Saturday, July 14, 2012

Broken

I am just heartbroken.  Absolutely broken.

I haven't spoken with my mom in a month and a half.  I miss her.  I miss my momma so much.
 
But I don't know where she went.  She's just not there anymore.  Her physical body is there, but my momma is gone.

I want to pour out my heart here, but the backspace key keeps gnawing away my pain.  It's trashy to expose family business right?  Hush your mouth and don't you dare tell anyone.

*sigh*

Maybe it's just a sign that I'm part of a performing voyeuristic generation.  We are all Jimmy Stewart sitting at the rear window, and yet, we're also the entertainment in the apartments across the way.  

Is it reassurance we seek?

Camaraderie?

Approval?

Attention?

Are we just voices crying out, desperate to be heard in this impersonal wired world?

Or maybe we just like to air dirty laundry.  Pretty words on a blog or "you are not the father" on Maury.  Is it all the same?

All I know is that I'm broken.

I've prayed about my course of action.  I've sought advice from those who share my beliefs and know the situation.

And this is the way it has to be...for now.

But I miss my momma.




1 comment:

  1. Oh honey, I feel for you. Last time I talked to sherry, she said something like (and this was an attempt to sy something nice, I know that),'Christine, I see a lot of girls way fatter than you!'...um...ok. I know I am overweight, but really, so what? I feel like she says that bc it really is all she can see. Appearance. there's so much more than that. I want to have a relationship w her, but I am a coward. I can't stand hearing what she will say. It is just difficult, I feel for you...

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