Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My Own Worst Critic

This is going to be a quick post tonight because I am SOOOOO tired.  Was the emphasis clear there?  In all reality, I should probably just go to bed now, but I won't for two reasons:
  1. I really feel the need not to let this go too long without posting.  I don't want this to be another thing I start, but don't see through to completion.  This is about seeing the ways God is working in my life, and writing about it makes me take the time to think about it.  Very important.
  2. All I would do is go lay in bed thinking about what I want to write and that I MUST remember it in the morning...but I won't.  So, I shall write now.
Thought of the day: Why on God's beautiful green earth do I find it necessary to constantly compare myself to others?  Totally not healthy.

Mind you, a little healthy competition can be good.  However, in this instance I seem to consistently compare myself to others negatively, and it has a way of stunting my growth. 

Take my writing for example.  I tell myself I'm nowhere near as good as other people, and therefore, wonder at times why I even bother.  I read other blogs and envy their wit, charm, or structure.  I read novels and envy their use of description or dialogue to paint a story.  It makes me want to be better and not want to do it at all...all in the same breath.

Another prime example: my singing.  I'm even more critical of myself in this arena, I think.  I love to sing.  I will admit to being decent.  However, when I hear people who are REALLY great...the ones who hit every note without fail and sing the complicated runs effortlessly, I get immensely intimidated.  Once again, I want to perfect the craft and only sing in solitude ever again...all in the same breath.

I have the proverbial angel and devil sitting on each shoulder whispering in my ears.  The angel is telling me to continue to try and do and improve because the only way we improve is through practice.  The devil is telling me I'm a moron and to stop because I'll never be THAT good.  He sucks.

Bottom line?  While I may never sing or write professionally, I do have something to offer.  If even one person is inspired by something I write or a song I've dared to sing, then it won't have been in vain.  Furthermore, if I stop doing either, then I will have let fear steal a gift I feel God has given me for a purpose, much like the Israelites let Fear lie to them and keep them from the Promised Land (see the Book of Numbers...and thank you Dr. David Jeremiah for bringing the illustration to light).

That having been said, I'm going to work up the bravery to talk to the Music Minsiter at Menchville and see about singing one Sunday.  Know what else?  I'm not even going to do one of my easy, fallback songs that doesn't challenge me.  I'm going to sing this:

"Beautiful, Beautiful" - Francesca Batistelli (I would have embedded the video, but you can't).

It is a gorgeous song...and has such meaning for my life right now.  So there...I said it.  Now you all have to hold me to it!!

1 comment:

  1. You already know how I feel about your writing. As for your singing, that is another one of your talents. When you sang at my father's funeral it was beautiful. Quit underestimating yourself.