I know I said I was not thinking about my purpose right now, but something has really been on my mind lately: I want to write. I think about it all day. That has to be some sort of sign right? I think I’m just really, really scared. I’m scared of being some sort of fraud who calls herself a writer, but is actually just a sub-par individual capable of stringing a few sentences together.
I question myself constantly. Am I even talented? Will anybody even care to read what I have to say? What the heck am I going to write about? I've spent my whole life being a chameleon...where's my niche? The list could go on forever.
I do think about it all the time though. I feel as though in opening the door to writing on my blog I've cracked the wall of a damn...and now there's a mighty river of words pressing to break free. I rarely ever have the opportunity to actually write when I want to though...dang job that pays the bills (jk..sorta). Thus, what I think in my head is usually infinitely more eloquent and clever than what actually ends up coming out when I sit down to write (or at least I think it is and I'm okay with that delusion). At the end of the day, when finally the din subsides and I’m able to focus, I stare blankly at the screen thinking, “What was it I wanted to write about again? What was the fun phrase I thought of?” But alas, I rarely remember. When I finish each post I’ll be semi-pleased with it, but I know somewhere in the dark, cobwebby corners of my brain there is an even better post I missed out on because of the busy day and all the noise in my head.
Be that as it may, I still feel the need to write, and after all the praying I've been doing about my life in recent months, I think that has to mean something. And about my niche? Who knows. God has given me a little piece of his plan, but that doesn't mean He's ready to give me the whole thing yet. For right now, I'm completely happy trying to brush up on my skills here, going to school, and praying about the next step.
What about you? For any fellow bloggers who happen to read this (if there are any), do you feel like a "writer"?
How do you choose what you write about?