Time is such a hot commodity...and it always feels like my stock is low. It always seems no matter how much time I get or have, I always want more. I have the same amount of hours in one day as anyone else, and yet, it feels sometimes like I'm still missing some.
I did get to steal some time with Josiah for DAYS this weekend, and I truly appreciate that. We visited my parents and Friday during the day he took me back to Harper's Ferry, WV and Saturday we went exploring in downtown Lynchburg. I love "us" so much. The way we are together is so peaceful, and yet it also feels like every day is a new adventure. *sigh* There is something so beautiful about being with someone for days and then, when you finally part ways, you feel like something is missing. Nevertheless, back to our lives we go...
It was great to get the kids back today. We visited Menchville Baptist, and I really enjoyed it. It was a different service for everyone though because the pastor and the praise band were on vacation AND THERE WAS NO CHILDREN'S CHURCH! When the lady told me I said, "that's fine" but on the inside I screamed...LOUD. I wasn't angry or anything, but I went into a bit of a panic thinking about all the whining and wiggling I'd have to deal with for the next hour or so. I envisioned a fierce battle ensuing, with whining coming from Emily on my left while Ryan makes a desperate effort to crawl around on the floor with only my fierce grip on the back of his shirt stopping him. I pictured us leaving later looking completely disheveled and apologizing to everyone within 50 feet.
Ya know what happened? They were really very good! Ryan was a teeny bit squirmy, but he's 4, and Emily watched the entire sermon quietly. I just had to remind her to remove her thumb from her mouth every now and the...which she did...without complaint. I was VERY thankful and I actually remembered to tell them that, which I don't always do.
We came home and had lunch and took a really long nap. Emily and I were the first up so she helped me make dinner. A lot of times I'm in a rush to just get dinner done, and I have such a SMALL kitchen, so I don't want anyone in my way, but I realized recently that if the girl is begging to help, I should probably let her. It gives us some one-on-one time together and teaches her a few things in the process. She really does have such a helpful little spirit sometimes.
After that we had movie night. We rented "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rules" and "Race to Witch Mountain" from the redbox. It was nice to just cuddle with them and watch the movies. Then it was showers and bedtime for them and a little computer time for me.
Which brings us to a few minutes ago when I found myself sitting at the computer with tears streaming down my face reading a couple blogs written by stay-at-home moms. I read about entire days spent with their children and wonderful daily routines. Sure, there are struggles, but they get to see all their triumphs and hear all their little laughs, and I realized just then how truly jealous I am of them. I'm jealous not just of the time they spend with their children, but of the fact that if they crave time away from them then they have a valid excuse. I, on the other hand, spend a ton of time away from my kids working, volunteering, etc., and then when we DO spend time together, we have a tendency to try to cram in fun. We run and run and run and run some more to the point where even though I don't get to spend a lot of time with them, I still want time away. So here I sat, tears blurring the screen, with my pouty "it's not fair" attitude and ya know what word popped into my head? Covetous.
The Mirriam-Webster dictionary online defines the word "covet" as a, inordinate desire for something belonging to another. In this case, I covet time. I realized quickly, though, to be jealous of the time these other mom's have with their children makes me ungrateful for the time I DO get with my children. Today God gave me children who obeyed (for the most part) and patience when they didn't. He gave me special time with Emily, lots of hugs and kisses from Ryan, and even some snuggling with Des. He gave me wonderful time with Josiah this weekend and some absolutely gorgeous scenery, both of which recharged me and made me miss the munchkins so much, which is a really good thing.
The last thing I want to do is swallow whole all the blessings God has given me without so much as tasting them only to cry for more. So today I am thankful...truly and deeply thankful. I am grateful for the people I love and who love me, and to God for so quickly showing me the error of my ways so I can correct them and learn from them. He is a gentle, loving, and merciful God, and for that I am the most thankful.
(For anyone who wants to see pictures of the trip, I'll be posting those tomorrow, here and on facebook.)