I'll go! Send me!

I just finished my Christian Coaching textbook. That might mean nothing...it might mean a lot.

I have no clue.

The last couple years have been awesome, yet very difficult for me. I feel like I've been creeping to the edge of a precipice on my hands and knees....

Actually, scratch that. The previous sentence implies that I can see the precipice...and I can't.

I don't know what's out there. Whatever it is, it's probably more like a mountain than the edge of a cliff, but I can't see it. I don't know where it is or what the terrain will look like when I get there. 

I'm just groping around in the dark, and every now and then, God gives me a little glimpse of something in the moonlight.

Josiah and I went to a Saturday night service last weekend at Freedom Life Church in Hampton. Josiah's friend Freddy Villarreal is the pastor. The service was awesome; the worship was upbeat and authentic, as was the preaching (Never fear MBC friends - we're not going anywhere. It can never hurt to praise God and hear another sermon though, can it?!).

Pastor Freddy's main point during the message was "GO." Just go. If you've been praying about it, it's inline with the gospel and scripture, and God is still laying it on your heart, then it's probably time to just go...keep praying, but go.

For a lot of people his message was probably inspiring. For me, it was kind of frustrating.

I'm a jump in with both feet kind of girl. For the last two years (since getting the call from God, which you can read about here), I have been jumping up and down waiving my arm like a mixture of Hermione and Lecrae...sitting on the very edge of my seat, saying..."Oh, oh, oh!!! I'll go! Send me! I'll go! Send me!Lemme Go!" (For those of my unfortunate friends who are contemporary film or Christian music challenged, Hermione is a character from Harry Potter, and Lecrae is a very awesome Christian rapper and speaker whose song, "Send Me" can be found here).

But I can't go yet...because while I kind of know where I'm supposed to be heading, He keeps giving me SUPER AWESOME things to slow me down. I'm not even being sarcastic there. The things He's given me are wonderful and irreplaceable - like 2 babies on the way in the last two years and homeschooling and finishing my degree - but that stuff will slow your roll, ya know? 

Pregnancy brain is NOT a fallacy people. I'm just looking forward to being able to form sentences without having to play charades because I forgot important words, much less form a nonprofit ministry, design a website, craft a vision, define a mission, and leap buildings in a single bound!!

In all reality, I'm probably not being completely fair to God in my assessment of the information He's given me over the last couple years. After all, after a lot of prayer and deliberation, we were able to discern that it was His will for me to stop working and stay at home (despite the fact that the math didn't work). The decision to homeschool wasn't far behind and was also Spirit-led. Then, Josiah and I both felt like He was pushing us to start a ministry.

I guess that's a lot of movement for a couple years' time, huh? It just FEELS SO SLOOOOOW.

And just now...right this very moment...I found a scripture that convicted me and lifted my spirits simultaneously:

"For still the vision awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end—

it will not lie.

If it seems slow, 

 it will surely come; it will not delay."

Habakkuk 2:3

Or how about this one from Psalm 27:14:

"Wait for the Lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the Lord!"

While I started writing this post with no clear message or intention, God decided to make Himself clear through - shocker - His Word. It seems, for all the studying I've done in the Bible lately, all I really had to do was a 5 second Google search.

Someone remind me of that next time, please.

So, today, if you're anything like me, and you desperately want to move forward, but God seems to have other plans, meditate on these Scriptures (and the MANY others you can find just by googling "What the Bible says about God's timing" - I really do feel kind of idiotic).

God has a plan for your life...and mine. If we're waiting and willing, then He will surely reveal His plan in time...

but you better be ready to GO when He does!! Right Pastor Freddy? 

Picking Up My Sword

Good morning, everyone!

Guess what I have for everyone this morning?  A healthy dose of conviction! Don't you just LOVE that first thing in the morning?  No. Whoops.  We're going there anyway.

I, along with many of my Christian friends, have been caught saying, "I just can't memorize Scripture" or "I kinda know some Bible verses, but I never remember references."  Like a spoiled rotten rich girl tossing fiscal responsibility out the car window, we as Christians are collectively claiming, "I've no head for such things."

But that's okay right?   It's okay that I can't remember Scripture because I know what it says basically.  I know the gist of the Bible.  It's cool.

Yeah...probably not.  Not cool.

Conviction doesn't always hit you in the face like a hammer.  Sometimes it starts slowly and just starts to burn a bit...like hot coals warming up on the grill.  

The embers were first lit while listening to a sermon in the car by Dr. David Jeremiah.  My mother-in-law lent me a whole series on Spiritual Warfare forever ago, but I didn't start listening to them until recently.  

In the series, Dr. Jeremiah expounds upon the spiritual battle we all face as Christians and the spiritual armor we all need to fight the battle, which is found in Ephesians 6:10-18. 

We're at the end of the series now: we've reached the Sword of Truth, which is the Word of God.

I always thought the "sword" was the Word as a whole.  Dr. Jeremiah said he's even seen people refer to their Bibles as their swords...but that's not actually the case.

Greek is a tricky language.

In the Bible, the whole Word of God, or the message of God, in Greek is logos (pronounced Low-goss). When Jesus is referred to as "the Word" in Scripture, it is the term logos that is used, if I'm not mistaken.

However, that is not the word used in the Bible in Ephesians 6:17 when Paul says:

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,

which is the word of God.

Here "word" is the Greek word Rhema (Ray-mah); literally, it means "utterance," but contextually it means the Word of God applied to your situation...the Word of God written on your heart and spoken directly to you.

Confused yet?  Hang on--we'll get through, I promise.

Dr. Jeremiah explained it like this: The Bible is not the sword.  The Bible is the armory, which contains many swords.  When you read a verse (logos) and it speaks directly to your heart, in your situation, it becomes your sword (rhema)...God's word TO YOU.

That's crazy powerful, right?

The issue is, even when God speaks to our hearts through his Word, when he writes those words directly onto our souls, we're dropping them.  Can you imagine?  God is handing us gifts, and then, after the crisis, after the moment, after the turning point, we just drop it. He's handing us swords--personal, intimate gifts from him to us--and we're dropping them.

Then, the fiery coals of conviction got hotter when I went to an Awana leaders' meeting where we watched a video and one of the founders was speaking on the importance of memorizing Scripture.  This 90-odd year old man recited an entire Chapter of Isaiah (53) with passion and emotion, and he challenged leaders to do the same.

Ya see, even Awana leaders, people who are teaching children to memorize Scripture are not doing it themselves...like our brains are too old and addled for such nonsense. 

Poppycock.

We're wrong--just plain wrong. He knows it. Dr. David Jeremiah knows it. I know it.

And now...so do you.

Let me ask you something...

Can you quote your favorite movies?  Word for word?

What about your favorite songs?  Sing them at the top of your lungs?

How about your kids' favorite movies?  The ones you don't even like, but you've heard them as background noise for so long that you just know them...memorize those?

You mean, your brain doesn't freeze and go into a coma when you start to quote those things?  Huh...that's interesting.  Wonder why it's different?  

Well, duh, we know why it's different right?  We've heard and seen those movies and songs over and over and over.

DOH!  That's the clincher...that's the sword to the heart.

Maybe we should be in God's Word 

more than Hollywood or the radio.

Yup. Convicting right?

I challenge you: today memorize a Bible verse.  Today.  Sit down, open your Bible, and memorize a verse and the reference (where it's found in the Bible).  I guarantee you can do it...probably in ten minutes...or less.

You see, that's what I've found in all this.  It's not that I CAN'T memorize Scripture, it's that I DON'T, and those are two entirely different words.

Here's the deal, folks, the sword isn't doing you any good in the armory.  Only when you take up your sword(s) are you equipped to do battle in the spiritual war that is raging around you (and it is, whether you like it or not...whether you acknowledge it or not).

Body of Christ, I'm begging you--pick up your swords.

Meet Him Over Coffee...He's Waiting

This morning I got up and had coffee with a friend…my best friend, really.  THE friend.

I had quiet time with God.

Today, unlike most mornings, by the time I was wrapping up with prayer, I was completely alone in the house (except for the dog, but you know…no other people folks were about).  So instead of my normally silent prayer, I prayed right out loud.  I talked to Him like I would any other friend…but with far more reverence and respect probably…cuz He’s God and all.

It felt great.  I wasn’t limited by time or space at all.  I could pray for as long as I liked.  I prayed while I finished my coffee.  I prayed while I walked to the bedroom.  I prayed in the shower.  Out loud…Him and Me.  Mono e mono (which, I’ve just learned via the internet, is not an actual phrase but a misheard Spanish expression, “mano a mano,” which means “hand-to-hand” but I’m totally using it anyway…so there).  Mono e mono.   Don’t get me wrong, you can pray constantly like that anyway, even silently.  However, there’s something that comes with the ability to do it out loud…it increased the constancy, the fluidity.

I learned something by that this morning…I love that time, and now that I’ve really started having it, I don’t ever want to let it go.  I never want to let anything get in the way of that time again. 

I have before.  I’ve started having time with my God each day, letting Him fill me, and then…then I let life get in the way. 

In retrospect, I think that’s what the Obey Me post was about.  Certainly, it was about obedience to Him, but in the grander picture, it was about not letting Him get away.  Or, in reality, about Him not letting me get away.

Last week I got sick again.  I stopped having quiet times in the morning for a while because I truly and genuinely needed the time to recuperate.  My body needed all the rest it could get.

This week, though, I was better…and Monday, I just didn’t get up to do my quiet time.  I forgot.  I let life get in the way, and I got out of my pattern, out of the habit.

So Tuesday, He said “Obey Me,” and He said it insistently enough to make me drag my silly behind out of bed and do what I needed to do.  I’m grateful He did.

As I said, I’ve had times in my life where I’ve gone too far, gotten out of the habit, all of the above.  It’s like forgetting to call an old friend for a long time.  At some point, you’re almost embarrassed to reach out to them because it’s been so long.  Maybe they’ve even tried to call you a couple times, and you meant to call back, but now what will you say?  Those apologies are always so awkward.  And what will they say about the person you’ve become while you’ve been off living your life?

That’s been one of the biggest challenges for me when I’ve let myself drift too far…the shame of where I’ve been, the things I’ve been doing, the way I’ve been living my life.  Sometimes, I’ve even been defiant.  I knew what I was doing wouldn’t be okay, so I’ve stayed away spiritually…far, far away.  I’ve even told Him that I knew I was far away because I was doing something I knew was wrong, but I wasn’t ready to stop yet.

That takes nerve, folks, and not in a good way.

In this case, though, the scenario isn’t quite the same as an old friend in our world because, our earthly friends, they go on living, too.  Instead, our Heavenly Father is still with us, waiting for us to come back to Him…calling to us while we turn a deaf ear, or pretend to.  He is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.  Not waiting for any of us in turn, but waiting for all of us in one way or another.

He waits for me.  He waits for you.

If you’re not already doing so, I would challenge you to meet with Him today.  Have a chat and maybe spend some time in the Word.  Like the father welcomed the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), He waits to welcome us with open arms and overwhelming grace and mercy.

You’ll be glad you did.  I know I am.

Pride goes before the fall...and I'm really clumsy already

I jogged today (okay...yesterday, because that's actually when I wrote this).  I'm not a natural runner AT ALL, so for me to get out and jog nearly as much as I walked for 2 miles is a really huge accomplishment.  I pushed myself...and it felt good.  I'm trying to pay no mind to the fact that it took me like 32.5 minutes to do those 2 miles...even with my sad little bounce we'll call jogging.  I did it, and I'm proud.  Krystyn and I even decided we wanted to sign up for a 5k!! 

It gave me a little time to think while I was out there...and pray.  Of course, I prayed the good Lord would get me through my measly couple miles, but I also prayed about other things.  I saw a cigarette butt on the ground and I prayed for the people in my life who smoke.  I felt the air moving in and out of my lungs and heard the steady slap of my shoes on the pavement, and I thanked God for the ability to get out and exercise.  I felt the occasional breeze on my face and heard the birds singing their summertime melodies, and I thanked Him for giving us such a beautiful planet to inhabit.

I also had some time to think about Sunday night's post.  I thought about feeling powerless and needing help...and maybe even having to ASK for it.  Blech.  I think that's the hardest part for me.  I can talk myself into accepting help when it's offered, but ASKING for help?  Just the thought of it makes me cringe (seriously...full body wiggle). 

 

I would love to say the reason I don't want to ask people for help is solely because I don't want them to go out of their way for me...and that would be partially true.  But I think the other side of that is I just plain don't like admitting I need help.  I like my independence.  I like knowing I can do things on my own.  And those aren't bad traits.  However, when you find it nearly impossible to ask for help and then, when you do, you feel totally demeaned...that's a pride issue.

The Bible has a lot to say about pride.  Really...A LOT.  An appropriate example:

 

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

I'm a single mom, and sometimes that means doing a ton of stuff on your own and feeling like you need to be able to handle everything single-handedly.  On the other hand, it's sheer arrogance to think I can conquer the world alone, and God has placed beautiful, loving people in my path for a reason.  Sometimes I need to just humble myself, pray, and ask for assistance.  I have a feeling this is easier in theory than in practice...but I'm working on it. 

I also discovered that I'm very hesitant to ask my heavenly Father for things.  I hardly ever ask him for anything, and if I do, I feel guilty and as though I might be messing with His plan.  Like God is going to say, "Weeeeell, this isn't really what I want, but since you asked...."  No, it would just be another prayer that doesn't get filled, and then I would need to submit myself to his infinite wisdom.  Right?

 

Matthew 7:7-11 (NKJV)

7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

9 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

10 Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

God wants to bless me.  He wants to help me.  He wants to do wonderful things for me.  But sometimes, He wants me to humble myself before Him and ask.  He wants to see the needs and yearnings in my heart.  He wants me to communicate these with Him because we have a relationship.  How would a relationship with your spouse work if you never let your needs and wants be known?  You'd probably be miserable.  We can fall on the fact that God is omniscient, but I think he wants us to communicate with Him anyway...because he loves us and wants us to empty our hearts to Him, so in turn, He can fill them with His joy.

I'm not saying we should ask for material things necessarily.  This is not a "pray for wealth" seminar.  Ask for a million dollars and you shall receive.  No.  I'm saying I need to pour out my heart to the Lord, ask for His will, submit to His will, but still communicate the deep desires of of my heart.  Only then will our relationship be whole.