car, and looked over at the man who owned it and said:

So I've got a testimony you need to listen to. I teach mechanics over at a community college.

The battery in my car died last Monday, and we were able to get it going again just fine. But God told me to put this battery in the back of my car before I leave in case something happens. And then, He said I needed to pack my cables and my tools, too.

He installed the battery, and it started. It was turned off, and then re-started just fine.

Before it was over, there were 7 of us in a circle holding hands and thanking God for His provision and for His leading.

God enabled me to work in what I truly believe is my calling and my gift, as a servant doing an act of kindness for someone in need.

God enabled our friends Keith, Dexter, Tiffany, my wife, and the bellman to be a part of this story.

God disabled my plans and my hopes for how God could get the glory.

He already had a plan in place!

God knew the troubles this man would face with his car. And because of that, another man had trouble with his. God used that in order to have him prepare for something and have something that His brother was going to be in need of.

God knows my heart and knew that I would jump at the chance to try to help.

He put Dexter and Tiffany there to walk in at the right moment in order to witness what God was going to do because they were coming to check on me and the situation with the car and tell me where my wife was.

My wife got to be witness the glory of God revealed when she walked back in at the tail end of the story and heard it rehashed from me and the owner of the troubled car.

I got to take the money that was gathered back inside, after the majority of people had left, and put in in the hands of a surprised Keith, who thought I had gone to get a battery for this couple to bless them.

The owner of the car told us that he was to start a new job on Monday , but for considerably less than this current position, and he added that his wife was worried about that and how things will go for them.

Alissa's response was perfect and God-willed.

“If God can take care of you like this, in this situation, I think He wants you to know that He will take care of you with your job.”

In my desire to be a blessing to someone, God multiplied the blessing He gave to me.

My friends, God is tangible.

God is real.

I prayed all weekend that people a room away would experience Him in an undeniable way, and that day, God did...

For them, and for me.

Sunday came. The last session ended with a large majority renewing their wedding vows. Each couple was given a beautiful document for them to sign as a visible image of their renewed covenant, with room for them to sign and for witnesses to sign at the bottom of a page.

Alissa and I were both incredibly honored, and humbled, to be asked to sign as witnesses for that couple with the car issues, and to pray over them again and their travels back home.

During that whole weekend, God was present.

We witnessed 24 salvations, 185 individuals asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and 99 recommitted their lives and families to Jesus.

And I feel, as volunteers, Alissa and I were impacted perhaps even more than some of those.

Throughout the weekend, we felt it heavily impressed upon us that God is doing a new thing...in us and through us. Seeking the Symphony (the new blog address) is part of that, but we feel there is so much more, and we cannot wait to share our journey with you.

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord.

Psalm 121:1b-2a

P.S. We are currently working on planning for the event for November 17-19 of next year. We are exhilarated to be part of this wonderful team and can't wait to bear witness to what God will accomplish.

If you would like to be a part of it, as an attendee OR volunteer, please comment or contact us.

Either way, you'll never be the same.

A Weekend to Remember® Part 2: The War Room

Once upon a time, we thought we knew about spiritual warfare. We thought we knew what it was to do real battle with the enemy, with the forces of darkness.

Then, we entered the War Room...and I don't mean a closet.

Please don't misunderstand me, I LOVE the War Room movie, and it is absolutely critical that we, as Christians, do battle against the enemy in our homes, in the private places...alone and removed.

But this was something else entirely.

Each Weekend to Remember® is bathed in prayer; did you know that? Months ahead of time the prayer team starts meeting to pray over those who will be in attendance, asking for God's will and protection.

As the time before the event gets shorter, the prayer team meets more, sometimes in person, sometimes via conference call. They start praying for individuals in attendance by name, asking for protection, provision, childcare arrangements, safety, softened hearts...you name it. 

Not only do we pray for the attendees and their families, we pray for the speakers, the hotel employees, and the people we'll all come into contact throughout the city. 

Bathed in prayer.

Even though we experienced prayer with the team leading up to the weekend, Josiah and I were a little nervous. We didn't really know what to expect, how things were going to work, or honestly, how the heck we were gonna pray for hours on end.

It was intimidating.

But we plunged in Friday night and began praying for couples as they arrived and got settled into the first two sessions. 

That night was great! We were inspired by some of the seasoned prayer warriors who dove into battle with conviction and authority. We learned. We prayed. We went home energized and looking forward to the next day.

But nothing would prepare us for it.

Saturday started much like Friday, but then, mid-morning, it was time to pray over the presentation of the gospel.

FamilyLife® knows what every marriage needs in order to really thrive is two people who love Jesus and follow His commands. Therefore, each marriage event includes a presentation of the gospel: the crucifixion, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who was without sin, but died for the sin of the world.

Wives and husbands, daily, need to pick up their crosses and follow Jesus, to crucify selfish desires, and put on his cloak of righteousness that brings humility and hope. That's how marriages go beyond mere survival.

Sometimes, throughout the weekend, people on the volunteer team will be assigned to other duties or people will step out to stretch their legs, use the restroom, or just take a break.

But not during the gospel session. Everyone is in the prayer room during that session.

And it was one of the most powerful things we've ever experienced...an hour of our lives we'll never forget.

The whole room took turns powerfully and passionately interceding on behalf of every person in the ballroom. We declared scripture over lives, families, SOULS.

We fought...hard.

For our battle is not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers,

against the authorities,

against the world powers of this darkness,

against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.

Ephesians 6:12

And let me tell you something: when you're in a spiritual battle, demanding that strongholds be broken, shackles removed, and walls come tumbling down, it is not without resistance.

There were times when we could feel the darkness pressing in trying to take hold of the moment, and distract us. But in those moments, the group would press in, shining ever brighter.

Even now, thinking about it, my hair stands on end.

Later in the day, another miracle would happen, a glorious answer to some of our prayers (but that's tomorrow's blog post).

We left on Saturday drained, having poured ourselves out in prayer. We went out to dinner, stealing just a little bit of time for ourselves to feed our own marriage.

But we noticed something very interesting at dinner: we were no longer part of this world.

I know I sound like a nut...hang with me.

Have you ever seen The Lord of the Rings? I'm a LotR/Hobbit fanatic, so immediately I recognized the scene we were faced with.

At the end of The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, after the ring is destroyed, there's a scene back at the Green Dragon pub in Hobbiton. The four friends who have just returned home from battle sit in the pub, rowdy revelry all around, but there they sit...staring at one another. (There's a clip of it at the end of this post).

Everyone else continues on with life as it's always been, not even aware than a war has gone on, but those four comrades in arms are forever changed.

And that was our experience.

People laughed and talked around us. Servers flew around tables and busboys cleared dishes and prepared for the next guests. Families ate. Children played.

And there we sat, staring at one another: soldiers, weary from battle, but exhilarated by victory. And all around us people went on with life, completely oblivious to the fact that war was being waged.

I told Josiah I had never felt more not of this world than I did in those moments. It was tiring, but so worth it, and I remember almost being scared that life would go back to normal...that I would lose that feeling.

I was also sad.

I've loved Jesus for as long as I can remember and was baptized at 14. I've been a professing Christian my entire life...and now, at almost 38, I'm really feeling what it really means to be not of this world for the first time.

And it occurred to me that there are many, many Christians, particularly here in the western world, where religion is easy and God's word so readily accessible, who will go from cradle to grave never having really engaged in the battle.

My heart is so heavy.

Because let me tell you, having been in the battle does not make me a "better" Christian. It doesn't make me less sinful or selfish at heart, but it does draw me closer to God. So while I may not be a better Christian, I am a stronger Christian for having done battle with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

In all honesty, I can't wait until next year's event and the prayer times leading up to it. I look forward to doing battle with my brothers and sisters, powerfully proclaiming victory together, knowing the power comes not from us, but from the Creator of the universe, our Almighty God.

Until then, in the moments in between, I'll be here preparing for battle, engaging in some personal skirmishes, and keeping my armor in working order.

And if you ever need a sister warrior to go into battle with you, to wage war against the darkness, I'm here and I'm ready.

Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request,

and stay alert in this with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:18

P.S. If you are interested in attending a Weekend to Remember® OR you'd like to consider partnering with us to help strengthen marriages, please comment or contact us!!

A Weekend to Remember Part 1: It's Just the Beginning

A few months ago, I met a guy at a Food Lion. We talked a bit about where we might have known each other from, talked about what churches we went to and what we liked about them, and exchanged numbers. We may send each other a message about once a month, but I haven't really run into him since then.

I knew from the moment I met him it was a divine appointment.

The FamilyLife® Weekend to Remember began on Friday, November 18th, but before we reported for the prayer team, I had report to work. I went in at 5 am, having slept very little for the second night in a row, and under a little bit of stress.

I had been looking at our finances. It didn't look great.

I sent a text to my wife to discuss them. However, less than 5 minutes later I received a text from my aforementioned friend.

The message he sent said:

Unless the Lord Builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchman stays awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

for He gives His beloved sleep.

Psalm 127:1-3

No other message, just scripture.

I thanked him, telling him I needed it, then I told him it made me ask 2 questions.

1. God, what house, what refuge are you trying to build or establish in my life right now? 

I have no doubt that this scripture was inspired by God, and I have no doubt that I needed it.

I know I'm not where God wants me occupationally, and I know that God has something in store for me and my best interests.

God IS supplying all of our needs, though maybe not all of our wants, and that's more than okay. It's fantastic!

But things are still tight enough for me to know and rest assured that HE is the one taking care of us.

And He is providing a push to make me want to go towards the promised land.

This leads me to my second question:

2. Where IS our "promised land"?

Uh.

I don't know yet. I know what my gifts are, and I know that God didn't give them to me for me to set them on a shelf and collect dust, so I'm certain those gifts are currently in refinement stages and my heart is being made malleable.

I know I shed tears of joy and sorrow that morning at the revealing of this Word in the moment, when I didn't even know I needed it.

With praise, I said,  “God thank you for hearing what I wasn't even saying.”

With sorrow, I said a prayer for God to open my eyes and to open my ears, and asked Him to open doors, and to give me to have the faith to walk through them.

In the sermon we heard last night, just over a week later (which Alissa wrote about here), the pastor said God uses the “hidden years” to develop in us the things we will need for the future.

David, after his anointing, was used for years in the same role...honing his skills as a shepherd. He was disciplined and knew he had a higher calling – one that was divinely inspired and God given.

He was being trained to be a gentle leader: to care about the, the helpless, the victims of prey, well before he walked in his purpose.

He faced lions and bears which ultimately gave him the skills to face Goliath.

Sometimes our position doesn't match our purpose, but God is using this in order to construct something new.

And sometimes in order to do something new, you have to deconstruct the old.

The things we practice in the dark shine even brighter in the light of day.

(Thank you for those nuggets, Pastor Cyon.)

I am not currently facing a giant, but I will still face a decision to act in faith when the time comes.


My original questions remain unanswered for now, and that's okay.

In His perfect timing, when He thinks I'm ready, He will let me know. If there's one thing I have learned over the last week, it's that nothing happens on accident.

Thus, our Weekend to Remember started before we even arrived on the premises. Alissa and I both felt like God was about to start something new in our lives...and then, we walked into the War Room.

More on that tomorrow....

He Sees Me

Sometimes life doesn't happen in the right order. Or at least, it doesn't happen in the order you think it should.

I'm writing this right now, but it was supposed to be a different post. It was supposed to be a beautiful post about the Weekend to Remember last weekend. I will get to that post...

But this is something else entirely.

Lately, a lot of my posts have been about "searching." Finding my way through self doubt; searching for me; seeking in the darkness; wrestling with my purpose.

And, in that same vein, today, before I can move on to the beauty of last weekend, I have to confess the ugly of the past week.

And it was indeed ugly.

It had me building up resentment toward my husband only days after I cried sweet, happy tears as I witnessed his amazing spiritual growth and hiding in the bathroom crying a river of tears when, really, I have so much to be grateful for.

I felt it impressed on me so heavily last weekend that God was doing something NEW and EXCITING in our lives, but somehow, that goes away so quickly, and sin creeps in my mind and heart.

Over 4 years ago, I felt God calling me to some form of very public ministry...someday. (You can read about that here.) Since then, I've been waiting...in a holding pattern.

Because of that, with each day that passes, blog post that gets written, development I've made, I hold my breath expectantly, waiting for the moment when God will decide I'm ready to be used in a bigger way.

The other night (while I was hiding and crying in the bathroom), I sent a text to my sister-in-law, Jamie. There are very few people in this life you can just pour your ugly out to, and they'll embrace you anyway. Jamie is one of my people.

 I told her I was just struggling and asked for prayer. I told her I'm having difficulty connecting. I told her I'm resentful of Josiah's writing because I'm struggling with mine. I told her I think I've misunderstood my purpose.

I said, "Everything I touch turns to mediocrity." Not trash. Not gold.

Mediocrity.

Of course, she admonished me in the most loving, Jamie-like manner. She reminded me that I'm not God and, I don't know "all the things." I don't know what He's doing in the background. She reminded me to trust God, even though I don't FEEL like anything is happening.

I don't know if y'all know this, but feelings can be big, fat liars.

A child normally doesn't FEEL their growth. Sometimes, when it happens quickly, they have growing pains, but most of the time, it happens slowly and steadily until, one day, both they and their parents see their heads towering above the last mark on the wall.

It happens in front of your eyes, but you don't see what's going on in the background: the cells growing and multiplying, the bones stretching, the muscle developing.

No...just one day, "WOW! You've grown!"

She prayed for me and I prayed for myself. I felt like God was cold and distant, not caring about my broken heart, not seeing me in the desert, in the wait. But I prayed anyway.

And then...I went to church last night. I knew the sermon would be on the subject of our "Legacy," and it would involve the life of King David, but I was wholly unprepared for the way God would reach down and touch me.

The sermon was on David's waiting space: the years between when he was anointed as the next king of Israel and when he fought Goliath. You know, those years after he was anointed when he went back to being the littlest brother, the shepherd of the flocks.

Pastor Cyon said, "What do you do when your position doesn't line up with your purpose?"

And then I cried. I cried on and off the whole sermon. She went on to outline what God was doing to prepare David in those years, and what we should do in OUR waiting space.

She even asked the question, "How many 'what about me' moments did David have in those lonely years?" Haha...I think I know.

My intention here, though, is not to retell the sermon (although you should definitely listen to it on the FLC website). Instead, it's to show you how much God cares.

See, there are a lot of people in this world struggling over much more serious things than a "waiting space." There are far bigger problems in the world.

But as much as God cares about those big problems, He also cares about my little heart.

He sees me; He knows me; He loves me.

He knew I was feeling distant, and He reached down to show me how much He cares. He even had these women who don't know one another at all, use some of the exact same words to speak life back into me when I counted my purpose dead...lifeless.

He is El Roi, the God who sees me (Genesis 16:13), and my friend, if He sees Hagar in her distress, and He sees me in mine, He sees you in yours.

He knows your heart. He knows the number of hairs on your head. And He cares about you AND your feelings...even if they are liars.

He WANTS to comfort you. Reach out to Him, even when you don't FEEL like it.

Cast all your anxiety on Him,

because He cares about you.

1 Peter 5:7

Throw your burdens far from you, and cast them on the shoulders of our almighty God because He loves you, He cares about you, and He SEES you.

Wrestling with the Rock

Have you ever experienced seasons that were marked by sheer frustration? Where, no matter what you did, it felt like nothing was right? Nothing was good enough? YOU weren't good enough?

That's where I've been recently.

So much so, in fact, that I recently cried my eyes out...on facebook...LIVE.

The entire world was reeling over the results of an extremely divisive election. There were protests and pain...and I was crying because I felt like a failure, which made me feel even more embarrassed and ashamed.

However, I truly believe God wanted me to share that moment of raw frustration. I think he wanted me, and you, to remember it. To give me a very real and tangible reminder that says, "This is the place from which I brought you."

That little facebook tear-session was preceded fervent prayer...and the struggle continued on.

Days later, I wrote down multiple scriptures about discouragement and prayed them back to God. This one, in particular struck a chord:

Why I am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again-

my Savior and my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,

but I will remember you-

even from distant Mount Herman,

from the land of Mount Mizar.

I hear the tumult of the raging seas

as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.

But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,

and through each night I sing his songs,

praying to God who gives me life.

Psalm 42:11

I love how our God works, how He goes before us to give us exactly what we need. 

On the day I bookmarked this passage with the label "discourgement," God knew the day (or days) when I would need it the most. When I wrote my last post, God knew He was preparing me for this one.

He is so awesome, and so mighty. I am in awe.

After reading that verse, I knew what I needed to do - I needed to praise Him again. I needed to sing His songs. So, even through tears, I wrote a list of what had me so discouraged, and then next to it, why I could actually be grateful.

This was one of them:

Discouraged by...the feeling that my writing, and my ministry as a writer, is not progressing. 

Grateful for...giving me this gift that may need development, but that I LOVE to share.

Each bit of discouragement I wrote down could be turned into a praise to the Lord Most High, but it was THIS last one that led to my next breakthrough: scripture Josiah spoke over me just the night before, when he saw my discouragement, laid his hand on my back, prayed over me, and said, "God showed me this and it reminds me so much of you."

Let no one despise your youth;

instead, you should be an example to the believers

in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Until I come, give your attention to public reading, exhortation, and teaching.

Do not neglect the gift that is in you;

it was given to you through prophecy,

with the laying on of hands by the council of the elders.

Practice these things;

be committed to them,

so that your progress may be evident to all.

Pay close attention to your life and your teaching;

persevere in these things,

for by doing this you will save both yourself and your hearers.

1 Timothy 4:12-16

Even now, reading this verse again, my heart overflows and spills down my cheeks.

After reading it again and copying it down, continued to pray and I continued to cry, and I vowed to God I would be faithful in sharing my progress, no matter how dirty it is or how clumsy I feel in it...because He had spoken through Josiah.

That very day, God blessed me in so many ways, showing me how He was working all things out for my good.

A couple days later, I looked back at the notes I took on that day, and the chaos in them struck me. There was a list of people I was praying for. Underneath those names was my discouragement vs. gratefulness list. Then all around the page, at the top and the sides, I had scrawled out the scripture from Timothy.

It was pretty. It wasn't neat. I had been wrestling with God. And I thought of Jacob.

This is actually a blurred picture of my notes from that day...blurred to protect prayer requests.
But I think the chaos in them is still quite evident.

Let me me totally transparent here: I've never really understood this part of Jacob's story. He wrestled with an angel all night and wouldn't let him go until he gave him a blessing...so He was called Israel because he fought with God and won.

What the what?! Also, can we just note how Jacob was really good at manipulating the blessings? He deceived to get one from his father and physically FOUGHT to get one from God. Sheisty,

So I looked back on this story and to investigate further, I read a great post by Jon Bloom on desiringgod.com, and this stuck out to me: 

When God makes us wrestle for some blessing(s), is is not because He is reluctant to bless us, even if that's how it first feels. It is because he has more blessings for us in the wrestling than without it.

Jacob was about to encounter his brother Esau. When he last saw him, Esau wanted to kill him for tricking him out of his birthright and stealing his father's blessing. And now...Esau was on his way to meet him.

Save me, I pray,

from the hand of my brother Esau,

for I am afraid he will come and attack me,

and also the mothers with their children.

Genesis 32:11

Jacob was scared for his life and for the lives of his wives and children. He cried out to God for rescue...and God sent him a wrestler.

Jacob was left alone and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.

When the man saw that he could not defeat him,

He struck Jacob's hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip.

Then he said to Jacob, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."

But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

"What is your name?" the man asked.

"Jacob," he replied.

"Your name will no longer be Jacob," He said.

"It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men

and you have prevailed."

Genesis 32:24-28

Many texts read that "the man" was an angel, particularly in light of the fact that he said Jacob had wrestled with God. Then, Jacob named the place this occurred Peniel, which means Face of God because he had seen the face of God and survived.

So Jacob wrestled with God. He came out with a bad hip, but with God's blessing. Physically weaker from the battle, but blessed beyond measure - more dependent on God than ever for his deliverance, but stronger because of it.

Oh, what a sweet picture of our walk with Jesus!

Like Jacob, I wrestled with God for days in my discouragement. I toiled in prayer and proclaimed His Word. I cried out to Him, and then I made my best effort to thank Him, and He is so faithful: He blessed me.

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God

and keep the vows you made to the Most High.

Then call on me when you are in trouble,

and I will rescue you,

and you will give me glory.

Psalm 50:14-15

Thankfulness can feel like a huge sacrifice: when you're hurting and scared and more than willing to wallow in your own misery. Sometimes, eeking out thankfulness can be the hardest thing we can do, and it gets harder with the severity of the circumstances.

But God say,s when we sacrifice our pride and self-centeredness, and we concentrate on praising Him for all He is and all He has done, then when we call on Him, He will save us...and we will give HIM glory.

To be completely frank, I feel like this is one horrifyingly disjointed post. Right on the heels of a post that my sweet sis-in-law called her new favorite, that she praised for being so highly organized, comes this one, halting and messy.

But I didn't know how to share it any other way.

Wrestling is messy. Wrestling hurts and it's hard. It's not neat and it's certainly not organized.

This is my story of God blessing me in the wrestling. It's real and rough and raw, but I pray it brings God glory.

And I also pray the next time you're struggling through anything, big or small, of live-changing significance or just the overwhelmingly mundane tasks of life, that you will remember Jacob, and you will wrestle. I pray you through yourself into the battle, knowing if you hold on long enough and praise Him through it, He will bless you in it.

That is my blessing for you, my friends.

Walking in the Dark

Last Saturday night, Josiah and I made the decision to walk to church. It was a beautiful night, and he and Phinehas ran ahead because Phin says he's "super fast." It was pretty darn adorable.

On the way home, however, it was dark. We took the back way home, and parts of the walk were just about pitch black.

He was no longer thrilled by the adventure.

He whimpered a little and said, "Daddy, I can't find our house! I can't find it!"

Josiah took his hand and guided him home. When we got close, though, and Phinehas finally recognized our house, he let go of his daddy's hand and ran to take a shortcut, tripped on the curb, and fell flat on his face.

Don't worry...he's okay (the new house has some pretty stellar, cushy grass).

He quickly scrambled up, again scared by the dark. But Josiah called to him, he found his daddy, and they walked to the house.

This little display was right on the heels of a sermon on Peter's response to Jesus walking on the water...and I immediately saw the connection.

And Peter answered him,

“Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”

He said, “Come.”

So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid,

and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me."

Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him,

saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

And those in the boat worshiped him, saying,

“Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:28-33 (ESV)

• Phinehas stepped out into the dark. He let his father lead him, but then he got distracted, tried to take a shortcut, and fell. He called out, and his father saved him.

• Peter stepped out of the boat. He followed Jesus's lead, but then he got distracted by his fear, looked at the wind instead of Jesus, and he began to fall. Peter cried out, and Jesus reached out and saved him. 

God calls us into the dark. He calls us out into the storm. He calls us to walk in circumstances only He can make successful.

Do you know what we do? We avoid it.

We tell God he's wrong. We ask to be the other disciples...the ones safe in the boat.

We SING about walking on the water, though, right?

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

Let me walk upon the water,

wherever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,

where my faith will be made stronger

in the presence of my savior.

(Hillsong UNITED, Oceans)

We sing about it, with loud voices and hands raised. But when it comes down to it, we're control freaks.

What if calling us out into the water means job loss, friend loss, discomfort, pain, hurt, abandonment...a presidential candidate you think is deplorable (pick your side-it matters little).

We want the growth that comes from God calling us, but we want to do it from the safety of the boat.

Then, if we DO embrace the calling, we sometimes lose sight of the Caller, and we fall.

• Maybe we get a little overexcited and let go of the Father's hand. We try to take a shortcut to our calling. We fall.

• Maybe we get overtaken by fear at the size of our obstacles, forgetting that we serve and Almighty God, and we let discouragement overtake us. We start to sink.

Either way, we take our eyes of the One who called us and we lose heart.

We err. We're human. But it isn't the screwing up that's really important...it's the calling out.

When he spoke about Peter's fear of the wind, Pastor Freddy said we "assign supernatural powers to the natural."

Wind and waves were nothing to Jesus. They had seen him calm them before, and in this narrative, he's even out taking a stroll in the storm. Jesus was not scared of the weather and waves.

However, I would say the converse is also true: we assign natural powers to the supernatural.

We forget how BIG God is. We forget He already knows we're going to fall.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:16

God already knows you're going to fall; He's trying to teach you how to respond to it.

Call out.

Reach Up.

I have fallen on my face quite a few times in my life, and I wish I could say my first response was to call out to God and seek His will. Instead, I've often tried to manipulate circumstances and solve the problem in my own power.

Like Peter, God has called me out into the storm to meet him, and I got out of the boat, lost sight of Him, and started to sink.

But instead of calling out to Him, I decided to try to dog paddle my way to safety.

But God is working on me. With each calling, and each fall, I'm learning to call out to the only One who I know has the power to save me. I'm learning to keep my heart soft and responsive to His voice...and His correction.

Where are you today, friend?

Are you in the middle of the storm, discouraged and scared because you've forgotten what a powerful God we serve?

Are you full of excitement for the adventure ahead, but so excited that you're trying to take shortcuts to get to the end result? Manipulating circumstances to bring a desired result? Are you asking for a fall?

Call on Him today. Lean in close and listen for His quiet voice. Let Him determine your steps and strengthen your resolve...correct your course.

It's not always fun or easy, but it's always worth it.

What did that opportunity cost?

Have you ever prayed for something, about something, and God answered in a way you never expected?

Within the past week, Josiah and I had an opportunity to invest in our business. It was a great opportunity, a worthy opportunity. However, it would have meant pushing a couple other important things aside in order to invest.

So, we did what we know we're supposed to do: we prayed about it and waited.

If any of you lacks wisdom,

let him ask God,

who gives generously to all without reproach,

and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

Psalm 130:5

I would LOVE to tell you that it is my natural inclination, or even a regular habit, to pray and then WAIT for God's answer. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Instead, often, it looks like me praying, and then, when I don't get struck by lightning immediately, I say, "Must be God's will!" and move forward with what I wanted. (We'll actually talk about that in my next post.)

This time, however, we were supernaturally assigned to waiting: we couldn't make the purchase until payday. 

First thing in the morning that day, I awoke with the intention of going through with it. God hadn't told me not to yet, and it had been days...so I was ready.

And then...

I looked on facebook, and I saw a friend's post about needing help in their ministry, Kindfund. They have homes for rescued and abandoned children in Kenya. Recently, two precious newborn babies were rescued and brought to them, but now they need to eat. Formula is $10 per can.

Right then, I knew what we needed to do. The Holy Spirit within me spoke, and I got the message loud and clear: God said "no" to my initial request and revealed His plan. Josiah agreed, and we moved forward on God's path.

I learned a big lesson here (or more appropriately, God spoke into an ongoing lesson): Prayer is a one-sided conversation. If you're not waiting for God's answer, then you're missing communication with Him.

However, there's another lesson to be learned here.

In the beginning of this post, I said we had an opportunity to invest in our business, and then God presented us an opportunity to invest in the lives of those little babies.

It may seem like it might be a no-brainer, but our business changes lives.

Therefore, what we were looking at were two very valid, worthy opportunities...but we could only choose one.

We chose supporting the babies. The business investment that we didn't choose, that is what's known as opportunity cost. 

Opportunity cost is an economic principle which states that any time you choose to spend money on something, there was another second best option that did NOT get chosen. That second, not-chosen option is called the opportunity cost.

In other words, your choice cost you that particular opportunity.

If you choose to buy pizza over salad, salad is the opportunity cost. If it's the other way around, the pizza is the opportunity cost. Very simple principle.

Notice, though, that the principle can be applied not just to purchases, but to choices we make about other valuable commodities, like time and energy.

When we consume food, we make choices like the one above: pizza or salad. If you're like me, you're probably screaming, "Pizza AND salad! Duh." However, for the sake of this example let's just assume we have to choose.

Water or soda.

Cookies or fruit.

Cleaning or binge watching.

Scrolling on facebook or paying attention to the people around me.

OUCH! That last one was for me. Actually, they all are.

We make choices every, single day, and you want to know the really scary part? Often we are blind to the choices we're making. We simply do things because that's what we've always done.

• We can't find time to workout, but we can find an hour to watch TV or play online.
• We can't find the money to buy healthy food, but we've hit up Mickey D's and Starbucks a few times each this month.
• We can't find time to spend with Jesus, but we can find time to rail about the election on facebook.

These things might sting. I know they hit me pretty hard.

God has been revealing a lot to me as I considered this blog post over the last few days. In various ways, he has opened my eyes to some choices I'm making that I'm really not proud of. 

The opportunity cost is high. I'm sacrificing some very important things by investing time, money, and energy into some others that really just don't matter.

This is not just to make you feel guilty or tell you what to do because...

• Sometimes, I'm going to invest in my business instead of a charity because it's the right thing to do.
• Sometimes, I'm going to chill out and rest instead of laboring constantly because rest is good, and it's the right thing to do.
• And sometimes, I'm going to eat the dang cake, cuz mmmmm, cake is good. 

I'm not here to judge your choices. I've got enough of my own junk, thank you. Nevertheless, I am asking you to prayerfully consider your choices. Speak to God about them. And then, wait for the answer. 

If you're a Christian, then you have made Jesus your LORD and Savior. A lot of us really like the salvation part, but we conveniently forget about the "Lord." 

lord: a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler (dictionary.com)

Let Jesus be your Lord today. If there's an area of your life you feel you're struggling in, talk to Him about it, but don't just ask Him to save you from it. Ask Him if you're maybe making some choices that are contributing to it.

Let Him decide!