Prayer as a Last Resort

Far too often we use what should be our initial response as a last resort.

Much like building our favorite out-of-the-box furniture, we have a tendency to try to do things on our own, as much as possible, until we find out we have spare parts, or things aren't coming together in the way that we (or the box) pictured them.

So, keeping that in mind...

Why do we pray?

Sometimes it's because we are pouring our hearts out to God in times of trouble or challenge, and then when things are okay, we just don't.

We can figure it out on our own, and then if all else fails, we can return to the directions right?

The biggest problem is prayer isn't just what gives us direction in life in what to do, where to go, or anything else.

It's also a tool.

It's a direct line to the Creator of the project because He cares immensely about the project we have in mind... and the next project... and the next project...

Because He understands it's not just what we are looking to accomplish, and more importantly He has His own project.

Us.

If the only time we try at building our relationship with God is when things get hard, then why do we get surprised when challenges arise?

And even then, more often than not, I think our prayers often try to manipulate God to get us out of our current situation than trying to find out what God is trying to reveal and do in and through us in that situation.

Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12

But that feeling is horrible, isn't it?

You know, the one where you feel completely helpless, and completely out of control?

We were never in control, and we can't afford to lose sight of where our help comes from!

We are told to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, giving thanks in all circumstances. (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Is it any wonder that when we haven't been spending time with the God who is the lover of our souls, the God who provides, and the God who heals, that we get sick,we feel anxious, we feel alone, and we get stressed out?

When the voices we listen to from the media, from social media, and we speak into each others lives are words of hopelessness, of anger, of hurt, of depression and hatred to the point to where we don't know what to do with the thought of a God who has a vested interest in each and every one of us.

That means God wants to know your hurts, your angers, your fears, your joys, your hopes, your dreams, that thing going on within your family.

He wants it.

All of it.

Cast all your cares upon Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

God cares about our circumstances and what's going on in our lives, but God is ultimately more concerned with the refining of our souls than our momentary circumstance.

God wants us to seek Him and His presence – God wants to be ever-present in our lives, and considered in every decision.

Let me rephrase that. God IS ever-present in our lives. He just wants to for us to include Him in our every-day tasks.

Because He wants you.

A Weekend to Remember® Part 2: The War Room

Once upon a time, we thought we knew about spiritual warfare. We thought we knew what it was to do real battle with the enemy, with the forces of darkness.

Then, we entered the War Room...and I don't mean a closet.

Please don't misunderstand me, I LOVE the War Room movie, and it is absolutely critical that we, as Christians, do battle against the enemy in our homes, in the private places...alone and removed.

But this was something else entirely.

Each Weekend to Remember® is bathed in prayer; did you know that? Months ahead of time the prayer team starts meeting to pray over those who will be in attendance, asking for God's will and protection.

As the time before the event gets shorter, the prayer team meets more, sometimes in person, sometimes via conference call. They start praying for individuals in attendance by name, asking for protection, provision, childcare arrangements, safety, softened hearts...you name it. 

Not only do we pray for the attendees and their families, we pray for the speakers, the hotel employees, and the people we'll all come into contact throughout the city. 

Bathed in prayer.

Even though we experienced prayer with the team leading up to the weekend, Josiah and I were a little nervous. We didn't really know what to expect, how things were going to work, or honestly, how the heck we were gonna pray for hours on end.

It was intimidating.

But we plunged in Friday night and began praying for couples as they arrived and got settled into the first two sessions. 

That night was great! We were inspired by some of the seasoned prayer warriors who dove into battle with conviction and authority. We learned. We prayed. We went home energized and looking forward to the next day.

But nothing would prepare us for it.

Saturday started much like Friday, but then, mid-morning, it was time to pray over the presentation of the gospel.

FamilyLife® knows what every marriage needs in order to really thrive is two people who love Jesus and follow His commands. Therefore, each marriage event includes a presentation of the gospel: the crucifixion, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who was without sin, but died for the sin of the world.

Wives and husbands, daily, need to pick up their crosses and follow Jesus, to crucify selfish desires, and put on his cloak of righteousness that brings humility and hope. That's how marriages go beyond mere survival.

Sometimes, throughout the weekend, people on the volunteer team will be assigned to other duties or people will step out to stretch their legs, use the restroom, or just take a break.

But not during the gospel session. Everyone is in the prayer room during that session.

And it was one of the most powerful things we've ever experienced...an hour of our lives we'll never forget.

The whole room took turns powerfully and passionately interceding on behalf of every person in the ballroom. We declared scripture over lives, families, SOULS.

We fought...hard.

For our battle is not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers,

against the authorities,

against the world powers of this darkness,

against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.

Ephesians 6:12

And let me tell you something: when you're in a spiritual battle, demanding that strongholds be broken, shackles removed, and walls come tumbling down, it is not without resistance.

There were times when we could feel the darkness pressing in trying to take hold of the moment, and distract us. But in those moments, the group would press in, shining ever brighter.

Even now, thinking about it, my hair stands on end.

Later in the day, another miracle would happen, a glorious answer to some of our prayers (but that's tomorrow's blog post).

We left on Saturday drained, having poured ourselves out in prayer. We went out to dinner, stealing just a little bit of time for ourselves to feed our own marriage.

But we noticed something very interesting at dinner: we were no longer part of this world.

I know I sound like a nut...hang with me.

Have you ever seen The Lord of the Rings? I'm a LotR/Hobbit fanatic, so immediately I recognized the scene we were faced with.

At the end of The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, after the ring is destroyed, there's a scene back at the Green Dragon pub in Hobbiton. The four friends who have just returned home from battle sit in the pub, rowdy revelry all around, but there they sit...staring at one another. (There's a clip of it at the end of this post).

Everyone else continues on with life as it's always been, not even aware than a war has gone on, but those four comrades in arms are forever changed.

And that was our experience.

People laughed and talked around us. Servers flew around tables and busboys cleared dishes and prepared for the next guests. Families ate. Children played.

And there we sat, staring at one another: soldiers, weary from battle, but exhilarated by victory. And all around us people went on with life, completely oblivious to the fact that war was being waged.

I told Josiah I had never felt more not of this world than I did in those moments. It was tiring, but so worth it, and I remember almost being scared that life would go back to normal...that I would lose that feeling.

I was also sad.

I've loved Jesus for as long as I can remember and was baptized at 14. I've been a professing Christian my entire life...and now, at almost 38, I'm really feeling what it really means to be not of this world for the first time.

And it occurred to me that there are many, many Christians, particularly here in the western world, where religion is easy and God's word so readily accessible, who will go from cradle to grave never having really engaged in the battle.

My heart is so heavy.

Because let me tell you, having been in the battle does not make me a "better" Christian. It doesn't make me less sinful or selfish at heart, but it does draw me closer to God. So while I may not be a better Christian, I am a stronger Christian for having done battle with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

In all honesty, I can't wait until next year's event and the prayer times leading up to it. I look forward to doing battle with my brothers and sisters, powerfully proclaiming victory together, knowing the power comes not from us, but from the Creator of the universe, our Almighty God.

Until then, in the moments in between, I'll be here preparing for battle, engaging in some personal skirmishes, and keeping my armor in working order.

And if you ever need a sister warrior to go into battle with you, to wage war against the darkness, I'm here and I'm ready.

Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request,

and stay alert in this with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:18

P.S. If you are interested in attending a Weekend to Remember® OR you'd like to consider partnering with us to help strengthen marriages, please comment or contact us!!

Wrestling with the Rock

Have you ever experienced seasons that were marked by sheer frustration? Where, no matter what you did, it felt like nothing was right? Nothing was good enough? YOU weren't good enough?

That's where I've been recently.

So much so, in fact, that I recently cried my eyes out...on facebook...LIVE.

The entire world was reeling over the results of an extremely divisive election. There were protests and pain...and I was crying because I felt like a failure, which made me feel even more embarrassed and ashamed.

However, I truly believe God wanted me to share that moment of raw frustration. I think he wanted me, and you, to remember it. To give me a very real and tangible reminder that says, "This is the place from which I brought you."

That little facebook tear-session was preceded fervent prayer...and the struggle continued on.

Days later, I wrote down multiple scriptures about discouragement and prayed them back to God. This one, in particular struck a chord:

Why I am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again-

my Savior and my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,

but I will remember you-

even from distant Mount Herman,

from the land of Mount Mizar.

I hear the tumult of the raging seas

as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.

But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,

and through each night I sing his songs,

praying to God who gives me life.

Psalm 42:11

I love how our God works, how He goes before us to give us exactly what we need. 

On the day I bookmarked this passage with the label "discourgement," God knew the day (or days) when I would need it the most. When I wrote my last post, God knew He was preparing me for this one.

He is so awesome, and so mighty. I am in awe.

After reading that verse, I knew what I needed to do - I needed to praise Him again. I needed to sing His songs. So, even through tears, I wrote a list of what had me so discouraged, and then next to it, why I could actually be grateful.

This was one of them:

Discouraged by...the feeling that my writing, and my ministry as a writer, is not progressing. 

Grateful for...giving me this gift that may need development, but that I LOVE to share.

Each bit of discouragement I wrote down could be turned into a praise to the Lord Most High, but it was THIS last one that led to my next breakthrough: scripture Josiah spoke over me just the night before, when he saw my discouragement, laid his hand on my back, prayed over me, and said, "God showed me this and it reminds me so much of you."

Let no one despise your youth;

instead, you should be an example to the believers

in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Until I come, give your attention to public reading, exhortation, and teaching.

Do not neglect the gift that is in you;

it was given to you through prophecy,

with the laying on of hands by the council of the elders.

Practice these things;

be committed to them,

so that your progress may be evident to all.

Pay close attention to your life and your teaching;

persevere in these things,

for by doing this you will save both yourself and your hearers.

1 Timothy 4:12-16

Even now, reading this verse again, my heart overflows and spills down my cheeks.

After reading it again and copying it down, continued to pray and I continued to cry, and I vowed to God I would be faithful in sharing my progress, no matter how dirty it is or how clumsy I feel in it...because He had spoken through Josiah.

That very day, God blessed me in so many ways, showing me how He was working all things out for my good.

A couple days later, I looked back at the notes I took on that day, and the chaos in them struck me. There was a list of people I was praying for. Underneath those names was my discouragement vs. gratefulness list. Then all around the page, at the top and the sides, I had scrawled out the scripture from Timothy.

It was pretty. It wasn't neat. I had been wrestling with God. And I thought of Jacob.

This is actually a blurred picture of my notes from that day...blurred to protect prayer requests.
But I think the chaos in them is still quite evident.

Let me me totally transparent here: I've never really understood this part of Jacob's story. He wrestled with an angel all night and wouldn't let him go until he gave him a blessing...so He was called Israel because he fought with God and won.

What the what?! Also, can we just note how Jacob was really good at manipulating the blessings? He deceived to get one from his father and physically FOUGHT to get one from God. Sheisty,

So I looked back on this story and to investigate further, I read a great post by Jon Bloom on desiringgod.com, and this stuck out to me: 

When God makes us wrestle for some blessing(s), is is not because He is reluctant to bless us, even if that's how it first feels. It is because he has more blessings for us in the wrestling than without it.

Jacob was about to encounter his brother Esau. When he last saw him, Esau wanted to kill him for tricking him out of his birthright and stealing his father's blessing. And now...Esau was on his way to meet him.

Save me, I pray,

from the hand of my brother Esau,

for I am afraid he will come and attack me,

and also the mothers with their children.

Genesis 32:11

Jacob was scared for his life and for the lives of his wives and children. He cried out to God for rescue...and God sent him a wrestler.

Jacob was left alone and a man wrestled with him until daybreak.

When the man saw that he could not defeat him,

He struck Jacob's hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip.

Then he said to Jacob, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."

But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

"What is your name?" the man asked.

"Jacob," he replied.

"Your name will no longer be Jacob," He said.

"It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men

and you have prevailed."

Genesis 32:24-28

Many texts read that "the man" was an angel, particularly in light of the fact that he said Jacob had wrestled with God. Then, Jacob named the place this occurred Peniel, which means Face of God because he had seen the face of God and survived.

So Jacob wrestled with God. He came out with a bad hip, but with God's blessing. Physically weaker from the battle, but blessed beyond measure - more dependent on God than ever for his deliverance, but stronger because of it.

Oh, what a sweet picture of our walk with Jesus!

Like Jacob, I wrestled with God for days in my discouragement. I toiled in prayer and proclaimed His Word. I cried out to Him, and then I made my best effort to thank Him, and He is so faithful: He blessed me.

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God

and keep the vows you made to the Most High.

Then call on me when you are in trouble,

and I will rescue you,

and you will give me glory.

Psalm 50:14-15

Thankfulness can feel like a huge sacrifice: when you're hurting and scared and more than willing to wallow in your own misery. Sometimes, eeking out thankfulness can be the hardest thing we can do, and it gets harder with the severity of the circumstances.

But God say,s when we sacrifice our pride and self-centeredness, and we concentrate on praising Him for all He is and all He has done, then when we call on Him, He will save us...and we will give HIM glory.

To be completely frank, I feel like this is one horrifyingly disjointed post. Right on the heels of a post that my sweet sis-in-law called her new favorite, that she praised for being so highly organized, comes this one, halting and messy.

But I didn't know how to share it any other way.

Wrestling is messy. Wrestling hurts and it's hard. It's not neat and it's certainly not organized.

This is my story of God blessing me in the wrestling. It's real and rough and raw, but I pray it brings God glory.

And I also pray the next time you're struggling through anything, big or small, of live-changing significance or just the overwhelmingly mundane tasks of life, that you will remember Jacob, and you will wrestle. I pray you through yourself into the battle, knowing if you hold on long enough and praise Him through it, He will bless you in it.

That is my blessing for you, my friends.

What did that opportunity cost?

Have you ever prayed for something, about something, and God answered in a way you never expected?

Within the past week, Josiah and I had an opportunity to invest in our business. It was a great opportunity, a worthy opportunity. However, it would have meant pushing a couple other important things aside in order to invest.

So, we did what we know we're supposed to do: we prayed about it and waited.

If any of you lacks wisdom,

let him ask God,

who gives generously to all without reproach,

and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

Psalm 130:5

I would LOVE to tell you that it is my natural inclination, or even a regular habit, to pray and then WAIT for God's answer. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Instead, often, it looks like me praying, and then, when I don't get struck by lightning immediately, I say, "Must be God's will!" and move forward with what I wanted. (We'll actually talk about that in my next post.)

This time, however, we were supernaturally assigned to waiting: we couldn't make the purchase until payday. 

First thing in the morning that day, I awoke with the intention of going through with it. God hadn't told me not to yet, and it had been days...so I was ready.

And then...

I looked on facebook, and I saw a friend's post about needing help in their ministry, Kindfund. They have homes for rescued and abandoned children in Kenya. Recently, two precious newborn babies were rescued and brought to them, but now they need to eat. Formula is $10 per can.

Right then, I knew what we needed to do. The Holy Spirit within me spoke, and I got the message loud and clear: God said "no" to my initial request and revealed His plan. Josiah agreed, and we moved forward on God's path.

I learned a big lesson here (or more appropriately, God spoke into an ongoing lesson): Prayer is a one-sided conversation. If you're not waiting for God's answer, then you're missing communication with Him.

However, there's another lesson to be learned here.

In the beginning of this post, I said we had an opportunity to invest in our business, and then God presented us an opportunity to invest in the lives of those little babies.

It may seem like it might be a no-brainer, but our business changes lives.

Therefore, what we were looking at were two very valid, worthy opportunities...but we could only choose one.

We chose supporting the babies. The business investment that we didn't choose, that is what's known as opportunity cost. 

Opportunity cost is an economic principle which states that any time you choose to spend money on something, there was another second best option that did NOT get chosen. That second, not-chosen option is called the opportunity cost.

In other words, your choice cost you that particular opportunity.

If you choose to buy pizza over salad, salad is the opportunity cost. If it's the other way around, the pizza is the opportunity cost. Very simple principle.

Notice, though, that the principle can be applied not just to purchases, but to choices we make about other valuable commodities, like time and energy.

When we consume food, we make choices like the one above: pizza or salad. If you're like me, you're probably screaming, "Pizza AND salad! Duh." However, for the sake of this example let's just assume we have to choose.

Water or soda.

Cookies or fruit.

Cleaning or binge watching.

Scrolling on facebook or paying attention to the people around me.

OUCH! That last one was for me. Actually, they all are.

We make choices every, single day, and you want to know the really scary part? Often we are blind to the choices we're making. We simply do things because that's what we've always done.

• We can't find time to workout, but we can find an hour to watch TV or play online.
• We can't find the money to buy healthy food, but we've hit up Mickey D's and Starbucks a few times each this month.
• We can't find time to spend with Jesus, but we can find time to rail about the election on facebook.

These things might sting. I know they hit me pretty hard.

God has been revealing a lot to me as I considered this blog post over the last few days. In various ways, he has opened my eyes to some choices I'm making that I'm really not proud of. 

The opportunity cost is high. I'm sacrificing some very important things by investing time, money, and energy into some others that really just don't matter.

This is not just to make you feel guilty or tell you what to do because...

• Sometimes, I'm going to invest in my business instead of a charity because it's the right thing to do.
• Sometimes, I'm going to chill out and rest instead of laboring constantly because rest is good, and it's the right thing to do.
• And sometimes, I'm going to eat the dang cake, cuz mmmmm, cake is good. 

I'm not here to judge your choices. I've got enough of my own junk, thank you. Nevertheless, I am asking you to prayerfully consider your choices. Speak to God about them. And then, wait for the answer. 

If you're a Christian, then you have made Jesus your LORD and Savior. A lot of us really like the salvation part, but we conveniently forget about the "Lord." 

lord: a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler (dictionary.com)

Let Jesus be your Lord today. If there's an area of your life you feel you're struggling in, talk to Him about it, but don't just ask Him to save you from it. Ask Him if you're maybe making some choices that are contributing to it.

Let Him decide!

Let Me Be Specific

Sometimes, I have an idea for a blog post, but then a few weeks go by, and it becomes passé, irrelevant.

At other times, like now, it sticks around, nagging me. Weeks go by, and while seemingly unimportant, the subject hangs out, buzzing insistently around my head like a mosquito.

So, today's post is brought to you by the Holy Spirit...aka an annoying mosquito.

Today, Josiah and I will complete the third of four classes to get our Prepare Enrich certification. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Prepare Enrich is a FANTASTIC assessment tool for pre-married or married couples which helps them grow closer in a myriad of ways. REALLY awesome.

About a month ago we met with Keith Tully of FamilyLife via video conference. At that point, we already knew about Prepare Enrich, but he urged us to take the class to get certified and said, if at all possible we HAD to take the class with Bob and Diane Ruthazer in Richmond.

So, as God would have it, there was a class starting in just a couple weeks. We signed up, and that was that!

However, as the time crept closer to the class, some of the excitement gave way to trepidation. Do we even belong in this class? We haven't even been married that long? Should we be doing this?

I prayed fervently. I prayed specifically: God please help me...please help us, give us reassurance, that You are going to use us to enrich the marriages in our church and community.

The day came. Josiah and I sat down at our seats, and the class started...and so did the enemy.

First, we went around the room introducing ourselves and saying whether we had children and how many: Alissa and Josiah Coburn, 5 children. Easy. But then...then Bob started talking about how mentor couples are not novices, they've normally been married 8-10 years.

Um...that's not us,

Then as he was talking he asked if anyone had been married 5 years or less. We raised our hands, and though he didn't say or do anything to indicate that we should be ashamed, I was, nevertheless humiliated.

I wanted to crawl under the table. 

I sat there thinking, we shouldn't be here. We don't belong here. Why did Keith send us here?!

The first break came, and I just knew Bob was going to come over to us and start asking us questions about why we were there. I just knew he was going to tell us we didn't belong there.

As soon as the break started, his wife, Diane, got up from her place, and walked straight toward us. I braced myself for the worst. I had defenses ready. And then she said....

Are you all a blended family? We nodded. God is going to use you!!

I felt like Jesus reached down right there and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel him comforting me.

We went on to talk. I told her I was feeling insecure, and she just brushed it off, reminding us that having a blended family speeds things up. We face issues some couples don't face for years. She assured us that we most certainly belong there.

She assured us, again, that God will use us.

The exact words I prayed before the class. The same thing. God answered my prayer through that sweet woman when I was ready to crawl under the table, bury my head in the sand, admit defeat.

I've been trying to figure out what the moral of this story is, other than "God spoke to me."

I guess it could be that He cares. He cares about the BIG things, but He also cares about the minuscule...the little thoughts and feelings we have that we think He's too big to ever care about.

That's a good moral...but I still don't think that's it...at least, not entirely.

No, I think it's the power of the specific prayer. I think it's trusting God enough to pray to Him and ask Him for very specific things. I don't know about you, but I'm scared to do this sometimes.

I think, sometimes, I'm scared to pray too specifically because, what if I'm wrong? What if I pray for the wrong thing? Or what if He doesn't answer? What does that mean?

The Bible reminds us, though, that the Holy Spirit lives within believers, and the Holy Spirit IS God, and because of that, He always prays for us, in accordance with His own, perfect will (Romans 8:26-27, paraphrase.)

I can't pray wrong.

Furthermore, if I'm afraid to pray very specifically because I'm afraid He won't answer, then the only thing I've done is ensure that He won't. God cannot answer a prayer I never pray. 

I am limiting God. I am limiting His influence in my life.

God's answer may not always be, YES, but He will always answer. But only when our prayers are specific can we see His power moving in our lives.

Today, meditate on God's word. Pray about a situation in your life, and ask for something very specifically. I'm not saying He'll give it to you today. I'm not saying He'll give it to you tomorrow. But He will answer you, and by praying specifically, you are reinforcing your faith in Him and putting it very squarely into His Hands.

And they are mighty capable hands.

Can you take it?

Ya'll ready for some truth real quick? 

Here it is: sometimes, I don't like the lessons God has for me to learn.

Yup. You heard me.

Sometimes, I am much happier being plain, old, sinful "me" than I am being the me He's calling me to be. 

Well...let me adjust that...sometimes, I THINK I'm happier that way.

Last night was a wonderful example of that. I didn't get much sleep the night before last (not exactly a rare occurrence lately). So yesterday, I was really tired and whiny most of the day. I knew it was going to be a pretty busy afternoon/evening, but I didn't really want to think about it.

As the morning crept into afternoon and then the afternoon got a bit of age on it, too, I realized I had far more on my plate than I thought I did. I'll spare you the list, but just know there was a lot to juggle. I'd also forgotten that Josiah told me he had plans with a friend which would make the evening even busier.

So - there you have it. I was a bit of a mess yesterday afternoon...and that didn't go unnoticed by my husband.

I had already admitted to him that I hadn't planned the day well...and he heartily agreed.

He was upset and frustrated and very lovingly and clearly expressed that to me - I had all day to make sure at least one of these things went more smoothly, but none of it did.

Now, here's where we get to the "me not wanting to be who He's calling me to be" part: I do not take criticism well.

In my last post, I talked about how we should and shouldn't present constructive criticism to our husbands. Let me tell ya, I can dish criticism with love and respect and concern...I am a diplomat!

But wheeeeeeew, girl, let me tell you about someone who does NOT take criticism at all well., even when it's expressed with love and respect.

My first reaction is to DEFEND. I want to make excuses and give reasons, and THEN, quite frequently, I also want to tell you why it's partially your fault, too. After all, why should I take all the blame? Why should I shoulder ALL the responsibility?

Because I'm not going to learn anything if I handle criticism that way.

Listen to advice and accept instruction, 

so that you may we wise later in life.

Proverbs 19:20

Honestly, I wish I had known that verse yesterday. I didn't. I just now googled it.

However, God gave me a different reminder of how to accept rebuke: my husband's example.

Josiah is always so good at accepting correction from me. He does it with humility and concern. He honestly wants to know how he's offended me, and he wants to fix it. 

Did you catch that? Because it's really important: he honestly wants to know how he's offended me, and he wants to fix it.

Yes, I just typed the same sentence twice because I think it's that critical.

Josiah is not my enemy, nor am I his. He understands that I am not someone against whom he must defend himself and views my correction as a way to make our marriage stronger. I am his ally, his partner.

If both of us are constantly battling correction from the other, then neither of us is improving and we're pushing one another farther apart. In order for us to grow closer, we must learn to correct with grace and accept correction gracefully, as well.

So, by the grace of God - not me but HIM in me - I was able to do something last night I've never been able to do before: suck it up and take it...and then sincerely apologize for it.

I still battled within myself some. I still had the urge to share how I thought HE could have made the situation better, too. But I prayed my way right on through that.

In the end, yesterday was my responsibility. I hadn't planned well. I hadn't prepared well. I was tired and lazy and whiny, and that wound up causing a man who is working 48-50 hours this week far more frustration than he needed. He had to step in where I failed.

And he did...because I am his ally, his partner. We graciously make up for the weaknesses of the other and take the wheel when the other is too tired or frustrated to drive.

The evening came and went, and all was well by the time our heads hit the pillows - and I learned a valuable lesson in humility and accepting correction.

I guess we can call that a successful day, after all.

When your husband hits the "mute" button...

And you were dead in your trespasses and sins

in which you previously walked according to the ways of this world, according to the ruler who exercises authority over the lower heavens,

the spirit now working in the disobedient.

Ephesians 2:1-2

Ya'll, seriously, how long do you think it's going to take us to figure out that if we're doing something the way the rest of the world is doing it, then we're probably doing it wrong?

Last week, I wrote a blog post about women thinking their husbands need to earn their respect...and of course, about why that's an inaccurate perspective.

In Sunday School this week (where we're currently discussing communication in our marriages), the guys were saying that, at times, their wives' persistent attempts to guide their husbands to be the spouses and leaders they (the wives) think they should be has quite the opposite effect. 

Instead, these men stated, it made them feel like they could do nothing right, and they, effectively, stopped listening. They hit the mute button.

In the realm of marital communication, it's easy for us, as women (the grand communicators that we are), to say that putting up a barriers and turning us "off" are not good communication skills.

But here's the deal ladies...who made you the Holy Spirit?

D'OH! That's a sucker punch, right there, I know. It's a little strongly worded, but I hope you'll bear with me.

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading through 1 Peter, and I came to a very familiar verse:

Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the [Christian] message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives. Your beauty should not consist of outward things [like] elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes; instead, it should consist of the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God's eyes. 1 Peter 3:1-4 (emphasis added)

It never ceases to amaze me how God can keep peeling back His word and revealing different layers to us.

Today's message to me through 1 Peter: SHUT UP.

Peter didn't say, "Wives, if your husbands are not living according to the word of God, then you should make sure you tell him because it's your job to let that man know!!"

Nope. He said if our husbands are not living according to the word of God, then we should bury ourselves in His word for them. We should be paying attention to our own walk, making sure we are living pure and reverent lives so our husbands may be won over WITHOUT WORDS. 

Oh my goodness, that is so contradictory to what the world tells us we should do and be it's almost ridiculous. 

It's tough, right ladies? It's so hard to just trust the Holy Spirit to do it's job in our husbands' hearts while we bury ourselves in HIM. We relinquish the ever-present illusion of control, and turn our hearts and our husbands' hearts over to God.

What makes us think that we, with our mouths, are capable of doing a better work in our husbands' lives than the Holy Spirit? Just a little presumptuous right?

However, you may make the same point Josiah did in Sunday School: what if the Holy Spirit is using a man's wife bring something to the his attention?

That's totally likely, right? (And ladies, can I just tell you how mushy it makes me feel inside that it was my husband who made that point? Whooo, I love that man!)

It can be. There are times when the Holy Spirit speaks to us and may use us to bring something to our husbands' attention.

BUT...there's a huge BUT here...

Peter kind of set out a precondition here: are you living a pure and reverent life and seeking to be beautiful to your husband with a gentle and quiet spirit?

See, it's very possible for God to use you to speak to your husband, but before you remove that speck from his eye, you better make sure you've removed your own logs, Sister (Luke 6:42).

Are you seeking God's face daily? Have you sought the wisdom of God down on your knees (James 1:5)? Are you hiding the word of God in your heart so that you might not sin (Psalm 119:11)? 

Let's face it, if we're NOT doing these things - if our husbands don't see us living pure and reverent lives - why should they listen?

However, if we ARE doing those things, and THEN the Holy Spirit leads us to talk to our husbands, I can almost guarantee you the way we do it will be different...our manner and hearts will be different. If we have paved the way with prayer and submission to God, then the Holy Spirit may help us make inroads to our husbands' hearts...

not by our strength and might, but by HIS.

It's a hard truth, sisters. It's counter-cultural and counter-intuitive. It makes us feel ugly and raw and guilty, and after all, how much easier is it to give advice and fix others than it is to examine and correct ourselves?

Way easier. This stuff is hard.

However, I've said it before and I'll say it again, if it was easy, we wouldn't need Jesus for it, but we do - desperately - and that, my friends, is the power of the gospel in action.

Praise be to God!!

Playing Solitaire

We've been playing a lot of cell phone solitaire in this house recently. The nasty virus that has settled in for a nice long visit has made it much more difficult to be out and about, so we've been spending a lot of time indoors. 

(Let's just ignore the fact that we'd be spending time indoors anyway because it's summer and HOT...and the fact that we should be playing a lot more games together instead of solitaire. Blog posts for different days, I suppose.)

At any point in time, you might catch Destiny, Josiah, or me (or some combination) playing solitaire on our cell phones. Sometimes, it really is a solitary event, and sometimes you find yourself with an audience, telling you each move you've missed.

It's always easier to see the moves someone else has missed; perspective is always different from the outside.

Each game has its choices - moves that look very similar and you just don't know which to choose. Sometimes you think you've made the perfect choices and everything is working out perfectly...until all of a sudden you're at a dead end. Then again, there are times when everything looks pretty bleak and it looks like there's no way you'll win, and then, suddenly, everything works out perfectly.

Our lives feel so much like those solitaire game sometimes - never knowing which decisions to make, how they'll turn out, or what victories or defeats lie ahead. However, there is one major difference...

We're never actually alone. There is always someone in our corner; someone who knows each day or our lives; someone who's waiting for us to turn to Him to get direction on our next move.

God knows every day from the beginning to the end, and He's always there, waiting to give us guidance, support, and comfort. That doesn't mean we won't make wrong moves and experience both victories and defeats, but it means we'll never go through them alone.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - I walked through so much of my life blind. I loved Jesus and had asked him into my heart, but ignored the fact that he was waiting to give me guidance.

Sometimes I weighed out my decisions on paper, with columns of pros and cons. Sometimes I just followed my heart (or various other parts of my body). 

I have mixed feelings about all that. I'm sure there's pain I could have avoided if I learned the lesson earlier, but at the same time, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be today.

Nevertheless, I'm here to share what I've learned. 

Maybe you've never considered the fact that the God, who created our universe, who created each cell in your body and knows the beginning and the end, is waiting to give you direction - that He loves you and cares about even the most minute details of your life. 

Maybe you've know that for quite a while, but something you're dealing with today still has you feeling alone, like you're playing solitaire and there's no way to know which move to make next.

Rest in Him today. Give your choices to Him. Read His word and spend some time on your knees seeking His wisdom. Then, wait...be quiet and let Him answer you. Let His peace be yours. 

With that, I'll leave you with a couple scriptures today to remind you of these things. Write these on your heart and recall them when you feel like you're playing life's most endless game of solitaire. 

Days Versus Decades

"I have one big piece of advice for you," said my professor. "Slow down."

Slow down. 

Two words, and they sound so simple right? 

Recently, as I've alluded to many times in last week's blogs, Josiah and I had a brief coaching session with my Christian Life Coaching professor, Eric Viets, regarding the building of our ministry. In addition to the little tidbit above, he had a lot of wonderful advice regarding blogging, newsletters, setting up the website, our logo, and so much more. 

Professor Viets was able to give this advice because, not only is he a wonderful professor at Liberty (seriously, he's one of the best proofreaders I've ever encountered), he and his wife have a flourishing ministry called Pre Engaged. Not only do they offer pre-marital counseling, they suggest and offer counseling before a couple gets engaged. I don't know about you, but I think that's BRILLIANT. They've been building this ministry for four years, so their advice was invaluable.

In preparation for the meeting, he had both of us write a ten-year letter (which we'll do in one Corinthians 3 Thursday link up), define our vision and mission along with some goals, and take a personality test. When it was time for us to work out our goals, I was on it.

I was going to have the entire ministry set up within weeks. I was going to have a book written within a year. I was going to have a website developed almost immediately. I was going to leap buildings in a single bound...or so I thought.

In my haste to set impressive goals and be the star pupil I overlooked the fact that doing things right often takes strong dedication over time.

Professor Viets said it this way: "We live day-to-day, but God often works in decades."

Mind. Blown.

I think I've quoted him a hundred times to various people over the last couple weeks because that one sentence applies to so many different facets of life! 

We live in a culture that wants everything now...faster, faster, FASTER! The professor called it a "Burger King mentality": we want it our way, right away.

But God doesn't normally work that way. He can, but he doesn't. Instead, he understands that, in order to build virtues in us like patience and persistence, we have to wait and work because "endurance produces character, and character produces hope." (Romans 5:4).

The prophet Isaiah said:

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

God is trying to build endurance in us through prayer and faith. Mark Batterson, in The Circle Maker, says this: 

We live in a culture that overvalues 15 minutes of fame and undervalues lifelong faithfulness. Maybe we have it backward. Just as our greatest successes come at the heels of our greatest failures, our greatest answers often come on the heels of our longest and most boring prayers. 

So today, tomorrow, or next week, when you're tempted to throw in the towel because God just isn't answering your prayer and hope is still out of sight, remember that God is always at work, always with you, always for you. He just works in decades sometimes, instead of days.

Help My Unbelief!

"I do believe! Help my unbelief!"

It sounds so contradictory doesn't it? How can you believe and need help with your unbelief at the same time? 

I bet most Christians know.

That's a quote from Mark 9:24. A man was asking Jesus for a demon to be taken from his sick son who convulsed, foamed at the mouth, and couldn't speak. Jesus's disciples had already tried to remove the demon from the boy, but they were unable.

Jesus asked how long the boy had the condition, and the man said, "From childhood...and many times it has thrown my boy in the fire or water to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us" (v. 22).

My heart aches for this man. This wasn't a short term thing. If he was saying his son had been like this from childhood, then it must have been years. 

In my head, I can see him. A man, once happy and strong, now beaten down and weary, his spirit tired from the constant battle. He is worn with worry and riddled with despair (in my imagination, not the Bible).

He is desperate. Jesus is his last hope...and that's hanging by a thread.

Jesus says to the man, "'if you can'? Everything is possible to the one who believes" (v. 23).

And here's where the man says it - the phrase that calls to every Christian heart when they desperately need and want a miracle - "I do believe! Help my unbelief!"

Arthur Pink called this "The Believer's Paradox." In his writing from 1937 he said:

Unbelief is the great burden of the saint. It grieves his soul—the man in our text wept over it—do you? Gladly would the Christian be freed from this plague—but the Lord does not see fit to remove it in this life. Frequently it acts like a cloud that covers the sun, for there is nothing so effectual as unbelief in hiding from us the light of God's countenance.

...nothing so effectual as unbelief in hiding from us the light of God's countenance.

Wow.

How often have I felt this way? I know I should believe and I do believe, but oh Jesus, please help my unbelief! 

I was talking with my sweet friend Esther this weekend about this very passage and we both said that, often, it's not that we think God can't perform miracles, but that He won't. We are too worn and weary by the hopelessness and despair that surrounds us day in and day out. 

We know God can, but why would He? What if He doesn't? What if I get my hopes up and then they're crushed? Isn't it just better not to hope?

Apparently not.

God knows. Jesus knew. He didn't send the man away for saying "if"; He just gently showed Him his weakness. And this, again, is totally conjecture, but I think Jesus healed the man's son because of His response. It was pure and raw: a supplication to God Almighty in the flesh, wrought with honestly and humility.

And then He did - He healed the man's son. I bet there was some praising God in their house that night!! 

But later, privately, the disciples wanted to know why they couldn't drive out the demon. The answer was simple - that kind could only come out with prayer and fasting. 

Prayer and fasting? What does that mean? 

Prayer - communication with God; development of our relationship with Him.

Fasting - for a time, eschewing earthly food for spiritual food; leaning on God for strength and wisdom with every hunger pang.

The only thing that works in the hardest situations is total dependence on God. Jesus knew the answer.

So, here we are, wandering around this dark world, trying to be the light, but so afraid to hope. Is it too risky to dream? Or is it too selfish? Mark Batterson doesn't think so. In his book The Circle Maker (which I am just in LOVE with right now), he says:

Nothing honors God more than a big dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish. Why? Because there is no way we can take credit for it. And nothing is better for our spiritual development than a big dream because it keeps us on our knees in raw dependence on God.

Big hopes and dreams honor God because we can't accomplish them by ourselves. That is a truth that fills up my heart with joy and sometimes it even spills out of my eyeballs. 

It's okay to dream big. It's okay to hope.

What have you been trying not to hope for? What have you been too afraid to dream? 

Cry out to God this morning. Tell Him you believe, and ask Him to help your unbelief. He's not our genie in a bottle, and He won't give us anything we want, but He will answer prayers that are in alignment with His plan and if we are seeking His glory.

Batterson says, "Jesus taught multiplication. He promised that He would multiply His blessings if we work like it depends on us and pray like it depends on God."

He wants us to hope and pray, and He will ALWAYS answer...even if He doesn't answer the way we think He will or the way we want Him to.

He always hears and He always answers.

You just have to ask....


Linking up today with:
Time Warp Wife

Reaching

This is going to be another quick and dirty post (written on the fly and no editing) because I really have to get ready for church.  At least I already know what I want to wear! :)

I wanted to get this blog post out this morning because I have 8 million planned posts, and I didn't need one more floating around in my noggin...and it's worth it.

I woke up this morning, fed the bambino, and then decided I should take a walk.  As I often do, I started praying when my feet hit the pavement.

Ya know what it felt like this morning, though?  It felt like I was reaching.  Don't get me wrong, reaching for God is great, but this was...something else.

"Please guide me.  I want to glorify you.  What should I do?  Where should I go?  I'm waiting.  Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.  Show me.  Show me.  Show me.  Here I am.  I'm waiting.  Send me.  Show me.  Tell me."

I felt like a little kid bobbing up and down in the back seat, "Are we there yet?  When are we going to be there? Are we there yet?  Now?  Now?"

We all know what we want that kid to do...SHUT UP.

So that's what I did.  I shut up.

Just as I was rounding the corner to walk along the James, I gave up and gave it to God.  I basked in His glorious creation and felt Him all around me...

in the breeze dancing in the trees,

in the sun warming my face,

in the waves on the James,

and in the beating of my heart.

God was all around me...and is constantly all around me.  I don't have to reach so far and so hard. He's there.  All the time, He's there.

I'm seeking His perfect will, so He'll show me, tell me, send me...in HIS time.

Until then, I'll just shut up and enjoy the ride.

Preparing for Rain

Josiah is just gonna kill me one of these days...not literally, but ya know...get really mad.

I have a tendency to tell a lot of personal things on this blog.  I don't air dirty laundry, but I do get pretty real with what's going on in our lives sometimes.

Today...not any different.  It's story time, folks.

Once upon a time (last night), Alissa came home and found her husband distraught. 

*Don't worry, here ends the third person narrative*

I asked him what was wrong, and he said he had just been doing some heavy praying.  Ummm...I think that's totally awesome, but isn't really an answer to the question.  After a little more questioning from me I got my answer.  He looked at his direct deposit, and it was WAY lower than it had been previously...about $100 lower.  He looked at last week's deposit as well...and that was way lower, too.  It seems the deduction for my health insurance started and cut his take home pay significantly.  $400 per month is giant for us right now...a deal breaker for our budget.  Neither of us could remember exactly how much was supposed to be deducted per week, but we didn't think it was that much.  We have some in savings, but at this rate, it will be gone by the end of next month.

Both of us tried to make the other feel better.  Josiah said he was sure God is just making it blatantly obvious that we can't make it on our own...we need Him and whatever blessings He is about to provide.  I agreed, but told him not to worry.  No matter what we'll be fine.  I stopped working, but if I need to, I can always find another job.  Maybe I can work part time waitressing at night or something, right?  Or maybe I can even get another full-time desk job, and we'll just pay for childcare.

However, inside, I think we were both screaming "WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!"

We prayed so hard about me quitting work.  Seriously.  Remember all those blogs about that?  We waited patiently to make a decision on that until we really felt it was God's will.  I followed all the rules on seeking His will.  I prayed.  I read  His word.  I sought counsel.  I paid attention to the things believers in my life were saying.  

How could I have made this much of a mistake?  I'm normally a budgeting pro (not that I stick with it, but maaaaan, I can totally crunch some numbers).  Why didn't I see this coming?  Why didn't I know exactly how much we were going to be making WITH my insurance taken out.  Hello?  It's cash flow.  I'm majoring (partially) in Business and worked in an accounting office for almost 5 years, for crying out loud!!  Where are my spreadsheets and charts?!

First, I kind of forgot about Josiah's insurance amount changing when he added me.  He's been carrying the kids since the beginning of the year, but it changes from an employee + kids plan to a family plan when you add the spouse.  Once again, I am well versed in benefits.  I know this stuff.  Why didn't I think of it?

Because I took it for granted.

I took it for granted that if it was God's will, then it would work out.  Thus far, I've been absolutely correct.  Just as we were looking at how tight our budget was going to be a few weeks ago, Josiah got a call from his brother saying that he had too much work, and he asked if Josiah would be willing to learn his job so he can work part time for him.  Blessing!!

But now there's this.  I held my chin up for a little bit, but after a while, I started to slump.  I felt so stupid for quitting my job.  What if?  What if I had prepared better?  What if I had seen this coming and hadn't quit?  I was making pretty decent money!  Then there's the fact that poor Josiah is working two jobs to try to support my kids and I.  I went back to the "bad place," the place in my head and my heart where I just know Josiah would have been better off if he'd never met me...that we're a burden to him, and he would have been so much better off if he'd fallen in love with a girl with less...well, just less (except money, more money probably would have been good).  We were now both distraught.

In the end, it occurred to me that they started taking insurance out on May 1, but my coverage started on April 1.  Therefore, there's a very good possibility that they were doubling up on the deductions for me until that gets caught up. When we went online to look at his benefits info it and looked at the amount per year that should be deducted for a family plan, it looks like this is a very likely possibility.  We would have more solid information, but the benefits site is really quirky and shut down in the middle of our search.  It still makes our budget unbelievably tight, though.

It was time to pray...good, old fashioned, on-our-knees prayer.  Which we did...and will continue to do.  Josiah also decided he was going to fast for 24 hours.  I would have joined him, but that isn't wise while breastfeeding.  Ironically, however, every time I ate today I thought of him not eating and I prayed.  Is that vicarious fasting?  Normally, you're not supposed to announce that you're fasting (Matthew 6:16-18), but he didn't announce it to everyone, I am...and only because honestly, that would never have occurred to me.  I don't think of fasting, and I don't hear people talk about it much, but it's a strong partner to prayer in the Bible.  It wasn't required of the early Christians, but it's mentioned that they did it in quite a few places in Acts.

Josiah also noted that, no matter what, he was glad I wasn't at PMI anymore.  I hated my job.  The people were awesome (I still miss them!), but my job?  I had gotten to the point where I just couldn't stand my job, and honestly, I don't think I was really doing my best.  They deserve better than that.  He said I would have been crying and dreading going back from the minute Phinehas was born, and he was right.  I would have been miserable.  Tomorrow, Phinehas will be 6 weeks old, and I would be a depressed, crying, snotty mess thinking about going back to work on Monday morning.

Today I think I've developed even more perspective on the situation, and I'm amazed by how God works in every situation...how he indeed goes before us.  

First, we started to watch Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" DVD's again on Sunday, I just finished reading his book, and printed out the quickie budget for us to work on earlier in the day yesterday.  

Second, while normally the "nerd," the cruncher of all numbers, I think God kept me from doing that this time...because I wouldn't have quit my job.  I just wouldn't.  If the cold numbers had stared me in the face when I was trying to make this decision, I don't think I would have stepped out in faith.  

Third, I can't get the last couple scenes in "Facing the Giants" out of my head.  All I keep hearing is "What is impossible with God?" and the obvious answer is "absolutely nothing."  I'm also reminded of the scene where an elderly gentleman gives the struggling coach the following scenario:

Two farmers are in the midst of a drought.

Both farmers pray for rain, 

but only one goes out and prepares his fields to receive it.

Which one had more faith?

Josiah and I are praying for rain...we just need to prepare our fields to receive it.  Quitting my job to stay at home was part of that.  

Good Lord in Heaven, we are praying for your blessings.  We can't do this without you.  We know you've been telling us this is the way to go, so Lord, we have faith you will provide.  Lord you know we're willing to work hard on the other side of any door you open for us, and we're willing to work hard in the hallway while we wait for your open doors.  And like the father in Mark who needed his son to be healed, we say we do believe, help our unbelief.  We have faith, but we're praying for more...praying that the Holy Spirit will give us the peace that passes all understanding in Christ Jesus because we have presented our worries to You.  We praise your holy name!!!

So now it's public.  You all know we're broke and struggling, but you also know how God is moving our lives.  

I'll look forward to telling you all about the rain. :)

To be continued....