Friday, July 20, 2012

Red Writing Hood: The Secret


The two women sat in silence as they shared their dessert, forks clinking as they scraped the last pieces of cheesecake from plate.  Almost over.  It hung in the air, a sickening, almost suffocating fog.

One subconsciously touched her cheekbone, thinking about the bruises she spent a half hour meticulously covering before the outing, and it didn’t escape the notice of the other.

No words were necessary.  They both knew.  The conversation was so familiar that they skipped it now, but it still played on silently in their minds.

The plate sat completely empty, waters gone, check paid.  For a brief moment they made real eye contact, storm clouds engaging blue skies.  It was too much to bear.

Goodbyes were said.  Hugs were given.  Promises made to see each other soon.

Hopefully.

Each escaped to the solitude of their cars and prayed.  

One prayed for strength, change for her husband, and a way out. 
 
The other prayed simply to see her friend alive again…physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

“Please give her back to me…alive.”


This post is part of a writing link up with Write on Edge.  This weeks prompt was a tiny poem by Robert Frost titled, "The Secret Sits."

We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows.


We were given 450 words, but I only used 173.  I don't necessarily think that's a good thing.  It's the one thing that keeps me from true fiction/novel writing.  I'm not one to draw it out.  Nevertheless, we're all give different talents and abilities.  I simply feel that by participating in the writing prompts I'm developing the talent I was given...mourning the fact that I don't have the gifts someone else possesses seems to be an awful waste of the ones I've been given.  Have a great weekend everyone!!!

 
 

16 comments:

  1. Oh but, to repeat my self, Enough is as good as a feast. And that is so true here. This was beautifully done. It was so clearly the dance around the Secret. Well done!

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  2. Ouch. I could feel the weight of that -- I think sometimes the silent presence of the problem is worse than an argument about it.

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    1. I think you're definitely right, Annabelle. I think these two women, though, know all the words have already been said...again and again. Sometimes there's nothing you can do for a friend but accept her and be there for her. When all the words have been laid on the table, that's what's left.

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  3. Wow. Nice job! The only suggestion I have is maybe to change the last little bit. I love the end sentence. It adds a ton of power to the piece. I would leave it at:

    The other prayed simply to see her friend again.

    “Please give her back to me…alive.”

    To me, that lets that last sentence shine so much more.

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    1. Thanks, Wisper! As always, your advice is right on target. I actually debated about leaving that part in, but I was in a rush so I just left it.

      I think I wanted to get across the reality that all the damage isn't in the bruises...often the emotional damage is far worse. However, it should have been done earlier in the piece...probably somewhere around where their eyes met.

      Thanks for coming by!

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  4. oh Wow, i really felt so much with this. i could really sense what both women felt- AWESOME.

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  5. I think you conveyed absolutely everything of this devastating situation with so few words. It was so powerful! I have had a friend in that very situation. You could feel the fear, unspoken from both ends here as I could in real life.

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    1. I don't envy you, Gina. I've been on both sides of this fence, and neither is good. As a matter of fact, it may be more excruciating watching it than living it. Hold on to your friend tightly and love her. She needs it.

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  6. I like the scene, the way the you laced the secret throughout, making the secret itself drive the story. I'm in agreement with Wisper, the last line delivers a stronger impact without the other bit. Well done!

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  7. Beautiful and very haunting. You nailed it!

    Trish

    http://writinginareddress.blogspot.com/2012/07/todays-prompt-tiny-poem-by-robert-frost.html

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  8. Hi, Alissa. I'm Mallory, you commented on my guest post over at Rage Against the Minivan. I just now saw it. I wrote the reply over there, as well, but I wanted to make sure you saw it in case you weren't subscribed to be notified when people reply. Here it is. :)

    "I saved my reply for you for last because your comment struck me the hardest (in a good way!). I don't quite remember when I wrote this post and sent it to Kristen, I know it was sometime last fall, but the truth is, you may actually be right. I probably was still harboring some pain at this point that I didn't deal with properly. But here's an exciting new update for you. :) In January, this same church invited me back to speak about my story. I never in a million years would've guessed that would happen until it did. And in April, I flew to Nashville for a few days to visit some friends and ended up getting baptized at a church service there. The transformation God has done in my heart since then is nothing short of a miracle. I can say with 100% certainty that I really have forgiven them, and now I have a solid, Christian community around me. I have learned more about God, being a Christian, and the gravity of what Jesus did for me in the 3 and a half months since April 5th than I did in my whole life before that. I fall more in love with God every day. So thanks for your comment and reaching out. :)"

    You can email me at malloryannjones@gmail.com if you'd like to talk more.

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    1. Oh my goodness, Mallory...this brought tears to my eyes and joy in my heart. I will definitely be emailing you when I get home from church later today. God bless you!!!!

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  9. Such a sad piece. Very powerfully written and a great take on the prompt.

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